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Showing posts with label lying. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lying. Show all posts

Lying

Liars lie and keep lying knowing that even the most horrible lie when found to be totally untrue still leaves a sticky residue. You can't stay in a liar's orbit and not get sticky. Step away totally so you don't normalize the liar. Step away before you become use to his constant barrage of attacks and deceit. If you are normalizing a liar's behavior, take what he says in print and read it out loud to a ten-year-old child and try to justify and normalize the nastiness. Then you may get clarity.

The quote is by Adolf Hitler from Mein Kempf:


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

5 Common Traits Narcissistic Men Are Looking for in Women

What are the signs you are dating a Narcissist? 

I have been writing and speaking about charisma and the and their dangerous extreme narcissists for many years. 

This is the story for Verily I was asked to contribute to last week. You can also see more about who they are attracted to and more signs you are dating a narcissist by going to this blog post 
https://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2017/10/just-did-piece-for-verilymagazine.html 



5 Common Traits Narcissistic Men
Are Looking for in Women

PUBLISH DATE:NOV 2, 2017

Experts say this is how to keep from being a
narcissistic man’s ideal.

Swept off your feet with compliments, fancy dinners, and generous gifts—you think you've found McDreamy. When you describe the surreal time you're having to friends, it feels like you're talking about a movie. Yet, as the dating continues, you start to notice that it’s really all about him. He constantly talks about himself, prioritizes his needs over yours, is overly sensitive to any form of criticism—and is obsessed with status (the fancy dinners dates at the exclusive restaurants are starting to make sense).
You find that emotional intimacy is impossible, and your relationship starts to fizzle— and you realize it’s happened again.
You dated a narcissist. Again.
Only 7.7 percent of men have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but you may have dated one, or maybe even several, as they often flock to a certain type of woman. If you’ve frequently dated guys who make it all about them, you might have noticed a pattern. After the intense wooing is over, he’s quick to criticize you and put you down if you express any sort of resistance to his need to put himself first. 
As a therapist, I've seen this seriously damage women's self-esteem and well-being. And over time, I've noticed that narcissists seek certain traits in potential romantic partners. So I spoke with other experts in my field to discuss trends and discovered that there are five common traits a narcissist looks for in a woman. 
Do any of these sound like you?

1. You’re outwardly successful. 
It can be tough to admit, but if you feel insecure about yourself even if you are attractive, put together, and successful, you may be advertising yourself as a great fit for a narcissist. “Narcissists tend to seek out people that will fill a template for what they believe will make them look good,” says Elizabeth Earnshaw, a trained Gottman Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. “In essence, [the narcissist’s] partner may be seen as an accessory,” she explains. A narcissistic man is attracted to someone who looks beautiful and accomplished—not because they like that person, but because her appearance and accomplishments fuel his ego. 
However, a narcissist also wants a woman who isn't too confident because he wants to run the show. So if he senses your insecurities, he will be all the more attracted to you because you won’t likely threaten his own success, whether it’s real or perceived. While it might be uncomfortable to acknowledge your insecurities, owning them and making a plan to increase your self-confidence can help. When a narcissist senses your strong sense of confidence, he’ll back away. 

2. You're a people pleaser (and can't help it).
Of course, we all want the guy we’re dating to be happy, but if it comes at the expense of your own well being, it’s unhealthy. A narcissist is looking for someone who will give him constant attention and emotional validation at any cost. Psychotherapist and author, Karen Koenig, says that individuals who attract narcissists often “don’t have a strong sense of who they are and what they want because they don’t believe it’s okay to take care of their own needs.”
A narcissist is someone who monopolizes the relationship and who never compromises. He just demands. Establishing boundaries so that your needs are acknowledged and met in a relationship could help prevent you from getting too deep and potentially trapped. 

3. You avoid conflict like the plague.
While few people are actually fans of conflict, if you avoid conflict at all costs, you might be making yourself more attractive to narcissists. Patti Wood, body language expert and author, says that narcissists tend to want someone “who is low in ‘harm avoidance’ and high in ‘cooperation.’" If you tend to give in easily to the wishes or demands of others at work or in your personal life for the sake of avoiding conflict, you might fit the ideal profile of a potential partner for a narcissist.
If you often put your needs and opinions aside for the sake of avoiding conflict in the relationship, you’ll more easily fall prey to a narcissist who thrives when others provide the empathy and attention they crave. Yes, being willing to compromise in a relationship is important but being a doormat isn’t compromising.

