Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Social Anxiety Tips

agreements occur between your children, try to listen

Dear Patti

Find the article below or by going to the magazine website www.motherhood.com.pk

Social Anxiety

7 tips for reducing your

social anxiety and

improving your first

impression at parties

and networking events

none of them feels neglected

When attending or taking part in school events, try to do so

By: Patti Wood MA, CSP

Atlanta, Georgia, USA

Street Journal, Forbes and

Some of you may think of parties and mingling

opportunities and jump for joy whereas some

of you may think of punch and cookies and

meeting strangers and feel your palms begin to

sweat and your throat start to close. Here are fun and

helpful tips for feeling more comfortable at your next

party so you can change from a wallflower to a

“social butterfly.”

1. Go early rather than late. If you arrive before

other guests, it is easier to get acclimated. You can

stand with the host if you need courage or introductions.

You can even ask for an anxiety-distracting

task like taking everybody’s coats or asking if they

would like a drink. Nervousness comes out of your

body in many ways. One way is through your hands.

When your hands are confidently occupied with

useful tasks, that confidence message goes to your

brain and affects your entire body. It also gives you

an easily repeatable script, “Would you like me to

take your coat?” as a conversation opener.

2. Stand near the best smelling food. That is

where the people are. If the food is good, they will

think good things about you. Research says that

pleasant smells give rise to pleasant mood states and

persuasion research shows that when we feel good

we associate those pleasant feelings with the people

we were with when we felt them. Want to get a call

from someone you met at a party? Our sense of smell

is our strongest link to memory so someone you

meet near the good smelling food will be more likely

to remember you if they associate you with a good

smell. Food also gives you an easy conversation

opener. “Have you tried the crab dip?” “It’s great.” In

addition to this, holding and eating food, like taking

coats, gives you something to do with your hands.

3. Look for an Open Person. Having an open

body language makes you more approachable. Use

this information to look for people who you can

easily approach. Search for people who are intently

speaking to someone already. Spy the people who

have their feet slightly apart a few inches rather than

crossed, pressed together, or cowboy show of defensive

stance 14 inches apart. It is easier to approach

someone who is showing his or her palms as they

gesture and is smiling. If you are super shy, you can

Feeling anxious at the prospect of mingling with people is

quite common just go up and stand next to someone who

looks open and slowly mirror his posture. Research says

he is likely to start a conversation with you.

4. Go first….you can also introduce yourself. I

know I know, you’re thinking, "Patti, you are insane.

I hate to talk to people and you want me to initiate a

conversation!” “I’d rather stick a fork in my eye.” Put

down the fork. Research shows that when you

initiate you appear more confident to other people

and they immediately feel more at ease. In addition,

when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers to you.

Remember, two awkward people equal three times

the anxiety. In the classic movie, “Come Saturday

Morning” Liza Minnelli introduces herself with

charming tenderness to a shy boy on a bus.

5. Introduce people to each other. Again, you

have something to do, and goodness it takes the

pressure off you. You now say the younger person’s

name first to introduce them to the older person, say

the lower status person’s name first to introduce

them to the higher status person. Think bigwig’s

name is said last.

6. Ask a question and then relax and listen.

When I was in grad school and teaching at Florida

State I tried out for and got a part in a community

program. I almost lost my voice and I learned a lot

about listening. So much anxiety comes from not

knowing what to do or how to do it well. I can tell you

that the smartest thing you can do at a party is ask a

gentle question. It completely takes the talking pressure

off you. You don’t have to be witty and urbane

to be good listeners. And if “The Seven Habits of

highly successful people” is right, everybody loves a

good listener.

7. Nod your head. Nod your head. Women love

it. Men typically only nod their heads when they

agree, woman nod to show they are listening. Guys,

if you nod your head a lot, she will love you. Beware

of nodding your head at your female boss at the

office. Power people love it when you nod your head

too, but your boss might think you love them so

much you are willing for them to nominate you for

the office, “recycling waste committee for 2009.” 

