Are We So Numb From The Constant Exposure To Violence In Our Society And The Media That We Don’t Act When Others Are Being Victimized And Attacked?

Are we so numb from the constant exposure to violence in our society and the media that we don’t act when others are being victimized and attacked? Emerson said it best, “There can be no high civility without a deep morality.”

Trump had been using the words "us “and "them" for a long time. It’s his part of his plan of destruction. It’s your worse middle school click, beating up the nerd...it’s the Hitler followers laughing as they committed atrocities on the "them."You can understand the danger in a heard by reading this short article.

Mr. Haywood pleaded and yelled at them to “Stop! Leave me alone! I did nothing to you.” Mr. Haywood’s pleading to the group fell on deaf ears and they continued to go after him and repeatedly beat him. One teen retorted, “Nobody cares about you!” These teens were clearly swept up in a herd

mentality. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard described herd mentality as people acting at the same time in the same way with no thought of consequences or a sense of responsibility for their actions. The people in the herd feel an obligation to each other because of their individual sense of inadequacy and insecurity to stand on their own. The herd gives their lives meaning. There is no room for individual thought or a sense of humanity towards a victim that the group chooses to attack. This group didn’t feel empathy, compassion or guilt about their behavior towards Mr. Haywood because in a herd mentality the group gets invigorated by seeing others suffer who are “different” from them and their own.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-kastan/are-you-part-of-the-herd-_b_807553.html?ncid=engmodushpmg00000003

 "Last Sunday at 7 PM, Allen Haywood was standing in front of a column reading a book at the L’Enfant Plaza Metro station in Washington, DC waiting for his train like he has done every week for 25 years when a group of ten to 12 teens came up behind him and began beating on him. Some of the teens hit with their fists in rapid succession while others of the group looked on and recorded it on their cell phones. The incident lasted less than five minutes, according to Mr. Haywood. Mr. Haywood was bruised and cut. There are a few significant and disturbing observations to be made.

One such observation is that these teens were out on a Sunday night, at a Metro station at 7 p.m., and clearly their parents or guardians had no idea what they were doing or where they were. Teenagers who are out on a Sunday night and have premeditated ill intentions and no external or internal limits spell trouble. A detective from the Metro Transit Police said, “We have the most trouble with this age group at our Metro stations and you never really know who you’re dealing with.”

Mr. Haywood pleaded and yelled at them to “Stop! Leave me alone! I did nothing to you.” Mr. Haywood’s pleading to the group fell on deaf ears and they continued to go after him and repeatedly beat him. One teen retorted, “Nobody cares about you!” These teens were clearly swept up in a herd

mentality. Nietzsche and Kierkegaard described herd mentality as people acting at the same time in the same way with no thought of consequences or a sense of responsibility for their actions. The people in the herd feel an obligation to each other because of their individual sense of inadequacy and insecurity to stand on their own. The herd gives their lives meaning. There is no room for individual thought or a sense of humanity towards a victim that the group chooses to attack. This group didn’t feel empathy, compassion or guilt about their behavior towards Mr. Haywood because in a herd mentality the group gets invigorated by seeing others suffer who are “different” from them and their own personal norm or experience. No matter how Mr. Haywood pleaded he was still thought of by the group as “bad and the enemy.” Nothing was stolen; they just wanted to steal Mr. Haywood’s dignity and to feel “something” by inflicting pain on him. Are these teenagers sociopaths in the making? Sadly, for all of us, they did have remorseless pleasure seeking through the pain and suffering of the victim. But this isn’t the only disturbing part of Mr. Haywood’s story.