4. You’re ignoring red flags.
One big red flag that signals narcissistic behavior is never taking responsibility for any negative events in one's life. Narcissists are known to play the victim when things don’t go their way, explains Patti Wood, and they will often blame their exes, bosses, and friends for anything negative that’s happened in the past. Don't make the mistake of ignoring this crucial red flag. If you are quick to explain away your date calling his ex “evil” or "crazy" saying his boss was “out to get him," you are sending signals that you are okay with him blaming others for his mistakes. Yes—we all make mistakes but when someone refuses to take responsibility for his role in the event ever, you’re risking your own happiness and well-being down the line because soon he’ll start blaming you when things don’t go well.

5. You are swept up in the romance on the first date.
It's easy to allow yourself to be infatuated after the first date, especially when you are dating a narcissist (they're so attractive and charming at first!). Even though it typically takes some time for a narcissist to reveal his true colors, there are some subtle signs that you can look out for on a first date to help you steer clear of the second. Look past the "love bombing" and the overwhelming flattery and ask the following questions:
·         Is there any back-and-forth in the conversation, or is it total domination?
·         Does he accept your opinions even if you disagree with each other? 
·         Does he act entitled to certain things, or expect special treatment?
·         Is he rude to the wait staff or bartender? 
·         Is he over-the-top on the first date? 
·         Is he invading your space? 

If it's a resounding "yes" to one or more of these, it's a sign he does not deserve a second date, even if it occurred at a Michelin-starred restaurant. A narcissist thinks he’s the sun, and he’s looking for someone to orbit around his world and make him look good without causing too much trouble. Being confident in yourself, standing up for your needs and opinions, firmly enforcing boundaries, and not being afraid to say no and walk away, will help send the message to your narcissist that you aren’t going to fit in his self-obsessed world. 


PLUS
If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:

“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:


Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:
§  Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extraverts and excitement seekers.)  In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!
§  Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)
§  Sentimentality
§  Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)
§  Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground.  Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)
§  Low Harm Avoidance – does not expect to be hurt (She doesn’t expect to be hurt, sees others through who she is.  In other words, not a person looking to recreate an abusive relationship of childhood.  In fact, more often than not, these women were never exposed to abuse of any kind as children.)
§  Cooperation
§  Higher Empathy – can be genetic
§  Responsibilty and Resourcefulness



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

5 Reasons Women Believe Their Cheating Lovers Aren't Lying

The media piece I did last week on the body language signs of cheating just came out this morning.



That piece inspired me to write:


"5 Reasons Women Believe Their Cheating Lovers Aren’t Lying” 
by Patti Wood professional speaker and author of 
"Snap Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma"

If you read this and suspect your sweetie of cheating talk to him. You may get an honest response. Do know that if you see the signs and wonder why you didn’t notice and fell for the deceit you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Here are four reasons you may have been fooled.

Loving body language is the opposite of lying body language - I share in all my Establishing Credibility and Detecting Deception programs that the research on deception shows that the person you love can lie with the greatest ease. In part because loving body language is the antithesis of deception body language and in addition your love makes you want to trust.

Let’s just look at just a few of the body language cues that can confuse you. When people lie they tend to withdrawal, not touch you and not match and mirror your body language. Your love partner may be physically close, sleep in the same bed, touch you, match and mirror you and even continue to make significant eye contact, and other loving cues that can fool you into thinking they are truth tellers. Most people feel guilty when they lie and or fear being discovered so they show stress cues when they lie and have difficulty lying well. So Everyday liars have tells! 
Professional liars such as undercover cops, may not feel guilt because they need to lie to do their job and survive. And liars who have mental health issues may not have tells because they just plain don't feel guilt or remorse.  

