Excerpted From my forthcoming Book THE CONFLICT CURE and my workshops on leadership.
- Give feedback as soon as positive or negative behavior occurs.
- Stick
with talking about one behavior rather than a laundry list of pent-up frustrations
or irritations.
- If you
are giving a piece of criticism, wait till you are alone with the employee
to share it rather than speaking in front of others to show your respect for
everyone.
- Make
sure the criticism matters, saying it will make a difference for your
business, and it's not just a personal pet peeve or a put-down. For
example, years ago, I had a boss who was rarely in the office, and our clients
never came into the office, much less the breakroom. He humiliated a fellow
consultant in front of all of us by saying, "I don't like the smell
of popcorn. It's unprofessional. What would our clients think? Never make
it again." The consultant left the firm and took his high-paying clients
with him!
- If
you've waited for a pattern of good or bad behavior to occur before you
give the feedback, make sure you stick with the one behavior and say when
it happens or how many times it happens. Again, avoid sharing a list of bad behaviors.
- Give
the praise or criticism using specifics the way a scientist would—for example, you were 20 minutes late five times in the past three
weeks. Not, You're always late. And I have noticed that over the past
month, you smile and greet customers in a genuinely warm and welcoming manner
that makes them feel good coming into our business. Rather than, "You're
good at customer service."
- I
am an expert in nonverbal communication, so I want to make sure you a cautious with your tone of
voice when giving criticism. Be honoring and respectful. Don't speak in anger or frustration.
- If
you are giving criticism, make sure you have a conversation about what the
positive behavior would look like. For example, you can ask them what they
think the replacement behavior should be and discuss any challenges they
may have with making the change, and if that doesn't work, offer what you
think the ideal behavior would look like.