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

What is Michelle Obama's Hugging Style? Michelle Obama’s Hugs

What is Michelle Obama's Hugging Style?

What do Michelle Obama’s Hugs Mean?

Here are my rough notes describing the meaning and style of Michele Obama’s Hugs followed by a piece I did for Daily Beast about Michele's hugging body language.

Michelle Obama is an amazing hugging powerhouse. She initiates hugs and she likes to be "on top" when she is hugging. Michelle's preferred way of hugging is to have her arms up and around and have the other person's, (if they choose to hug back), arms below hers. Going first and hugging on top are power moves and a maternal/matriarchs style of hugging. Amazingly, she even does this with some political figures! Presidential wives have always been "bottom huggers" But, there are many photos of her hugging dominant world leaders with her arms on top. You rarely, if ever, see women as "on top" huggers except for big female stars of Hollywood.

Michelle also likes to wrap her arms fully around the head or waist of her hugee to fully encompass them. This shows affection as well has her power.

Typically she does not cup her hands, rather than arching the palm in soft hold she keeps the palm flat and the finger extended out and flat. That is a much more formal way of holding the hands and it gives her more property dominance. That is she takes up more space across the back. That can also send the signal, “I am strong.” And “I have your back.”

One of the most interesting and what I find is the sweetest aspect of her hugging style is that she likes to place her head right next of the head of her huggee. Sometimes, even brushing her cheek against theirs as she goes in. That is a very giving and intimate way to hug. Many huggers are only halfway huggers and don't give their full upper torso. You see them actually have conflict about being too close. You can see them hold their head slightly back and I can see tension in their necks as they make a real effort to not be too close or too intimate. Mrs. Obama wants to have that head connection.

I would call Mrs. Obama a Big Bear hugger which is defined by the arms being wrapped fully around the person and being pulled in tight with a quick but tight secure squeeze. This shows enthusiasm for seeing someone and can also show someone’s need to show power over or protection of the huggee.

Here is the link to the Daily Beast article I did on this topic.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/04/28/how-michelle-obama-became-hugger-in-chief.html

Hold Tight

04.28.155:20 AM ET

How Michelle Obama Became Hugger In Chief

At the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, forget the jokes and schmoozing. The real power lay in FLOTUS’s embrace.

Even though Ezra Kaplan was awarded $5,000 towards his journalism studies before a room full of the nation’s most acclaimed reporters and glittering celebrities, the true highlight of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner was the hug he received from Michelle Obama.

“Seriously, I’ve been telling everyone this, she is the best hugger ever,” Kaplan tells me, his enthusiasm bubbling over the phone from halfway across the country in Evanston, Illinois. “I’ve been trying to describe it to many of my friends. It’s a solid hug, not a dumb politician hug with a pat on the back. It’s a real hug that makes you feel like she legitimately cares.”

Sure, the Commander-in-Chief got in some good yucks at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner on Saturday night, especially with Keegan-Michael Key playing his “Luther, the anger translator.”

But more intriguing to analyze was the onward hugging march of Michelle Obama, who embraced nearly 20 journalism scholarship recipients, a gesture of physical intimacy that is now a trademark for the current FLOTUS.

After speaking to multiple body language experts, the consensus is clear: Michelle Obama is an exceptionally pro-hug first lady, and what she communicates via her willingness to embrace others says much about her personally.

“I do think she hugs more. She stands out,” says Patti Woods, the author of Snap—Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma and a teacher on body language for over 30 years.

It’s not just the frequency of Obama’s hugs, but the types of hugs she gives, which is unique for first ladies, says Woods. “Typically, it’s been fairly formal. There’s more restraint, holding the pelvis back and the head back. You see a lot more body tension around former first ladies, a lot more upper body going forward but the rest of the body going straight down. It’s less giving. There’s less intimacy,” she says.

That stiff, restrained embrace—the kind that have all the artificial, unfulfilling sweetness of a pack of Sweet’N Low—is not Obama’s style. Noor Wazwaz, another scholarship recipient who received a coveted FLOTUS hug on Saturday night, can certainly attest to that.

