Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

What is the Impact of the Use of Technology and the Use of Social Media on Young People in or Entering the Job Market? How are Their Lives Improved or, Alternatively, Damaged By Social Media?

What is the impact of the use of technology and use of social media on young people in or entering the job market? How are their lives improved or, alternatively, damaged by social media?

1. The good news is that social media helps young people more tech savvy. If given a challenge of learning new software or app they are comfortable. They can also make quick “shallow” decisions getting through and responding to emails and texts and amazingly fast rates. They can also find information quickly. They are more likely to

love new information, new technology and new technical challenges. They are comfortable looking at a how to video and completely a task. But they can be bored

with routine and they can think that knowing facts and information about topic means they are competent and even an expert on the topic. They can be quick to judge others who do now have the technology savvy or speed.

2. Social media can pervert what you think is appropriate to share and not share with others. The odd anonymity and the one way communication makes you focus on yourself.

3. If you use social media a lot a work you may think you can do everything through email or text so you don’t give face-to-face time to create trust. Recent research by Gregory Northcraft, a professor in executive leadership at the University of Illinois, shows when projects are managed by way of detached, high-tech means rather than face-to-face, people will have less confidence that others will do what they say they’ll do. He says if your communication is mainly through email, coworkers will trust you less. Face-to-face contact yields the most trust and cooperation while e-mail nets the least, with videoconference interaction ranking somewhere in between. Your boss and coworkers need to be face-to- face to read the thousands of non-verbal cues that give them a read of you and help them decide the best way to interact with you.

4. If you don’t socialize face to face, spend time with team members or your boss you work may be invisible to others. Remember you not only need the trust that face to face time creates as mentioned above you need it for people to see you work, what you have accomplish and what you can accomplish.

5. You are "Uber" brief and direct and focus on your needs first instead of considering the other person before you focus on yourself.

6. If young people overuse technology they don’t have the “band with” in their brains to handle stress. And since they are laying down neural pathways to the ego centers of the brain by being on technology they are not laying down strong broader neural pathways to the social centers of the brain this makes them uncomfortable communicating face to face and have trouble forming good working relationships and handling stress in the workplace. (The science of that is outlined below.)

Why Technology is Stressing Us Out? Technology and the Brain

I was speaking at a private school recently and the teacher updated me on some of the latest research on the brain being done at Emory University. It is very interesting so stick with it.

The pruning of (reduction) neural pathways in the brain when we are young is based on how we use our brain. The brain prunes pathways we don’t use and keeps the neural pathways we use the most.
The ones laid down when we are highly focused on activities like reading a book or having a deep conversation are deeper and have more capacity like wide superhighways. They can handle more information overload when we are under stress like a highway can handle more cars in commute time than a surface road.
The neural pathways laid down for the quick shallow decisions we make when we are on technology such as, “I want this email I don’t want this one.” “I want this website in my Google search I don’t want that one.” are shallow and thin pathways that actually break apart under stress because of their low capacity, like a bridge could collapse if too many cars and trucks are on it at the same time. This is kind neural pathways that young people are forming the most.
If we don’t have focused attention and deep social bonds and therefore only have the shallow, narrow, neural pathways formed with our use of technology we have trouble handling stress. We may feel overwhelmed and helpless and unable to make a decision. We may have panic attacks, freeze in place, get sick or call our mommies for help. Any one that uses technology a lot can form more shallow narrow pathways and therefore have less ability to think and function under stress.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Tips on How to Run Effective Meetings from Patti Wood, Consultant, Trainer, Body Language Expert

I consult, write and do training on how to run effective meetings.

Here are a few of my tips.

1. State the purpose of the call. In one sentence say what you expect from the meeting. “Today we will….” If you wish you can follow that with the three main agenda items and outcomes you expect. If you are having a conference call make sure you really need it. If you are just sharing information or reading slides just send it in an email. Meetings should only be set if you need feedback, ideas and questions.

2. Send an Agenda and Questions before the meeting – Some employees love to prepare ahead of time so if you send people and agenda that highlight specifically, what you’re looking for such as. “I will go around and ask each of you to tell me what you need for the next step in the JK4 authorization change.” Those who like to prepare will have their notes ready. Some employee will act like they never saw any pre meeting announcement. They wait till they get to the meeting when they hear other people talk, they want to interact to get their creative juices flowing so don’t get mad at them.

