Secrets His Hug Reveals The way your guy holds you close is tightly tied to his feelings for you. Use our tips to unlock the meaning behind his embrace. By Molly Triffin
Emmet Malmström
The Sneak Attack
He comes up behind you and puts his arms around your chest.
Even if he hasn't said the words yet, a guy who grabs you like this is in love. He's blanketing your body with his, your feet are intertwined, you're leaning into him.… There's a real sense of oneness here. "By covering your back, he's conveying that he wants to shelter you," says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of Success Signals. "He's also flexing his masculinity — this displays his strength and dominance."
The one exception is if your man almost always hugs you from the back. "That might mean he craves a closer connection but thinks you're unavailable," says Christopher Blazina, PhD, author of The Secret Lives of Men. "He avoids hugging face-to-face because he's worried you're not into him."
The Rub
He gently strokes your back while holding you.
This affectionate gesture signifies that your guy cares deeply about you. "The back is a very vulnerable part of the body," Wood says. "You can't see your back, so being touched there can be startling." Softly rubbing you on such an exposed zone shows that he wants to nurture and protect you. But don't be surprised if his tender caresses soon turn into heavy petting. "Because rubbing has a sexual rhythm, this type of touch can turn him on," Blazina notes.
It's also possible that your man is upset and needs comforting (even if he doesn't verbally fess up to feeling sad). "Having one's back caressed is a soothing touch that people often instinctively crave when they're down," says Janine Driver, president of the Body Language Institute. "A man might rub your back because, unconsciously, that's what he's desiring." If you think he seems a bit off, give him plenty of TLC and ask him if everything's okay.
The Pat
He thumps your upper back during an embrace.
Okay, this hug is loaded. Let's start with the worst-case scenario: He's not into you. "This is how men hug their buddies; it's not romantic at all," Blazina says. "When a guy frequently embraces you like this, it means the relationship's not growing." For example, say your man or crush gives you this half-assed hug when you're out at a bar. He might be doing it to show other people that he is not fully committed to you and is still on the market. Should he dole out The Pat when you're alone, he is probably not feeling a spark anymore or is mad at you.
Wait — don't freak out yet! According to Blazina, if The Pat only happens once in a while, rather than on a regular basis, it's not a red flag. And there are a few other reasons behind it: (1) If he thumps you when you're about to do something scary, such as give a wedding speech, that's a gesture of encouragement (like the way coaches pat players on the back). (2) If you're in public, it could simply mean he isn't into PDA and wants to keep things casual. (3) If your man is preoccupied — on his iPhone, watching TV — don't take it personally. His mind is temporarily elsewhere.
The Waist Wrap
He encircles your lower back with his hands and pulls you tightly toward him.
Hubba hubba! The dude wants you. "A pelvis-to-pelvis embrace shows he'd like to merge with you sexually," Wood says. The farther down your body his hands travel, the more fired up he is.
There's one last thing to take note of: Does he touch his head to yours? "Then he wants to merge his thoughts with yours as well," Wood adds. Translation: If it's a new relationship, you're more than a fling to him. If you've been together for a while, he's ready to get more emotionally and mentally intimate… after you hit the sack, that is.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating-advice/what-his-hug-body-language-reveals
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner Body Language
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner
Lautner's arched eyebrows show he's focused on Swift, according to body language expert Patti Wood, who says the couple isn't in love but "in like." Still, he isn't totally giving himself to her. "He's withholding emotion," says Patti based on the actor's body language.
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/photos/fall-couples-who-will-last-2009411
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Lautner's arched eyebrows show he's focused on Swift, according to body language expert Patti Wood, who says the couple isn't in love but "in like." Still, he isn't totally giving himself to her. "He's withholding emotion," says Patti based on the actor's body language.
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/photos/fall-couples-who-will-last-2009411
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Michelle Obama's Clothing Choices Effect the Ecomony
The latest Harvard Business Review has an interesting article this month on Michelle Obama's clothing choices effecting the profits of certain clothing lines and spiking purchases at certain stores. The researcher hypothesises that because she is the president's wife, young and attractive people notice what she is wearing. He also thinks that the Internet makes it easier for people to see a photo of Michelle in the news and immediately purchase it online. I just feel sorry for all the poor sleeve makers she has put out of work. Smile.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Sports Illustrated Coaches and Body Language Read of Politicians
Here is the Sports Illustrated article:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/jim_trotter/09/23/quarterbacks/
Here is a link to another piece I did recently for the New York Daily News.
"Body Language Reads of Politicians." Eliot Spitzer is on the far left. far right is George Pataki. next to him is David Paterson. The commentator is next to Spitzer. Did a photo read today for the New York Daily News. http://www.mydailynews.com
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/jim_trotter/09/23/quarterbacks/
Here is a link to another piece I did recently for the New York Daily News.
"Body Language Reads of Politicians." Eliot Spitzer is on the far left. far right is George Pataki. next to him is David Paterson. The commentator is next to Spitzer. Did a photo read today for the New York Daily News. http://www.mydailynews.com
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language for Job Interviews
Body language expert Patti Wood is quoted in an article on, "Interviewing for a Job" the link is below. The recommendations were made for college students. I coach clients on job interviewing and college students sometimes feel that an interview is performance where they must prepare word for word answers to possible questions and "shine." An interview should be a conversation and not a performance.
In conversations people make mistakes, it is real. You don't have to shake your head, apologize or ask to start over. Having a conversation means that you should also not "click on" when an interviewer gives you a question you prepared for and "click off' when you finished answering. Stay connected to the interviewer as you answer the questions.
Look at the interviewer when you finish speaking. Respond to their body language. You may not realize you're doing it, but make sure you don't give any "Whew, glad I am done with that." body language or "Shucks I messed up" body language as you finish answering a question. That means don't do the funny little tells such as breathing out a sigh or huff of breath as you finish speaking. Don't make a little relived or upset face as you finish talking. You would be surprised how often interviewees do that. There is something very unsettling about those expressions to an interviewer. Oddly it is more upsetting when they see a little smirk of glee on your face. It may sound creepy but it is a smirk I see on liars who think they have gotten away with their lie. Also, don't suddenly drop or relax your posture or sit back as if you have just finished an operatic solo.
One of the things I emphasized in the article was making good eye contact when you're listening to the interviewer. Another tip is to end strong. Even if you don't think you did well give a good handshake as you leave and stay up and confident. Again, you wouldn't beat yourself up in a conversation for not giving an answer exactly as you rehearsed it. If you want more on job interviewing you may wish to buy my body language book by linking to my website.
http://www.kansan.com/news/2010/oct/21/sell-yourself/?jayplay
Sell yourself
By Brenna Long
Originally published October 21, 2010 at 6 a.m., updated October 21, 2010 at 6 a.m.
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CloseCommentFacebookDiggDeliciousPrint.Dressed to impress, Rachel Schallenberg shook his hand with confidence. She had done the simple greeting before. Then he stopped her and made her do it again. Her professional shake did not meet his standards.
Thankfully, this was a learning environment. Using the career services at KU, Schallenberg, Olathe senior, left her mock interview prepared to pursue a real job.
