Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Research on Mate Selection Shows That Settling for 'Mr. Right Now' is better than waiting for 'Mr. Right.'

Research on Mate Selection Shows
That Settling for 'Mr. Right Now'
is better than waiting for 'Mr. Right.'

And that if we were raised in small communities we are more risk averse and more likely to settle and find a mate. This makes sense to me. It indicates that if there are more possible mates when we are growing up we think there are more fish in the sea and it's harder for us to find someone we want to mate with for life. Though it talks about how we grew up and I also think it explains why people searching for a mate on dating sites like Match.com have a hard time meeting someone they want to settle down with. The possibilities make them less risk adverse.

Here is the research from Science Daily News. I have yellow highlighted the interesting sections.

Date: February 6, 2015

Source: Michigan State University

Summary:

Evolutionary researchers have determined that settling for 'Mr. Okay' is a better evolutionary strategy than waiting for 'Mr. Perfect.' When studying the evolution of risk aversion using a computational model of digital organisms, researchers found that it is in our nature -- traced back to the earliest humans -- to take the safe bet when stakes are high, such as whether or not we will mate.

How risk averse we are correlates to the size of the group in which we were raised. If reared in a small group -- fewer than 150 people -- we tend to be much more risk averse than those who were part of a larger community.

It turns out that primitive humans lived in smaller groups, about 150 individuals. Because resources tend to be more scarce in smaller communities, this environment helps promote risk aversion.

When studying the evolution of risk aversion, Michigan State University researchers found that it is in our nature -- traced back to the earliest humans -- to take the safe bet when stakes are high, such as whether or not we will mate.

Credit: © michaeljung / Fotolia

"Primitive humans were likely forced to bet on whether or not they could find a better mate," said Chris Adami, MSU professor of microbiology and molecular genetics and co-author of the paper.

"They could either choose to mate with the first, potentially inferior, companion and risk inferior offspring, or they could wait for Mr. or Ms. Perfect to come around," he said. "If they chose to wait, they risk never mating."

Adami and his co-author Arend Hintze, MSU research associate, used a computational model to trace risk-taking behaviors through thousands of generations of evolution with digital organisms. These organisms were programmed to make bets in high-payoff gambles, which reflect the life-altering decisions that natural organisms must make, as for example choosing a mate.

"An individual might hold out to find the perfect mate but run the risk of coming up empty and leaving no progeny," Adami said. "Settling early for the sure bet gives you an evolutionary advantage, if living in a small group."

Adami and his team tested many variables that influence risk-taking behavior and concluded that certain conditions influence our decision-making process. The decision must be a rare, once-in-a-lifetime event and also have a high payoff for the individual's future -- such as the odds of producing offspring.

It turns out that primitive humans lived in smaller groups, about 150 individuals. Because resources tend to be more scarce in smaller communities, this environment helps promote risk aversion.

"We found that it is really the group size, not the total population size, which matters in the evolution of risk aversion," Hintze said.

However, not everyone develops the same level of aversion to risk. The study also found that evolution doesn't prefer one single, optimal way of dealing with risk, but instead allows for a range of less, and sometimes more-risky, behaviors to evolve.

"We do not all evolve to be the same," Adami said. "Evolution creates a diversity in our acceptance of risk, so you see some people who are more likely to take bigger risks than others. We see the same phenomenon in our simulations."

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by Michigan State University. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Arend Hintze, Randal S. Olson, Christoph Adami, Ralph Hertwig. Risk sensitivity as an evolutionary adaptation. Scientific Reports, 2015; 5: 8242 DOI:10.1038/srep08242

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Michigan State University. "Settling for 'Mr. Right Now' better than waiting for 'Mr. Right', shows model of digital organisms." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 6 February 2015. .

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Tips for Reducing Your Social Anxiety and Improving Your First Impression at Parties and Networking Events

I do research, write and consult on body language and first impressions. It is very interesting to me that after many years as a speaker I now have clients that share with me that their employees and or professional association members are fearful of networking. They feel they don’t have the skills to introduce themselves or make small talk and some don’t even value networking.

If you are wondering how to make small talk and network you can hire me as your coach or bring me to your business or association. Our office number is 404-315-7397.

Here are a few tips from my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma on how to network.

