Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Your Brain on Sex, Dopamine and the Coolidge Effect - Why Men Want New Partners and Have Affairs

I have been doing research for the Steve Harvey TV Show interview I will be doing on Kissing. This is on of the ariticles I had in my files when I was working on my book.

Your Brain On Sex

Submitted by Marnia on Fri, 2005-06-24 17:04

NOTE: If you're interested in understanding the effects of today's hyperstimulating Internet porn on the brain watch The Great Porn Experiment (TEDx talk) or visit Your Brain On Porn.

The following two articles update key aspects of this page Your Brain On Sex:

· Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover?

· Women: Does Orgasm Give You A Hangover?

Let’s look at what goes on in the brain during sex and orgasm. Although you may think everything happens between your legs, the experience of orgasm actually occurs between your ears. All thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have correlate with specific nerve cells being activated. Orgasm, like all experiences, is brought about by electric impulses flowing along paths of connected nerve cells. Orgasm happens when specific pleasure pathways are turned on, while your defense pathways are turned off.

All this happens by means of chemical messengers and the nerve cell receptors they bind to. These neurochemical changes take place primarily in the limbic system, a very old part of the brain with circuitry that is common to all mammals. These ancient limbic circuits control almost all bodily functions.

The limbic system's job is to keep you alive and reproducing. It does this by avoiding pain and repeating what is pleasurable. The limbic system is the seat of emotions, drives, impulses and desires – including sexual ones. It’s where you fall in and out of love…or lust. Due to the nature of the limbic system, you cannot will your feelings, emotions, falling in love, or staying in love, anymore than you can will your heart to beat, or yourself to digest a meal or sleep. The limbic system has been around for well over 100,000,000 years, lurking right beneath your large, rational neo-cortex.

Rats, apes and humans use the same neurochemicals to operate the same functions in this part of the brain. Keep in mind that scientists aren't studying rodent brains to help them with their addictions and erections! Studying animals and humans, scientists have begun to unravel the neurochemistry of lust, attachment and falling in love. Falling in love involves simultaneous activation and deactivation of discrete parts of the limbic system. For every biological event in your body, there is a biological cause. In this case, the cause is neurochemicals—and the pathways they turn on and off.

Neurochemical Commands: Your World Revolves Around Dopamine

The central neurochemical player behind falling in—and out—of love is dopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your reward circuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system. Your reward circuitry drives nearly all of your behaviors. In other words, most all roads lead to Rome, or to the reward circuitry, so you can assess things as "good, bad, or indifferent."

At its most basic, this circuit is activated when you engage in activities that further your survival, or the continuation of your genes. Whether it’s sex, eating, taking risks, achieving goals, or drinking water, all increase dopamine, and dopamine turns on your reward circuitry. You can think of dopamine as the "Gotta have it!" neurochemical, whatever "it" is. It’s the "craving" signal. The more dopamine you release and the more your reward circuit is activated, the more you want or crave something.

A good example is food. We get a much bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie foods than we do low-calorie foods. It’s why we choose chocolate cake over Brussels sprouts. Our reward circuit is programmed so that "calories equal survival." You’re not actually craving ice cream, or a winning lotto ticket, or even a romp in the sack. You’re craving the dopamine that is released with these activities. Dopamine is your major motivation, not the item or activity.

Dopamine is not the only neurochemical involved with reward, but it’s the one that motivates you to go after the reward. Dopamine governs the feelings of wanting, yet the experience of liking or enjoying something is probably due to opioids. Opioids are your brain's own morphine and endorphins. Dopamine drives us toward eating or orgasm, but the experience of the actual orgasm or eating chocolate arises from opioids goosing the reward circuit. In essence, dopamine is never satisfied.

Addiction mechanisms are extraordinarily complex, and not fully understood. Yet the one aspect they share is dopamine dysregulation. All addictive substances and activities share one thing – the ability to strongly elevate dopamine levels. Watching porn, accumulating money, gaining power over others, gambling, compulsive shopping, video games…if something really boosts your dopamine, then it’s potentially addictive for you. Why did Martha Stewart risk everything for more money? She got a thrill from a stock market gamble. She didn’t need the money; she (thought she) needed the dopamine.

Addictive highs mimic the good feelings of the basic activities for which we're actually wired...by hijacking our reward circuitry. Only a few substances (alcohol, cocaine, etc.) have the ability jack up dopamine – that’s why they are addictive. We can also hijack it with extremely stimulating versions of natural behaviors: casinos with hot hostesses, novel porn at every click, tasty junk food filled with fat and sugar, and so forth. Dopamine especially responds to novelty and the unexpected, among natural stimuli.

Don't fall into labeling dopamine as bad. There's no such thing as a bad neurochemical or hormone, although either can become a problem when out of balance. Dopamine is absolutely necessary for your decision-making, happiness, and survival. Yet when it’s too low or too high (or when changes in its receptors alter your sensitivity), it can cause real problems. If you look at this chart you can see some behaviors and conditions associated with dopamine levels or with sensitivity to dopamine. Sensitivity equates with how many receptors a nerve cell has for dopamine.

It's true that some of the conditions listed are at extreme ends of the dopamine spectrum. Nonetheless, dopamine is involved with many aspects of mood, behavior, and perception. Even small shifts in dopamine sensitivity or levels can have profound effects on how you see the world, or your partner.

The key word on the list below is bonding. Bonding is more than a behavior. It is a mammalian program, the program that permits parenting and living in groups. When dopamine drops, you are likely to find your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels.