Under pressure: Whether your interview is in an office, at a career fair or on the phone, remember to be enthusiastic and engaged. If you’re in need of practice to eliminate nervousness, check out the resources at the University Career Center, which offers mock interviews and practice questions.
A quick shake counts for three hours of continuous interaction says Patti Wood, body language expert.
Start every interview with these 10 steps and you’ll be closer to getting a job.
Walk to the person confidently with head level and hands at your side, not in your pockets. If carrying a purse or portfolio, switch it to your left hand.
If sweaty palms or clammy hands plague you, wipe your hands before any handshake.
Briefly smile but don’t go over the top and look cheesy.
Make eye contact, but don’t stare. This lets the person know you want to interact.
Face the person directly, not at an angle.
Make sure you fully extend your right arm, or you may look timid.
Position your hand straight up with thumb on top.
Open the space between your thumb and index finger so your hand easily slides into theirs, keeping your other fingers straight so your palms touch.
Wrap your fingers around their hand and lock hands.
Shake firmly three times and release. The grip is not a contest of strength. Make sure to match the pressure of the other person.
Learning how to interview can help students feel more confident when they nervously sit down to impress future employers. At the University Career Center (UCC), students can get personal guidance on preparing for interviews.
To prepare, the UCC has practice questions, mock interviews and a virtual interview program online. Talking through questions with family and friends can help students get comfortable talking about themselves, says Ann Hartley, associate director at the UCC. For professional advice on interviewing performance, Hartley says the mock interviews at the UCC can help. The staff records and watches the interview with the student. “As much as students hate it, seeing yourself can help you notice the umms and pauses,” Hartley says.
When the interviewer has arrived, Hartley reminds students to take a résumé, pen and paper, but to leave the cell phone behind. “The danger of forgetting [to turn it off] is high, and that won’t make a good first impression,” Hartley says.
Next, take a deep breath and brag about yourself. While your mouth is moving, body language expert Patti Wood wants you to remember eye contact, listening and posture. Wood, who wrote Success Signals: Body Language in Business, says students today lack eye contact. Keeping the eye connection tells the interviewer you are paying attention and are interested in the job. After each answer, remember to listen to the interviewer. “Don’t click off,” Wood says. Along with consistent eye contact, engage the rest of your body. Lean forward slightly with your feet firmly planted on the ground.
After the nerve-wracking part is over, don’t forget to end an in-person interview with a solid handshake, Wood says. Even if you feel like you made mistakes, a firm handshake accompanied by words of interest can leave the interviewer with a good impression.
But not all interviews happen in a sit-down environment. Ryan Watson, Mascoutah, Ill., sophomore, experienced brief in-person interviews at the business career fair. “My goal was to not look like an idiot,” he says. Watson learned the importance of preparing a résumé and researching employers before attending the career fair.
Hartley at the UCC says the 30-second speech about yourself is the most important skill to have in career fair scenarios. “They want to know who you are and what you are there for,” she says.
A phone interview brings a different challenge. The interviewer can’t see your reaction. “Be enthused and animated,” Hartley says. Find a secluded spot and dress up so the mood of your conversation doesn’t turn casual. Hartley also recommends using this type of interview to your advantage by laying out your résumé and cheat sheets.
Heather Luth, Olathe senior, says her stomach filled with butterflies as she answered her cell phone for her first phone interview. “I just tried to focus on sounding excited.”
Nailing a job isn’t all about the interview, but these tips can help that part of the job hunt. If you need more help, visit the UCC in the Burge Union or online. They can help you organize your résumé and send you out of their office prepared to land your dream job.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Death of the Business Card? Should You Still Exchange Business Cards?
I was reading a blog post from Bruce Turnkell about the new way to exchange business cards. I know you can bump my IPhone with another IPhone to exchange contact information but this is a way to share your contact information with an entire audience. I still lament the loss of opportunities to get in close proximity and create more intimacy. The old business card exchange gives you an opportunity to get close and shake hands and or touch hands as you share your card then linger a bit as you read the person's card. Then you have the concrete object that becomes, albeit for a brief time, a part of you. Here is the scoop from Bruce.
"Imagine my surprise when I met with my old friend Marcos the other day and asked him for his business card. “I don’t carry them anymore” he said. “Just text my name to 65047.” I did as he instructed. A few seconds later all his contact information arrived as an SMS message on my phone, ready to be copied into Outlook, friended on Facebook, and followed on Twitter.
“Now that you’re registered I can send you anything,” he went on enthusiastically, “updates, promotions, special deals and coupons. Because it’s all opt-in, people can cancel whenever they want so there’s never any spam. My company has just two employees but we’re using the most sophisticated mobile marketing out there.”
The minute I got back to my office I went online, looked up the company and signed up for my own mobile account. Now, when I speak at conferences or meet people at networking events, I tell them to text “Turkel” (my keyword) to 65047. They get back an instant message from me with my contact information and their cell phone number automatically goes into my database where I can let them know where I’m speaking, announce my new blog post or tell them anything I think they’ll find valuable.
Best of all, it’s an easy and inexpensive way to add mobile marketing to your promotions arsenal with almost no barrier to entry. If you’re in the cruise line, airline or hotel business you can expand your yield management programs by sending special offers to your customers at the very last minute. If you’re in the restaurant business, you can offer specials – two for one, say, or a free glass of wine – at the exact moment when you have empty seats. If you run a CVB, you can issue travel deals when you see your stakeholders’ RevPAR dropping. Bloggers can announce their latest post in real time. Bakeries can let people know when the muffins are fresh out of the oven. Heck, you can use the technology to tell your softball team when you’re practicing or tell your friends when you’re going to the beach. The opportunities are endless; those are just the first few I came up with. Talk about yield management – now you can reach your customers right on their phones with time-stamped promotions.
All you need to do is click here and visit the Momares.com site. The trial is free, the process is simple and after just a few minutes you’ll be a mobile marketer too. If you type in the promo code TURKEL, Marcos will add an additional 50 messages to your account for free. And if you send me an e-mail with your new keyword, I’ll text you back and be your first customer."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
"Imagine my surprise when I met with my old friend Marcos the other day and asked him for his business card. “I don’t carry them anymore” he said. “Just text my name to 65047.” I did as he instructed. A few seconds later all his contact information arrived as an SMS message on my phone, ready to be copied into Outlook, friended on Facebook, and followed on Twitter.
“Now that you’re registered I can send you anything,” he went on enthusiastically, “updates, promotions, special deals and coupons. Because it’s all opt-in, people can cancel whenever they want so there’s never any spam. My company has just two employees but we’re using the most sophisticated mobile marketing out there.”
The minute I got back to my office I went online, looked up the company and signed up for my own mobile account. Now, when I speak at conferences or meet people at networking events, I tell them to text “Turkel” (my keyword) to 65047. They get back an instant message from me with my contact information and their cell phone number automatically goes into my database where I can let them know where I’m speaking, announce my new blog post or tell them anything I think they’ll find valuable.