Your love can create a “Truth Bias”Research shows that as we become more trusting, we also become more confident, but less accurate at determining when the truth is being told (Levine & McCornack, 1992; McCornack & Parks, 1986)

When people are in love, they of course feel close and trust in their romantic partners and know them well and think they know everything about them. While this trust provides people with a sense of security and comfort, it creates an opportunity for deception called the “truth bias.” Your blind faith in your love makes you ripe for deceit as the very foundation of intimacy is that you trust so who is a better victim than the person who believes you the most!

You may think you have gained an extra special ability detect lies from your love- Because you spend so much time with them and believe their is intimacy you think you know them like no one else knows them. In fact, as intimacy increase so does your confidence in your ability to read you man. Even when part of you feel there is something wrong if someone else tells you, "He is lying", or "He is dating someone else." You may feel or say, "Oh, I know him, he would never do that."

You may have lost trust in yourself that would help you be discerning - You may also get lost in the instability of the crazy tilt and whirl. E
ven when you do know something is wrong, and talk to your partner and they continue to lie, to the extent you begin to lose faith in instincts and question your very honest and accurate feelings of insecurity. You can tilt back and forth between absolute trust and absolute lack of trust. You can look them in the eye and say, “I know something’s wrong.” And they can look you in the eye and say, “Darling I would never do anything to hurt you,” and lean in to kiss you and rub your back. You feel at a gut level the  mismatch of love and deception being presented together. It can be intense and painful. You want to claim the love message’s truth but at some level you know something is wrong. This may swirl you into a crazy tilt and whirl of instability. Again the messages of love and the messages of a lack of love that feel like the lack of love or decent, "I love you I want you I need you, but I have to go out of town for a week and I will be out of touch." The cheater can even create this crazy tilt and whirl without malice. They may love you, but they lie because they just happen to also love and or be attracted to someone else too. Or they may create the crazy ride out of more selfish reasons, such as the desire for power, control, thrills or mental health issues such as narcissism. (Google the term Love Bombing for more information for more information on the more malicious form of this crazy making.) 

Some lovers are really good at lying - Lying over and over again on a sometimes daily basis to your lover can make you an expert liar. That doesn't make them inherently horrible people, just people that may no longer give you the normal nonverbal and verbal signs of deceit. Some lying lovers may justify their lying by saying to themselves, "I don't want her to know because it would hurt her and I want to save her pain." and therefore not show nonverbal signs of guilt. Their fear level may be low, as they know they have succeeded at lying in the past. Conversely lying lovers may have a desire for excitement and or feelings of power that living on the edge, and undercover may provide. They may get some of that power derived from the “dupers delight,” that thrill some people get at fooling someone. They also may be “good” at lying because they generally love the partner they are cheating on or may think that in order not to lose them and or their lifestyle they must lie. Survival liars can also rationalize their lies in a way that reduces and eliminates normal deception cues. The carnival ride that the cheater can create that may allow them to continue their deceit and from which, in some cases, may allow them to continue to feel powerful, and or believe that they had a right to cheat because you are needy or crazy. Fascinating because they are the instigators of that instability, they run the crazy tilt and whirl.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     





Nodding Yes and Saying No, How Can You Tell When Someone is Lying, Keisha Knight Pulliam's Body Language- What is she Really Saying

How Can You Tell if Someone is Lying,

A body language tell of deceit is shown when someone is saying,"No" of denying an action or behavior with their words, but nodding yes with the head subconsciously in an indication of their true feelings. This happens because the limbic brain responds and the neocortex that thinking of and saying the lie can't catch it. My intern Sydney shows you this 
My name is Sydney Darden. I am an intern to Ms. Patti Wood this fall. 
I am receiving training in body language and deception detection. 
After 6 months of marriage Keisha Knight Pulliam's husband filed for divorce without warning her. The announcement came just 2 days after announcing she was pregnant with their daughter. Keisha's husband asked for a paternity test for the baby in the divorce. Recently, Keisha sat down to do an interview with entertainment tonight and denied the allegations. However, there where reveling body segments of the interview where her body language revealed her true emotions. 


In the first part of the interview she is asked very clearly if she cheated in her husband and it was not 
surprising to the  audience, she offers a definite “I have never cheated in my husband." Notice however  as she says this you can see her nodding her head ‘yes." even though she says with her words no. 