3. Spend a few minutes on “Small Talk” at the beginning of the meeting - Small talk actually saves you time. Surprising research says that the rapport gained in less than two minutes of effective small talk lets everyone get an emotional read of the meeting members. That makes it easier for people to share and creates more buy in of the content of the meeting. We forget that there are so many things we do in a face to face conversation, to establish report nonverbally and verbally. Surprisingly, research shows that if you cut out a little visiting conference call meeting last longer. Try something old and something new. So ask about the weather, people’s families, what people did last weekend and if you want to mix it up ask people to briefly say the best thing that has happened in their lives since the last call. If there is a positive news story ask if people heard about it. Think of it of small talk as an agenda item. Label and call t Rapport Building Time or Team Time. Tell the time. “Team Building time is important. It helps us work more effectively on the call and appreciate each person who is on the team.”

4. Include Everyone - People need to feel accepted and part of the group. Make sure you do something so that everyone says something before the end of the meeting or you acknowledge them verbally in some way for something they did outside the meeting. For example of Sam rarely speaks in the meeting say, “Sam thank your for the extra time you put in to serve are Client last Friday.” Even if you said it to Sam at the time, you are acknowledging him in front of the group. Some employees may feel a bit uncomfortable for a minute, but you need to let the group know participation in the meeting is important and that good actions are noticed and acknowledged.

5. Conduct an “end of meeting check in” and ask

a. “Is there anything that you are going to feel or need to go forward?”

b. “Let’s go around and check in.”

c. “Let’s go around so I can hear from each person what their next action item is on this.”

Watching an Awkward Movie with Your Parents or Family Members The Body Language of Awkward Family Movies

Watching an Awkward Movie with Your Parents or Family Members The Body Language of Awkward Family Movies

What's the most awkward movie you've seen with your parents/siblings, etc.?

Have you ever watched a movie that had perhaps violence or sexy content with your parents or anyone else and it made you or them uncomfortable? How did they handle it? How did you handle it?

I saw two movies with my mom in the last few years that were squirm worthy. She is in her 90’s and enjoys a great comedy and good drama. She had a really hard time with the condom scene in, “Knocked Up” and was squirming. I am so use to watching movies with sexual humor that I forgot I was going to be watching the movie with my mom.

My mom had such a hard time talking about sex that when I went off to grad school after my father died, having never had the “talk” my mom, who was so naïve, had to screw up her courage to blurt out her first comment recognizing that I might have premarital sex by saying, “Make sure you wear a condominium.” Yes, you read that right. I am a female and I was told to wear a several story building. Of course I was naive as well, the last nonalcoholic virgin to graduate from Florida State, so I had never even gone to the condominiums aisle of the drug store. Smile.

But I forgot I was with my mom again and we are watching another movie with the family and she was squirming, tapping her hand on the sofa arm, averting her gaze from the screen and huffing so much in the first part that I realized there is no way my mom can watch “The Kids are Alright” we had to change the channel. Ah well.

Another family dilemma is watching a movie or drama on TV with my brother-in-law.

I have known my brother-in-law since I was 4 years old. He and my sister were friends in their teens, and they dated other people in High School.

Recently we were watching the fabulous film, “The Best Offer” and realized I was uncomfortable watching the love scenes with my sister and brother-in-law on the Barco lounges next to me! I had curled up into a little ball on the sofa and was making faces. I was really uncomfortable. I think I was also creeped out by the old guy, young girl together.

By the way, I am always tense watching the TV show, “The Masters of Sex.”

What does it Mean When a Dog Tilts its Head? Dog Body Language and a Doggy Head Tilt

What does it Mean When a Dog Tilts its Head?

Dog Body Language and a Doggy Head Tilt

As a body language expert and the former spokesperson for PupPeroni Dog Treats I have studied human and dog body language for many years.

A head tilt in a dog can be a sign of submission. A dog’s head can be held even and high to show power and confidence. Even and balanced to show neutrality. When the dog’s head tilt is extreme, that is when the neck is exposed and the head is down really far, it is a signal to dogs or people they perceive as Alpha that, “You are more powerful and I bare my neck to show you that you could bite me and take me down in a fight.”

It can also be a signal of submission, “I don’t understand what you want, Pet Parent.” This signal is tied to their desire to understand what you, their pet parent, desire. When compared with other animals, a dog’s ability to "read” humans is highly accurate. Dogs try very hard to figure out what we want and please us. Dogs pick up information from the subtlest hand gestures and even understand the meaning of a human glance and other facial expressions and vocal variations. Researchers believe that over centuries there’s been direct selection for dogs with the ability to read social cues in humans, highlighting its importance. They are actually more accurate at reading human body language than chimpanzees.

