You are going back and forth with someone on Tinder
then suddenly there are no messages. You have now been sucked into the black hole. You're staring at the
screen guessing at the reasons for the change; you reread the last few messages
searching for clues, like Benoit Blanc in Knives Out or Sherlock Homes but
without the hat, a pipe, and your trusted sidekick Watson. Does silence
mean anger, indifference, stubborn withdrawal, or passive-aggressive
punishment? Inside the agony of this ambiguity, the black hole, we project our
own expectations, emotions, and anxieties. How do you unravel the mystery?
Ghosting is a nonverbal communication.
In analyzing a ghosting episode its important
to know that the motivation for their ghosting goes in this order
Something that is going on with them.
Something that is going on with the situation
Something motivated by their feelings for you.
Here is the biggest secret revealed that will
be helpful for the rest of your life. It's usually about them. The research
supports the fact that most nonverbal communication reflects what is going on
with the sender! So always ALWAYSs go
there first in you trying to figure out what the heck is going on mind
pondering. If there is an absence of communication your first thought should
be, “I wondering what going on with them?” They may be going through something
in their lives, they may have suddenly gotten nervous or tense, or they may
have found someone else to Tinder/date.
It’s Not About YOU.
Ghosting has become the norm, albeit a rather
immature behavioral norm to avoid having brief open honest communication. If
you chose to reach out into the abyss give it one open honest communication
attempt.
1)
First notch up your request assuming that it
has nothing to do with you/ Assume it's
them and something is wrong in their life or circumstances and workload. Try
recognizing that they may be dealing with something and can’t or don’t want to
share.
Alan,
I haven’t heard back, I am concerned about you,
please let me know if you are ok. If you no longer wish to interact that is
fine. Just send a short. Sorry I am no longer interested. If something is up
and you may reach out later just say, “Something’s up, please give me some time
and don’t reach out again and I will communicate with you when I am able.
