I just finished writing a
rough version of the chapter on gossip for my new book People Savvy. Here are a
few notes:
There are some people that are fed by the rush that comes from making somebody
else feel small, less than perfect. It makes the gossiper feel in control and
superior. They will plant little seeds, subtle putdowns about their
"target/victim."
The group begins to look for those behaviors in the victim as if it is a
treasure hunt. "Did you see the way she ate her salad?" "Did you
notice how loudly she laughed." "My god, that outfit she wore was
awful." "Doesn't she know how she looks? Triangulation is an easy
game. You can always find fault in
someone.
Research says gossips gain
energy, bond and derive pleasure from their behind the back-attacking game. Wouldn't
it be great if people gathered and praised those not present? What a wonderful
world it would be. Wouldn't it be mature and loving if you had a problem with someone or felt they
had an issue and you took them aside and gently spoke to them? No one would
ever go home and look in the mirror and wonder why nobody told them they had
spinach between their teeth.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
What I see in the news today makes me want to
be a better person. Instead of focusing on how people “out there” are upset
with their bad behavior let’s call forth good behavior in ourselves. Let's be
more compassionate and self-aware.
Every day let's make good choices. Be grateful. Chose to let the driver who
wants to pull in your lane in. Talk kindly and respectfully to and about your
friends and family. Support them and notice the good things about them. Check
yourself and make sure you don't criticize others or discuss what you perceive
as their weaknesses behind their back, or do anything to bring down the character
of a good-hearted, honest person. Whatever negative behaviors you want to say
about someone, hold that behavior up and see how it reflects what you fear in
yourself. Amid the negativity and dishonesty, on a grand scale, in our
country's government, I suggest we be positive. As we fight corruption and selfishness,
that we be fair and generous.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
I did a reading for Elite Daily
on the body language in the video to reveal what they want to portray about
themselves and their relationship. This was a really fun project,
but goodness the lyrics are full of cuss words!!!
In the song he talks about wanting to be a better person and not making the
same mistakes he has in the past. But in the last line he inferred that it's
not his fault that they (meaning young black men?) didn't have models about
how to treat women. I think we can all start by
saying, I didn't have the right role models, so I will be the role model I
needed!
For women that means having
boundaries, insisting on being respected and calling out people who don't
respect you or other women.
"Family Feud" is the only song off of JAY's 4:44 album to feature Beyoncé, and the album deals heavily with his admitted infidelity in their marriage. The titular song "4:44" addresses the topic head on, but it's still alluded to heavily in "Family Feud," with lyrics like "Yeah, I'll f*ck up a good thing if you let me / Let me alone, Becky," referring to Beyoncé's take on the topic in the song "Sorry" on her album Lemonade.
For those who really want to know what's going on behind the scenes of the Carter-Knowles marriage, we're probably doomed for disappointment in that we won't ever know everything. This couple is only ever going to show their fans what they want us to see of their lives. But that doesn't mean we can't read between the lines a little bit.
That's why Elite Daily called in body language expert Patti Wood, author ofSnap: Making The Most Of First Impressions, Body Language, And Charisma,to tell us what Bey and JAY's body language in "Family Feud" reveals about them and what they could be feeling (or at least, what they feel like showing us), based on some pretty important parts of the video.
1. JAY-Z May Feel Exhausted By His Emotions
At about 5:45 in the video, we see JAY-Z rub his hands over his face while he sings the lyrics, "I run through 'em all." According to Wood, this could be a reference to JAY-Z experiencing a great deal of emotions. "What the face wipe [says] is, 'I don't like any of the emotions I'm feeling, [and] I want to wipe them away," she says, "So, what he [may] want to portray there is that he's gone through all these horrible experiences and all these horrible emotions, and he wants to wipe them away."
Later in the video, at around 6:18, JAY-Z's face is a clear sign that the emotions he's experienced, particularly his "sadness," are indeed genuine. According to Wood, his "facial muscles are down" and "he is really sad and tired; the fatigue is real."
2. Beyoncé's Position On The Pulpit Says A Lot
Positioned on the priest's pulpit in the church, Beyoncé's location in the shot, in comparison to JAY-Z, is likely pretty intentional. "What I also think is interesting non-verbally is her location and how she's presenting herself," says Wood. "She is high up... she's representing herself as above him." Beyoncé's later position in the priest's chair of the confessional booth is another prime example of this.