Mr. Haywood said, “The platform was full of people coming and going and some even recording the attack. But not one person helped. Not one person yelled anything to the attackers, called 911, walked to the Metro kiosk less than 100 feet away to get the Metro staff and police to stop this and no one went to the Call Box to call for help that was close by.” Mr. Haywood was all alone, but in Public. Bystanders just walked away or watched him get pummeled. To add salt to Mr. Haywood’s wounds, many people came up to Mr. Haywood after the attack and told him they’d be glad to sell him their recordings but when the Metro Transit police tried to find witnesses to identify the attackers, no one came forward. Schadenfreude is the delight derived by the misfortunes of others. Is this what our society has become? Are we so numb from the constant exposure to violence in our society and the media that we don’t act when others are being victimized and attacked? Emerson said it best, “There can be no high civility without a deep morality.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Laughter Stress and Lying

Laughter Stress and Lying

Laughter, which is normally an uncontrollable limbic brain response, can be used consciously by a liar to cover up their lie. For a liar it can be a sound effect they know is normally associated with happy, guilt free, honest people so it makes a great cover sound.

However, not all laughing is a sign of dishonesty. In fact, we laugh when we are anxious. I was in the break room of a consulting company I worked with talking to several female support staff members. Two male consultants joined our circle and proceeded to tell a few off color jokes. I glared at them, but the five female support staff members laughed! It was obvious to me that it was a nervous laugh to cover up the fact that they were uncomfortable. The men left. I talked with the women and said I wanted to inform the guys about what they had done. They gave me permission and I went immediately to the men and told them what I saw and how inappropriate their humor was. They were gob smacked. They said, “But the women laughed!"  I defined "Cover Laughter" and explained how the women's laughter was meant to ease tensions. So know that, as a woman or a man, a nervous laugh can actually be a defense mechanism to deal with how uncomfortable you are. Yes, you can be absolutely mortified about something being shared and you can laugh like it pleases you to cover up your mortification. And know that if you are in a position of power and someone else in power is making people "Cover Laugh." your antenna should go up so you can see if those laughing are feeling shamed, disrespected or abused. 

I could have said something in front of the women, but I didn’t want to point out their nervous laughter and make them MORE uncomfortable. I wanted their permission. But, when I look back on that incident I worry that I should have said something in the moment. I know now men and women can be more empowered to do so and have more than ever the knowledge of what is bad behavior.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

5 Common Traits Narcissistic Men Are Looking for in Women

What are the signs you are dating a Narcissist? 

I have been writing and speaking about charisma and the and their dangerous extreme narcissists for many years. 

This is the story for Verily I was asked to contribute to last week. You can also see more about who they are attracted to and more signs you are dating a narcissist by going to this blog post 
https://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2017/10/just-did-piece-for-verilymagazine.html 

5 Common Traits Narcissistic Men

Are Looking for in Women

JULIA HOGAN, LCPC

PUBLISH DATE:NOV 2, 2017

Experts say this is how to keep from being a

narcissistic man’s ideal.

Swept off your feet with compliments, fancy dinners, and generous gifts—you think you've found McDreamy. When you describe the surreal time you're having to friends, it feels like you're talking about a movie. Yet, as the dating continues, you start to notice that it’s really all about him. He constantly talks about himself, prioritizes his needs over yours, is overly sensitive to any form of criticism—and is obsessed with status (the fancy dinners dates at the exclusive restaurants are starting to make sense).

You find that emotional intimacy is impossible, and your relationship starts to fizzle— and you realize it’s happened again.

You dated a narcissist. Again.

Only 7.7 percent of men have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but you may have dated one, or maybe even several, as they often flock to a certain type of woman. If you’ve frequently dated guys who make it all about them, you might have noticed a pattern. After the intense wooing is over, he’s quick to criticize you and put you down if you express any sort of resistance to his need to put himself first. 

As a therapist, I've seen this seriously damage women's self-esteem and well-being. And over time, I've noticed that narcissists seek certain traits in potential romantic partners. So I spoke with other experts in my field to discuss trends and discovered that there are five common traits a narcissist looks for in a woman. 

Do any of these sound like you?