FYI

A dog shows his confidence and openness to interact by standing with his:

1. Head high, Ears up
2. Mouth open
3. Posture relaxed, loose legs stance, weight flat on his paws

John Travolta, Kanye West, Joe Biden and Other Guys Who Touch Women in Weird, Inappropriate Ways

I did an interview for Yahoo Style on the inappropriate ways that men are touching women. You can read my insights below highlighted in yellow. I have also put the link to the actual article below.

https://www.yahoo.com/style/john-travolta-kanye-west-and-joe-biden-and-other-111997626153.html

John Travolta, Kanye West, Joe Biden and Other Guys Who Touch Women in Weird, Inappropriate Ways

There were many touching moments at Sunday night’s Oscars: Imitation Game screenwriter Graham Moore’s admitting to trying to kill himself at 16 and telling all the other weird kids out there to “stay weird.” The teary hug and kiss between Lady Gaga and Julie Andrews after Gaga’s stunning Sound of Music medley. And of course Common and John Legend’s heartrending performance of “Glory” from Selma, with Legend telling the audience, “Selma is now.”

Joe Biden cameos in one of several memes inspired by John Travolta’s Oscar night antics.

But at least two “touching” moments were downright, well, icky—both of them involving John Travolta. First, on the red carpet, he kissed ScarJo and cupped her midriff in a way that might have been tender and sweet if the two were married— to each other. Then later, while charmingly being upbraided onstage by Idina Menzel for mangling her name at last year’s Oscars, he held her too close, cupped her cheek in his hand and close-talked her. Ew.

Alas, Travolta’s tactile malfunctions were just the latest in a seemingly undying string of high-profile men inappropriately touching women in public, televised settings. Last week, vice-president Joe Biden got dubbed once again “America’s Creepy Uncle” when, for a cringe-worthy 20 seconds during the swearing-in of new defense secretary Ash Carter, Biden kept his hands on the shoulders of Carter’s wife, Stephanie, then whispered in her ear. And who can forget the 2006 G8 conference at which then-president George Bush stepped behind the seated German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, and shoulder-rubbed her? (Merkel raised her arms in horror.)

Looking back on past Oscars, was Adrien Brody’s understandable elation in 2003 for just having won Best Actor for “The Pianist” justification for his planting a long, powerful, passionate kiss on Halle Berry, who was presenting the award? (Watch the video; Berry looks stunned—and not happily. Creepily, Brody tops off his kiss by telling her, “I bet they didn’t tell you that was in the gift bag.”)

Of course, you might say, oh please, it’s Hollywood, it’s all entertainment and titillation. But according to some experts, male-on-female touching is still driven by male obliviousness toward personal-space boundaries and toward issues of power, even in a limelight-drenched setting. “I did years of sexual harrassment training,” says body-language expert Patti Wood. "The problem was that guys didn’t know they were doing something wrong and the only thing that worked was when women told them, ‘I don’t like that—stop.’ All the men who got word stopped immediately. Women thought the nonverbal messages they were giving, such as leaning away or tensing, was enough, but it wasn’t."

Of course, when you’re live on TV in front of an estimated 34.6 million viewers, saying “stop” can be hard to do. And that’s where issues of power, not just “silly fun,” come into the picture. Referring to Travolta’s cupping Menzel’s face in his hand, Wood says, “That gesture usually connotes to someone that they are really precious to you, but it’s also something a parent does to a child. It’s a way of saying ‘I’m more powerful than you.’” So for Travolta to do that to Menzel when she was sending him up for last year’s gaffe suggested it was “a bizarre, passive-aggressive way to quiet her,” says Wood.

So what are the do’s and don’ts of man-on-woman public touching? There are none, says etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore. “It all depends on your relationship with the person and on the situation,” she says. Biden’s touching the defense secretary’s wife as he did was out of bounds, says Whitmore, because the swearing-in was “a business, not a social, situation, with cameras running.”

But is an awards ceremony a business situation? “That’s a gray area,” she says. “They’re there to party, but then again, they’re viewed as role models and people are watching.”

And the message people may be taking away is, if men feel entitled to touch women in such a proprietary manner before the whole world, what must many men still feel entitled to do in an unobserved setting? It’s especially confusing now that millennials have brought hugging from high school into work settings, says Wood, who suggests that both men and women restrict touch in work settings to the classic handshake and, if they feel compelled to express warmth or bonding after having gotten to know someone, go no further than brief, light fingertips to the elbow or forearm. “That’s the safe zone,” she says.

