In our family, humor is one of the ways we have coped in a
healthy way with loss. It started with my Dad.
He was a great storyteller. No matter how many times he repeated a funny
story, Mom laughed every time as if it was the first time, he had told it. (She
really loved him.)
When he passed away many years ago, one of the ways we dealt
with his loss was humor. My Dad had been a fighter pilot in two wars and did
the driving and always got the best parking spaces right up front. It didn’t
matter if it was Saturday at a busy grocery store or a packed movie theater
parking lot, Dad got us the prime spot right in front of the doors. It was
uncanny. For years it was a family joke and we laughed together in the car
every time he got a great spot. We use that funny shared family memory to cope
with his loss.
Still, more than thirty years after his passing, when we are in
the car as a family and get the best front parking spot we joke and say, “Dad
must be in the trunk.” Yes, it’s a rather macabre way to honor our Dad, but, as
family, we get it and know he would!
Even the grandkids born years after his death know the joke. In
fact, my former fiancé who never met my Dad would even say when we got a prime
spot. “Your Dad must be in the trunk” Every time we say it it’s a way of making
him feel close. Heck, he is right there with us in the trunk!
In the same way, we have used humor to deal with the loss of our
Mom, (who was very witty.) She passed
away in October.
My sisters and I will call each other when we think of a funny “Mom story.” Recently at a ceremony to celebrate Mom, we brought funny stories to remember her.
To give you an idea of how we celebrate my kooky Mom, my Mom’s favorite place in the world was Stein Mart! She loved, loved the sales at Stein Mart. Her side table always had stacks of Stein Mart coupons from the paper and when one of the Stein Mart stores where she used to live closed shortly after she went to live in Georgia, we said it was because she had moved! It was not surprising that my sisters and I on our own all thought that the parking lot of Stein Mart would be a great place to spread her ashes! In fact, we all shared our same funny idea and laughed about it. By the way, we didn’t spread her ashes at Stein Mart. But, in one of the steps to grieving her loss, I took an "In Memoriam" trip to Stein Mart in Atlanta and sent the photo to my sisters and called them and we laughed together. My Mom loved anything glittery and shiny, like rein stones and always wore fun costume jewelry. My dear friends knew I was always bringing my Mom fun jewelry so when I had a little ceremony to grieve with them, they came dressed in costume jewelry, even the guys. It was such a great way to celebrate her life and make me smile. And when my sisters and I are together and we go to Stein Mart or see shiny jewelry, we say to each other, she is right here with us, shinning away.
I wrote this today for a national publication. Funny how the
opportunity came up just before our family’s celebration of Mom. I think she
may have had a hand in that!