“She was holding onto me. People were like ‘Wow, that’s a tight grip.’ I think that genuine love and compassion comes out.”

“She definitely gives the best hugs, that’s for sure,” she says, noting friends even remarked on the embrace from a photo she took. “I have a picture of me and her at the VIP party. She was holding onto me. People were like ‘Wow, that’s a tight grip.’ I think that genuine love and compassion comes out.”

Michelle Obama separates herself from her 45 FLOTUS predecessors because she’s an “initiator hugger,” says Woods. “She’s the one who does it all the way. There’s no hesitation. It’s not ‘Now, I must hug.’ Instead of it being a formal ritual, she wants to do it.”

However, it’s not as if Obama exactly had stiff competition to become the most huggable first lady. Historically, the White House spouses are not known as the most physically affectionate creatures.

There’s Barbara Bush, who, according to a Vanity Fair profile in 1992, terrified the White House staff—“when she frowned it had the capacity to send shudders through a lot of people,” one Bush associate told the magazine.

“Barbara Bush had her shoulders back and was more regal, stately,” says Susan Constantine, another body language expert. “Michelle Obama is inviting the hug, and she’s giving you the green light.”

No first lady was more regal than Nancy Reagan. Her Dynasty-era glamour was strictly look-don’t-touch. She was more famous for lecturing the youth of America on the perils of drugs, not holding them close. Any physical intimacy was strictly for her husband.

Even Jackie Kennedy, one of the most adored first ladies in U.S. history, was not a woman to be hugged—publically at least. The young and stunning Mrs. Kennedy was an alluring asset to JFK’s 1960 presidential campaign. However, her hair was so perfectly coiffed, her Oleg Cassini ensembles so pristine, her accent so utterly patrician, one could not imagine embracing her, lest we blemish her with our plebeian impurities.

“When we look at Jackie Kennedy, she had that untouchable look, even though she was lovable,” says Constantine. In contrast, Obama “has the look of an everyday, approachable woman. The difference between the two is that Michelle Obama does not come across as stuffy. She’s opened up her arms. Naturally, her guard is down, rather than seeming very prissy.”

Jason Reed/Reuters

Obama’s move to be less formal and more intimate is not without precedent among iconic women on the world stage.

Princess Diana was one of the first female heads of states to relinquish the stately distance for a physical closeness. For Princess Diana to hug a 7-year-old AIDS patient in 1989 was actually a landmark physical gesture, a hug that had social and cultural significance. “She would lean down and look at children at eye level. She was always warm,” recalls Constantine.

Far from exhibiting the usual royal parental reserve—Prince Charles famously said he could not remember being hugged by his mother, the Queen—Diana relished hugging her own boys.

Indeed, both Diana and Michelle Obama have shown personas crafted around warmth and accessibility. As such, their hugs may be the ultimate power move, a subversive way of showing strength and authority.

Most surprising of Michelle Obama’s hugs was her infamous embrace of Queen Elizabeth in 2009. British pearl-clutchers recoiled with surprise when FLOTUS put her arm around Her Majesty, even though it was the famously formal Queen who initiated the move.

Compared to the first lady’s usual style, this was barely a hug, but a warm, firm hand on the back to match the Queen’s own move. Yet even that level of physical intimacy was unprecedented for official White House interactions with royalty.

“At some level she [Michelle Obama] made a decision to do what she wanted,” says Wood, “and to show her warmth and personality, but also her power. It was her saying, ‘We will take care of you. We will protect you.’ To me that’s very strong.”

For Wood, “In that moment, it totally took away her [Queen Elizabeth’s] power, and that’s why the country was horrified. We will always just have that image of the Queen looking diminutive and uncomfortable, and Mrs. Obama looking incredibly comfortable and incredibly confident.”

Many would disagree with that: The Queen looks very comfortable, and it more seems a wonderful, impromptu, expressive moment for both women to have shared.