John Travolta earned himself a spot in an already circulating Kanye West meme.

And Kanye West, who is famous for following his own code of conduct recently posed at the Grammys with both hands squarely on the notorious, Gaultier-clad booty of his wife, Kim Kardashian— much as he once publicly squeezed the butt of Amber Rose, now his ex. “There’s been way more men’s hands on women’s butts in photos the past ten years,” notes Wood. “A few years ago, you’d only do that to a prostitute, not your mate. There was a taboo, because that touch said that sex to the rear was probably going on in the relationship. But now people almost think it’s charming.”

Just one rule, there, says Wood: Make sure that woman whose butt your grabbing in that photo is your wife or girlfriend—and make sure she’s okay with it.

People Watching a Couple in their 70’s Love at Any Age

People Watching a Couple in their 70’s
Love at Any Age

My former fiancé and I used to people watch together and we'd watch couples and family members and make up stories about them.

One day we saw a couple in their 70s and they were so gentle and tentative with each other. The gentleman helped her to the table. He took out her chair for her and helped her sit down. They seemed so sweet and caring of one another. As they ate, they couldn't keep their eyes off each other. They would reach across the table to touch as they talked. It was quite beautiful to watch.
We wondered how a couple that had been together so many years could be so sweet to each other. Then, we couldn't help ourselves,and had to go over and introduce ourselves to the couple. We found out that they were actually on a first date. They had known each other peripherally for years and we're finally going out.

It reminds me that you could have love and tenderness at any age and you should never give up searching and trying for love.

Time and Touch are Strong Nonverbal Communicators

Time and Touch are Strong Nonverbal Communicators

I visit my mother in her assisted living facility. One day I saw an entire family get out of the van and help their mother/grandmother get out of the van. They all needed to help and they all needed to touch her and they all wanted to talk to her and hug her one last time. They weren't in a hurry, they didn't just stay in the car and watch her get out. They didn't rush off like so many families do. It reminded me to slow down when I'm with my mother to take care and linger in our love.

Hello Honey, I'm Home!

Hello Honey, I'm Home!

Every week when I fly home back to Atlanta I eavesdrop on people being greeted by their families and I listen to their voices and I watch them reach out their arms kiss, hug and show their love. It's amazing and reminds me how sweet, fabulous and wonderful love is.

This has happened a lot but I'll tell you about one particular story.

I was watching a businessman come down the aisle of the plane looking like a weary soldier.

He seemed really exhausted and overwhelmed as he sat down and as we flew the three hours from Albuquerque to Atlanta he worked on his computer, getting out receipts and opening up excel spread sheets and going through tons of emails. He was working really hard, but it was clear from his slumped shoulders and turtle in his shell head he was beat. Then as soon as our plane landed he got out his cell phone and got on the phone with his little girl and was transformed. He talked in the most enthusiastic and loving voice and his shoulders came back and his head came up. He lit up with joy as he listened to his daughter and responded to her with such generosity of spirit. It was an amazing thing to witness.

Now here is something amazing. I have seen business men do this a least two dozen times on my weekly flights. As soon as they land after a long flight they get out their phone to call their loved ones. It reminds me of the power of love to transform us and I hope it also reminds you that you communicate with your actions. If your first thought getting home is to call your family,

you are putting the most important part of your life first.

Why You Shouldn't Talk On Your Cell Phone on Airplanes

Why You Shouldn't Talk On Your Cell Phone on Airplanes

The Mr. Mustache Story

I was on a plane as it waited to take off from the Atlanta Airport. There was a gentleman with a mustache in the row across from me in first class on his cell phone. Mr. Mustache didn't seem to care we could hear every word he said on his cell phone as he loudly told the employee he was fired.

It was the most heart wrenching and disturbing eavesdropping situation I've ever encountered. His voice was cold, hurried and matter-of-fact. He said sales were down in his region and he felt Sam could do a better job. I could actually hear the pleading in the voice of the employee from his cell phone.

Mr. Mustache said that he hadn't said anything before hoping the sales would increase and that was that, and that he had to get off the phone as his plane was about to take off. Yes, Mr. Mustache, totally ignored the pleading and quickly said he had to get off the phone because the plane was taking off.

I audibly groaned as he got off the phone and my seatmate who also heard the call said, "Can you believe him?" If I had been in the seat near mustache I would have told him he was rude and insensitive, but going across my seatmate to say that would have been rude of me! My seatmate and I talked about how horrible that was and how unprofessional and heartless this man was.