What may be even more intriguing, Wood believes, is that the video conveys that JAY-Z "is agreeing with that role." "He's down below," she says, and the position he assumes next may help to confirm that symbolism...
3. JAY-Z Assumes The "Figleaf" Position
At about 5:57 in the video, JAY-Z assumes what Wood refers to as the "figleaf" position, with JAY-Z standing with his arms crossed over his genitals. "He's covering his private parts," she says. "It's a communication of 'OK, I have to cover this. I have shame around this. I don't want to expose this part of me." For JAY-Z especially, who has not shied away from sexual references in the past, Wood believes "that's not normal for him."
4. Beyoncé's Happiness Is Genuine
TIDAL
At 7:00, as Beyoncé sings "Amen," (as seen in the above screenshot) Wood says the smile on Beyoncé's face is a "real smile." Despite JAY-Z's wrongdoings in the past, Beyoncé's genuine smile could signal that JAY's remorse is something she feels positively about. "This video is playing out his apology to her," says Wood. "She is enjoying every moment of that, and this shot really shows that."
5. JAY-Z Doesn't Want To Mess Things Up Again
JAY-Z raps, "I'll f*ck up a good thing if you let me," starting at about 7:06 in the video, and subsequently starts rubbing his hands on his head. "Symbolically, he's showing purposefully that [his screwing up] messes with his mind, that he doesn't want to do that again, and he doesn't want to f*ck up again," says Wood. If this particular signal is anything to go by, it's likely Hova won't be cheating again any time soon.
Of course, reading between the lines of "Family Feud" isn't the same as seeing what's happening in the Carter-Knowles marriage and in their respective lives firsthand. They are the only two people on this planet who actually know what's going on with themselves and in their marriage. But as long as they let us stay on the sidelines, we'll be here watching.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
Is there a cuter, more couple-goals-worthy
duo in all of Hollywood than Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds? No. The answer is
no. From the minute their relationship went public in 2011, it seemed we were
looking at a real and passionate love connection. In the years since, the two
have gotten married and had two children together, but one thing that hasn't
changed about them is how totally into one another they appear to be in every
photo, interview, and social media post. To the novice eye, Blake Lively and Ryan Reynold's body language would appear
confirm that they are solid, but with seemingly-in-love celebrity couples
splitting up all the time (R.I.P. Anna Faris and Chris Pratt), you can't help
but worry that maybe we're missing something about Blake and Ryan.
To get to the real heart of this celebrity
couple, I reached out to body language expert Patti Wood, author of Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma,
to help give us insight into the real dynamic of this celebrity golden couple.
Is it all a ruse and is love dead? Or are Blake and Ryan the real deal? Here is
what Wood sees when she looks at photos of them together.
1. They Have A Strong Romantic And Sexual Connection
The first thing Wood notices in the above image of Blake
and Ryan is the couple’s sexual and romantic connection. This is evident in the
way their torsos are angled toward each other to form what Wood refers to as a
"love V." "If you look at her pelvis, [it's] aimed and pushed in
toward him," says Wood. "If you look at him, even his feet are in a
love V, and the pelvis is even just a little bit more twisted toward her. That
shows a ... very nice and balanced sexual connection with one another." Balancing that sexual energy, Wood also sees a couple
that is emotionally connected and loves spending time together. "My
favorite thing, and what I’m sure everyone else is noticing in this photo, is
the direct eye contact," says Wood. But what really stands out to her are
their smiles: "If you look at the teeth, see how they're matching?
Specifically the upper front teeth — which show joy — are absolutely aligned.
That shows a moment where they are absolutely connected in joy to be with one
another."
2. Blake Is Very Protective Of Her Man
In this image, which was taken at Ryan's walk
of fame star ceremony, Wood sees Blake as being both supportive and protective
of her husband. According to her, Ryan may be experiencing some nervousness, as
evidenced by the tightness in his jaw and mouth, but in response, Blake rests a
calming hand on him. "I like the way her fingers are resting on his
stomach," says Wood. "They are a little splayed out, so it's a bit
more like wanting to show a little bit of ownership and protection." And Ryan is seemingly grateful for her subtle support.