Best of all, it’s an easy and inexpensive way to add mobile marketing to your promotions arsenal with almost no barrier to entry. If you’re in the cruise line, airline or hotel business you can expand your yield management programs by sending special offers to your customers at the very last minute. If you’re in the restaurant business, you can offer specials – two for one, say, or a free glass of wine – at the exact moment when you have empty seats. If you run a CVB, you can issue travel deals when you see your stakeholders’ RevPAR dropping. Bloggers can announce their latest post in real time. Bakeries can let people know when the muffins are fresh out of the oven. Heck, you can use the technology to tell your softball team when you’re practicing or tell your friends when you’re going to the beach. The opportunities are endless; those are just the first few I came up with. Talk about yield management – now you can reach your customers right on their phones with time-stamped promotions.
All you need to do is click here and visit the Momares.com site. The trial is free, the process is simple and after just a few minutes you’ll be a mobile marketer too. If you type in the promo code TURKEL, Marcos will add an additional 50 messages to your account for free. And if you send me an e-mail with your new keyword, I’ll text you back and be your first customer."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
A Casual Tone of Voice In an Emergency. Story of Fireman on Scene of the Accident.
Recently a fire fighter on the scene of an accident used his cell phone to video tape the body of the victim, a young girl. How horrible.
I just watched a Today show interview of the parents of the young girl who was killed in the car accident. Yes, a fireman here in Georgia took a video at the scene of the accident.The fireman took a video and sent it to friends. Besides the obvious horror of having someone taking a video of your deceased loved one and treating it like entertainment, what disturbed the parents was the casual tone of voice of the Emergency workers on the scene.
The voices showed no urgency. Certainly the emergency workers had seen tragic accidents before, but where was the urgency to match the situation.
I have written that when the nonverbal cues don't match the situation we feel uncomfortable. This horrible situation reminds us to have a sense of honor and respect.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp=39737492?
A year ago
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
I just watched a Today show interview of the parents of the young girl who was killed in the car accident. Yes, a fireman here in Georgia took a video at the scene of the accident.The fireman took a video and sent it to friends. Besides the obvious horror of having someone taking a video of your deceased loved one and treating it like entertainment, what disturbed the parents was the casual tone of voice of the Emergency workers on the scene.
The voices showed no urgency. Certainly the emergency workers had seen tragic accidents before, but where was the urgency to match the situation.
I have written that when the nonverbal cues don't match the situation we feel uncomfortable. This horrible situation reminds us to have a sense of honor and respect.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp=39737492?
A year ago
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Deception Detection, What Does It Mean When Someone Breaks Out in a Sweat?
Uncover Deception.
When you know details of a transgression that the suspect does not know you now look at their nonverbal response when you reveal details to them. An Innocent person would not get nervous when details about something they didn't do are revealed. Below is a powerful story from a workshop participant who saw this work. My guess, in the story described, is that the suspected thief had prepared for the big questions but when the questioner knew small specific details it tended to make the guilty person feel more exposed and nervous.
I was in a deception detection session with you this past summer. In October I went to a European country, I won't name, to look into allegations that our ---- was stealing from us. I took part in complicated interviews with the subject and our accountants that were largely conducted in his language because neither the ---our accountants were fluent enough in English to deal with such a stressful situation and get the meaning right. So my U.S. colleague and I were dependent on our watching skills more than our listening skills. At first I was unable to sense any change in tone, speed, or bodily position as the --- lied to us for about an hour. That is, until we got to questions where we had details. When the accountant started that line of questions, the --- broke out into a sweat that was visible on his face. Your speech helped me recognize the change. You said knowing details even seemingly small ones helps. And sure enough the details were part of a fairly minor transgression compared to the real theft!), I knew enough not to let go of that issue until we had proof that he had committed a crime.
Thanks for speaking to us. I had no idea I would be putting what I’d learned to use so quickly.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
When you know details of a transgression that the suspect does not know you now look at their nonverbal response when you reveal details to them. An Innocent person would not get nervous when details about something they didn't do are revealed. Below is a powerful story from a workshop participant who saw this work. My guess, in the story described, is that the suspected thief had prepared for the big questions but when the questioner knew small specific details it tended to make the guilty person feel more exposed and nervous.
I was in a deception detection session with you this past summer. In October I went to a European country, I won't name, to look into allegations that our ---- was stealing from us. I took part in complicated interviews with the subject and our accountants that were largely conducted in his language because neither the ---our accountants were fluent enough in English to deal with such a stressful situation and get the meaning right. So my U.S. colleague and I were dependent on our watching skills more than our listening skills. At first I was unable to sense any change in tone, speed, or bodily position as the --- lied to us for about an hour. That is, until we got to questions where we had details. When the accountant started that line of questions, the --- broke out into a sweat that was visible on his face. Your speech helped me recognize the change. You said knowing details even seemingly small ones helps. And sure enough the details were part of a fairly minor transgression compared to the real theft!), I knew enough not to let go of that issue until we had proof that he had committed a crime.
Thanks for speaking to us. I had no idea I would be putting what I’d learned to use so quickly.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
The Body Language of Listening
I did an interview for Cosmopolitan recently.
The piece is how to gloss over certain situations that can be awkward. One particular section was supposed to be on how to fake listen, but I gave body language cues on listening and discussed the research that shows that faking listening actually requires more physical and mental energy and stresses the body more that actually listening. Also, how not giving the body language cues of listening can actually make the conversation go longer because the person doesn't feel heard, so they repeat themselves. See my other posts on listening.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
The piece is how to gloss over certain situations that can be awkward. One particular section was supposed to be on how to fake listen, but I gave body language cues on listening and discussed the research that shows that faking listening actually requires more physical and mental energy and stresses the body more that actually listening. Also, how not giving the body language cues of listening can actually make the conversation go longer because the person doesn't feel heard, so they repeat themselves. See my other posts on listening.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Dog Body Language Mischa Barton and Patti Wood in LA at Pup-peroni Couch Talk Event
Paw Mischa! Barton takes pets to dog therapy... as she reveals anger at 'messed up' presenter Fearne Cotton
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
Last updated at 12:10 AM on 15th October 2010
Comments (4)
Add to My Stories
A smiling Mischa Barton poses with her dogs as she takes them for a spot of pet therapy in Los Angeles.
But behind her happy facade, the actress has revealed she is absolutely furious with British presenter and radio personality Fearne Cotton.
Barton, 24, let Cotton, 29, film her for an episode of her 'Fearne and ...' show for ITV2 - and she is not impressed with the way she was portrayed.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1320665/Mischa-Barton-reveals-anger-messed-presenter-Fearne-Cotton.html?ito=feeds-newsxml#ixzz12jSq6pvI
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
By DAILY MAIL REPORTER
Last updated at 12:10 AM on 15th October 2010
Comments (4)
Add to My Stories
A smiling Mischa Barton poses with her dogs as she takes them for a spot of pet therapy in Los Angeles.
But behind her happy facade, the actress has revealed she is absolutely furious with British presenter and radio personality Fearne Cotton.
Barton, 24, let Cotton, 29, film her for an episode of her 'Fearne and ...' show for ITV2 - and she is not impressed with the way she was portrayed.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1320665/Mischa-Barton-reveals-anger-messed-presenter-Fearne-Cotton.html?ito=feeds-newsxml#ixzz12jSq6pvI
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Lying and Body Language
Answers to a report... "Questions About Body Language and Lying."
1.Are there different types of body language for different types of lying?