I want you to remember this story. Remember you do not fire people with a brief heartless phone call having obviously not given them any prior notice. You should not rush a phone call when someone is in obvious distress and let them know you are on a plane publically firing them. You do not have emotional phone calls in public spaces, especially in spaces like airplanes where no one can escape your rudeness.

If you are making any excuses for Mr. Mustaches behavior, DON"T. He may have been a rich guy in first class thinking he earned the right to be rude and heartless. He hadn't. If you are thinking you have never done anything remotely like this think again. Have you ever said something emotional or negative to someone on the phone when you were in a public space? Have you ever said something over the phone or text or email that you should have said in person, but you didn't want to deal with it?

Have you ever talked loudly on the phone when others could not step away from you to not hear you?

Be polite. Be a grownup. Honor and respect the souls around you.

Should You Date a Coworker?

Should You Date a Coworker?

I'm a body language expert, speaker, author and coach. My first dissertation topic was dating in the workplace. I did research on the topic for two years.

If you know all of your policies and procedures in the workplace allow it, I think it's absolutely fine to date coworkers. I just recommend being very clear and specific about your expectations.

Before you go out on one single date:

· Discuss how you will act and what you see your behavior and their behavior looking like.

· What will you say and do what will they say and do? For example, Do you expect them to greet you or say goodbye differently?

· Do you want to ask that they not visit you in your office space during the day?

· What conversations, endearments and nonverbal behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable?

· Are you comfortable with them sharing details about you and your dates?

Here is the most important thing to know and rule to follow when dating coworkers. Don't keep it a secret! It sounds counterintuitive but makes it known to your boss and your close coworkers that you are going out on a date. My feeling is, if you are too uncomfortable to make the date public you don't respect the person enough to date them.

In my research I found it was keeping any dating or relationships a secret from your team members that seem to cause the most problems both for the people dating and fellow coworkers.

Even seemingly innocent deceptions can pervert your actions and lead to miss perceptions and tension. Be up front and be a grown-up.

Couples Who Sleep Less Than an Inch Apart Might Be Happiest Research Reveals What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

Couples Who Sleep Less Than an Inch Apart

Might Be Happiest Research Reveals

What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

If you get my newsletter you know that I have written and spoken about couples’ sleep positions for many years. I have even been in bed on a morning television show talking about. Patti on Regis & Kelly

Here is some of the most current research on couples sleep positions.

From Science Daily News
April 15, 2014 University of Hertfordshire

Scientists have discovered what people’s preferred couple sleeping position reveals about their relationships and personality. The research revealed the most popular sleep positions for couples.

What Sleep Position is the Most Popular for Couples and what is the Least Popular.

42% sleeping back to back,

31% sleeping facing the same direction

4% spending the night facing one another.

12% of couples spend the night less than an inch apart whilst

2% sleep over 30 inches apart.

What do people’s preferred sleeping position reveal about their relationships and personality?

Research carried out at the Edinburgh International Science Festival has discovered what people’s preferred sleeping position reveals about their relationships and personality.

The work, carried out by University of Hertfordshire psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman, involved asking over 1000 people to describe their preferred sleeping position and to rate their personality and quality of their relationship.

The research revealed the most popular sleep positions for couples, with 42% sleeping back to back, 31% sleeping facing the same direction and just 4% spending the night facing one another. In addition, 12% of couples spend the night less than an inch apart whilst 2% sleep over 30 inches apart.

Professor Wiseman commented: “One of the most important differences involved touching, with 94% of couples who spent the night in contact with one another were happy with their relationship, compared to just 68% of those that didn't touch.”

In addition, the further apart the couple spent the night, the worse their relationship, with 86% of those who slept less than an inch apart from their partner being happy with their relationship, compared to only 66% of those who slept more than 30 inches apart.

The work also revealed that extroverts tended to spend the night close to their partners, and more creative types tended to sleep on their left hand side.

Professor Wiseman noted: "This is the first survey to examine couples' sleeping positions, and the results allow people to gain an insight into someone's personality and relationship by simply asking them about their favourite sleeping position."

Professor Richard Wiseman is the author of Night School, which examines the science of sleep and dreaming.   He returns to the Edinburgh International Science Festival on Thursday 17 April, 2014 to talk about the power of the sleeping mind.

More sleep position articles:

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/sleep%20positions

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/sleep%20habits%20of%20men

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/Sleep%20position

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by University of Hertfordshire. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Cite This Page:

· MLA

· APA

· Chicago

University of Hertfordshire. "Research reveals what your sleeping position says about your relationship." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 15 April 2014. .