1. You’re outwardly successful. 

It can be tough to admit, but if you feel insecure about yourself even if you are attractive, put together, and successful, you may be advertising yourself as a great fit for a narcissist. “Narcissists tend to seek out people that will fill a template for what they believe will make them look good,” says Elizabeth Earnshaw, a trained Gottman Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. “In essence, [the narcissist’s] partner may be seen as an accessory,” she explains. A narcissistic man is attracted to someone who looks beautiful and accomplished—not because they like that person, but because her appearance and accomplishments fuel his ego. 

However, a narcissist also wants a woman who isn't too confident because he wants to run the show. So if he senses your insecurities, he will be all the more attracted to you because you won’t likely threaten his own success, whether it’s real or perceived. While it might be uncomfortable to acknowledge your insecurities, owning them and making a plan to increase your self-confidence can help. When a narcissist senses your strong sense of confidence, he’ll back away. 

2. You're a people pleaser (and can't help it).

Of course, we all want the guy we’re dating to be happy, but if it comes at the expense of your own well being, it’s unhealthy. A narcissist is looking for someone who will give him constant attention and emotional validation at any cost. Psychotherapist and author, Karen Koenig, says that individuals who attract narcissists often “don’t have a strong sense of who they are and what they want because they don’t believe it’s okay to take care of their own needs.”

A narcissist is someone who monopolizes the relationship and who never compromises. He just demands. Establishing boundaries so that your needs are acknowledged and met in a relationship could help prevent you from getting too deep and potentially trapped. 

3. You avoid conflict like the plague.

While few people are actually fans of conflict, if you avoid conflict at all costs, you might be making yourself more attractive to narcissists. Patti Wood, body language expert and author, says that narcissists tend to want someone “who is low in ‘harm avoidance’ and high in ‘cooperation.’" If you tend to give in easily to the wishes or demands of others at work or in your personal life for the sake of avoiding conflict, you might fit the ideal profile of a potential partner for a narcissist.

If you often put your needs and opinions aside for the sake of avoiding conflict in the relationship, you’ll more easily fall prey to a narcissist who thrives when others provide the empathy and attention they crave. Yes, being willing to compromise in a relationship is important but being a doormat isn’t compromising.

4. You’re ignoring red flags.

One big red flag that signals narcissistic behavior is never taking responsibility for any negative events in one's life. Narcissists are known to play the victim when things don’t go their way, explains Patti Wood, and they will often blame their exes, bosses, and friends for anything negative that’s happened in the past. Don't make the mistake of ignoring this crucial red flag. If you are quick to explain away your date calling his ex “evil” or "crazy" saying his boss was “out to get him," you are sending signals that you are okay with him blaming others for his mistakes. Yes—we all make mistakes but when someone refuses to take responsibility for his role in the event ever, you’re risking your own happiness and well-being down the line because soon he’ll start blaming you when things don’t go well.

5. You are swept up in the romance on the first date.

It's easy to allow yourself to be infatuated after the first date, especially when you are dating a narcissist (they're so attractive and charming at first!). Even though it typically takes some time for a narcissist to reveal his true colors, there are some subtle signs that you can look out for on a first date to help you steer clear of the second. Look past the "love bombing" and the overwhelming flattery and ask the following questions:

·         Is there any back-and-forth in the conversation, or is it total domination?

·         Does he accept your opinions even if you disagree with each other? 

·         Does he act entitled to certain things, or expect special treatment?

·         Is he rude to the wait staff or bartender? 

·         Is he over-the-top on the first date? 

·         Is he invading your space? 

If it's a resounding "yes" to one or more of these, it's a sign he does not deserve a second date, even if it occurred at a Michelin-starred restaurant. A narcissist thinks he’s the sun, and he’s looking for someone to orbit around his world and make him look good without causing too much trouble. Being confident in yourself, standing up for your needs and opinions, firmly enforcing boundaries, and not being afraid to say no and walk away, will help send the message to your narcissist that you aren’t going to fit in his self-obsessed world. 


PLUS

If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:

https://www.sott.net/article/228663-The-Unexamined-Victim-Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths

“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:

Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:

§  Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extraverts and excitement seekers.)  In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!