For Wood, Obama has hugging moves that convey unusual strength for a woman. “She likes to be on top—to have her arms up and around—when she hugs. She even sometimes does that with powerful males. I’m amazed by that. Usually, women go under [reach down to a waist] when they’re hugging powerful men.”

Of course, there are those who doubt how genuine the hugs are in the first place.

“Are the hugs truly because she wants to connect on an emotional level, or are they robotic? That’s still a question to be answered,” says Constantine.

She sees Obama’s hugging as a way to combat the more negative press she received when her husband was first campaigning for president in 2008.

That summer, a Pew Research Center poll noted that Michelle Obama was in the press more often than her Republican counterpart, Cindy McCain. But, a higher percentage reported hearing negative stories about Mrs. Obama than Mrs. McCain.

“The way she [Obama] wants to be portrayed is countering the bad publicity of seeming mean, angry, bitchy that was out there.” Her excellent, personable hugging has been good PR for her. “The pendulum is swinging the other way over to being sociable, arms around the waist, the girlfriend thing,” says Constantine.

Her hugging has also distinguished the image the Obamas want to portray of a more accessible, “normal” White House.

“I think with their whole strategy was about connecting with people. The president and FLOTUS [traditionally] stay in the White House, they don’t intermingle too much. I think they [Michelle and Barack Obama] have broken the rules,” says Constantine.

“I think they’re setting trends with a new connectivity with the American people. I think people want to feel like they can talk to people in leadership. I tend to like it, and I’m not even a Democrat,” she adds with a laugh.

How to Recover From A Bad First Impression

Patti was interviewed by the Toronto Sun on how to recover from a bad first impression. Read her tips below!

You Blew It! Now What?

How to Recover From

A Bad First Impression

JOANNE RICHARD

Special to Postmedia Network

Your gut tells you that you messed up, but you don’t get

a second chance at making a good first impression right?

Well, possibly you do but you must go in prepared. A

recovery mission to alter an initial perception requires

persistence.

According to experts, if you’ve made a bad first

impression, people then search for behaviors that

backup their initial perception, and ignore information

that conflicts with what they already believe. Beliefs stick

and may limit opportunities in many areas of life.

Persistence

According to body language expert Patti Wood,

(pattiwood.net) first impressions are made within seconds

and it can take up to six months of continuous face-to-

face interaction to change an incorrect first impression.

First impressions are stubborn, social psychologist Heidi

Grant Halvorson tells Business Insider. “And they can

Sometimes be way, way off.” If you’ve stumbled, here’s how

to recover and make a great impression — the second

time around!
Set a new intention, recommends

Patti Wood, author of Snap: Making the Most of First

Impressions, Body Language and Charisma. Think of the

new impression you want to send. Anchor it with a specific

set of behaviors you will do at a specific time.

“Let’s say you are seen as overly critical in meetings so

at each meeting you set the intention: I will give one piece

of praise by midway in each meeting and smile and look

at the person or group as I say it,” says Wood.

Provide the perceiver with abundant evidence that they

are dead wrong about you, suggests Grant Halvorson in

Business Insider.
Repeat your evidence behavior over and over.
Piling it on will need to go on for quite

some time. Adds Wood: “If you want to change your

impression you will have to give your better impression

over and over and again to build trust. Don’t be discouraged.

Keep trying. Your consistent positive behavior

will nurture a more accurate healthy impression and long

lasting healthy relationships.”

Show a different, better side

of your personality to help reshape perception, recommends

Wood. “If you come across as gruff, turn and show

your sense of humor. If you come across a cold, show your

warmth — perhaps by showing the way you are a good listener

by leaning forward, paying attention. “If you come across as critical,

show you are actually a positive person who notices

good things by making a comment about a great movie you

just saw or giving a concrete piece of praise,” says Wood.

Interact in a different place.