Lying style is based more on the liars personality rather than the type of lie. We tend to think liars always pause or liars don't make eye contact. The newest research indicates that extroverts are more likely to speed up, get louder and more effusive when they lie and introvert pause more, soften their voice more and have less facial expressions and movement. Liars try to put more expression in their voice and face but the facial expression stays on the face too long and the vocal variation seems out of sync with the facial expressions. An honest person feels something then shows it nonverbally then says it with their words. The liar is focusing on the words then has to think about what emotion they should be expressing. So the words come out first then the person expresses. So someone telling you the truth may smile then say, "Sure I love you." a liar may say, "Sure I love you." then smile and the smile and voice and body expressions comes a beat late and can linger a bit so that it feels and looks awkward.
2. What sort of body language occurs in the upper body when someone is lying? (i.e arms, hands)
So many different possibilities depending on personality.
If the person feels guilty and or fears being discovered, they may close what I call the body windows to the person they are lying to. So they may pull back the feet under their chair or point the toes away, they may close the knee window by crossing their legs. They may cover up their heart window by turning slightly away, adjusting their shirt, holding a beverage in front of their chest. They may also lean slightly away with their torso or head as they listen to a question they don’t want to answer honestly or as they prepare their answer or just after they lie. Extroverts with big egos (Think Politicians’s and big sports celebrities like Arid ) may lean forward as they lie. Honest people do that naturally to emphasize a point but liars tend to start the lean to soon and they lean in closer and tend to linger forward a bit too long. They may close their neck window by clasping their neck or playing with a necklace or shirt button, collar or zipper. They may slightly turn their head away. Their mouth window may twist up on one side, they may bite their lip or do a weird liar smile that looks like a upside down clown smile. They may close their eyes (eye widow) a beat or two longer than normal or blink frequently. The voice may get higher as the vocal chords tense.
Also honest people gesture and give facial expressions as they speak, that match and mirror the voice tone, speaking rate and body language of the person they are talking with. If you accuse them of something, they want to keep talking till they are sure you realize they didn’t do it and they can feel you trust them again.
Liars want to change the subject, they may attack you verbally or get mad to distract you from your accusations. If you accuse someone, see how they respond then change the subject. Liars relax when you change the subject!!!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
1.Are there different types of body language for different types of lying?
Lying style is based more on the liars personality rather than the type of lie. We tend to think liars always pause or liars don't make eye contact. The newest research indicates that extroverts are more likely to speed up, get louder and more effusive when they lie and introvert pause more, soften their voice more and have less facial expressions and movement. Liars try to put more expression in their voice and face but the facial expression stays on the face too long and the vocal variation seems out of sync with the facial expressions. An honest person feels something then shows it nonverbally then says it with their words. The liar is focusing on the words then has to think about what emotion they should be expressing. So the words come out first then the person expresses. So someone telling you the truth may smile then say, "Sure I love you." a liar may say, "Sure I love you." then smile and the smile and voice and body expressions comes a beat late and can linger a bit so that it feels and looks awkward.
2. What sort of body language occurs in the upper body when someone is lying? (i.e arms, hands)
So many different possibilities depending on personality.
If the person feels guilty and or fears being discovered, they may close what I call the body windows to the person they are lying to. So they may pull back the feet under their chair or point the toes away, they may close the knee window by crossing their legs. They may cover up their heart window by turning slightly away, adjusting their shirt, holding a beverage in front of their chest. They may also lean slightly away with their torso or head as they listen to a question they don’t want to answer honestly or as they prepare their answer or just after they lie. Extroverts with big egos (Think Politicians’s and big sports celebrities like Arid ) may lean forward as they lie. Honest people do that naturally to emphasize a point but liars tend to start the lean to soon and they lean in closer and tend to linger forward a bit too long. They may close their neck window by clasping their neck or playing with a necklace or shirt button, collar or zipper. They may slightly turn their head away. Their mouth window may twist up on one side, they may bite their lip or do a weird liar smile that looks like a upside down clown smile. They may close their eyes (eye widow) a beat or two longer than normal or blink frequently. The voice may get higher as the vocal chords tense.
Also honest people gesture and give facial expressions as they speak, that match and mirror the voice tone, speaking rate and body language of the person they are talking with. If you accuse them of something, they want to keep talking till they are sure you realize they didn’t do it and they can feel you trust them again.
Liars want to change the subject, they may attack you verbally or get mad to distract you from your accusations. If you accuse someone, see how they respond then change the subject. Liars relax when you change the subject!!!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Right Hand Good, Left Hand Bad? Gestures and Emotions
Right Hand... Good, Left Hand... Bad?
Does it matter to you and your audience which hand you gesture with? Well, in laboratory tests, "right and left-handers associate positive ideas like honesty and intelligence with their dominant side of space and negative ideas with their non-dominant side," says Daniel Casasanto of the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics in Nijmegen, the Netherlands. When examining spontaneous gestures in presidential debates during the 2004 and 2008 elections involving two right-handers (Kerry, Bush) and two left-handers (Obama, McCain) researchers Casasanto and Jasmin found that right-handed candidates made a greater proportion of right-hand gestures when expressing positive ideas and left-hand gestures when expressing negative thoughts. But the opposite was found for the left-handers, who favored their left hand more for the positive and their right hand for the negative. Obama's 'right-hand man' may be on his left. For years I have told my public speaking students who were nervous to try putting one hand in their pocket, For 30 years I have seen students who do this magic gesture with their dominant hand. As a coach for Politicians, the old school was to tell them to gesture mostly with their right hand and only to use their left hand when delivering bad news. The new data Cassanto shows is that people associate “good things with the side of their body they can use most fluently -- dominant is fluent, and fluent is good."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Does it matter to you and your audience which hand you gesture with? Well, in laboratory tests, "right and left-handers associate positive ideas like honesty and intelligence with their dominant side of space and negative ideas with their non-dominant side," says Daniel Casasanto of the Max Planck Institute for Psycholinguistics in Nijmegen, the Netherlands. When examining spontaneous gestures in presidential debates during the 2004 and 2008 elections involving two right-handers (Kerry, Bush) and two left-handers (Obama, McCain) researchers Casasanto and Jasmin found that right-handed candidates made a greater proportion of right-hand gestures when expressing positive ideas and left-hand gestures when expressing negative thoughts. But the opposite was found for the left-handers, who favored their left hand more for the positive and their right hand for the negative. Obama's 'right-hand man' may be on his left. For years I have told my public speaking students who were nervous to try putting one hand in their pocket, For 30 years I have seen students who do this magic gesture with their dominant hand. As a coach for Politicians, the old school was to tell them to gesture mostly with their right hand and only to use their left hand when delivering bad news. The new data Cassanto shows is that people associate “good things with the side of their body they can use most fluently -- dominant is fluent, and fluent is good."
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
What Do I Do With My Hands When I Give A Speech?
What do I do with my hands when I give a speech?
The energy impact of gestures.
