Below is information on a Pod cast series I was interviewed on
about this topic. My podcast interview airs tomorrow!
April 21, 2016
How
to tell if you are dating someone that is not safe? How can you tell you are
dating a jerk, a narcissist or sociopath? We are hard-wired to pick up on
credibility. The first impression in the basic survival instinct asks,
"Can I trust this person? Can I feel safe in his or her
presence? Is he or she going to pull a knife out? No, I can believe
what I'm seeing as the real thing." Credibility is vital and primary.
Knowing what it feels like to be with a healthy person helps you know when you
are with someone who is unhealthy and treating you or has the potential to
treat you in unhealthy ways.
I do an
interesting exercise with my body language speech and workshop audiences. I
say, “I’d like you to think about a person in your life who you think is the
most credible person you know. There is something about them that makes you
feel absolutely safe in their presence. You can believe them. What is it about
them that makes you feel that way? What kind of behavior do they demonstrate?
What do they say? Are there things they do with their hands, their body that
makes you tell yourself, “This person has integrity”?
Think
about this person you just described as your "True North."
A person of Credibility. If you have a" True North" in your life, it becomes
easier to recognize what it's like to be in the presence of someone who truly
demonstrates credibility. You know if it
feels safe and it is typically energizing rather than draining because you are
not in your Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fall or Faint stress response to danger.
(Romantically that doesn’t mean you don’t feel excited, it just means under
that excitement you should feel safe.) Tension- So if you are with someone and you feel tense, uneasy, off balance, over charged, you don’t laugh fully only stress laugh and they DON”T PICK UP ON your discomfort and make you feel at ease that is a sign you are with an unhealthy person.
A sociopath may pick up on your stress and call you on it and make you feel wrong or bad for feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps saying something like, “Hey you shouldn’t be so tense.” A healthy person wants you to feel good and safe and will want to know what they can do to make you feel comfortable. An unhealthy person may get “Charged” by making you uncomfortable. (See the study below.)
Teasing - An unhealthy person may even make fun of or push to make your discomfort increase. That is not to say that healthy teasing and play aren’t good and a fun part of healthy dating and relationships but, healthy teasing makes you feel good. You don’t feel anxious or ill at ease and constantly wonder what is wrong when you are in the presence of a healthy person.
Pushing and making you wrong - Unhealthy people will keep pushing and if they do try to comfort the comfort may feel slick, artificial, on the surface or insincere. The comfort will NOT comfort you. And let me repeat an unhealthy person makes you feel that you are unhealthy or that you may be doing something wrong. Healthy people don’t keep pushing!
High-Testosterone People Feel Rewarded By Others' Anger, New Study Finds
ScienceDaily (May 12, 2007) — Most people don't appreciate an angry look, but a new University of Michigan psychology study found that some people find angry expressions so rewarding that they will readily learn ways to encourage them.
"It's kind of striking that an angry facial expression is consciously valued as a very negative signal by almost everyone, yet at a non-conscious level can be like a tasty morsel that some people will vigorously work for," said Oliver Schultheiss, co-author of the study and a U-M associate professor of psychology.
The findings may explain why some people like to tease each other so much, he added. "Perhaps teasers are reinforced by that fleeting 'annoyed look' on someone else's face and therefore will continue to heckle that person to get that look again and again," he said. "As long as it does not stay there for long, it's not perceived as a threat, but as a reward."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