“Research on first impressions

says they are more likely to change if the person sees you

in a different environment,” says Wood, so if the blunder

happened in a meeting room, stop and chat in the hall or

break room. “If you interact every day in the office, go out

with the office staff to lunch. Mix your environments.”

Watch and listen to yourself. Wood says to use your

phone to audio or video tape yourself to see what it is

you are doing that sets a bad impression. “Then watch the

tape and write out the behaviors or have someone else

listen to or look at the tapes and give you feedback.”

Check in at the start and end of interactions.

Be aware of your first and lasts
The first thing and last thing you do in an interaction has the greatest

impact on your impression, says Wood, so be sure to take

note of what you’re doing and make adjustments in your

behavior at those times.

Ask for a do-over

Consider a do-over. If you really messed up and are

committed to reversing that bad first impression, then

apologize and start over. Be profuse and gracious with

your apology, recommends Vicky Oliver, author of 301

Smart Answers to Tough Interview Questions. This must be

done with integrity to work, adds Wood. You must sincerely

wish to improve how you are. “A very brave way to change

a bad first impression is to ask for a do-over then ask that very person to tell you the

one small behavior you can change to begin to heal and

change their impression of you.,” says Wood.

joanne.richard@sunmedia.ca

“A very brave way to change a

bad first impression is to ask that very

person to tell you the one small

behavior you can change to begin

to heal and change their

impression of you.”

Patti Wood

Body Language of Leaders of China and Japan

Notice the body language, the sour downward looks in the leader of China (Xi Jinping) and leader of Japan (Shinzo Abe) Also notice how they pull away from each other in the photo below.

The leaders of China (Xi Jinping) and Japan (Shinzo Abe) held an ice-breaking summit this morning, after two years of dangerous animosity.

Verbal and Body Language Signs You're Neglecting Your Husband, Your Husband is Unhappy and or is Mad at You, and May Want to Leave You

Verbal and Body Language Signs You're Neglecting Your Husband, Your Husband is Unhappy and or is Mad at You, and May Want to Leave You

By Patti Wood MA, CSP

Author of

SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma

He does not spend time with you

He does not want to be in the same room

He does not want to have meals with you

He is always tired

He picks silly fights and complains about small things

He makes you wait. Time is an important non-verbal communicator. If he keeps you waiting, it's a sign his interest is waning and a sign of disrespect. This is true for dates as well. If he starts waiting until the very last minute to make date plans with you, it's likely he's lost interest, or he's hoping something better will come along and he's using you as a back-up.

He declines sex and intimacy. There is a dramatic change in sexual behavior. This can mean two things: (1) He wants to avoid any situation where he might have to express emotion or attachment to you, or (2) He's getting it somewhere else.

Here are some specific nonverbal behaviors.

Feet Behavior

He points his feet away from you. The feet are the most honest portion of the body. Look at your sweetie's feet when you are out with other people. If they are pointed at you, great. If they're pointed at someone else, your partner may be looking to walk.

Eye Behavior

1. Avoids making eye contact with you despite the fact that you are looking directly at him.

2. He knows that you are looking at him instead tries to make eye contact with someone else, look at the ceiling or to another point in the room.

3. Stares at you with dead eyes and the corners of his mouth turned downward with compressed lips.

4. Stares at you with a sneer - the corners of his mouth twisted and his nose wrinkled.

5. Turns his head and looks away while you are speaking.

6. Shakes his head, rolls eyes or yawns.

Body Behavior

1. Thrusts one or both hands into the pockets of his pants when talking to you.

2. Places his arms and hands against the chest and inserted the hands through the gaps made near the armpits.

3. Whether he’s sitting or standing, he keeps his legs closed tightly together or very far apart.

4. Leans back in his chair positioning himself at a distance from you.

5. He does not mirror you and or you notice you’re mirroring his negative body language. People mirror each other's body language when they are in love with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. If you're noticing the two of you are out of sync, you probably are. That's not all.

6. He closes his body windows. When a sweetie is unhappy they will display a lack of open "windows" towards you. "Windows" being his heart, eyes, neck and palms. If your man turns his heart (the center of his chest) away from you as you are talking to each other.