The most frequent question that I get when I am teaching my public speaking course or working with a coaching client who wants to improve their body language in their speeches is, “What do I do with my hands?” Because the hands come out from the heart they symbolically show our true feelings. Nervousness and anxiety come in our feet and hands. We don’t want our fear to show, so we want to hide our hands. Most of the frustration comes at the beginning of the speech when you are the most nervous. You may want to plan specific gestures to use at that time. I threw my hands up in the air at the beginning of one of my speeches just to get the excitement up and out of my body. The location of your hands, also, affects your nonverbal behavior. Put your hands at your sides and your energy goes down and your voice lowers and can become more monotone and you tend to move and show fewer facial expressions. Bring your hands to the level of your waist and you become calm and centered, bring your hands up high to the level of your upper chest or above and your voice goes up and you become more energized and animated. Change the location of your hands depending on your emotional message.
Sales Techniques....Way for a Manager to Make a Request and Get Follow Through
A Five Step Process to Get Commitment and Follow Through From Someone or Make a Sale-
When you ask someone to do something, ask him to say what he will do. Make eye contact. Make sure your facing side by side with men and face to face with women.
Make sure you give a specific time frame for completion. Develop a sense of obligation in him. Engage his conscience and have him tell you how the task will go. End with verbal confirmation. For example, “So I will see you next Saturday, right?”
1) Get him to say it. Do you really mean that? Are you serious? Do I have your commitment to follow through on this?
2) Get a specific time frame. "Great." What time will you start?" When will you start?" "Any idea of how long it might take?" “When can you begin?” “What will be your first step?”
3) Develop a sense of obligation – Let him know that because of his help positive things will happen or that if he withdrawals his offer it will cause a disturbance.
4) A sense of conscious. You want to relay that you are now dependent upon him for his help. Let him know how important his help really is. Mention any consequences that you might suffer if he doesn't come through. I will be in hot water.
5) Seeing is believing - Example, A Real Estate agent showing a home says, "Where will the sofa go?”What will you do first, hook up the monitors or go through the booklet?Make sure he sees himself doing what he says.
Selling Techniques from Patti's Sales Presentation Workshop
The Law of Scarcity – When a person perceives that something they might want is limited in quantity he believes that the value of what he might want is greater than if it were available in abundance.
Action - Limit options.
Narrow someone's options before you present them to him. Conventional wisdom suggests that with more options a person is sure to find something that he or she likes and that will motivate him or her to take action. The opposite is actually more likely. Nobody enjoys being wrong. When you give fewer choices research shows a person will make a decision faster and be less likely to dwell on it afterward. Second guessing the choice they made. Don’t’ create the, "Did I make the right choice?" scenario. Offer no more than three options with two being the ideal. Give a person choices, but not too many. When a person is not given choices he can feel his freedom is restricted and it may cause him to back off.
The Power of the Pause. How to Use The Nonverbal Pausing to Get Action and Follow Through.
Research on persuasion and body language shows there is power in a pause. When you make a request, then pause for confirmation.
Say something like, “I can count on you, right?”
After you say it, pause for a response. Research shows this kind of request followed by a pause and then a commitment from someone, increases follow through from 62 to 81 percent.
The powerful steps for making a request that gets follow through.
- Ask for what you want
- Ask for a quick verbal confirmation
- Pause
- Maintain eye contact if you are face to face when making the request.
- Wait for their verbal confirmation. If they give you a head nod make noise such as a grunt, but don't say yes, ask for a yes.
How Can You Get Follow Through From Someone.
How Can You Get Follow Through From Someone. Vocal and Nonverbal methods for getting what you want.
The Law of Consistency- People have an inherent need to perform in a manner consistent with how they see themselves and how they think others perceive them.
If you believe in the person's ability and success tell them. When you make a request, let him know you believe he is the kind of person who follows through. As you make a request,
“You are the kind of person who follows through.”
”You’ve always impressed me with the ability to…”
“I’ve always liked the fact that you…”
Do not say,
“I have some doubts you will be able to get this done on time.”
“I am anxious about you getting this done.”
“I know this will be a problem.”
This only provides and opportunity for them to make an excuse or back out.
Try instead
“You know, Sara, I really appreciate you helping me out.”
“I respect the fact that you’re the kind of person who follows through on things.”
This is an effective way to make requests.
These persuasion techniques work with friends, your family, your co-workers, and your employees.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
The Way You Pucker Up Reveals A Lot About Your Relationship
From a perfunctory peck to a passionate embrace, the way you and your man pucker up reveals a lot about your relationship. And it's not just the lip action that counts - how you hold onto your honey also tells a secret or two about your bond, says Atlanta -based body language expert, Patti Wood. She has analyzed a few star smooches for First For Women to figure out the true feelings behind their camera kisses. To get a reading on your relationship, grab a photo of you and your man locking lips and match it to one of the kissing couples. Next, go to the link to find out what Patti reveals about the smooch!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Facial Expressions Tell The Story
Chucky may look "happy and confident" in the first pic at the left according to Patti Wood, body language expert and author of People Savvy, but she goes on to tell ESPN that the feeling didn't last. Patti analyzes Gruden's facial expressions on the day Tampa was eliminated from playoff contention. Check out what's revealed in pics 1 - 5 at the link below!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
How Do You Get Someone to Be Honest and Not Lie to You?
The Law of Honest Feedback
Make requests throughout your delivery and ask for agreement with each point and sub point.
The Law of Honest Feedback-
“It sounds good to me.” “How does it sound to you?”
“It seems reasonable to me.” “How does it seem to you?”
“It feels like a good choice to me.” “How it feels to you?”
Bishop Eddie Long's Body Language after Sexual Molestation Allegations
More on my interview on CNN reading Bishop Eddie Long's body language,
Bishop Eddie Long's Body Language in his sermon after Sexual Molestation Allegations
When you are doing a body language analysis of someone suspected of wrong doing you go through a multistage process. One of the first steps is to compare the person's behavior with a baseline of what a normal innocent person's body language would be in the circumstances. You also take into consideration what the normal behavior would be for a power person (celebrity, politician, sports figure or in this case popular minister of a large congregations' behavior would be in these circumstances. Innocent people who are accused and the in the grip of media attention want to speak, they want to speak about their innocence, they want to speak as soon as possible and they want to speak continually until they know you believe in their innocence. Even if Bishop long was advised by his lawyers to "..not try the case in the media." I believe if he was totally and completely innocent of the molestation charges he would have said he was innocent of those charges. Instead he used the confusing phrase that, "I am not the man portrayed in the media.' Even someone guilty of the charges, could believe he was not a "bad" guy. Believing yourself to be "portrayed" differently than you see yourself is not the same thing as not having committed a crime. Recently, I watched a murderer's testimony of killing two of his ex girlfriends. He said, "I am not a bad guy." "I was angry." "I regret the killing ----(the second) girlfriend." "I wished I hadn't done that." He regretted killing the second girlfriend, because that led to his arrest! . But he believed himself to be a good guy.
In the Bishop Long sermon he also nodded his head counter to his statements several times a clear cue of deceit, he also did tongue thrusts of passive aggressiveness. More later. Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
The Love Language of Hands
For proof your honey cares (without waiting for him to say so!), check out your hand-holding style. "This gesture sheds light on the type of connection you share, as well its intensity," says body language expert Patti Wood in First For Women Magazine. To see how deep your bond is with your honey, find the star couple whose clasp resembles yours, then read Patti's analysis at the link below!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language of Bishop Eddie Long about Allegations, Sex candal. Long Speaking to Church Concerning Sex Allegations
He paused, he read from his notes, he used his glasses theatrically. But he didn't say, "I didn't do it."