Wood explains, "If you look at his pelvis and his legs, you'll see his
weight is leaned in toward her... especially since this is his event, this
shows, 'Yeah, we're a unit; we're together.'"
3. They Are Family Goals, Too
In this image of the family all together, the
aspect that stands out most to Wood is how comfortable and natural they all
seem. She points out, "[Blake] has the baby with both arms wrapped gently,
but holding securely... you can see that these are holding motions that she
uses all the time, that the baby is the most important thing." Similarly,
Ryan's "hands are held beneath his daughter — it's a strong hold, but it's
a relaxed hold." The reason this is significant, according to Wood, is
that their ease and comfort show the two of them regularly hold their children,
that this is their normal, and that they are both very involved with the
children. All in all, things are looking bright for Blake and
Ryan's relationship. "They want be seen, they feel [like] a unit, and
[they] definitely have a matching energy around that connection," says
Wood. "There’s not one person that’s pulling or pushing or holding tight —
there’s not a competition between the two of them." In other words, it’s safe to assume that this
relationship is rock solid and will likely go the distance. Love lives on
another day.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
In the article they say the body itches but I
didn't say that. I said that there's more nerve endings around the tip of the
nose, the outer edge of the ear, around the orbit of the eye and around mouth and
when you're stressed those nerve endings fire causing them to itch. I just
talked about those locations. They should re-post the article with the
corrections soon.
His words may say one thing, but his lips say entirely another!
By some estimates, the average person tells at least one little
white lie per day. A small fib here or there likely doesn't do much damage, but
when it's someone you love and trust that's struggling to stick to the truth,
it's a bit more worrying.
When attempting to interpret
someone's behavior, especially a romantic partner, it's important to first
determine their normal habits."When you see a change in their baseline
behavior, that's your 'aha moment,'" says Blanca Cobb, body
language expert and author of Method of the Masters.
It's also important to note that
unusual body language doesn't necessarily mean deception. Work
stress, anxiety, or nervous jitters — which often result in fidgeting, breaking
eye contact, and filler words (like "um" and "you know") —
could be influencing your loved one's behavior.
Truthful people gesture just before
they speak, whereas liars gesture just after."
So what's normal fidgeting, and what
counts as deceptive body language? Timing is everything: "Truthful people
gesture just before they speak, whereas liars gesture just after they start
talking," explains Traci Brown in her book How to Detect Lies, Fraud and Identity Theft.
Here are a few ways to interpret
potentially deceptive facial expressions, hand, and foot gestures:
Facial Expressions: Twitchy Eyes and
Lip Movements
"When under stress, you'll show
snippets of your true emotions on your face," says Cobb. "These
micro-expressions occur within 1/15th of a second."
Shifty eyes and reduced eye contact
are not indicators of shady behavior. What is: twitching of the eyes and mouth,
pursed lips, and excessive blinking (we're talking more than 70 blinks a
minute), Cobb explains.
A disingenuous smile is another
indicator of a lie, according to Brown. "Duper's Delight," for
example, happens when someone smiles at an inappropriate moment, like when they
have just been caught in a lie.
Every person has different gestures
that provide comfort — just like every child reaches for a different blanket or
teddy bear at night. The most common comfort cues in adults are knuckle
cracking, increased yawning, crossing legs, tapping fingers, humming, rocking,
wiggling, and hair touching, according to Brown.
You might even notice that a
suspected liar begins to scratch himself. "Stress negatively affects nerve
endings, which causes people to feel itchy," says Wood. The eyes, nose,
ears, and mouth have the most nerve endings, so they are often the first areas
for which someone may reach.
When wrapped up in a lie or abnormally
stressful situation, they may hide their hands under a table or desk, or tuck
their hands into their pockets."When the conversation moves to tough
questions where you need direct answers and their hands suddenly move below the
table, it's likely they're hiding something and aren't 100% forthcoming,"
says Brown.
Fidgety Feet: Twisting, Tapping, and
More
Last but not least, fidgety feet are
a major indicator of guilt. "We have the least control over our
feet," Brown says. "When people are answering tough questions and are
on the spot, they'll look like they're rocking." By twisting, tapping, or
bouncing legs, adults will create a lack of symmetry in their body.
"While doing this, they are
saying one thing but feeling another," says Wood. This off-center behavior
mimics the distance between the truth and the lie.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