Tips for Reducing Your Social Anxiety and Improving Your First Impression at Parties and Networking Events

By Patti Wood MA, CSP and Body Language Expert

Some of you may think of social and networkingand mingling opportunities and jump for joy and some of you may think of punch and cookies and meeting strangers and feel your palms begin to sweat and your throat start to close. Here are fun and helpful tips for feeling more comfortable at your next party so you can change from a wallflower to a “social butterfly.”

1. Look for an Open Person. You have learned in an earlier chapter how to make yourself approachable by having open body language. You can use that information to look for people who you can easily approach. Search for people who are intently speaking to someone already. Spy the people who have their feet slightly apart a few inches rather than crossed, pressed together, or cowboy show of defensive stance 14 inches apart. It is easier to approach someone who is showing his or her palms as they gesture and is smiling. If you are super shy, you can just go up and stand next to someone who looks open and slowly mirror his posture. Research says he is likely to start a conversation with you.

2. Go first….you can also introduce yourself. I know I know, you’re thinking, "Patti you are insane.” I hate to talk to people and you want me to initiate a conversation!” “I’d rather stick a fork in my eye.” Put down the fork. Research shows that when you initiate you appear more confident to other people and they immediately feel more at ease. In addition, when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers to you. Remember, two awkward people equal three times the anxiety.

3. Introduce people to each other. Again, you have something to do, and goodness it takes the pressure off you. You now say the younger person’s name first to introduce them to the older person, say the lower status person’s name first to introduce them to the higher status person. Think bigwig’s name is said last.

4. Ask a question and then relax and listen. When I was in grad school and teaching at Florida State I tried out for and got a part in a community program. I almost lost my voice and I learned a lot about listening. So much anxiety comes from not knowing what to do or how to do it well. I can tell you that the smartest thing you can do at a party is ask a gentle question. It completely takes the talking pressure off you. You don’t have to be witty and urbane to be good listeners. And if “The Seven Habits of highly successful people” is right, everybody loves a good listener. If asking questions seems to be as difficult for you as defusing and atomic bomb, click to my book “Going UP!” The book gives pages of questions you can use to start a conversation.

5. Nod your head. I give simple listening body language cues in my linked article. Here is one of my favorites to teach men. Nod your head. Women love it. Men typically only nod their heads when they agree, woman nod to show they are listening. Guys, if you nod your head a lot she will love you. Beware of nodding your head at your female boss at the office. Power people love it when you nod your head too, but your boss might think you love them so much you are willing for them to nominate you for the office, “recycling waste committee for 2009.”

Research Shows We Learn More Using All Our Senses. Movement, Gesturing and Seeing Images Increase learning of Vocabulary Words

Research Shows We Learn More Using All Our Senses. Movement, Gesturing and Seeing Images Increase learning of Vocabulary Words

I have been teaching using the principles of Optimum Learning Theory my entire career. Optimum Learning Theory says if you use all your senses while learning you learn more quickly and retain the information. That is why in all my programs on body language I have the audience move, get up out their chairs and practice the techniques of good body language. Recent research shows that when learners gesture new vocabulary words they could remember it better.
Here is that finding in the research.

In the second experiment, they symbolically drew the corresponding word in the air or expressed it with a gesture. The researchers then checked whether the participants could still recall the term at different times after the learning period. "The subjects' recollection was best in relation to terms they themselves had expressed using gestures. When they heard the term and its translation and also observed a corresponding image, they were also better able to remember the translation.

Here is the entire research study findings.

February 5, 2015

Max-Planck-Gesellschaft

"Atesi" -- what sounds like a word from the Elven language of Lord of the Rings is actually a Vimmish word meaning "thought". Scientists have used Vimmish, an artificial language specifically developed for scientific research, to study how people can best memorize foreign-language terms. According to the researchers, it is easier to learn vocabulary if the brain can link a given word with different sensory perceptions.

Pictures facilitate learning: our brain remembers the words.