He used humor to work the congregation before he brought up the charges. He smirked, just liked Former president Bush, showing his glee at getting the congregation on his side. More later.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Who Wears The Pants?
Patti Wood, body language expert, reads the nonverbal cues that these power couples in Hollywood are displaying for Cosmopolitan. She reveals which mate has more control in the relationship. The placement of one's hand, a pelvis and chest pressed into another and walking out in front of the other person are all gestures that reveal who wears the pants. Patti reveals their meaning at the link!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
What Your Fingernails Reveal About You
"The color we paint our nails and the care we give them subconsciously reflects our priorities and emotions," says nonverbal communication expert, Patti Wood, author of People Savvy. Patti tells First For Women, "we gesture with our hands when speaking from the heart, and since our nails are at the tips of our fingers, they become conduits of our feelings." Check the link to discover what your digits reveal!
http://www.scribd.com/doc/38188811/First-for-Women-What-Your-Fingernails-Reveal-About-You
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language Gestures That Reveal You're In Sync With Someone
Patti Wood, body language expert, tells Us Weekly that Jennifer and Scott are not displaying the "typical" behavior for a couple in sync as they pose on the red carpet. Out for a stroll......walking far apart.......hiding their hands...........what could all this mean? Patti reads the cues and shares her insights at the link!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
The Story Behind The Photo
Even though it's Mandy's "big night" ......she's in the lead position.....Patti Wood, body language expert, reveals for In Touch Weekly that Mandy doesn't forget to show boyfriend, Andy, that he's important to her. How does Mandy do it? Patti reveals the answer at the link!
http://www.scribd.com/doc/37892290/InTouchMandyMoore
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language Of Winners & Losers
"Not the typical behavior of a winner" says Patti Wood, body language expert, when she did a photo read for Us Weekly of American Idol winners and losers. Ruben 's body language says he's happy to share the lime light with Clay but notice Clay's stiff body. Kelly is also displaying some "unusual
behavior for a winner" as she pulls Justin close.....and what's with Justin's smile?
Patti shares her insights at the link!
http://www.scribd.com/doc/37892561/Us-Weekly-Winners-Losers
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Are there signs of an affair in Ashton and Demi's body language?
I just read Ashton and Demi's body language for signs that there is trouble in their relationship.
Star magazine and Life and Style say the rumors are that Ashton had an affair. Today they where photographed at an event. Read the mags online or next week on the stands for my full read. I didn't see cues of tension from her. Demi and Ashton seem to still have a good healthy connection. However, Ashton's usually up buoyant body language was very different. His shoulder sloped downward. His eye brows and eyes normally up and open like a child on Christmas morning were down and more closed than normal. His cheek muscles bagged down. His jaw muscles sagged. These are nonverbal cues showing his fatigue and sadness.
Demi didn't show signs of stress. In the photos she is either leaning in towards him or erect in her posture. There were no signs or her leaning or pulling away from him. Their hand holds don't seem overly tight. Demi is not holding on tight. Her fingers are not pulled back. In one photo her little fingers were pulled out and away, but not stiff. Often their hands are interlaced. Her face doesn't show fatigue, tension, nor any disfavor or animosity towards him.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Star magazine and Life and Style say the rumors are that Ashton had an affair. Today they where photographed at an event. Read the mags online or next week on the stands for my full read. I didn't see cues of tension from her. Demi and Ashton seem to still have a good healthy connection. However, Ashton's usually up buoyant body language was very different. His shoulder sloped downward. His eye brows and eyes normally up and open like a child on Christmas morning were down and more closed than normal. His cheek muscles bagged down. His jaw muscles sagged. These are nonverbal cues showing his fatigue and sadness.
Demi didn't show signs of stress. In the photos she is either leaning in towards him or erect in her posture. There were no signs or her leaning or pulling away from him. Their hand holds don't seem overly tight. Demi is not holding on tight. Her fingers are not pulled back. In one photo her little fingers were pulled out and away, but not stiff. Often their hands are interlaced. Her face doesn't show fatigue, tension, nor any disfavor or animosity towards him.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
A Cuddle Sends Out A Message To Those Around
Colin's cuddles are sending
nonverbal messages to those around. Patti Wood, body language expert, reveals for Us Weekly what vibe he's putting out and how those being cuddled feel about it.
Notice the facial expression of Amelia and Spears in the first two photos. Major difference!
Check the link for her insights!
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
How To Make Eye Contact
Author of "People Savvy" and body language expert, Patti Wood, shares with Cosmopolitan tips on how to make eye contact with that droolworthy dude sitting across the room and some coy moves to make when he is at close range. Check the link to find out the "head tilt" move !
http://www.scribd.com/doc/37892274/Cosmos-Eye-Contact
http://www.scribd.com/doc/37892274/Cosmos-Eye-Contact
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
What's Revealed By A Hand On A Thigh?
Patti Wood, body language expert, shares her insights about Carson's hand on the thigh of his girlfriend, Josephine, for In Touch Weekly. Look at how far apart Carson's legs are in this photo. Also notice how he reaches his arm all the way across her body.
Check the link below for the story behind the pic!
http://www.scribd.com/doc/37822080/CarsonDaly
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
When You Think They Don't Like You. First Impressions
You meet someone for the first time and perhaps they don't smile, or lean forward or make significant eye contact. Is it you? If you worry about your first impression, you may start to freak out. You don't have to. I am doing research on the brain and how people can make changes in their body language. Self Awareness, discovering what people might think about you is productive, but you don’t need to go overboard.
Years ago my audiences joked that after my seminars they were so self aware, so conscious of all the cues in the perfect handshake, the most sincere smile and all the other body language they learned, they didn't know what to do first. Now and then we talked about how to implement personal behavioral changes into their lives. I was reading the book, "The Mind and The Brain." looking to see how one of the authors, Doctor Jeffery Schwartz, advised his OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) patients to make productive changes in their behavior. I was looking for a method to effectively calm any destructive or paralyzing self consciousness about your first impression. To paraphrase he instructed his patients to follow the Buddhist philosophy of wise attention (as supposed to unwise attention.) Schwartz advises his patients to "Revalue." See things for what they really are rather than as you may imagine them to be. I interpret this to mean. Instead of thinking, "Don't think of pink elephants." "Oh my God, there may be dangerous pink elephants." "Think instead of what is real and what isn’t.”Pink elephants don't exist." "The likelihood of a Pink Elephant coming into this room and stomping me is nil."
Apply this to situations when you are forming a first impression. Instead of meeting someone and thinking, "They didn't smile, they didn't lean forward." "They hate me!" "They are not making eye contact.”Oh they must think I am the biggest dork." See those disturbing thoughts for what they are and as Schwartz says, for his OCD patients he says "Wise attention means quickly recognizing the disturbing thoughts as senseless, as false, as errant brain signals not even worth the gray matter they rode in on, let alone acting on it." In analyzing someone’s behavior towards you in a first encounter instead assess it wisely. Think first the person then the topic or situation. Lastly think of yourself. Here is in more detail
Then, what about this situation or what we are talking about may motivate him to act this way and finally, and with the least likelihood, what about I could make him act this way.