Dopamine Levels (or altered sensitivity to dopamine)

Excess	Deficient	"Normal"
Addictions	Addictions	Healthy bonding
Compulsions	Depression	Feelings of well-being, satisfaction
Mania	Anhedonia—no pleasure, world looks colorless	Pleasure, reward in accomplishing tasks
Sexual fetishes	Lack of ambition and drive	Healthy libido
Sexual addiction	Inability to bond	Good feelings toward others
Unhealthy risk-taking	Low libido	Motivated
Aggression	Erectile dysfunction	Healthy risk taking
Psychosis	Social anxiety disorder	Sound choices
Schizophrenia	ADHD or ADD	Realistic expectations
	Sleep disturbances, "restless legs"	Parent/child bonding
		Contentment with "little" things

The power of dopamine and our reward circuitry are seen in classic experiments done on rats. Consider what happens when sadistic scientists put a starving rat on one side of a grid with electric current running through it and food on the other side. The rat will not cross the pain-producing grid. Yet put a rat with an electrode planted in her reward circuitry on one side of the grid and a lever she knows will stimulate her reward circuitry on the other, and she’ll dash across the grid to tap that lever nonstop. Stimulation of her reward circuitry becomes her top priority, because it’s telling her inner compass that a big reward is just around the corner. She will ignore food, even if starving, or abandon her unweaned pups just to tap that lever until she drops.

If the rat is male, he’ll ignore a receptive female to tap it until he drops. Humans implanted with similar electrodes (decades ago) experienced a constant urge to tap their levers, as well as intense sexual arousal—but not pleasure or orgasm itself. They also reported an undercurrent of anxiety.

Despite the obvious differences between rats and humans, rats have been called "guiding flashlights" for understanding the primitive mechanisms of our own brain.

Sexually-satiated male rats take up to fifteen days to recover their full desire for sex (although they can get it up long before they are back to full steam). Meanwhile, even if they're feeling sexually sluggish, there is a reliable way to jump-start them, which we’ll get to in a moment. (Female rats also show evidence of a similar cycle in the form of predictable surges of prolactin after vigorous copulation, whether or not they become pregnant. A shadow version of this prolactin cycle has now been detected in women, and may be connected with post-sex mood swings in some women.)

Research also shows that male rats experience a reduction in testosterone receptors for up to a week within their reward circuitry. Hormones and neurochemicals dock with receptors on the nerve cells. In this case, fewer receptors mean less sensitivity to circulating testosterone. The result is that the reward circuitry pumps out less dopamine. It's like the reward circuitry's batteries are low. If this happens in females, it would also reduce their sexual desire.

Low testosterone (or decreased sensitivity to it) is associated with irritability and anger. Serotonin and endorphin levels also rise in the reward circuitry of sexually-satiated rats. Most of us have heard that these are "happy neurochemicals," but in this part of the limbic system both function to put on the brakes instead of just producing warm, fuzzy feelings. Keep in mind that sexual dysfunction is a major side effect of taking either antidepressants that raise serotonin or narcotics that mimic endorphins. When neurochemicals dampen your reward circuitry for a time, your relationship can suffer. See The Passion Cycle for an overview of this neurochemical cycle, and for more recent research see Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover? and Women: Does Orgasm Give You a Hangover?

Dopamine and the Coolidge Effect

Humans, like virtually all mammals, are not naturally monogamous (as in sexually exclusive), although many individuals are. This may not sound very romantic, but no mammals are sexually exclusive. (A few, such as humans, are "socially monogamous." That is, they typically raise their offspring together.) It is therefore likely that our mating neurochemistry is set up to accomplish two goals. It encourages bonding so we co-parent.

Yet there is also a conflicting program to push us out of those bonds—at least far enough to add a novel mate. From chimps to rats, the same neurochemical events drive mammalian behaviors, and they are driving them to be promiscuous. Is it likely that Mr. and Mrs. Rodent are growing apart in their relationship? Could the excitement be gone from their marriage? Perhaps Mrs. Chimp spends too much money, or nags too much. Maybe Mr. Chimp watches too much football or doesn’t help much with housework. Not likely. Just like us, they have a subconscious program, triggered by mating, found in their limbic systems, which biology uses to urge them tire of their mates and move on to new mates.

During the week or two that the hangover from orgasm lingers, our large, rational brain proposes logical reasons to explain our relationship disharmony. Orgasm is natural…absolutely. But it may also be natural for both men and women to sour on a mate, to suddenly find a spouse unattractive, irritating, and wholly unreasonable. It may even be natural to become wholly unreasonable, and thus hasten the departure of a mate.

Now, we know that all of you are wondering about that sure-fire way to jump-start male rats' flagging libido. Perhaps you can already guess. All you have to do is introduce a new, receptive female. That may not be the answer you were hoping for…or perhaps it was!

Have you ever heard of the "Coolidge Effect?" Because that’s what we're addressing. Scientists have discovered that—after a frenzy of copulation—a male rat will lose interest in a female. BUT should a new female show up, he’ll perk up long enough to service her.1

This process of presenting novel mates to males can be continued until they practically die of exhaustion—once again proving that biology doesn’t give a rat’s…hindquarters about anything but propelling genes into the future.

The Coolidge Effect has been observed in every species tested, and not just in males. Lady rodents prefer to seduce new guys, too. The Coolidge Effect just might play a role in human affairs as well. Marnia once talked with a man who had stopped counting at 350 lovers. He said, "I really don’t understand it. I lost interest in all of them sexually so quickly—and some of those women are really beautiful, too."