We saw the same thing happen in President Clinton's infamous interview where he said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman Ms. Lewinsky".

and again with Lance Armstrong:

We often convey our true feelings non-verbally regardless of what we do to hide it.


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Keisha Knight pulliam's Body Language- What is she Really Saying

Hello. My name is Sydney Darden. I am an intern to Ms. Patti Wood this fall and I am currently training in body language communication and lie deception.
After 6 months of marriage Keisha Knight Pulliam's husband filed for divorce without warning her. The announcement came just 2 days after announcing she was pregnant with their daughter. Keisha's husband asked for a paternity test for the baby in the divorce. Recently, Keisha sat down to do an interview with entertainment tonight and denied the allegations but there are some interesting points in the interview where her body language contradicts what she is saying.

In the first part of the interview she is asked very clearly if she cheated in her husband and no surprise to the audience, she offers a definite “I have never cheated in my husband”. However, as she says this you can see her nodding her head ‘yes’ as she denies any infidelity.


We saw the same thing happen in President Clinton's infamous interview where he said "I did not have sexual relations with that woman Ms. Lewinsky".

and again with Lance Armstrong:


Research shows that we will always convey our true feelings regardless of what we do to hide it.When what we feel does not align with what we are saying, our body finds ways to let those true emotions out and it is completely involuntary.


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Tom Brady DeflateGate. Tom Brady’s Body Language in His DEFLATEGATE Interview - Is He Lying?


  Tom Brady’s Body Language in His DeflateGate Interview
 Is He Lying?
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
Body Language Expert

I read Tom Brady’s body language for CNN.  Notice how on the surface he appears fairly cool and smiles a lot. But here is the bottom line, his body language shows anger, nervousness and evasion and a content analysis of what he says shows evasion.  He does not talk about the day of the football game and says he didn’t notice that the balls were deflated and he does not say he didn’t ask for them to be deflated.

CNN Interview with Patti Wood:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqlMhNWEfv4

The Five Most Compelling Clips and The Body Language and Script Analysis of quarterback Tom Brady.

I have the link to Tom Brady’s DeflateGate Interview below and the time codes where each section begins. My read is based on Brady having a baseline in interviews of being cool and collected and having fun, that he was prepared for the interview, and I compared his baseline to what it would be for an individual who has done nothing wrong and is wrongfully accused.



1.      Brady looks away, tongue clicks, and stalls and stutters, when asked, “When and how did you supposedly alter the balls?”
Starting at Time code: 32 When Tom Brady is asked about altering the ball. Brady first gives closed envelop lip cue that shows he is reigning in his true emotion and if you look at his eyes you see that emotion is anger. Also watch how he flips his chin up, in a way that seemly looks like I got this question but if you look at the micro facial cues actually shows he would like to say something more graphic and derogatory like, “Up yours!”


  • Then Brady looks away to escape the question and shakes his head no, but the head shake no comes after he speaks rather than before. That timing is SAY then Show. He says the words then shakes no that is an indication of deceit.
  • Then we hear Brady give a tongue click. He clicks his tongue on the roof of the mouth cleaning out the bad taste of the question, this is also a cue that means “I would like to spit at you.”
  • Then he gives a mistimed shoulder shrug. A mistimed shoulder cue is SAY the words then SHOW the body language rather than Show with your body language and then Say the words would have indicated it was an honest response.   He says, “I didn't...” then shrugs. To be clear, when you’re telling the truth you feel the true emotion in your limbic brain, you show it nonverbally also from your limbic brain then you say the words. So Brady should have shrugged then spoken.
  •  Let’s now look at the words he used in his answer so we can do a content statement analysis.  
  •  It is interesting that many news stories misquote, or only quote the last phrase of his answer. If you do that you can be fooled. You need to hear and analyze his full statement.  He should have given a straightforward smoothly stated answer. This was after all not a statement made in the heat of the moment. He was prepared for this interview.
What he said is:

“I didn't UHHHHH you know.” “Have any AHHH you know.” “I didn't try to alter to the ball in any way.” 