Credit: MPI f. Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences/ v. Kriegstein

"Atesi" -- what sounds like a word from the Elven language of Lord of the Rings is actually a Vimmish word meaning "thought." Scientists from the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig have used Vimmish, an artificial language specifically developed for scientific research, to study how people can best memorize foreign-language terms. According to the researchers, it is easier to learn vocabulary if the brain can link a given word with different sensory perceptions. The motor system in the brain appears to be especially important: When someone not only hears vocabulary in a foreign language, but expresses it using gestures, they will be more likely to remember it. Also helpful, although to a slightly lesser extent, is learning with images that correspond to the word. Learning methods that involve several senses, and in particular those that use gestures, are therefore superior to those based only on listening or reading. For most students, the very thought of learning new vocabulary evokes a groan. Rote learning of long lists of words must surely be one of the most unpopular types of schoolwork. That said, many schools and language courses have now understood that learning outcomes improve if vocabulary, for example, is presented not just as a word, but also as an image. The multisensory learning theory states that the brain learns more easily when several senses are stimulated in parallel.

The results obtained by the Leipzig-based researchers confirm this. For their study the scientists used Vimmish, an artificial language they developed themselves, which follows similar phonetic rules to Italian. This ensured that the vocabulary was equally new to all participants. Over the course of a week, young women and men were to memorize the meaning of abstract and concrete Vimmi-nouns under different conditions. In the first experiment, the subjects heard the word and then observed a corresponding image or a gesture. In the second experiment, they symbolically drew the corresponding word in the air or expressed it with a gesture. The researchers then checked whether the participants could still recall the term at different times after the learning period.

"The subjects' recollection was best in relation to terms they themselves had expressed using gestures. When they heard the term and its translation and also observed a corresponding image, they were also better able to remember the translation. By contrast, however, tracing a term or observing a gesture was no better than just hearing the term," explains Katja Mayer of the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences. The way a term was learned was even reflected in the subjects' brain activity. In this way, areas of the brain responsible for the motor system were active when a subject translated a term previously learned through gesture, while areas of the visual system were active in the case of words learned with the help of images.

This suggests that the brain learns foreign words more easily when they are associated with information from different sensory organs. It may be that these associations are mutually reinforcing, imprinting the source-language term and its translation more deeply in the mind. "If for example we follow a new term with a gesture, we create additional input that facilitates the brain's learning," says Katharina von Kriegstein, head of the study at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences. The scientists now want to discover whether the activity in the motor and visual centres is actually the cause of the improved learning outcomes. They plan to do this by activating the neurons in these regions using electrodes and measuring the impact on learning outcomes.

It is not only in learning vocabulary that the multisensory principle applies; other studies have shown that multisensory input also facilitates word recognition in the subject's own language. "If we're on the phone with someone we know, for example, the areas of the brain responsible for facial recognition are active during the phone call. It seems that the brain simulates the information not being captured by the eyes and creates it for itself," explains von Kriegstein.

Thus, we learn with all our senses. Taste and smell also have a role in learning, and feelings play an important part too. But does multisensory learning work according to the principle: the more senses, the better? "That could well be so," says von Kriegstein, "but we don't know how much the learning outcomes improve with the addition of more senses. Ideally, however, the individual sensory impressions should match one another. In other words, to learn the Spanish word for apple, the subject should make an apple gesture, taste an apple or look at a picture of an apple."

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by Max-Planck-Gesellschaft. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Katja M. Mayer, Izzet B. Yildiz, Manuela Macedonia, Katharina von Kriegstein.Visual and motor cortices differentially support the translation of foreign language words. Current Biology, 5 February 2015

Max-Planck-Gesellschaft. "Learning with all the senses: Movement, images facilitate vocabulary learning." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 5 February 2015. .

Tips on Brushing Your Teeth by Patti Wood, Body Language Expert

Tips on Brushing Your Teeth

I was asked by someone in the media today to share tips on brushing your teeth.

Below are a few tips I learned as a body language expert and former spokesperson for a Dental product line the Natural Dentist where I did research on the relationship between your smile and your DISC Personality. I also found out a tremendous amount about teeth as the sister of a former dental hygienist and Endodontist.

What's the best method to brush your teeth- up and down, in circles or back and forth?

You want to brush up and down, back and forth can erode the enamel.

What kind of toothpaste should you use?

You want to use the right toothpaste for your teeth and your gums so get your dentist to recommend if you need special toothpaste like tarter control or you can do more harm than good.

Should you brush without tooth paste?

Brush once a day without toothpaste too as it actually gives a different kind of cleaning.

What is the best toothbrush to use?

Automatic toothbrushes are great to use for the full two minutes.

How often should you brush your teeth?

Twice a day brushing is typically enough.

What if I can't brush my teeth after I eat?