The Coolidge Effect is linked to your post-orgasm hangover. The reason the rat loses interest is that he’s getting a weaker and weaker dopamine surge from Partner No. 1. No dopamine surge, no interest. She is not perceived as "rewarding." The same thing happens to humans. The thrill is gone, and Partner No. 1 looks like Brussels sprouts. Now you’re primed for anything that will jack up your dopamine again. Partner No. 2 appears, and your dopamine soars. As if by magic, your blues are gone, and you have that heady feeling of anticipation, that sense of uninhibited aliveness. In short, No. 2 looks like chocolate cake. (This also has implications for understanding today's binging on Internet porn.)

Assuming we don't learn how to steer for lasting bonds by taming our limbic system, our reward circuitry will push us to do just what it evolved to do (once our temporary honeymoon neurochemistry wears off). We'll get less and less dopamine "reward" during sex with our current mate. Notice that this is similar to what occurs when people use drugs, play intense video games, binge on Internet porn, or gamble. They seek more and more stimulation to get the same high. In short, feelings of sexual satiety do not promote romance—which calls into question a lot of today's relationship advice about producing bigger, better and more frequent orgasms.

The truth has been recognized for thousands of years. Here's a poem from the ancient Greek Anthology.

Once plighted, no men would go whoring.

They'd stay with the one they adore,

If women were half as alluring

After the act as before.

Back to our tale. What if No. 2 doesn’t show up for your tryst, and you’re left in the doldrums? Unlike rats, you have many dopamine-raising possibilities—from Internet porn, gambling and alcohol, to the dopamine agonists drug companies are producing to light a fire under slumbering libidos (not recommended, due to risky side effects). These "fixes" make you feel better briefly, but as far as your well-being goes, they are like eating junk food—a net loss. As biologist Robert Sapolsky observed, there is a price for blasting our reward circuitry too enthusiastically in our efforts to counter the blues.

Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation and pleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation.... Our tragedy is that we just become hungrier." In short, there are advantages to steering for equilibrium initially, rather than always reaching for more stimulation to cope.

Your limbic system is not equipped to understand that there can be too much of a good thing. It just keeps rewarding you to do the same unrewarding things because they register as things that once served your ancestors. A "fix" just positions you for a continuous addictive cycle of highs, more lows, and a search for more highs. Many of us spend much of our sex lives caught in this cycle—with no obvious way out.

The Power of Equilibrium

We have talked about how roller coaster levels of dopamine can break couples apart, but there’s also something holding couples together. The neurochemical that binds couples together is oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone" or "bonding hormone." Without it, we could not stay in love. Falling in love is associated with a soup of neurochemicals—like adrenaline, which makes your heart race, and, as we have mentioned, dopamine, which makes you crave your beloved, and low serotonin, which can make you obsessed with someone. But the heartwarming, loving, "gushy" aspects of love are probably due to oxytocin.

Oxytocin has various functions in the body, such as inducing labor contractions and milk ejection, but from evolutionary biology’s perspective, its main behavioral function is to bond us to our children for life. It also serves to bond us to our mate…at least long enough to fall in love with our child so that it has two caregivers for its long childhood and adolescence. Friendships are also built on oxytocin, and can be quite deep bonds.

Yet, what happens to friendships that turn into sexual relationships? Often things change for the worse. This change is an excellent example of the post-sexual satiation neurochemical shift, or hangover, kicking in. Oxytocin and dopamine are the yin and yang of bonding and love. Dopamine furnishes the kick, oxytocin makes a particular mate appealing, in part by triggering feelings of comfort. You need both acting on the reward circuitry at ideal levels to stay in love. In experiments, if scientists block either oxytocin or dopamine, mothers will ignore their pups.

There's evidence that these two neurochemicals stimulate each other's release, so if one is low, it affects levels of the other. As sexual satiation plays havoc with dopamine, lovers can end up with a double-whammy effect on their precious emotional bonds. Low dopamine (or dopamine receptors) alone interferes with feelings of love, and it may reduce oxytocin levels or the brain's sensitivity to oxytocin. As things go sour, something interferes with oxytocin's bonding effects. It's likely that it's (temporary) low dopamine, or reduced sensitivity to it.

The good news is that making love while avoiding sexual satiation is the loophole in biology’s plan for our love lives. This is the secret that the ancient sacred-sexuality sages stumbled upon. Making love with lots of affection, without the dopamine-driven highs and lows of conventional sex, seems to keep neurochemical levels balanced.

There's some evidence that the more oxytocin you produce, the more receptive to it key nerve cells become. This is the opposite of dopamine. In addicts, dopamine receptors start to decrease as the nerve cells protect themselves from overstimulation. Addicts then need more and more of a drug (more and more dopamine). Luckily you don’t need an ever-increasing "fix" of oxytocin to maintain the sparkle in your romance. Daily bonding behaviors can make your partner look better and better—at least to you. This is why daily affection, with less orgasm, can strengthen your bond with your mate.

Oxytocin is associated with significant benefits, both emotionally and physically. In fact, oxytocin may be the answer to the question, "What is the mechanism by which love and affection positively affect our health?" Consider the following research:

· Oxytocin reduces cravings. When scientists administered it to rodents who were addicted to cocaine, morphine, or heroin, the rats opted for less drugs, or showed fewer symptoms of withdrawal. (Kovacs, 1998 )

· Oxytocin calms. A single rat injected with oxytocin has a calming effect on a cage full of anxious rats. (Agren, 2002)

· This quality of oxytocin explains why companionship can increase longevity—even among those who are HIV positive (Young, 2004). Or speed recovery: wounded hamsters heal twice as fast when they are paired with a sibling, rather than left in isolation (DeVries, 2004).