§  Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)

§  Sentimentality

§  Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)

§  Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground.  Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)

§  Low Harm Avoidance – does not expect to be hurt (She doesn’t expect to be hurt, sees others through who she is.  In other words, not a person looking to recreate an abusive relationship of childhood.  In fact, more often than not, these women were never exposed to abuse of any kind as children.)

§  Cooperation

§  Higher Empathy – can be genetic

§  Responsibilty and Resourcefulness

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

Patti Reads the Body Language of the Two Women Rescued After Being Lost at Sea for 5 Months

Are they lying? Here is my body language read on HLN today of the two women that were lost at sea for 5 months. Are Jennifer Appel and Tasha Fuiava who were rescued by the US Navy lying about how long they were at sea. Check on my interview and the tale they gave on my YouTube channel link below:

https://youtu.be/yPs-XlI5YGk

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why Do People Let Abuse and Character Assassination Happen? What Creates Complicity?

Why do people let abuse and character assassination happen? George Clooney 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5008429/Matt-Damon-KNEW-Harvey-Weinstein-harassed-Gwyneth-Paltrow.html 

In this article Clooney says Weinstein, "... bragged about bedding stars. Clooney says that at the time he ."..didn't believe Weinstein because to do so would believe the worst of ...actresses who were friends of mine." 

Read that again. Clooney was friends with and worked closely with Harvey who was telling horrible lies about women who were friends of his.and Clooney did-- exactly NOTHING about Weinstein's slanderous comments.
He didn't stop Harvey from telling him the stories. He didn't call Harvey on it and say, "Hey I don't believe you!" He didn't say, "I know these women, and I respect them and know they wouldn't be having affairs so I suggest you never say they are to anyone ever again." Nor did he do something else that requires integrity, Clooney didn’t tell his women friends about Harvey’s lies so those women could choose how they wanted to protect themselves against Harvey’s character assassination of them. His slander victims were not given the opportunity to defend themselves. 

Clooney, a powerful man in his own right, and a buddy of Weinstein did not consider the harm of the slandering of his friends. He didn't consider how that harm to their reputation could affect them in the future. There is no doubt that having a huge producer brag to people that he bedded you doesn’t make it safe for you to NOT do so with the next powerful man in your career. Those women needed Clooney to be a true friend to them to be a stand up guy.

People, if someone is spreading lies about someone you care for be a stand up person. If someone is defaming anyone’s character with lies and deceit stand up!!!! It is oh so easy to not want to risk having a socially awkward conversation and call them on it, or lose membership in the group. But any group that contains a lying monster needs to rethink their membership! It's clear women were abused, it's clear women and in some cases men were x'ed out of Harvey’s “Group” and possibly their careers. But any group member who doesn’t defend a victim is an enabler of the attacker.

Here is why group members don’t speak out from another post I wrote:

Ever, wonder why no one spoke up about Weinstein during his years of abuse? For many years I spoke on sexual harassment and the group’s response to it. (In fact, the group’s response to abuse, affairs and romantic relationships was my first research paper in my doctoral program) People around the abuser may know about the abuse to the victim or victims and let it continue. Think about the people around Bill Cosby. There are many reasons they may need to believe the abuser is innocent, as believing the truth. That the abuser has abused and is in fact evil creates too much cognitive dissonance. They would have to admit they know and are working with someone evil. Many prefer to keep the mask on the monster and continue their lives as they are. Especially if they are receiving "goodies"of any kind from the attacker. The research shows many abusers, set up situations that prime the group to be complicit. They will hire them, wine and dine them and talk dirt about their victims before they even attack them.

So Clooney may even think he is innocent of wrong doing. Observers of abuse and attacks, can say, hey I would be tattling if I told on the attacker or abuser, or its romance and  not their business. Seeing an attack on someone's physical body and or an attack on their character or integrity and not doing anything is an act of complicity. If it was not clear for Clooney back then it should be for every one going forward. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.