Very good advice I think.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Virtual Interviewing, Body Language,
Companies are taking virtual interviewing to a new level with Avatar virtual world New Life Interviewing. IT and international companies are using virtual worlds for interviewing.
http://www.newscientist.com/blog/technology/2007/09/first-impressions-second-life.html
Friday, September 28, 2007
First impressions, second life
I blogged last week about people working in virtual worlds. But I must admit I didn't think about how the ritual of the job interview might look in a virtual world.
In fact, global consultancy Accenture has already started using job interviews in Second Life to recruit real-life employees. That's what Darren Nicholson at Rowan University, New Jersey, US, told me. He's been studying how teams of IT workers can collaborate using virtual worlds, as an alternative to email or instant messaging.
Since May, two large job fairs attended by multi-national companies including Microsoft and Accenture have been held and, as a result, Accenture spent three days interviewing candidates inside the virtual world at the end of August.
To me, it sounds a little pointless. Unless they were using the still-buggy voice chat in Second Life, it would be much like interviewing using instant messaging. I'd consider the avatars a distraction from the content of a conversation, but Nicholson thinks they make an important contribution:
"When I prepare students for interviews with big companies I advise them how to use the behaviour recruiters are looking for. With an avatar you are even more in control. Are you wearing power red? Are you rearing dark blue? There are so many social indicators that we use in real life that are being transported into virtual universes."
But Nicholson doesn't think virtual interviewees will be able to game interviews more easily. Interviewers will be ready for it, he says. "It could work in their favour - I think you can learn a lot about people by the avatar they create and the way it acts."
Nicholson predicts the IT industry is where the practice will become common first. Teams of software developers are already work together from different parts of the world so it makes sense, he says.
The first place this will be tried on a large scale is probably Beijing. The city government did a deal in May with the producers of a virtual world called Entropia, with a view to shifting thousands of the over-crowded municipality's workers into offices in a virtual city.
Tom Simonite, online technology reporter
Labels: virtual-reality, virtual-worlds
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Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
http://www.newscientist.com/blog/technology/2007/09/first-impressions-second-life.html
Friday, September 28, 2007
First impressions, second life
I blogged last week about people working in virtual worlds. But I must admit I didn't think about how the ritual of the job interview might look in a virtual world.
In fact, global consultancy Accenture has already started using job interviews in Second Life to recruit real-life employees. That's what Darren Nicholson at Rowan University, New Jersey, US, told me. He's been studying how teams of IT workers can collaborate using virtual worlds, as an alternative to email or instant messaging.
Since May, two large job fairs attended by multi-national companies including Microsoft and Accenture have been held and, as a result, Accenture spent three days interviewing candidates inside the virtual world at the end of August.
To me, it sounds a little pointless. Unless they were using the still-buggy voice chat in Second Life, it would be much like interviewing using instant messaging. I'd consider the avatars a distraction from the content of a conversation, but Nicholson thinks they make an important contribution:
"When I prepare students for interviews with big companies I advise them how to use the behaviour recruiters are looking for. With an avatar you are even more in control. Are you wearing power red? Are you rearing dark blue? There are so many social indicators that we use in real life that are being transported into virtual universes."
But Nicholson doesn't think virtual interviewees will be able to game interviews more easily. Interviewers will be ready for it, he says. "It could work in their favour - I think you can learn a lot about people by the avatar they create and the way it acts."
Nicholson predicts the IT industry is where the practice will become common first. Teams of software developers are already work together from different parts of the world so it makes sense, he says.
The first place this will be tried on a large scale is probably Beijing. The city government did a deal in May with the producers of a virtual world called Entropia, with a view to shifting thousands of the over-crowded municipality's workers into offices in a virtual city.
Tom Simonite, online technology reporter
Labels: virtual-reality, virtual-worlds
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Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
The Power Of A Smile, Research On Smiling And Risky Behavior
The Power of a
Smile, Research on Smiling
and Risky Behavior
Research on Smiling and Risky
Behavior
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20227024.700-cheery-traders-may-encourage-risk-taking.html
Cheery traders may encourage risk taking 07 April 2009 by Peter Aldhous Magazine issue 2702. Subscribe and save for similar stories, visit The Human Brain Topic Guide
WAS it just greed that prompted the risky financial decisions that triggered global economic meltdown, or could other factors have been at work?
Before rushing to condemn the traders and bankers responsible, consider this: perhaps they were in too good a mood. That's the intriguing implication of experiments showing that even a fleeting exposure to a smiling face makes people more likely to make risky investment decisions.
At the Cognitive Neuroscience Society meeting in San Francisco last week, graduate student Julie Hall of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor described experiments in which 12 male and 12 female volunteers played a game in which they repeatedly had to choose between investing in a "safe" bond and two much riskier stocks.
For every round of the game, the bond paid out $3. One of the stocks paid out $5 half of the time, while the other lost $5 at the...
http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20227024.700-cheery-traders-may-encourage-risk-taking.html
Cheery traders may encourage risk taking 07 April 2009 by Peter Aldhous Magazine issue 2702. Subscribe and save for similar stories, visit The Human Brain Topic Guide
WAS it just greed that prompted the risky financial decisions that triggered global economic meltdown, or could other factors have been at work?
Before rushing to condemn the traders and bankers responsible, consider this: perhaps they were in too good a mood. That's the intriguing implication of experiments showing that even a fleeting exposure to a smiling face makes people more likely to make risky investment decisions.
At the Cognitive Neuroscience Society meeting in San Francisco last week, graduate student Julie Hall of the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor described experiments in which 12 male and 12 female volunteers played a game in which they repeatedly had to choose between investing in a "safe" bond and two much riskier stocks.
For every round of the game, the bond paid out $3. One of the stocks paid out $5 half of the time, while the other lost $5 at the...
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
What Stars Posing Body Language Shows...Photos Say More Than "Cheese!"
Find out what Patti Wood, body language expert,
sees behind the poses of these stars. The camera doesn't lie Patti tells US Weekly!
You can check out her insights at the link below!
http://www.scribd.com/doc/37126568/Repeat-Pose-Offenders-US-Weekly
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Loneliness and Body Language
Loneliness and Isolation. Five years ago I started a post with the words, "I am lonely today." Have you felt that way recently? As I work on the techno impressions chapter for my new first impressions book I reread what I said about the cost of loneliness. Isolation and lack of community are so much a part of our fast paced lives. Life can be rich and meaningful. It seems amazing to me that I could have ever felt lonely even when I had so many people in my life that I loved. The original post was lost on this blog when I switched host providers so here it is again.
I am lonely today. I got up and got on my computer like so many people hoping to download emails from friends. Sure enough there were emails from friends meeting me tonight for dinner and comedy improv competition and other friends that want to meet for dinner and movie tomorrow night and one from a girlfriend who was just checking in. But I am still lonely. I am sitting at my computer in my big old four bedroom two story house, all by myself. Well there is Bo, the wonder dog, curled up at my feet, but I am so lonely I am resisting the urge to belt out the old 70’s song ALL BY MYSELF. That’s lonely. I don’t think that we were meant to be so lonely and isolated.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
I am lonely today. I got up and got on my computer like so many people hoping to download emails from friends. Sure enough there were emails from friends meeting me tonight for dinner and comedy improv competition and other friends that want to meet for dinner and movie tomorrow night and one from a girlfriend who was just checking in. But I am still lonely. I am sitting at my computer in my big old four bedroom two story house, all by myself. Well there is Bo, the wonder dog, curled up at my feet, but I am so lonely I am resisting the urge to belt out the old 70’s song ALL BY MYSELF. That’s lonely. I don’t think that we were meant to be so lonely and isolated.