· It may also explain why, among various species of primates, care-giving parents (whether male or female) live significantly longer. (Cal Tech, 1998 )

· Oxytocin appears be a major reason that SSRI’s [Prozac-type drugs] ease depression, perhaps because high levels of cortisol are the chief culprits in depression and anxiety disorders. (Oxytocin counteracts cortisol's effects.) (Uvnas-Moberg, 1999)

· Oxytocin increases sexual receptivity and counteracts impotence, which may be one reason why this other way of making love remains pleasurable. (Pedersen, C.A., 2002), (Arletti, 1997)

Sure enough, scientists are finally beginning to find the connections between oxytocin, regular affection and successful, long-term pair bonds:

· Is Long-Term Love More Than A Rare Phenomenon? If So, What Are Its Correlates?

· Oxytocin during the initial stages of romantic attachment: Relations to couples’ interactive reciprocity

· Sexual Satisfaction and Relationship Happiness in Midlife and Older Couples in Five Countries

However, do not think that spraying oxytocin up your nose, or taking sublingual tabs will in any way reproduce the bonding benefits described here and elsewhere. These effects only occur when precise amounts are released in very specific brain structures. Flooding the blood and brain with oxytocin will cause unwanted side effects and may produce counterproductive mood and perception shifts.

Again, oxytocin reduces cravings and increases sexual receptivity. This allows making love without orgasm to be surprisingly satisfying. The affection is always there, flowing between you and your partner. When we tiptoe around dopamine’s highs and lows, we encourage balance and clear perception of each other. We see each other as sources of safety and pleasure, not as sources of recurring stress with brief moments of sexual pleasure. The real magic of love happens at a neurochemical level—and we can choose balance in order to foil the extremes of our genes' plans for us.

If you would like to learn more about a way to make love that sidesteps humanity's built-in separation mechanism and makes the most of attachment (oxytocin) visit Karezza Korner.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

WHAT DO HIS KISSES MEAN? EACH GUY HAS HIS OWN KISSING STYLE… BUT WHAT EXACTLY DO HIS KISSES MEAN, ANYWAY?

Patti will be on the Steve Harvey TV Show during the week of Valentine's Day discussing Kissing.
Below is just a taste of what she will be sharing with Steve and his audience. Watch the blog for the date the show will air and tune in!

The lips (and tongue) are the most densely concentrated with nerve endings of any part of the human body, yes any part. The skin on the lips has very few layers so that the blood vessels show through and give them their red color. The juncture where the lips meet the surrounding skin of the mouth area is the Vermillion border and typically reddish area within the borders is called the vermillion zone and the vermilion border the v at the upper lip is known as the cupids bow.

A bad first kiss can kill a would-be romance faster than you can re-apply your lipstick. In a S.U.N.Y. Albany survey, more than half 59 percent of men and 66 percent of women reported ending a relationship because the first kiss was off.

Different Types of Kisses to Try

Cheek Kiss
A peck on the cheek for a first date. Is also a friendly way of greeting someone. A woman can signal she wants a cheek kiss by leaning in. To kiss your date or partner on the cheek put your hands on the man’s arms lightly and offer your cheek. For the man reach out and rest your hands lightly on the shoulders and gently move in to kiss the cheek.

Forehead or Top of the Head Kiss- If it is the only kind of kiss you get it signal I am your big brother or big sister kiss. Or if you have kissed before it signals I feel protectiveness and nurturing as well as lust for you.

Earlobe Kiss
This kiss is more sensuous. The earlobes are a sensitive area and kissing or nibbling or sucking on them can be very arousing.

French Kiss
This is the most popular and widely known kiss. It involves closeness along with a hint of sexual excitement. It is a beautiful experience. But it is definitely not a first or second date kind of a kiss. You have to start with a normal lip to lip kiss and then slowly bring your tongue into play. Let your tongues brush against each other but don't go too deep.

Don't rush take it slow. Recognize body cues that show your kissing partner wants to kiss or is closed to the kiss open vs. closed windows, blocking gestures, retreat.

Butterfly Kiss
This is a simple and sweet type of kiss that signals a sweet and tender trusting relationship. Because it would indicate that your partner loves only you. To perform the butterfly kiss, bring your face very close to your partner's face so that your eyelashes are touching. Now flutter your eyelashes like the fluttering of a butterfly's wings.

Single-Lip Kiss
This is again a very sensual kind of a kiss. To do it just take your partners lip and suck it with two of your lips. Do it very gently as doing it hard will make their lip go numb and it might even be painful. It is a nice change from the usual types of kisses.

Eskimo Kiss
In the Eskimo kiss you have to get your face close to your partner's and rub your nose against theirs. Do it gently to enjoy it. Based on Greeting followed by the Eskimos.

Angel Kiss
In this kiss you lightly touch your partner's eyes with your lips. It is a very caring and loving gesture. This is a very sweet gentle type of kiss. Men just to let you know a woman feels especially cherished when you gently and loving give an angel kiss.

Arabian Nights Kiss -
Seal me with kisses or open kisses that go all over the body all over kisses.
The name of this kiss says it all. There were 101 stories in the Arabian nights. Kiss from the top of the head to the waist and or from the toes to the thigh. You can start this kiss from the top of the head or forehead and slowly move down on the face and further kissing gently everywhere.

