Six Non-verbal Clues That There Is Trouble in the Relationship
with Your Partner/Spouse
A happy healthy relationship feels good. There may be bumps
but when you get to the other side of the conflict you feel better. If you
know what normal, happy, and healthy behavior is in your relationship it is
easier to see when your partner's behavior changes to something that feels
uncomfortable. Your body does not relax and feel calm. Often this occurs
because your limbic system is noticing negative nonverbal cues, and your
central nervous system is keeping you alert to danger.
When
you stay stressed and feel that something is constantly off, but you cannot put
your finger on it, it may be time to consciously look for concrete observable
behaviors that are making you feel uncomfortable and address them with your
partner.
What
you are looking for are changes from their normal behavior that cannot be
explained by other external issues like health problems and work stress.
Ideally, you see a sign and address it. If you see multiple signs there is more
danger, and even then, it is best to start by addressing one issue at a time in
a conversation.
1. Space One of
the most important things to be aware of, and one of the basic foundational
principles of body language, is that you go towards what you like, and you
retreat from or run away from what you do not like. If the norm was for your
partner to lean in as you spoke, a healthy sign in a relationship, and now they
are leaning away or reverting when you come near, it may be an indicator
something is off in the relationship. Do they change how much time they spend
sitting near you? Do they change the amount of time they spend in the same room
as you?
2. Time A
Be aware of the time spent together - and apart. Although it is normal for
schedules to become busier, couples should want to spend time together. If this
changes, becoming anything from not spending weekend days with you that they
did before or coming home late or leaving for work early, and there is no other
“external cause,” it might be worth speaking to your partner. Another indicator
is eye contact or a lack thereof.
3. Eye
contact When somebody loves you, they like looking at you. If there
is a sudden change in the amount of time, they spend looking at you and making
eye contact with you,” it is not a good sign. Touch
is a powerful communicator so changes in the number of times they touch you or
the location they touch you are telling. If your partner used to love holding
your hand but suddenly has no interest in physical contact, their body may be
telling you something that they have not verbally said. Whether they are
made consciously or not, non-verbal clues can be an important indicator of
the health of your relationship.
4. Phubbing, They
are paying attention to their devices instead of being fully present with
you. Especially if there is a sudden change/increase.
5. Wedding ring
behavior Playing with or not wearing their wedding ring. Your central nervous system is stressed
when you see human behavior that does not make sense to you. When for example
the body language and the words spoken do not align. So for example a man says
he cares for you but does not wear the wedding ring you have him or plays with
he plays with it when he is out with you and there are other attractive women
around, or you are single and out with a business colleague and he is flirting
with you subtly while playing with a wedding ring that his wife gave him. There
is a mismatch there and it drives the limbic brain crazy and alerts the central
nervous system to stress mode. (The stress responses are freeze flee, fight,
fall, or faint) So if you see the behavior and for a moment you freeze in place
and are speechless be wary and know that something is very wrong. Side note. I
am fascinated with autobiographies and biographies of women. I read Elizabeth
Edwards autobiography a few years ago and was struck by a chapter where she
discusses how her husband kept losing his wedding band when he went out
running and how she bought several wedding bands for him so he would always
have one. The writing in that section was so odd and stilted. You know she
wanted to say, I know my husband is cheating on me, but darn it, I am going to
fight for this relationship.
6. Sleep Are
there changes in the way they sleep? I have done research on couples’ sleep
positions and a sudden change, which is not to physical health can indicate
unhappiness in the relationship. Even a change in sleep behavior like suddenly
not going to bed when you do can signal an issue.
