Trustworthiness What Happens Behind the Back of the Victim of Narcissism.
I speak on conflict management, how to deal with difficult people, including how to deal with narcissism.
The "Path" draws in the friends, family co-workers and acquaintances of the victims with his or her personal charm in an effort to build a (false) trust relationship with the fringe audience. This is accomplished with little effort as the Path has innate skills that easily manipulate the perceptions of others endearing them to him or her as they wield their persuasiveness and charm.
The initial impact, though appearing quite harmless and innocuous is commonly cloaked in the appearance of sincere concern for the victim’s well-being and might sound something, like, “I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but have you ever thought that (insert victim’s name) may not be what he (or she) appears to be?” No accusations, no data, reports or inclinations of anything concrete, just tilling the soil and fertilizing it with a little doubt. All the while, they are increasing their own credibility with someone who may be a family member, friend, co-worker or acquaintance of the intended victim; unaware that they are being groomed as the Path’s minion who will be turned against the victim when the time is right. SOWING FALSE “FACTS” Grooming from this point forward will take a secretive slant and will likely be presupposed with something, like, “Don’t tell (insert name), but…” as they actually sow seeds of doubt.
As the relationship between the Path and his minion(s) grows deeper, more and more seeds will be sown in an effort to cast doubt, while the victim is none the wiser. I’ve always thought it peculiar, that in most cases, these once close associates of the victim rarely, if ever, courteously approach them with the sensitive information with a sincere, “Hey, I was just wondering about (insert reports of lack of sanity, trustworthiness, a secret double-life, illicit drug-use, illegal activities, pathological symptoms, etc…)…” that would definitely be an early indicator that something was up.
In most, if not all, circumstances the victim continues to navigate their life’s journey unaware that the world they once enjoyed is being eroded or destroyed behind their back. It is common for the Path to project their own psychological attributes onto the victim. For instance, if they are a closet illicit drug user, then this will be represented as being a problem of the target. If he or she is manipulative or controlling, this would be presented as something that the victim struggles with unbeknownst to others. If they tend to make up elaborate stories, it will be the victim who that accuse of secretly lives a fantasy-life where nothing is as it seems… on and on and on…
Why? Because no one knows these attributes better than the Path. They are the undeniable expert in these pathologies and they know how critical it is for someone who has them to keep them a secret in an effort to appear to be normal. In no way am I suggesting that the Path might limit their Psyca-attacks to their own attributes. They are extremely acute at the skill of taking a known truth and spinning it into a ludicrous conclusion that will cast a dark shadow on anyone at any time. ENTER THE “SPIN” Paths have the ability to spin any factual data into an amazing story that will breed conspiracy or contempt for any individual at will.
For instance, let’s say that you had a hard day at work all day, due to struggling with an intense ongoing headache. Everyone at work could tell that you were not “on your game” as usual. If you intimated to the Path that you had a headache; that would give them the data that they needed to spin a tale. The tale may take many shapes and forms, but will be consistent with some of the previous seeds that had been sown against you. For instance, if the Path’s intention was to have you appear to his or her minions that you were a closet illicit drug user, he or she might intimate, “Wow, did you notice that (insert your name) was out of it yesterday? It’s normal to go through withdrawals when you don’t get your fix before you get to work… It’s so sad…” No matter what you say or do, you cannot prevent the Path from spinning it into a negative story about you that will erode your sense of normalcy.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END When the Path has a clue that you are coming to the end of your usefulness in the accomplishment of their goals, he or she ramps up the defamation, usually making it appear that it is you who is beginning to attack them. At this point the Path will appeal to their minions’ sensibilities as they present themselves as the sacrifice, martyr or victim of your psychotic manipulations. It will become apparent to you when your relationship with the Path is coming to an end, that there has been a definite polarity has taken place. People who were once your friends will drift away… and you will notice a gravitation toward the Path. Having no internal filter, they will stop at nothing in an effort to humiliate you. They will spout vile accusations, even proclaim you’re mentally ill, if it will support their proclamation that you cannot be trusted or are inherently evil. Trying to defend yourself is almost pointless.
If the Path is quite proficient – as most of them are very accomplished – anything that you say in your defense will appear to be a part of your psychosis and will strengthen all of the groundwork that the Path has laid in preparation of this moment. Even if the Path’s relationship with the minions begins to dissolve (as it almost always does when the Path moves on in search of new victims and minions), the seeds will always leave a mark in their minds… and as heartbreaking as it may be, in most cases, regardless of the ultimate outcome of the Path’s lifestyle, there may be no hope for recovering the life that you once knew. Jobs and careers may be lost, friends will turn their backs on you, family members will distance themselves, the people that you once trusted with your most intimate thoughts and feelings will always wonder who you “really were” all the time they knew you.
THE COMMITMENT TO YOUR DESTRUCTION There is no way to anticipate how long the attacks will take place. In some cases, if the Path is the least bit concerned that you might at some point discredit them or tarnish their appearance or reputation… the attacks will continue. If the Path believes that at any point you could be a threat to their charade, the spinning will not cease. This perceived threat may continue until either of you cease to be. Many Paths have come right out and made bold, public declarations that they, “will not rest until you are,” locked up, put away, homeless, or dead. NEXT article http://psychopathvictims.com/tag/character-assassination One of the dead giveaways of psychopathic behavior is that of the vicious, psychotic character assassination campaigns that are wielded against anyone who stand in their way or might pose a threat to their agenda(s). Please keep in mind that if you have become the targeted victim of a psychopath’s smear campaign, that it is nothing personal. In fact, nothing can ever be seen as “personal” to a psychopath as they are devoid of any feelings (like a normal person might have); no love, no hate, no empathy, no remorse. They only see other people as tools or possessions and may even use phrases, like: • You’re mine • I own you And when they are done with you, they have so little regard for you that they might say: • I will end you • You will be nothing when I’m done with you.