Surprise Kiss
Kiss your partner when they don’t expect it for example: in the middle of cooking dinner together, across the dinner table, just after you have gotten in the car, or just after you brush your teeth.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How to get the songs stuck in your head from playing over and over

Ever since I played the music video “Starship” that promoted the movie Pitch Perfect. I have been singing the song. And yes, I know singing about Starships and saying that they “are meant to fly…” as you walk through airports and hotel lobbies may make people think I have been recently abducted by aliens. Recently I read new research saying we can get songs out of our heads. After I get that song out I may have to work on reducing the number of times I sing the Bruno Mars lyric, “You make me feel like I have been locked out of Heaven for too long.” Here is the research. What songs are playing in your head recently?

http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/01/16/intense-emotions-best-communicated-via-body-language/50423.html

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

The Top Body Language Experts

Patti Wood Ma, CSP

Dr. Lillian Glass

Janine Driver

Susan Constantine

Kevin Hogan

Jan Hargrave

Traci Brown

Vincent Harris

Eliot Hoppe

Blanca Cobb

Linda Talley

Nicolas Fradet

Tonya Reiman

Judi James

Carolyn Finch

Allan Pease

David Alssema

Robert Phipps

Psychologists Uncover Hidden Signals of Trust

Psychologists Uncover Hidden Signals of Trust—Using a Robot What body language indicates “trustworthy I am a science fiction fan all Ray Bradbury and Authur C Clark so I found this new research interesting. http://digitallearningandteaching.wordpress.com/2013/01/15/mind-brain-mind-matters-january-8-2013-3-comments-email-print-psychologists-uncover-hidden-signals-of-trust-using-a-robot/

Latest research says that we send more intense emotions via the face rather than body language

Read the summary and let me know what you think. http://psychcentral.com/news/2013/01/16/intense-emotions-best-communicated-via-body-language/50423.html

Here is new research that tells you more about this key aspect of ISOPRAXism

http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/07/29/be-careful-when-copying-body-language/28186.html

Sample Handout For Body Language For Meeting and Presentations by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

By Patti Wood MA, CSP Body Language Expert

www.PattiWood.net

Patti is called “The gold standard of body language experts” by the Washington Post and credited in the New York Times with bringing the topic into the national consciousness. Patti has degrees with a specialization in nonverbal communication and was a university instructor in body language and other communication topics. She is the author of eight books including the new “SNAP – Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma”, “The Conflict Cure” and “Easy Speaking-Dynamic Delivery.” Patti is a professional speaker and consultant for fortune 100 companies. Her clients include; AT&T, Hewlett Packard, Proctor and Gamble, Kroger, UPS, Porsche, Coca-Cola, and Cisco Systems as well as hundreds of National Associations. She speaks on PBS, the BBC, CNN, FOX News, FBN, HLN, Nancy Grace, Dr. Drew, MSMBC, In Session, The History Channel, Inside Edition, The Soup, The Discovery Channel, and more. She appears regularly in hundreds of newspapers and magazines around the world including; Esquire, Us Weekly, Psychology Today, USA Today, People, AOL.com, Women’s Health, In Touch, OK!, Reuters, ESPN, Men’s Health, Details, Oprah Magazine, Entertainment Weekly, Family Circle, Parents Magazine, The Wall Street Journal, and hundreds more.

Body Language for Meetings and Presentations

1. Start with Something Powerful

2. Watch Your Stance and Posture

3. Face Towards the Audience

4. Movement—Room—Space

5. Facial Expressions and Body Movement

6. Hands-Gestures

7. Eye Contact

For “ How to Make a Positive First Impression” article go to www.PattiWood.net to Articles on the menu click then scroll down to Featured Articles to “How to Make a Positive First Impression” (http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=11491)

For the handout on Powerful Presentation Body Language Go to www.PattiWood.net On the Menu on the left side of the screen scroll down to Articles and click then go Articles with Tips then scroll down “Powerful Presentation Body Language” (http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2331)

When should you Match and Mirror body language?

Yesterday I was on HLN news talking about the effects of the Texas campus shooting. When there is a dangerous situation and people are afraid the group will tend to match and mirror that fear. This basic survival instinct allowed danger to be committed to the tribe. So I always teach that you must mirror with integrity for your sake and for the sake of the person you are empathizing with. You may have crossed your legs to match your best friend’s seating position or leaned in close as your sweetie and noticed that they did the same, using matching and mirroring to get close. . Whether you realize you’re doing it or not, subtly mimicking people in social settings helps you form bonds and establish connections. Mirroring—copying a person’s looks, gestures and general body language is especially effective on job interviews and dates or when we're in other SNAP first impressions (http://www.snapfirstimpressions.com) settings when you are trying to establish a rapport and develop trust.

While this unconscious activity has its benefits—imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all—new research reveals that unchecked mirroring can backfire.

Sacramento Book Review of SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma

http://citybookreview.com/2013/01/snap-making-the-most-of-first-impressions-body-language-and-charisma/

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

KHSU Radio Interview of Patti on SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma

Below is a wonderful note from the host of the radio interview that I did for KHSU. Click the link given in the note to hear the entire interview.

Just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed interviewing Patti. The original air date of January 14, 2013 was postponed due to a preemptive programming decision at KHSU. Therefore the interview will be airing tomorrow, January 21, 2013 at 1:30 p.m. PST. The interview can be streamed live at www.khsu.org. It will also be available in the KHSU archives for the two weeks following the air date. To listen to the archived program go to www.khsu.org, click on web audio, then audio archives. Scroll down the page to Through the Eyes of Women and choose the Windows Media Player version or an mp3 version.