10 Relaxation Tips for Kids

Wouldn’t it be great if you had learned effective ways to relax and calm your anger when you were a kid? Here are 10 relaxation tips for kids that I just read on a babysitting website. Read them, post them, and have them on your phone so you can teach your children techniques they can really use!

10 Relaxation Techniques for Kids

Posted on July 11, 2012 by admin | in Babysitting Jobs

While it may seem unnatural for children to experience stress, many children actually do have high levels of stress. Children are worried about doing well in school, winning sports games, pleasing their parents and fitting in with their friends. As most adults know, living up to others expectations can be very stressful.

If you find your child is experiencing stress, here are some relaxation techniques that you can try with him.

Deep breathing. The convenient thing about this technique is that it can be done at anytime, anywhere. Have your child close his eyes and take a deep breath in through his nose and fill his tummy with air. Do this step slowly and then blow the air out of his mouth all at once. Sometimes having him think about breathing in the good and blowing out the bad will also help to relax him.
Visualization. Visualization can provide a vacation from the mind. The first couple of times you can help your child do this technique, and then after some practice she should be able to do it herself. Have her sit or lie down in a comfortable position and close her eyes. Ask her to picture herself in her favorite vacation spot. Is it on a boat or at the beach? Wherever it is help her intensify her visualization by asking her if she can feel the wind on her skin or the spray of the waves hitting her face. Then move on to her sense of smell and ask her if she can smell the sea water or the flowers nearby. Move on to her sense of hearing and ask her to listen for the sea gulls or the laughter of other children. Once you’ve made it through all of the senses let her stay in that visualization for a few minutes as she releases stress.
Exercising. The freedom of running causes your body to release endorphins that flood your brain and make you feel better. Sometimes exercise can help clear his mind and reduce his stress levels. Making a habit of regularly exercising will help him learn to cope better with stress.
Listening to calming music. Music can be naturally relaxing. The human body is an amazing thing, and often our moods will adapt to the type of music we’re listening to. If she listens to loud angry music she may begin to feel angry and stressed. If she listens to soft calming music it will lower her heart rate and drop her blood pressure. These things will help relax her overall and can even be used to help her fall asleep at night. If she’s using music as a sleep aid try to avoid music with lyrics or use the same one over and over so that she doesn’t listen to the words.
Laughter. Laughter is one of the biggest stress relievers for both adults and kids alike. Read a joke book with him or take him to a really funny movie. Watch a comedy on TV. Tickle him. Anything to get him to laugh. The longer he laughs the more tension he will release.
Meditation or prayer. Meditation or prayer is very relaxing. By removing herself from distractions and sitting or lying in a comfortable spot she can begin to meditate or pray. Meditation requires that she closes her eyes, clears her mind, and focuses on her breathing. Prayer can be done with her eyes closed, and as she is talking to God she can unload her burdens. Either method she chooses will have a relaxing effect on her.
Massage. Massages will help kids relax. While this isn’t the time for a deep tissue rub down, a relaxing massage is done with soft hands and a tender touch. Gently squeeze the shoulders to release the tension that sits there. Rub his scalp and as it becomes looser any tension headache should ease. If no one is available to give him a massage have him rub his own feet. This self-massage will encourage blood flow and help manage stress.
Release muscles. A muscle relaxation technique will help loosen tight muscles. Have her lay down on her back on the floor or bed. No pillow should be used during this exercise. Tell her to close her eyes and scrunch her toes as tight as she can and have her hold that for 20 seconds if she can and then relax her feet. Continue having her tense her calves and hold it for 20 seconds and then relax her calves. Moving muscle group by muscle group continue up the body to the head. Once she has scrunched her face and then relaxed tell her to imagine that she is a sponge and just let her lie like that for a while.
Mindful walking. The mindful walking technique is an easy one to teach to kids. Start this technique by sitting down on the floor with your child. Have him close his eyes and concentrate on his breathing for a few minutes. As soon as he is calm have him stand up and start walking around the room. Have him concentrate on his feet. How they bend and how they touch the floor and roll off the floor. First one foot and then the other foot. Continue to walk mindfully for 10 minutes.
Cuddling. Cuddling with a parent or pet will reduce stress. Just petting a pet can relieve stress and improve a person’s mood. It’s hard to be upset when a pet is cuddling with you, believes Richard Timmons DVM (Doctor of Veterinary Medicine). If you don’t have a pet then cuddling with a parent or caregiver can be just as soothing.