If you can’t brush your teeth because you’re out and about one of the most effective fall backs is to swish water around in your mouth, very powerfully. Then brush your teeth when you get home.

What are some items that damage teeth and what can you do to avoid damage?

Liquid damages your teeth too if not brushed away, so brush or swish water after coffee, juice and other beverages and any sweets like candy.

Links to Smile articles by Patti:

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/smile.%20Up%20Body%20Language

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/smiles

Does Stress Effect Women and Men Differently? Yes! Research Show that Stress Undermines Emphatic Abilities in Men But Increases Them in Women. Men Respond to Stress Differently Than Women.

Does Stress Effect Women and Men Differently? Yes! Research Show that Stress Undermines Emphatic Abilities in Men But Increases Them in Women. Men Respond to Stress Differently Than Women.

A former sweetie pie of mine was stressed. He had made the decision to leave a secure job and take a new one that required much more responsibility. I understood his level of stress, I am a very supportive partner in relationships, perhaps too supportive but, man, it was tough to deal with him. He could only focus talk about and be crazy about this job change 24 hours a day. He became a whirling dervish, easily exploding in anger at everyone from waiters, pizza guy to anyone else in his path and my thoughts, feelings and needs disappeared completely. There are stressful times in all relationships, but if you have ever wondered why men may focus more on themselves when under stress than women do under stress read this article.

Stress Undermines Emphatic Abilities in Men

but Increases Them in Women

March 17, 2014

Sissa Medialab

Stressed males tend to become more self-centered and less able to distinguish their own emotions and intentions from those of other people. For women the exact opposite is true. Stress, this problem that haunts us every day, could be undermining not only our health but also our relationships with other people, especially for men. Stressed women, however, become more “prosocial” according to new research.

Related Articles

These are the main findings of a study carried out with the collaboration of Giorgia Silani, from the International School for Advanced Studies (SISSA) of Trieste. The study was coordinated by the Social Cognitive Neuroscience Unit of the University of Vienna and saw the participation of the University of Freiburg. This is the main finding of a study just published in Psychoneuroendocrinology, carried out with the collaboration of SISSA in Trieste.

"There's a subtle boundary between the ability to identify with others and take on their perspective -- and therefore be empathic -- and the inability to distinguish between self and other, thus acting egocentrically" explains Silani. "To be truly empathic and behave prosocially it's important to maintain the ability to distinguish between self and other, and stress appears to play an important role in this."

Stress is a psycho-biological mechanism that may have a positive function: it enables the individual to recruit additional resources when faced with a particularly demanding situation. The individual can cope with stress in one of two ways: by trying to reduce the internal load of "extra" resources being used, or, more simply, by seeking external support. "Our starting hypothesis was that stressed individuals tend to become more egocentric. Taking a self-centred perspective in fact reduces the emotional/cognitive load. We therefore expected that in the experimental conditions people would be less empathic" explains Claus Lamm, from the University of Vienna and one of the authors of the paper.

The surprise was that our starting hypothesis was indeed true, but only for males. In the experiments, conditions of moderate stress were created in the laboratory (for example, the subjects had to perform public speaking or mental arithmetic tasks, etc.). The participants then had to imitate certain movements (motor condition), or recognise their own or other people's emotions (emotional condition), or make a judgement taking on another person's perspective (cognitive condition). Half of the study sample were men, the other half were women.

"What we observed was that stress worsens the performance of men in all three types of tasks. The opposite is true for women" explains Silani.

Why this happens is not yet clear. "Explanations might be sought at several levels," concludes Silani. "At a psychosocial level, women may have internalized the experience that they receive more external support when they are able to interact better with others. This means that the more they need help -- and are thus stressed -- the more they apply social strategies. At a physiological level, the gender difference might be accounted for by the oxytocin system. Oxytocin is a hormone connected with social behaviors and a previous study found that in conditions of stress women had higher physiological levels of oxytocin than men."

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by Sissa Medialab. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. L. Tomova, B. von Dawans, M. Heinrichs, G. Silani, C. Lamm. Is stress affecting our ability to tune into others? Evidence for gender differences in the effects of stress on self-other distinction. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 2014; 43: 95 DOI:10.1016/j.psyneuen.2014.02.006

Cite This Page:

Sissa Medialab. "Stress undermines empathic abilities in men but increases them in women." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 17 March 2014. 095927.htm>.