Defined By Your Desk

Click the link below to read how you can be defined by your desk according to Patti in a recent article for the Toronto Sun.

http://career.jobboom.com/workplace/challenges/2005/03/16/3277969-torsun.html

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Get Powerful!

The first speaker walked confidently onto the stage, his shoulders back, his chest held high, and stood with his feet apart and began gesturing broadly. The second speaker shuffled hesitantly onto the stage and stood with his shoulders slumped, his head bowed his feet together and his hands twined together held below his belt. What do you think of each speaker and what do you think each was feeling?
Powerful body language is telling. In a study of 132 business school graduates that took place over eight years and included extensive interviews, researchers looked at women who showed powerful body language and discovered that women who can turn their body language on and off according to their circumstances (called self- monitoring) get more promotions than men or other women. We know that body language can make people think and feel differently about you, but in her popular TEDTalk Amy Cuddy enthusiastically shares her research results that show that holding a powerful or powerless body language posture for two minutes can change your hormones (raising or lowering testosterone and cortisol), and thus how you feel. The Huffington Post asked me to comment on this TedTalk and let me say for the record, Hallelujah! Some great new research to support what I feel is one of the most remarkable and beneficial aspects of body language awareness. I say in my book, Snap Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma, that however you hold yourself, however you move through space, and however you gesture, your body sends messages back to your brain to make you feel that way. So, if you are standing with your shoulders drooping and head bowed, the little pharmacy in your brain creates and sends chemicals into your bloodstream in less than a fortieth of a second to make you feel less powerful. The great news is, if you know what creates powerful body language messages, and integrate that with an awareness of your own body language, you can feel as powerful as you wish to be in a fraction of a second. What can you do to make yourself feel authentically powerful immediately? The four foundation principles of power are confidence, space, openness, and relaxation. So to feel more powerful:
1. Take up space with your body. Notice how far apart your feet are normally and if you don't feel powerful, Stand or with your feet as little as one inch further apart to feel lion like stability and presence. If you are seated you can put your feet further apart or out and use those arm rest. Spread out.
2. Hold and or gesture your hands above your waist, or to feel victorious and euphoric hold them very high up at or above your head. What I call Up posture makes you feel up and confident. So hold your head and body up. We spend far to much time looking down at our smart phones train yourself to look up.
3. Keep what I call your body windows open. Focus on the windows at your feet your pelvis your heart your neck and the palms of your hands. Stand or sit with your limbs unfolded and don't close and block your windows with your stuff, such as your coffee cup or purse smart phone or by touching you face, your neck shirt collar in power reducing self- comfort moves.
4. Relax your body. Tension makes us get small relaxing and breathing make you look and feel powerful.
You have the power change the way you feel in any situation. So put your hands in the air and get powerful.
Ideas are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people, they morph and adapt into their most potent form. TEDWeekends will highlight some of today's most intriguing ideas and allow them to develop in real time through your voice! Tweet #TEDWeekends to share your perspective or email tedweekends@hufﬁngtonpost.com to learn about future weekend's ideas to contribute as a writer.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/patti-wood/positive-body-language_b_2459454.html

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Lance Armstrong's Body Language ..... Very Unsettling!

Check the link below to hear my insights on the body language of Lance Armstrong during the AP Newswire interview that I did this morning from my home.

http://news.yahoo.com/video/expert-armstrong-body-language-unsettling-212029796.html

http://www.usatoday.com/videos/news/nation/2013/01/18/expert-armstrong-body-language-unsettling/1846353/

http://news.yahoo.com/video/gma-lance-armstrong-winfrey-interview-080000618.html;_ylt=AnjQhwQ.YeB_Q8LhvHkQMp2r9LQF;_ylu=X3oDMTM0N2tuajZkBG1pdANWaWRlbyBQbGF5IFBhZ2UgUGxheWxpc3QgQmFyBHBrZwNkNzdjMDkzNy0zOTg4LTM3NGYtODBhMS02ZTdmMGUyN2JmZjIEcG9zAzEEc2VjA01lZGlhUGxheWxpc3RCYXI-;_ylg=X3oDMTA1bmkzZDc4BHRlc3QD;_ylv=3?pb_list=26b8970e-9767-4d75-b991-7552a5360c45

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Lance Armstrong’s body language during Oprah interview. Was Lance Armstrong Lying?

Below are my rough notes from the Lance Armstrong interview with Oprah.

Posture Tell

We expected and hoped that Lance Armstrong would be humble and contrite in his Oprah interview. We didn’t see his head down in shame shoulders down as he was asked about his bad behavior. Instead he starts the interview siting up and very comfortable and large taking up space in a stereotypical powerful American male leg cross. It is a blocking cross that protects him but signals his superiority. This is telling and shows how he feels about Oprah Winfrey. The feet are the most honest portion of the body. Lance’s left leg is pointed away from Oprah Winfrey. Lance’s right leg crosses over his left protecting his pelvis and the bottom of Lance’s right foot is towards Oprah symbolically stepping and stomping on her.

Castle Hand Position

He is also in a double protective sitting position. His legs are crossed and his hands folded and resting on his lap with the fingers interlaced in what I call the castle wall. This hand position gives you something to do with your hands and protects you from frontal attack and is normal for anyone stressed or fearful but he does it in combination with a dominant leg cross of superiority showing he wants to “win “the interview. He will protect himself and end on top. He is saying with his body “I want to be in charge and I need to protect myself from this attack. “

As Oprah begins talking about how Lance agreed to this no holds bar interview… “Lance wipes his nose symbolically saying, “This doesn't smell good to me. “

Lip Behavior

As she lays out the no holds bar open field interview parameters rules Lance Armstrong's mouth tightens and he brings his lips together. Lance also gives a pursed lip sour taste expression. This will be one of over 30 times he gives the lip suppression cue in the interview that indicate he is keeping in the truth and in this first instance also indicating that he is not looking forward to this interview.