Again, people quote the sentence, “I didn't alter the ball.” But his full answer said so much more. The filler sound, “ahhh” is an indication he is going into his limbic brain to answer the question and he is under stress.  But, he is not sure what he SHOULD say so he says, “uhhh.” He then goes to the filler phrase, “You Know.” He says it twice. Then here is what is most revealing, he starts the sentence three times. That’s three stalled starts. Before he gives the answer, “I didn't alter the ball in any way.” That is beyond mere nervousness. And here is the other kicker, with that wording the response means very little.  We already know he couldn't have physically altered the ball, what we want to know is did he ask for it to be altered and did he know it was altered. I wished he had been asked if he asked for it to be altered or he knew it was altered.

2.      He avoids “Telling the Story of the Event.” He does not say what he did that day.
In analyzing deception it is important to ask for the story of the event. Then listen carefully. Does a suspected person tell the story of the event or do they avoid telling the story? Do they tell another story or do they enter the story before or after the event, but avoid the event.

An interesting way of detecting deception is to notice when the “suspected deceiver” begins to tell the story.  When Brady begins to tell a story he does actually tell the story of the day the footballs were found to be deflated. He instead starts a NEW STORY about his picking the ball process. Telling a different story allows him to sound and look truthful.  That is, “Look over there.” Deception technique. If you are asking someone you suspect of doing something wrong whether they did it, don’t let them distract you with other stories. Brady gave a charming story that had nothing to do with the event.

When he talks about, “I have the process I go through with the ball...” he gets to be very passionate and strong, but again the answer he gives doesn't mean anything.  His process would happen on an imaginary day, not the day the balls were supposedly deflated.  It would be as ridiculous as asking a robber if he robbed the bank, and letting the robber talk in details about his workout at the gym every day.

3.      He gives a cascade of anxiety cues like hidden lips as he gives his mash potato words.
Starting at Time Code 1:50 when Tom Brady is asked, “Is Tom Brady a cheaterTom gives a cascade of body language cues. First Brady gives a cover smile showing his teeth. He then gives a nervous laugh. He then rocks side to side which is a self-comfort cue. Then he pulls in and hides his lips and you may remember lips disappear when we don’t like what we hear so this shows he does not like the question and may hide his true answer. 

All of these movements serve as a way to delay his answer for a usually long time. All of those are cues of someone who is very nervous. They are not a full flag on the play that Brady is lying, but odd when he delays so long in answering that the actual answer is not a definitive statement. Instead he does all this stalling and gathers himself up and gives what appears to be a nice smooth honest answer, but notice the wording. “I don’t believe so. It’s a disclaimer phrase. That sounds like a lawyer prepped him to give that answer to save him legally. As a Media coach I would not recommend that kind of soft answer. I call words like believe and feel Mash Potato words.  They are words that hide the meat of the truth behind the mash potatoes.  He follows that statement with more mash potato words. “I feel like I’ve always played within the rules.”

Then he follows with a story that means nothing. He talks about his morals. He does not talk about that day and say he didn't notice that the balls were deflated and he didn’t ask for them to be deflated. . Brady says. “I would never do anything to break the rules. I believe in fair play, I respect the league and everything they’re doing to try to create a competitive playing field for all the NFL teams. It’s a very competitive league. Every team is doing the best they can to win every week. I believe in fair play and will always do that for as long as I’m playing.”
4.      Brady gives a “Dupers Delight” smile.
At time code 4:30 he gives this smile several times in the interview when he thinks he has gotten away with his answer. Here it is giving an off topic statement that anyone could say, “We are going to do our best… to be prepared for the game.” Then he gives his Dupers Delight smile. I think he is such a cutie pie, charm really works for him, most of the time. It does not here.