Greeting Research Recommendation is That The Secret to a Happy Romantic Relationship is Kissing for Six Seconds Each Day

Greeting Research Recommendation is that the

Secret to a Happy Romantic Relationship is

Kissing for Six Seconds Each Day

I have been teaching the benefits of significant hello and goodbye rituals for couples. Here is one researcher’s recommendation.

Greeting Research Recommendation:

A few minutes a day doing certain things differently — like saying “hello,” “goodbye” and sharing a sweet little kiss — can change the course of your relationship for the better. By Theo Pauline Nestor scenarios that come along with a busy lifestyle are familiar to most of us: When your date arrives at your place while you’re in the middle of an important phone call, you gesture for this person to come in and finally get around to greeting each other 10 minutes later, still feeling a bit frazzled from your conversation. Or maybe you just spent a The parting and reunion [moments] turn out to be really important great weekend together, but when it’s time to say goodbye, you realize that you’re running late for an appointment — so you rush out the door in a hurry, barely kissing your date goodbye. These rushed instances are as understandable as they are commonplace, but they inevitably take a toll on relationships, because these transitional moments often set the tone for both a couple’s time together and their time spent apart. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher and the author of What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal, asserts that our “rituals of connections are crucial,” because they serve not only to re-establish the connection with our partners, but also to protect our relationships from betrayal. “The parting and reunion [moments] turn out to be really important,” asserts Dr. Gottman. Attention spent on each other in transitional junctures communicates that “you’re important to me, and when you come back at the end of the day, it’s an event. You matter to me.” How momentary transitions can safeguard your romance from betrayal Being present for each other and asserting the importance of the relationship during these transitional moments is part of how couples establish what Dr. Gottman refers to as “attunement” — i.e., a deep level of understanding that couples both possess and lovingly express to each other. In his book, What Makes Love Last, Dr. Gottman asserts that this level of attunement with each other is a way for couples to inoculate themselves against falling down the slippery slope of negative thinking about their relationship that can ultimately lead to betrayal. “One of the other important things we discovered about betrayal was not only about turning away from one another, but it’s also about this negative comparison where one partner is saying in [his/her] mind, ‘Who needs this crap? I can do better,’” Dr. Gottman explains. “And that negative comparison gets people to start detaching from the relationship.” Six seconds to a better relationship The “six-second kiss” is one simple and fun activity that Dr. Gottman advocates couples incorporate into their everyday moments of transition. Described by him as “long enough to feel romantic,” the six-second kiss serves as a temporary oasis within a busy day and creates a deliberate break between the on-the-job mentality (i.e., going to or from work) and a couple’s one-on-one time together. In fact, the six-second kiss makes up just a fraction of what Dr. Gottman has dubbed the “magic five hours,” which is the amount of extra time he’s found that the most successful, happiest couples began devoting to their relationships each week after completing his workshops together. Time spent intentionally focusing on their partners during “reunions” and “partings” also comprise an important component of the “magic five hours” that these couples invest into their relationships on a weekly basis. Reunited, and it feels so good... We’ve all heard the saying, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” The same could be said for the moment when you’re reunited with your date. Those first few moments set the tone for your time spent together — either positively or negatively. Greeting your sweetheart with affection Those first few moments set the tone for your time spent together.communicates this person’s importance to you while reminding your partner of the good feelings you share when you’re in each other’s company, and trigger reciprocal feelings of his or her own. A number of small gestures can be combined in order to ensure that your reunion goes well: Make sure to set aside your phone and any other distractions first, and then give your partner your full attention as you exchange greetings. Share a six-second kiss. Say that you’re happy to see your partner again. If you’re used to a more casual way of saying “hello” and “goodbye,” these seemingly simple gestures of affection might feel awkward at first, but letting your partner know that you’re happy to see him or her creates an important, positive transition between your time apart and the time you spend together. In a long-term relationship, Dr. Gottman says that having a “stress-reducing conversation” is a great way to kick off a couple’s reunion time together. “The one thing research has discovered,” says Dr. Gottman, “is that if they take 15 minutes apiece to talk about what’s stressful about the day, and their partner is an ally in listening — without giving advice or problem-solving — that can be very important. You have to have a time when you really have your partner’s ears; it’s a time when you really can connect.” How to make saying “goodbye” even sweeter Setting a few minutes aside to properly say “goodbye” to each other can make a dramatic difference in a couple’s thoughts about the relationship during the time they spend apart. So before you zoom off into the world going different directions, take a minute to communicate how much you enjoyed your time together — and maybe touch base about when you’ll be getting together again in the near future. If you don’t have a plan for your next date, just establishing when you’ll be talking to each other next (“I’ll call you tomorrow”) can help a couple maintain their feelings of connection with each other. You should also make a point of asking what’s ahead for your sweetie so you can provide the right kind of support later on. “One of the most important things to do in parting is to find out what your partner’s day is going to be like,” Dr. Gottman says. “Find out about anything that is important that’s going to happen to your partner that day. If she’s going to have lunch with a friend or he has a critical phone call or important meeting scheduled, know about that and what it means to her or him.” And yes, before saying goodbye to your partner (for now, anyway), don’t forget to savor that six-second kiss! Theo Pauline Nestor is the author of How to Sleep Alone in King-Size Bed: A Memoir of Starting Over and a regular contri - See more at: http://www.match.com/magazine/article/13162/6-Seconds-To-Happy-Couplehood/#sthash.1aM9IW17.dpuf