This first set of lip suppression cues are not surprising considering the circumstances that led up to the interview and the stress of any Oprah interview, but it is interesting for Lance to do. He has successfully lied to interviewers and the press for many years. He rarely showed that cue before. He has been able to present himself so well to the media for so many years.

Eye Behavior and Suppressed Anger

He does show his acting skills in many of his responses. He is able to look Oprah directly in the eye with no eye movement cues as he responds throughout the interview. He is a confident deceiver. For example, he looks at Oprah directly as she asks him the first question. He is still sitting in the cross leg castle wall protected and guarded position but he is looking at her with his head but the rest of his body is positioned so he is facing away from her. He does a micro facial cue as he begins to answer the first question. There is a micro facial cue that is a fraction of the second of a true feeling expressed before the neocortex can control the limbic brain response to the situation of anger. This is going to be a very interesting interview.

Voice cues and Micro-facial cues

Lance says he looked up the definition of cheat instead of answering Oprah’s question, “Didn’t you know how big this (the story the deceit the betrayal) was. He gets more upset with her. His voice gets louder he says, “You asked me the question and I said I didn't know.” and his head strikes out at her and he grimaces. He feels cornered. You also hear him stutter out his answer and his voice becomes strident. In addition you see a micro facial cue of rage come across his face just for an instant and he bares his teeth at Oprah.

Interesting when asked about his bad behavior he says, “I will spend the rest of my life …” then doesn’t finish the sentence. This is Lance backing off his responsibility. He hesitates again and begins again, “I will spend the rest of my life trying to apologize to people.” First he does not say he will apologize he says he will try. Then he de-emphasizes others and puts the focus on his pain using the word I and “my life.” “I will spend the rest of my life.

He is self-focused on his pain rather than other focused. Recognizing the severe pain he caused others. He emphasizes his suffering the price he will pay.

More anger shown towards Oprah.

Lance says, “I am happier today” and she calls him on it and he gets mad at Oprah and replies noting this is not the first time she caught he says, “Once again I said I was happier today.” He was vocally emphasizing the word today saying it loudly and forceful and adding a thrust of the chin forward toward Oprah and an explosive T in today. He then finishes the sentence, “Not yesterday Today.” a reply that makes no sense except to emphasize how he is able to lie by choosing certain wording. As former president Clinton said, “I did not have sexual relations (instead of the word intercourse) “He is accusing Oprah of misinterpreting him and shows suppressed anger again when she really just caught him in a lie.

When asked by Oprah if he paid off UCI so that they would look over what he had done.

Lance’s response is fascinating (very similar to his taped interrogation years ago by the way) He sweeps his head from his left to his right. But really his head sweeps forceful totally away from Oprah to retreat from the question then he catches himself and quickly swings it back. In what I call the Shakespearean, “Thou doth protest too much.”

Lance then presses his lips together he is overly enthusiastic in his denial which signals to me there's something not quite right in his response. He is lying.

When he is asked about the female masseuse that testified against him, Riley, he brings his hand up to cover his mouth and says, “She is one of those people I have to apologize to she is one of these people who got run over got bullied.” His word choice bullied instead of betrayed shows us that he thinks of the behavior as a school boy playing a game in a school yard. When Oprah calls him on that sidestep saying, “You sued her and she was telling the truth,” Lance says, “To be honest with you and then rambles on smiling and even slightly laughing as he says “…there were so many people I am sure we did. “ He says it so lightly and races through it and smirks and even says, “I don't remember the many people I don't remember. To say in effect there were so many people I “won this game” I don't remember “is so appalling. The smirk shows there is dissonance about how he feels about the situation. But the smile and laugh show he is not conflicted about what he did that was bad but indicates that he doesn't like getting caught in betrayal of so many people.

Eye Block
As he finishes this response he does an eye block bringing the eyelids down and keeping them closed more than normal baseline, this shows he feels cornered on this particular line of questioning he does not want to talk about how he sued his friends and terribly betrayed so many people. Normal behavior perhaps, but why didn’t he show shame and guilt?

Fist raised to Oprah

When Oprah says, “you're suing people knowing they're telling the truth what is that?” he responds with a long pause his hand goes up into a fist and he places that fist over his mouth again I believe he’s suppressing his anger his desire to punch Oprah in getting into this line of questioning the anger is all the way up and is tightly held together… To the glare in his eyes the timestamp at this point is one hour into the played interview. I wish I had a freeze frame screen grab of the steel sharp glare of his eyes.

When asked by Oprah did you call Betsy telling the truth about the women in the Indiana hospital he responded with a long pause again preparing what he wants to say to this statement rather than just coming out with the truth in a quick loud smooth flow that is his baseline for honest answers. He also shakes his head no and does an eye blink block and follows that with the glare at Oprah and twisted lips. He avoids answering the question and puts his hands over his knees wrapping them around the knee interlacing the fingers together to put a wall up between him and Oprah he really doesn't want to go here even knowing he agreed to any kind of questioning.

She asked if he made peace with them and he goes “me no” shouting it out and looks at Oprah like she's crazy and snarls again as an attack his wording in his response is telling. “…because they've been hurt too badly.” Notice he abdicates responsibility. The emphasis away from himself they've been hurt too badly instead of the how can they forgive me I've hurt them so badly. Why didn’t he say “because I hurt them so badly?”

