Patti shared her insights on Charisma with Marissa of Reader's Digest....Read her insights below:
14
Signs You Have Great Charisma
Do you have a magnetic personality? Find out
here.
BY:
Marissa Laliberte
You’re a fantastic listener
You might think people
get charisma from their way with words, but a lot actually has to do with what
they do when they’re not in the spotlight, says Patti Wood, body language
expert and author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body
Language, and Charisma. “When you really look at charismatic people, it’s
often how they make the other person feel that identifies them as charismatic,
which I think is one of the magical secrets about it,” she says. If you act
interested in others, they’ll have a better impression of you, which is why
charismatic people also happen to be great listeners. Holding eye contact,
leaning in, ignoring your phone, and using these other habits of great listeners make the talker
feel like the only person in the room,.
You ask follow-up questions
Active listeners aren’t
just waiting to pass the time until they can talk again—they really care
about understanding what the other person has to say, says Ron Riggio, PhD,
professor of leadership and organizational psychology at Claremont McKenna College
and author of The Charisma Quotient: What It Is, How to Get It, How to Use
It. “Listening is not just ‘did I hear the sounds going through my ears?’
but ‘can I decode it?’” says Dr. Riggio. “Your talking should be to draw out
more information from the other person or for clarity.” Asking questions to
make sure you’re understanding correctly will help you understand the other
person better and build your own charisma. Avoid making these mistakes of bad listeners.
You make your voice heard
“Charismatic people are
good listeners but also interrupt more to get heard,” says Wood. “But you have
to be likable when you do it.” Only interrupt if you have a particularly
powerful idea to contribute, and keep it positive—people won’t resent the interruption if
you’re complimenting them or boosting spirits. Also, make sure you speak loudly
enough to make an impact. Reserved people might have to raise their voices to
what feels like yelling to reach a level that seems normal to others.
Avoid falling into these annoying speaking habits.
You're willing to show emotion
People with magnetic
personalities won’t keep on a poker face when they’re expressing themselves.
“Whatever the emotion is, it’s right there on their face and matches the word
messaging,” says Wood. They use a big grin when they’re happy, and use angry
gestures when they’re frustrated. People like knowing your true colors, so
revealing how you feel will help you connect better. Don't miss these other habits of naturally charming people.
You can keep your reactions contained
On the other hand,
knowing how to filter your emotions to fit the situation shows charisma. “It’s
being authentic as opposed to being transparent, which is everything I believe
or feel comes out immediately,” says Dr. Riggio. “Authenticity is regulating
that to a certain extent.” No matter how much you’re fuming, for instance, you
can contain your anger without making a big scene. Read this to improve your emotional intelligence.
You show empathy without saying a word
Not only do charismatic
people show emotion when they’re talking, but they also wear their hearts on
their sleeves when they’re listening. Specifically, those emotions are in
line with the feelings the other person is expressing. “A charismatic person
will not have a big, dumb smile on their face when someone is telling something
horrible,” says Dr. Riggio. “Your face shows sadness and sympathy and you may
not have to say anything.” The other person will walk away feeling like the two
of you really connected. Find out if you have exceptional empathy.
You look cheerful, even when you aren’t
smiling
Everyone has a resting
face—you know, the one when you’re staring blankly without showing much
emotion—but some look happier than others. If yours looks friendly and
welcoming, you’ll seem warmer and more approachable. But if you look like you
have a grimace, even when you’re perfectly happy, people could be put off, says
Wood. Take a look in the mirror. If your resting face looks unhappy, making a
conscious effort to change it could give you big results. “When you make small
changes to your facial expressions, the way you sit, or the way you stand, it
creates a whole cascade of chemicals within your system so you change how you
feel,” says Wood. You might find your friendly face creates a cheerful
attitude. Try these other little tricks to feel happier all year.
You use big, upward hand gestures
“Up” body language, like
holding your head high, turning up the corners of your mouth, and lifting your
arms for hand gestures, makes you seem like a happier, lighter person. “You can
be a conductor and your body becomes the baton and is bringing the conversation
of your group upward,” says Wood. “It makes people feel euphoric and above the
norm.” Not only will you look more fun to others, but you’ll also start to feel
it for yourself. Those movements create endorphin-like chemicals that improve
your mood, says Wood. You can also build trust with these body language tricks.
You hold eye contact without looking creepy
Laser-focused eye contact
shows you’re listening hard, which will show you care about what others have to
say. But turning it into a stare-down can make the listener feel intimidated or
uncomfortable. “It’s intense and just borderline of staring,” says Wood, “but
what charismatic people do is they put in not just the power aspect of eye
contact but the likability of smiling and nodding.” Don't miss these awkward habits that actually build trust.
You’re good at reading emotions
Adjusting reactions to
fit the situation is a skill of charismatic people. But they wouldn’t know how
to adapt if they weren’t good at reading between the lines when others are
talking. They don’t just look at facial cues, which are the first thing people
will try to control when hiding their emotions. “A really good charismatic
person is going to look beyond what’s being presented in the face,” says Dr.
Riggio. “Look for subtle cues and inconsistencies.” For instance, you might
notice that a smile looks forced, or that excessive fidgeting makes a person
seem anxious.
You have drawn-out hellos and goodbyes
Spending a long time
greeting someone or saying farewell will show you’re genuinely excited to see
that person and aren’t just rushing through formalities. “Spend that time and
really connect and want to hear about them,” says Wood. “When you make someone
feel special, you seem special.” Sprinkle in these magic phrases that make anyone trust you.
You aren’t cliquey
Introducing yourself to
people from different generations, backgrounds, and cultures will help you seem
charismatic, no matter who you’re with. “The more you get out and interact with
people, the more you understand the diversity of people,” says Dr. Riggio. “Not
everyone reacts the same way.” You’ll be able to adapt better to different
situations without losing any authenticity. Try these mental shifts to improve your sensitivity.
You don’t always keep your hands to yourself
A brief touch—the “safe
zone” is from the fingertips to the elbows—when telling someone you enjoyed
meeting them or loved their presentation could make you more memorable, says
Wood. “It shows warmth and likability and makes the other person feel singled
out and special,” she says. Just make sure you follow the etiquette of your
office. If any touching is frowned upon, you’ll want to keep your hands to
yourself.
You give great visualizations
People will remember what
you said better if you leave them with a clearer picture. “I can say ‘this car
had this sort of black shininess to it’ or I could say ‘it had a black sheen
like a raven’s feathers,’” says Dr. Riggio. “Now I’ve given you a little more
to visualize. You’re seeing the raven’s feathers.” Charismatic people seem like
more engaging speakers by sprinkling in examples and imagery. These magic phrases will help you nail public speaking.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