Gender Differences in Response to Stress. A New Stress Paradigm for Women

Gender Differences in Response to Stress

A New Stress Paradigm for Women

I have been teaching the gender differences in how we respond to stress in my programs for many years. Here is the research on how women respond to stress by tending and befriending, while men do the typical freeze, fight, flight, fall or faint response. Check on my other blog posts on gender differences in stress at the links below.

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/gender%20differences%20in%20smiling

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/Gender%20Differannces

Rather than fighting or fleeing, women may respond to stress by tending to themselves and their young and befriending others.

By BETH AZAR

Monitor Staff

July/August 2000, Vol 31, No. 7

Print version: page 42

Move over "fight-or-flight"--there's a new paradigm in town, the first new model to describe people's stress response patterns in more than 60 years.

The model, called "tend-and-befriend" by its developers, won't replace fight-or-flight. Rather, it adds another dimension to the stress-response arsenal, says University of California, Los Angeles, psychologist Shelley Taylor, PhD, who, along with five colleagues, developed the model.

In particular, they propose that females respond to stressful situations by protecting themselves and their young through nurturing behaviors--the "tend" part of the model--and forming alliances with a larger social group, particularly among women--the "befriend" part of the model. Males, in contrast, show less of a tendency toward tending and befriending, sticking more to the fight-or-flight response, they suggest.

The researchers describe this new model in an upcoming issue of Psychological Review, supporting their premise by pulling together existing evidence from research with nonhuman animals, neuroendocrine studies and human-based social psychology.

The tend-and-befriend model fills what Taylor sees as a huge gap in the stress response literature: namely, that almost all the studies have been conducted in males and so, therefore, upheld fight-or-flight as the main response to stress.

The tend-and-befriend response, in contrast, fits better the way females respond to stress. It builds on the brain's attachment/caregiving system, which counteracts the metabolic activity associated with the traditional fight-or-flight stress response--increased heart rate, blood pressure and cortisol levels--and leads to nurturing and affiliative behavior.

The research findings used to support the model are not new, says University of Chicago psychologist John Cacioppo, PhD, but the way they've been integrated is.

"The data supporting the model look very compelling," says Cacioppo, who has studied the biology of stress in animals and humans. "Even if it's wrong, which I don't think it will be, it's a very powerful model."

What's more, the model is sure to inspire thousands of new studies designed to test its claims, from whether women truly do respond to stress by tending and befriending, to questions about the specific hormonal and neuroendocrine systems responsible for the response to the specific contexts in which such a system may be triggered, adds psychologist Nancy Collins, PhD, who studies human reactions to stressful situations. The model can serve as a foundation on which to build an entirely new body of research, she says.

Culling the evidence

Taylor and her colleagues developed their model after listening to a lecture on stress responses in rats. The description of fight-or-flight in response to stress didn't fit any of the findings Taylor had seen in almost 30 years as a health psychologist studying people's reactions to stressful life events.

When she began discussing the issue with her laboratory staff, postdoc Laura Klein, PhD, pointed out that the findings heard about at the lecture had been heavily based on studies of male animals.

