What Do We Look for on a First Date? Top Two Things We Look for on a First Date

According to research that I discuss in my book, SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma are Credibility Likeability Attractiveness, and Power on a first date we often prioritize attractiveness. The top two things we look for on a first date are. I think they are attractive

and humor. 

Attractiveness

We are attracted to bilateral symmetry – when the body or face is perfectly balanced – has a subliminal effect on first impressions Researchers have also found correlations between symmetry and health, which lends itself to the theory that in looking for a mate, humans and other animals look for those who will be most healthy and free of disease Research has shown that women are more attracted to men with more symmetrical features. One study even found that women have more orgasms during sex with men who are more symmetrical, regardless of their level of romantic attachment or the guy’s sexual experience. How about that?

 

Men are more likely to have their own personal physical ideal so on a first date they are looking for the qualities in the date to see how they rate with their ideal woman, as in short blonde, talk skinny with long dark hair etc,

Both genders look at the eyes first and are attracted to large pupils and find someone that gives healthy conversational eye contact more likable.

Appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 6-10 inches apart, and toes pointing outward

Research shows that women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. Blue is the color of approachability, stability, constancy, reliability and calmness

Humor is sexy.

 The research shows women like men who make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their jokes.

Recent research suggests that while both men and women say they like a "good sense of humor" in a potential mate, they differ in what they mean by this phrase. Women tend to prefer men who make them laugh, whereas men tend to prefer women who laugh at their jokes. Gil Greengross and Geoffrey Miller found in a sample of 400 university students that general intelligence and verbal intelligence both predicted humor production ability (writing captions for cartoons), which in turn predicted lifetime number of sexual partners (a proxy of reproductive success).

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Is Body Language a True Science and Why do People Have a Hard Time Recognizing Body Language and other Nonverbal Communication as a Science?

Body Language and other Nonverbal Communication is based on the scientific method and Nonverbal Communication is a separate and credible science category with its own academic research. Still, some people don't respect Body Language and other Nonverbal Communication analyses and insights and, indeed, may make fun of it and even label it Pseudoscience. There are many reasons people don't give it credibility

The first reason may be that it is not part of mainstream education, so it is not always understood. It is rarely taught in schools and seldom taught as its own science class. You may have a biology, chemistry, physics, and psychology class, but most schools don't have a separate science class on Nonverbal Communication. You might learn about Nonverbal Communication in a course on job interviews or business, but you don't typically study the scientific research that gives it credibility and validity.

It's a relatively young science established as a separate science category in the 1950s, and the terms Nonverbal Communication and body language were coined. It can take many decades before a category of science is recognized. Fun fact, if you read historical fiction set in the 1880s and the author has a character use the word body language, you know the author didn't do their research because that term wasn't coined until the 1950s. The original research on nonverbal Communication began much earlier in 1872 with the publication of Charles Darwin's book The Expression of Emotion of Man and Animals.

In the book, Darwin theorized that humans and animals showed emotions through facial expressions. He used examples like nose wrinkling and barring of the teeth in anger. He introduced this research and theory but, in part. Because it introduced the concept of evolution that seemed controversial, it was not popular. In fact, the rise of behaviorism in the 1920s theorized that behavior is not innate but acquired through conditioning learning. Nonverbal communication research, as recorded on film, started in 1955 with scientists from different fields, psychiatrists, linguists, and anthropologists like Ray Birdwhistle, and later with contributions from other sciences like entomology (The study of insects) and sociology. 

I personally experienced how young the science is and how it came from research in many other fields When I was working on my undergraduate degree in Interpersonal Communication with an Emphasis in Nonverbal Communication, the Dean of the College of Communication allowed and supported me to create a specialization that was unavailable then so I, and people after me, could have a degree with that specialization. I was able to do that by taking all the related courses in my College of Communication, such as the Body Language and Nonverbal Communication Class, and becoming a group leader and student assistant in that class for several semesters as well as independent study research I did under the guidance of my main professor and research at the University Library and State Library of Florida (I have the potent set of memories of reading the entire shelf of the green covered Journals of Nonverbal Behavior that contained academic research studies in nonverbal Communication.) and taking courses in other departments such as psychology, sociology and business that had insights in nonverbal Communication.

 Another problem with attaining recognition of Nonverbal Communication as a science is that many people don't realize, consciously that they are reading nonverbal cues.  Nonverbal Communication is processed in the limbic system, parts of the brain that don't process word language. The recognition of cues in the Limbic brain rather than the neocortex and happens very rapidly, potentially thousands of nonverbal cues can be processed in less than a minute,  so we don't have that long, drawn-out logical process to retain what we did and how we did it.

 That's why I love to break down photos and videos and point out the cues for my clients, audiences, the media, and in my articles and books. It's like playing where Waldo is and showing people where Waldo is and how you found him, so the reader recognizes the mostly subconscious process they go through to read the nonverbal cues. 

Another reason some people may not respect it as a credible science or choose to use or study it is that it may not be a skill that comes easily based on their personality type and intelligence type. While people that are high in Emotional intelligence tend to read people more accurately about half the population is more skilled at a task or technical-related intelligence, so they may not give credence to Nonverbal Communication. The first eight years I spoke on the topic I would make a statement and back it up, quoting the scientific research studies that supported my statement. And even then I might be in front of say a group of Engineers that would ask, "That's only one study, can you share more?"  and I would. 

I think the number one reason people don't recognize Nonverbal Communication as science and make fun of it is that there are so many unqualified people saying they are experts. People without degrees in the field who have never conducted scientific research in the field say they are body language experts; there is a problem. When they are on social media or being interviewed on TV and in the news and even writing books and claiming expertise or spouting what is indeed Pseudoscience, for example, they may say, "Hey, I am a body language expert because I am a bank manager, and I have lots of Youtube post on body language and have high SEO, and here is my body language analysis of the president's speech. Or, "Hey, I am a body language expert because I am a dentist and have to understand people when they can speak with words, so let me give my "expert" opinion to congress." (And yes, that happened." When people without degrees and scientific expertise don't know how to analyze objectively and apply scientific principles, they make mistakes. For example, if they are members of a particular political party, they may let their political perspective and or prejudice affect their analysis, Such as I hate this politician who is not in my political party, so I am going to find horrible nonverbal cues to share with you for this media interview. Or they may not have the same ethics as a scientifically trained expert and be swayed to a perspective by a journalist who interviews them who might want dirt on this person, and I say to themselves, "No big deal.” "I want to be quoted in this article, so I will say what they want. If these amateur analysts are the face of the field, it undermines its credibility. The public reads or hears their analysis finds glaring mistakes and finds fault not with the person who claims expertise but with the entire science.

 

When I taught body language at Florida State as a graduate student teacher and later as an adjunct instructor, I had the largest class in the College of Communication with around 150 to 175 students depending on the quarter/semester. The Dean had asked me to ensure that the class was academically challenging as students and professors would read or hear about it and assume it was easy. With that mandate with years of study in Nonverbal Communication, I taught my students the science of Nonverbal Communication including; scientific theory and how to analyze a research study, and required a paper along with giving them rigorous examines and requiring a once-a-week group lab. Even with all I shared even the professors in my department laughed when they talked to me about the class. They thought it was a joke. Which is funny, considering it was the largest class because of its popularity.

I knew I was so blessed to teach that class because the students told me how valuable it was to them, how they used what they learned, and how it had so much more relevance to their lives than other courses they were taking. When I run into an old student from those four years teaching it at  Florida State, my students in that class share with me that it was the most valuable class they took. And it was not a coincidence that while I was teaching the class, Time Magazine listed my class at Florida State as one of the most popular college classes in the nation.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.