The Five Steps to
Deal with Negative Self-Talk By Patti Wood
1. Tune in to
your body.
2. Breathe and
send yourself love
3. Use self-talk
to see things differently.
4. Consider and
choose the best behavior options.
5. Congratulate
yourself.
Step 1. Tune in to your body.
When you're
critical of yourself, you tune into the critical thinking brain in your
neocortex. You want to release the critic, turn it off, and move to your
emotional brain, where body language and feeling are processed. The first step
is to be inside your body. Be aware of how criticism may negatively affect your
body, then shift or change that aspect of your body language. Next, you want to
be mindful of the physical signs of tension, so you can release them before
they develop any further. Body signals indicate increasing negativity. Here’s
what to do if you notice them:
·
Tensing of muscles — move and let go
and relax your body from the feet up.
·
Lowering your head — bring your head
up. Let it lift as if a balloon holds it.
·
Your hands, arms, and legs are pulling
in to make yourself smaller — bring your limbs out. Spread your feet apart. Get
big.
·
A change in your breathing (perhaps
your breath is shallower) — breathe deep.
·
A change in voice tone or volume.
Notice if you are frozen in place or perhaps not talking at all or lowering the
volume or the strength of your voice — shout or sing or yell out something
positive.
Step 2. Take note
of the message that you are sending yourself.
Realize you are
in control. Say to yourself, "I am feeling negative about ____
right now. I choose not to let it get bigger, or I choose to let that thought
go. Or I choose to change that thought. For example, imagine you have had a bad
interaction and find yourself dwelling on a thought such as I let that
coworker raise his voice and say horrible things to me. I'm not strong. You
can say to yourself, "I chose not to say anything this time, but I will be
prepared the next time someone treats me badly. I can say, ‘Please treat me
with respect or I can ask for an apology. I might say to myself, "That
coworker is not emotionally healthy, and I chose a safe non-engaging response
to deal with them. Now I will let that interaction go so that unhealthy person
does not take any more of my headspace and cause me any tension or stress.”
Step 3. Switch
your negative message to positive self-talk to see things differently.
Learn to use a
different kind of self-talk. The exact same situation will produce different
emotions if you change your interpretation
Write out your
negative message, then flip it and write the opposite positive message.
Write anything
that you like about yourself and are proud of.
Examples:
·
Hey, I can deal with this.
·
I'm a creative person, and I may be
stuck at this moment, but this moment will pass, and I will be in flow again.
·
I can stop this task for now and shift
to something that brings me pleasure and confidence.
·
True, things aren't going how I
planned, but being negative won't help. What can I do right now to shift
my thinking? How can I still get something good/fun out of this experience?
Step 4. Consider
and choose the best behavior options.
Do something to
give yourself a physical release. Again, critical talk comes from the left
hemisphere, so do things that activate your right brain. Take a brisk walk,
turn on some music, and sing or dance. Hear live music. Get in the car and take
a meandering drive somewhere pretty. Take a shower. Breathe in slowly and
deeply. Play with your pet. You can imagine you are at the beach or in a meadow
or looking at a stream or mountain. Bounce a ball.
Step 5. Congratulate Yourself
Focus on any improvement of your abilities. One step at a time is okay and congratulate yourself.
·
Hey, I did that well. I am really
proud of myself! YES!
Interviewed
several times a week by national media outlets for her expertise in nonverbal
communication, Patti Wood is an
Atlanta-based consultant, speaker, and author. And speaks to Fortune 500
companies and associations on communication, including
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