"It was like a big light went on," says Taylor, who developed the new model with Klein, now at Pennsylvania State University, Brian Lewis, PhD, now at Syracuse University, Regan Gurung, PhD, now at the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay, and graduate students Tara Gruenewald and John Updegraff.

Women, they speculated, may have developed a completely different system for coping with stress in large part because their responses evolved in the context of being the primary caregiver of their children. To find support for their theory, they pulled together data from previously unconnected sources.

From research into the neuroendocrine responses responsible for fight-or-flight, for example, they document that, although women do show the same immediate hormonal and sympathetic nervous system response to acute stress, other factors intervene to make fight-or-flight less likely in females.

In terms of the fight response, while male aggression appears to be regulated by androgen hormones, such as testosterone, and linked to sympathetic reactivity and hostility, female aggression isn't. Instead, female aggression appears to be more cerebral in nature--moderated by social circumstances, learning, culture and the situation--and in animals "confined to situations requiring defense," write the researchers.

In terms of flight, fleeing too readily at any sign of danger would put a female's offspring at risk, a response that might reduce her reproductive success in evolutionary terms. Consistent with this idea, studies in rats suggest there may be a physiological response to stress that inhibits flight. This response is the release of the hormone oxytocin, which enhances relaxation, reduces fearfulness and decreases the stress responses typical to the fight-or-flight response.

So rather than fight or flee, Taylor and her colleagues posit, women often tend and befriend, an idea supported by several lines of research in humans and other animals. Some of the more intriguing work, says Taylor, comes out of Michael Meaney's laboratory at McGill University. He and his colleagues remove rat pups from their nest for brief periods--a stressful situation for pups and mothers--and then return them to the nest and watch what happens. The mothers immediately move to nurture and soothe their pups by licking, grooming and nursing them. This kind of tending response stimulates the growth of the pups' stress-regulatory system.

What stimulates this behavior in the mother? Taylor and her colleagues suggest that it's governed in part by oxytocin. Studies in many different animals, including non-human primates and humans, show that oxytocin promotes caregiving behavior and underlies attachment between mothers and their infants. In addition, some studies have found that mothers tend to be more nurturing and caring toward their children when they are most stressed.

As for the idea of "befriending" when stressed, Taylor and her colleagues detail evidence from rodent studies and studies in humans that when they are stressed, females prefer being with others, especially other females, while males don't. Indeed, in humans, women are much more likely than men to seek out and use social support in all types of stressful situations, including over health-related concerns, relationship problems and work-related conflicts.

"It is one of the most robust gender differences in adult human behavior," write Taylor and her colleagues.

Again, oxytocin may be at play, they suggest. In female prairie voles, for example, injections of oxytocin enhance social contact and inhibit aggression. The same may occur in males, but males are less likely than females to have naturally high levels of oxytocin.

One of a repertoire of responses

Although the tend-and-befriend model emphasizes gender differences, the researchers reject the idea that gender stereotypes are written in our genes. Indeed, Taylor doesn't see biological models of behavior as inherently constraining--rather, they help tie human behavior to other species and provide a framework for general behavioral tendencies. The fun, she says, will be teasing apart how our biological predispositions unfold in the context of real-life experience.

Both Collins and Cacioppo hope that means researchers will examine social context to figure out which situations may promote tend-and-befriend and which might, instead, promote fight-or-flight or even as yet undiscovered stress responses.

In fact, tend-and-befriend may be just as adaptive for men as for women in certain contexts, says Collins, whose research finds no gender differences when examining how often husbands and wives seek support from their most intimate companions--for example, each other.

"Perhaps these gender differences are adaptive with acute stressors," says Collins. "But when you think of longer term stressors, such as hunger, it doesn't make sense to have these gender differences. Men and women need social networks to work it out."

The most adaptive system would be one in which men and women select from a repertoire of responses depending on the specific stressor, she says.

Adds Taylor: Mainstream stress researchers "have been very quick to study behaviors like aggression and withdrawal and have failed to notice very important behaviors like affiliation. We think it's cute when women call up their sisters when they're under stress. But no one has realized that that is a contemporaneous manifestation of one of the oldest biological systems. Our focus on fight-or-flight has kept us from recognizing that there are systems that are as old as fight-or-flight that are tremendously important."

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Greeting Research Recommendation is that the Secret to a Happy Romantic Relationship is Kissing for Six Seconds Each Day

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