What kinds of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships

Just did a piece for Verily magazine. Here are the notes I sent them.

1. What types of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships (i.e. insecure, people-pleasers, etc.)

Narcissists choose people pleasers, and good listeners. They want someone who is empathetic, in fact, “Hyper Empathy is preferred” and kind. They want someone who is “High bonding”, “High Sentimentality.” They want someone who gives readily of their time, their caring and their emotions. They also want someone who is highly idealistic and low in “Harm Avoidance” and high in “cooperation.” For more information. Look up “Narcissistic abuse, targets, victims.” And if you think it is more serious look up “Psychopathic abuse, targets, and victims.”

2. Signs that you are dating a narcissist (i.e. what kind of qualities do narcissists generally have?)

Charm, Charisma, Intense mesmerizing eye contact, high touch behavior that starts very quickly, such as holding hands on the first date, or hugging spontaneously right away, or touching to push back their dates hair or take a thread off a jacket on the first date.  Close talker and or just plain standing or sitting closer than normal, a space invader. May talk slightly louder or very loudly and may gesture in an over the top manner and may interrupt in a charming enthusiastic way. May have a loud or unusual laugh, and may use the laugh to interrupt you, though it may sound like they are indeed laughing at something you said, if you listen closely it interrupts your “turn” to speak. And if you listen even more closely you will notice they interrupt when you take away too much attention from them. High self-discloser on a first date. They will sweep you off your feet and charm you. Love bombing you so that you feel like you are on an emotional high, they will put you up on a pedestal complimenting you in an over the top manner and perhaps showering with small gifts. “Love bombing” is a phrase describing this stage, in which the narcissistic person may smother you with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a future together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever. (Look up “Mask of Sanity”)

3. Tips to help readers avoid dating narcissists.

Notice the first date. Do you feel overwhelmed swept up? Highly emotionally charged. Does the conversation seem very intimate? Are you sharing stories of your bad relationships? Do they claim they were a victim in their last relationship and tell you the horrible details? Do they complement you more than once? Do they say you are different or special on the FIRST date? Do they lean in close or touch you on FIRST date? If they describe their ex as crazy, bi polar, a drug addict, and or anorexic or a bitch because they are not just a narcissist research says, people who describe their ex with any or all of these characteristics on first dates and or at the beginning of new relationship describing themselves as victims of their ex,’s are likely to be a sociopath/psychopaths. They are often flat out lying or they created so much stress in their ex’s life their exs may have thought themselves crazy. RUN!  If your still not sure look out Psychopathic Abuse Victim.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.