We spend so much time working to get the big old car and house and live in suburbs where we can’t hear our neighbors and have to drive to get anywhere…we co-exist rather than live in community. Richard Schwartz, a psychiatrist who co-authored the book, "Overcoming Loneliness in Everyday Life," with his wife, Jacqueline Olds, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School says, "Our notion of success is being able to purchase what you need and not be obligated to anyone,'' I Want to be obligated to people. I have that with my wonderful friends. I want someone to expect things of me. I want someone to expect me to be there when they call, to love hearing their voice, to enjoy seeing their smile, to think that there company is a delight. I want someone to miss me when they have not seen me in a while. I want intimacy.
Last week I missed my Thursday night discussion group and they called me from the restaurant to find out where I was. That felt so good. It is strangely comforting to be missed. Yet I think we may fear the opposite in our romantic relationship. We may fear becoming so close to someone that we will miss them when they are not there. That is my fear. Or if we allow them to get close to us they will expect things from us that we don’t want to give. Something that is not a problem for me but I know is from experiences with others. And both those fears keep us lonely.
Now you may have read my article about my falling down the stairs weight loss adventure and think, hey you say you are getting hit on all the time, what is with the loneliness? You don’t think I actually follow through with any of those grocery store and parking lot flirting do you? No I just avert my gaze, look down and smile tensely. Romantic Relationships are scary. And even when we are in one, fear can make people in them get very close and then fear that intimacy. Now you may be wondering what any of this has to do with nonverbal communication. Everything. Because when we are scared we respond with our primal Freeze Flight Fight instinctual brain. Our neocortex with all its beautiful language is not accessed. So we stop talking and use nonverbal actions to communicate. We may communicate with silence, distancing and time. I have experienced the rubber band stretch that Mars and Venus relationship Guru John Grey talks about. Romances where the man gets very close then gets scared and stretches out and away like a rubber band then snaps back again and in again and out again. I have wanted to say “It will be OK, we can help each other through our fears.” But fear stops us and we stay silent.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Men Are More Attractive If Other Women Look... Research on Attraction
Men Are More
Attractive If Other Women Look...
Research on
Attraction
What Makes Men Attractive?
Well, if other women look at him, he could get a lot cuter!
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10966-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-your-friends.html
Beauty is in the eye of your friends
00:01 17 January 2007 by Debora MacKenzie
For similar stories, visit the Love and Sex Topic Guide
It is a classic image: a group of young women sighing over the latest heartthrob. But do they all really share identical taste for, say, Brad Pitt, or that cute guy in physics class? A new study suggests that, in fact, women will look more favorably on the men that other women find attractive.
Female guppies, quail and finches tend to mate with males that look like the males they have seen other females paired with. Such "mate choice copying" can pay off. If it is difficult to choose the best mating material, or takes a lot of time and energy, it makes sense to go with what works for the other girls.
Yet although human mate selection suffers just such difficulties, there has been little evidence that women do this, until now.
Ben Jones at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland, and colleagues, showed 28 men and 28 women pairs of male faces and asked them to rate their attractiveness. The photos had been already been rated by 40 women as of about equal attractiveness.
Striking difference
The researchers then showed the same faces alongside a third photo of a female face in profile, positioned so she was looking at one of them, and smiling - or not. The viewers were asked to grade the faces again.
Women found the men who were being smiled at suddenly more attractive, while men who apparently elicited no such smiling approval were pronounced less attractive.
Men, meanwhile, behaved in a strikingly different manner. They rated men who had been smiled at as less attractive. "Within-sex competition promotes negative attitudes towards men who are the target of positive social interest from women," the researchers conclude.
Or to put it another way, the next time you hear a man say "I don't know what she sees in him", remember the fact she's sees anything at all may be off-putting enough…
Journal reference: Proceedings of the Royal Society B (DOI: 10.1098/rspb.2006.0205)
Well, if other women look at him, he could get a lot cuter!
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn10966-beauty-is-in-the-eye-of-your-friends.html
Beauty is in the eye of your friends
00:01 17 January 2007 by Debora MacKenzie
For similar stories, visit the Love and Sex Topic Guide
It is a classic image: a group of young women sighing over the latest heartthrob. But do they all really share identical taste for, say, Brad Pitt, or that cute guy in physics class? A new study suggests that, in fact, women will look more favorably on the men that other women find attractive.
Female guppies, quail and finches tend to mate with males that look like the males they have seen other females paired with. Such "mate choice copying" can pay off. If it is difficult to choose the best mating material, or takes a lot of time and energy, it makes sense to go with what works for the other girls.
Yet although human mate selection suffers just such difficulties, there has been little evidence that women do this, until now.
Ben Jones at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland, and colleagues, showed 28 men and 28 women pairs of male faces and asked them to rate their attractiveness. The photos had been already been rated by 40 women as of about equal attractiveness.
Striking difference
The researchers then showed the same faces alongside a third photo of a female face in profile, positioned so she was looking at one of them, and smiling - or not. The viewers were asked to grade the faces again.
Women found the men who were being smiled at suddenly more attractive, while men who apparently elicited no such smiling approval were pronounced less attractive.
Men, meanwhile, behaved in a strikingly different manner. They rated men who had been smiled at as less attractive. "Within-sex competition promotes negative attitudes towards men who are the target of positive social interest from women," the researchers conclude.
Or to put it another way, the next time you hear a man say "I don't know what she sees in him", remember the fact she's sees anything at all may be off-putting enough…
Journal reference: Proceedings of the Royal Society B (DOI: 10.1098/rspb.2006.0205)
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language Expert to Speak at High School, College or University
If you need a Body Language expert to speak at your High School, College or University please contact our office. I am a body language expert and I speak to students, at schools, colleges and universities. Typically I am brought in to speak through the career service office or the student activities director and or the Business School or MBA program.
If you would like me to speak to your college or university feel free to call or email our office and or send me the names and contact information for the career service office and or the student activities director.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
If you would like me to speak to your college or university feel free to call or email our office and or send me the names and contact information for the career service office and or the student activities director.
If you are a High School Student and you would like me to speak at your High School please send me the names and contact information, emails phone numbers etc. of your school principal. I would be happy to contact them to see if they would like me to speak for the whole school. You might also send the head of the "in service" training and education for the teachers as I have spoken to groups of teachers and groups of school principals.
We get many requests from students that would like me to speak to their class or as part of a senior project. I can do that if I have a paid speaking engagement at your school on the same day.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://PattiWood.net. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Body Language Reads of Politicians
Body Language reads of Politicians. Eliot Spitzer is on the far left. Far right is George Pataki. Next to him is David Paterson. The commentator is next to Spitzer. Did a photo read today for the New York Daily News. http://www.mydailynews.com
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at http://pattiwood.net/. Also check out the body language quiz on her YouTube Channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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