5.      Brady stutters and uses tricky phrasing, whispers and a tongue thrust.
At time code 7:08 -7:16 or 17 when talking about how he likes ball… “I would never do anything outside of the, THE rules of play. I would never you know have someone do something that I thought was outside the the the rules. The double “the’s” is a stalling technique. His gestures are in sync and that looks great and he gets very passionate, the gestures and passionate delivery tricks us into thinking he is giving a heartfelt answer, but then he uses the phrase “outside the rules of play.” That is like a criminals saying, “I didn't do anything bad” the word bad  is a matter of interpretation and the phrase, “outside the rules of play.” are a matter of interpretation. So in his mind he can believe he didn’t do anything wrong, because of the way he personally interprets the tricky phrase, “the rules of play.” Even with that cushion he still stumbles over his answer and the second time he says he does something very revealing he sucks in and whispers the rules” and sticks out his tongue in a tongue thrust. The whispered “the rules” indicates he is not certain. By whispering the dangerous word he hopes we can’t hear that he is lying. Truth tellers shout it from the roof tops. Then finally his tongue thrust shows he is angry at being pushed on it.

6.      Throughout the interview Brady gives many tightly closed upside down smiles.
This shows his displeasure and discomfort and hidden anger. 


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel athttp://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

You’re more likely to lie later in the day. Research


I have been reading some interesting studies about why people lie. There are several new studies out about self-control and deceit that are interesting.

Do you notice that you are more likely to lie later in the day.

Here is the link to easy to understand article on some of the research.




Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How to Spot a Liar

Patti was interviewed on HLN about how to tell when someone is lying.  Watch the HLN interview at the link below and check out Patti's 6 tips below!

http://www.hlntv.com/video/2013/08/13/body-language-indicates-lie

So, you’ve got a funny feeling about the guy or gal you’re dating. Or you don’t think your boss is leveling with you.

How can you tell if they are lying? Here are some tips from body language expert Patti Wood.
  1. Trust your gut: You may know they are lying to you before you are even aware of it. Encountering a lie can provoke a stress response in most of us – the old flight or fight feeling. If something doesn’t quite sound right, and you feel as though they aren’t being straight with you, you may be right.   
  2. Interrupt the story: A practiced liar will have their story down pat. They’ll have the details down, in order of what happened. But you can trip them up by interrupting, or asking questions in reverse order of how events happened. If you can throw them off, they may stumble over their story, and you can confirm they aren’t being honest. 
  3. Pay attention to body language: If you know how someone normally acts, and they are acting differently, that may be a sign that he or she is lying. Say you have a friend who is naturally fidgety. If they are moving around a lot like they normally do, it may not be a sign they are lying. But the person who usually sits there quietly, still as a statue, and then can’t seem to sit still… that could be an indication of deceit. 
  4. Oddball reaction: If you ask a question and someone gets angry, or annoyed, or hysterical, in a way that doesn’t fit your conversation… you may have stumbled onto a lie. People can act out to distract us from their deceit. Anger is always a useful device. A liar can turn on the fury, unload on you, and shame you into not asking the kinds of questions that might expose their lie. Watch for a reaction that seems totally out of proportion to your question. That may be a clue. 
  5. Unusual language: Is someone talking to you in a stilted way, avoiding contractions, saying “I did not…” instead of “I didn’t.” Any kind of odd sentence could be a hint that someone is lying. For example, someone telling the truth won’t say over and over again “I did not do _____.” They will say “I didn’t do it” and leave it at that. 
  6. Reassuring touches: When we are nervous, our nerve endings can start firing, and we can start to touch facial features that we might ordinarily leave alone. Such as our nose, the top of our lip, and the edge of the ear. Again, this clue depends on timing and knowing how the person behaves normally. If they never touch their nose, then suddenly can’t seem to stop touching it, that could be a sign they are lying.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Deception Detection of Zimmerman



Here is the link to Deception Detection of Zimmerman, murder suspect, by Body Language Expert Patti Wood on Raising America.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2QzsX5YJxJQ&feature=youtu.be