Oprah calls him on his ability to rationalize his behavior

On suing the woman on defamation of character because he didn’t say she was fat. saying “Well, I called her a liar called her a bitch but I didn't call her fat.” He smiles and actually raises his body in pride at his skill at playing the right word game. He doesn't feel like he did anything bad. Interesting we see into the way he rationalizes here and he's actually laughing he’s figured it out it was a game to me. He does not say I did harm or I betrayed.

When asked about his under the breath use of the” whore word” Lance’s voice gets rough and he used the filler word as he says “not good” and he brings his chin down as he shakes his head no.

When asked by Oprah, "when the Department of Justice dropped the case, I have to ask, why? "did you have any influence on that? Lance says with his words no but his head shakes yes. He does not complete the sentence in his response but he does smirk. He then brings his lips together in an eerie clown like closed lipped smile.

This shows he got away with something and he is secretly happy and gleeful that he did. Again in his mind he “won.” that game.

I wish I had I a screen grab of this at 1:18 on the taped show.

Lance says he disrespected the rules then uses the word but to split the answer. Know that when anyone speaks to you and makes a statement and follows it with the word but the truth comes after the word but. He follows it with. “but because regardless of that generation when you have what was going on at the time.” So the truth he reveals is that he feels it was that generation that was responsible. Then Lance pauses and says, “but that was my choice and touches his chest with closed fingers. That's the first time I feel like at some level Lance is realizing that it was his choice that he does take responsibility.

When asked about his friend George being interviewed.

There are an awful lot of "buts” in his response. Lance says, “I don't fault GEORGE KAPPY but…. shows in a fact that he does feel George was responsible that he is upset with George. Always listen to what is said after the "but" because that is the truth.

Body Language Reads for Daily Front Row

Patti did some body language reads for the Daily Front Row. Click the link below to read her insights on Karl Lagerfeld and Linda Evangelista.

http://www.fashionweekdaily.com/chic-report/article/body-language-revealed-karl-lagerfeld-and-linda-evangelista

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Lance Armstrong's Body Language During His Apology Statement Interview with Oprah

Patti just did an interview with OutsideMag.com on what to look for in the body language of Lance Armstrong tonight and she will be reading the body language of Lance Armstrong during his interview tonight with Oprah. Check back tomorrow to get all Patti's insights! Also, click the link below to read Patti's interview with Outsidemag.com!

http://www.outsideonline.com/outdoor-adventure/biking/road-biking/Countdown-to-the-Lance-Armstrong-Oprah-Confession-Updates-Analysis.html?page=all

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Five Ways to Create a Great First Impression

Check the link below to find out Five Ways to Create a Great First Impression.
http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=11491

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

What Your Bag Holding Style Says About You

Patti was asked to weigh in on different handbag hold styles by Refinery29.

Which one are you and what does it say about you?

Click the link below to find out Patti's insights!

The Arm-Crook Hook

Held with a bent arm
Favorites of Paparazzi-chased celebs, this limp-handed style just screams power. "you're wearing the bag as if it's a badge of honor or an award. You feel as if you've got a sense of superiority."

The Briefcase
Held by the top handle
There's a certain type of woman who chooses to forgo the shoulder strap for the top handle. "She's in business mode. She's going fast and her bag has a lot of weight - she cares less about her appearance and more about where she's off to"

The Thumb-To-'Pit
Hooking your thumb onto the handle strap
There's a reason this move is associated with Carrie from Sex and the City. "I see women in cosmopolitan cities doing this. They remember their Mamas telling them to protect their bags...they don't want to get them pulled off while they're walking! They're street-smart."

The Hands-Free

Wearing a bag that crosses over your body
"The girl who wears a hands-free bag willingly covers up her silhouette and outfit. It's useful, but it also shows you're slightly dorky. I see this a lot with young women."

The Armpit Vice
Clutching a bag to your body without a strap
Clutches are hard to hold, we know, but this move keeps your bag in place while leaving your hands free. "There's an awkwardness about it, and I see it happen a lot with women who are carrying a purse that doesn't fit her body."

The Third Arm Drape
Wearing a bag with a long strap over one shoulder and letting a swing
This move usually involves a bag with a long strap...but instead of crossing it over, you choose to wear it over your shoulder. And since that baby is prone to slipping around, it shows a lack of awareness. "It says, I don't have power over my world."

The "I've Got A Bag Bitch"
Not holding the bag yourself--because you've got someone else to do it for you!
You've got better things to do than to hold a bag, for some, that's what assistants and boyfriends are for. "When people feel the need to look fabulous all the time, they can't be encumbered with anything."

The Twofer
Holding a bag in front of your body with two hands
Usually done with a coy smile and a leg cross, the two-handed twofer clutch denotes a shy, defensive person. "This creates a fig leaf position as if you were protecting your goods. If you find yourself doing this on a date, it's because you feel weird about where it's going."

The Shlepper

Holding 2, 3, 4, 5 bags at once
You've got two, three, four...five bags to worry about, so you've got a "whatever fits" strategy going on. "You're fatigued, exhausted, and in a rush - the bags suggest you're a little spaced-out and have a hard time being present."

The Baguette
Holding by cupping it
A recent favorite of street style stars, the Baguette style, is a scoop-up, on-the-go method. "It's a utilitarian look and you don't really care about the bag but rather what's in it. You're goal oriented."

http://www.refinery29.com/bag-holding-style

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.