How to Yell at Your Child Less

Yell at Your Child Less

Last week I spoke at the Parent Teachers Association of the International School and when I ran across this article today I thought parents would find it interesting if they need ways to deal with difficult children.

How to Talk More, Yell Less

April 11th, 2013 by admin

Caring for children, whether you’re a parent or a professional, requires an indefatigable well of patience. While losing that patience from time to time is both normal and natural, it can still leave you plagued with guilt and doubts about your ability to nurture the little ones under your care. Learning how to talk to your children more and to yell at them less may not eliminate those moments of lost control altogether, but they can make a difference in the way you communicate as a whole.

Take Care of Yourself

Managing the busy schedules of everyone in your household, staying on top of the chores required to run that household properly and making sure that everyone is fed on a regular basis doesn’t leave much time for parental pampering, but caring for yourself is an essential part of caring for your children. When you’re struggling with your own fatigue and are feeling hungry, stressed or overwhelmed, your patience is the first thing to go. Make sure that you carve out a bit of time for yourself over the course of the day, even if it’s just a few minutes. You’ll find that you’re better equipped to handle situations as they arise, and less likely to resort to raised voices when you reach the end of your proverbial rope.

Be Prepared

Embarking on a journey that hasn’t been properly planned or running with no real plan of action in place for how to handle your seemingly-endless to-do list is just asking for trouble. When you’re trying to get reluctant kids to get in the car or to stop dawdling and you’re attempting to keep to your hasty, ill-formed schedule or running at full tilt to get to the store before it closes, you’re naturally going to be running on empty. Just a bit of preparation in advance can help you create a structured schedule that still has a bit of wiggle room, leaving you under less stress and far less likely to scream at everyone around you when the pressure becomes too much to handle.

Learn Deep Breathing Techniques

Before you lose your temper and start shouting to get your point across, take a moment to stop and breathe deeply for a few seconds. When you hold your breath, you become even tenser and exhaust what little patience you have left. Take deep, slow breaths that you hold for a few seconds before exhaling, or even walk out of the room for a few seconds to regain your composure. As an added bonus, practicing deep breathing in front of your children models effective and productive ways of managing frustration. Remember that your kids will mimic almost everything you do, especially when they’re small. Seeing you take deep breaths and a short time out to keep your temper in check may rub off on them, and it will certainly help you to keep your emotions in check.

Set Clear Consequences, and Adhere to Them

Shouting happens when you’ve threatened your child with dire consequences if he doesn’t cease his misbehavior or follow directions, but continue to issue those empty threats rather than delivering on real consequences. Setting actual boundaries for your children and letting them know the consequences of choosing not to heed your warning is one thing, but you’ll have to follow through. Don’t allow yourself to be dissuaded from allowing those consequences to manifest, or your kids will just start to believe that your threats are empty.

Be Firm, Not Mean

There’s a difference between being firm and being downright mean, and you’ll have to learn to strike that balance if you’re looking to facilitate real and productive conversations with your children. No one wants to talk with someone they think is just going to be mean, even if that person is Mom or Dad. Make sure that you’re never crossing the line from stern into cruel territory, and make sure that you’re truly listening when your kids share their opinions.

It’s important to remember that yelling only breeds more yelling, which leads to major confrontations and hurt feelings. Trying to keep your temper under some semblance of control is a very real challenge, but it’s one that will make all of the difference in your household.