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

18 Attributes of Highly Effective Liars, Characteristics of a Good Liar


18 Attributes of Highly Effective Liars.
 Have your heard of Machiavellianism? It is, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, "the employment of cunning and duplicity in statecraft or in general conduct Niccolò Machiavelli might well have titled his 16th-century Dell’arte Della Guerra (" The Art of War ") as The Art of Lying, since verbal deception—mainly, how to get away with it—was so central to his political psychology. To say that the exquisitely light-of-tongue are "talented" is, of course, sure to be met with moral outrage. We place a social premium on the ability to ferret out other people’s lies, especially, as we’ve seen just this week in the news, when they may hide brutal and ugly crimes.
Still, there is something darkly fascinating about those skilled in verbal legerdemain. And at least one team of scientists, led by Dutch psychologist Aldert Vrij , believes that it has identified the precise ingredients of "good liars." These researchers outline the following 18 traits (pdf) that, if ever they were to coalesce in a perfect storm of a single perpetrator, would strain even seasoned interrogators’ lie-detection abilities:
(1) manipulativeness. "Machiavellians" are pragmatic liars who aren’t fearful or anxious. They are "scheming but not stupid," explain the authors. "In conversations, they tend to dominate, but they also seem relaxed, talented and confident."
(2) acting. Good actors make good liars; receptive audiences encourage confidence.
(3) expressiveness. Animated people create favorable first impressions, making liars seductive and their expressions distracting.
(4) physical attractiveness. Fair or unfair, pretty people are judged as being more honest than unattractive people.
(5) natural performers. These people can adapt to abrupt changes in the discourse with a convincing spontaneity.
(6) experience. Prior lying helps people manage familiar emotions, such as guilt and fear, which can “leak” behaviorally and tip off observers.
(7) confidence. Like anything else, believing in yourself is half the battle; you’ve got to believe in your ability to deceive others.
(8) emotional camouflage. Liars "mask their stark inclination to show the emotional expressions they truly feel" by feigning the opposite affect. So you might see a liar cry, or rage to "cover their deception.
(9) eloquence. Eloquent speakers confound listeners with word play and buy extra time to ponder a plausible answer by giving long-winded responses.
(10) well-preparedness. This minimizes fabrication on the spot, which is vulnerable to detection.
(11) unverifiable responding. Concealing information ("I honestly don’t remember") is preferable to a constructed lie because it cannot be disconfirmed.
(12) information frugality. Saying as little as possible in response to pointed questions makes it all the more difficult to confirm or disconfirm details.
(13) original thinking. Even meticulous liars can be thrown by the unexpected, so the ability to give original, convincing, non-scripted responses comes in handy.
(14) rapid thinking. Delays and verbal fillers ("ums" and "ahs") signal deception, so good liars are quick-witted, thinking fast on their feet.
(15) intelligence. Intelligence enables an efficient shouldering of the “cognitive load” imposed by lying, since there are many complex, simultaneously occurring demands associated with monitoring one’s own deceptiveness.
(16) good memory. Interrogators’ ears will prick at inconsistencies. A good memory allows a liar to remember details without tripping in their own fibs.
(17) truth adherence. Lies that "bend the truth" are generally more convincing, and require less cognitive effort, than those that involve fabricating an entire story.
(18) decoding. The ability to detect suspicion in the listener allows the liar to make the necessary adjustments, borrowing from strategies in the preceding skill set. Liars can be readers of body language.
Why give the criminals such helpful advice? The authors anticipated these concerns, clarifying that they hope this knowledge will assist interrogators, rather than those sitting on the other side of the table. Furthermore, "Undoubtedly," they write, "this [work] provides tips that liars could use to make their performance more convincing, but most characteristics we mentioned are inherent, and related to personality."
In other words, there’s still a certain, inimitable je ne sais quoi to the great deluders. And should you find yourself so burdened with this particular type of genius, perhaps, as Mark Twain offered:
… the wise thing is to train [yourself] to lie thoughtfully,
judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie
for others’ advantage, and not [y]our own; to lie healingly,
charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie
gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly,
frankly, squarely, with head erect, not haltingly, tortuously, with
pusillanimous mien, as being ashamed of [y]our high calling.
Good advice from Samuel, as always.
Image: Niccolò Machiavelli by Santi di Tito, from Wikimedia Commons
About The Author: Want more Bering in Mind? Follow Jesse on Twitter @JesseBering, visit www.jessebering.com, or friend Jesse on Facebook. Jesse is the author of newly released book, The Belief Instinct: The Psychology of Souls, Destiny and the Meaning of Life (W. W. Norton).

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.