This campaign focused on your destruction need not have any basis in actual fact, as the psychopath will create an alternative universe using a method that transfers the attributes of the psychopath in an effort to discredit the victim so much that anything they might say would not be considered as a factual representation of the truth. The battleground may include close personal relationships, workplaces……………. . For the psychopath it is a long-term commitment to bury their prey and sometimes it can be a lifetime obsession. The appropriate response when attacked by a psychopathic smear campaign is not to respond, not to defend, not to react, and not to contact the predator ever again; period, as any response, no matter how negative, threatening or even a lawfully empowered response will only add fuel to the fire that runs the engine of the assailant. Do not ask the psychopath to stop or try to negotiate with him/her. Without responding, document everything. In regards to the importance of documentation: Psychopaths will manipulate those who have your confidence in order to probe you for information that feeds the psychopathic fire and they will be spreading lies about your credibility and/or sanity. Anything you say to them will be twisted and misconstrued to reflect upon you in the worst possible light.
Weinstein's Smear Campaign
There is a
specific deception technique Weinstein uses in his smear campaign of his
accusers. If you look at his smears in the article below notice he compliments
them before or as he says they are lying. This creates the illusion that
Weinstein likes his accusers and is a nice guy therefore we should trust his
other comments about them. When we hear good comments mixed with bad the
cognitive dissonance created in the message, especially without nonverbal cues
to check for honesty, tends to make our brains believe the smear. Freaky, but
true. If we could hear and watch him, we might detect his smarminess. No,
we can read it too.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
Gossip
I just finished writing a
rough version of the chapter on gossip for my new book People Savvy. Here are a
few notes:
There are some people that are fed by the rush that comes from making somebody else feel small, less than perfect. It makes the gossiper feel in control and superior. They will plant little seeds, subtle putdowns about their "target/victim."
The group begins to look for those behaviors in the victim as if it is a treasure hunt. "Did you see the way she ate her salad?" "Did you notice how loudly she laughed." "My god, that outfit she wore was awful." "Doesn't she know how she looks? Triangulation is an easy game. You can always find fault in someone.
Research says gossips gain
energy, bond and derive pleasure from their behind the back-attacking game. Wouldn't
it be great if people gathered and praised those not present? What a wonderful
world it would be. Wouldn't it be mature and loving if you had a problem with someone or felt they
had an issue and you took them aside and gently spoke to them? No one would
ever go home and look in the mirror and wonder why nobody told them they had
spinach between their teeth.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
Be the Reason Someone Believes in the Goodness of People - Character Counts and Virtue Matters
What I see in the news today makes me want to
be a better person. Instead of focusing on how people “out there” are upset
with their bad behavior let’s call forth good behavior in ourselves. Let's be
more compassionate and self-aware.
Every day let's make good choices. Be grateful. Chose to let the driver who wants to pull in your lane in. Talk kindly and respectfully to and about your friends and family. Support them and notice the good things about them. Check yourself and make sure you don't criticize others or discuss what you perceive as their weaknesses behind their back, or do anything to bring down the character of a good-hearted, honest person. Whatever negative behaviors you want to say about someone, hold that behavior up and see how it reflects what you fear in yourself. Amid the negativity and dishonesty, on a grand scale, in our country's government, I suggest we be positive. As we fight corruption and selfishness, that we be fair and generous.
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
Beyonce & JAY-Z's Body Language In The "Family Feud" Music Video Is Super Intense
I did a reading for Elite Daily
on the body language in the video to reveal what they want to portray about
themselves and their relationship. This was a really fun project,
but goodness the lyrics are full of cuss words!!!
In the song he talks about wanting to be a better person and not making the
same mistakes he has in the past. But in the last line he inferred that it's
not his fault that they (meaning young black men?) didn't have models about
how to treat women. I think we can all start by
saying, I didn't have the right role models, so I will be the role model I
needed!
For women that means having
boundaries, insisting on being respected and calling out people who don't
respect you or other women.
Beyoncé and JAY-Z's body language in "Family Feud" might offer some subtler glimpses into one of America's favorite marriages.
"Family Feud" is the only song off of JAY's 4:44 album to feature Beyoncé, and the album deals heavily with his admitted infidelity in their marriage. The titular song "4:44" addresses the topic head on, but it's still alluded to heavily in "Family Feud," with lyrics like "Yeah, I'll f*ck up a good thing if you let me / Let me alone, Becky," referring to Beyoncé's take on the topic in the song "Sorry" on her album Lemonade.
For those who really want to know what's going on behind the scenes of the Carter-Knowles marriage, we're probably doomed for disappointment in that we won't ever know everything. This couple is only ever going to show their fans what they want us to see of their lives. But that doesn't mean we can't read between the lines a little bit.
That's why Elite Daily called in body language expert Patti Wood, author ofSnap: Making The Most Of First Impressions, Body Language, And Charisma,to tell us what Bey and JAY's body language in "Family Feud" reveals about them and what they could be feeling (or at least, what they feel like showing us), based on some pretty important parts of the video.
1. JAY-Z May Feel Exhausted By His Emotions
At about 5:45 in the video, we see JAY-Z rub his hands over his face while he sings the lyrics, "I run through 'em all." According to Wood, this could be a reference to JAY-Z experiencing a great deal of emotions. "What the face wipe [says] is, 'I don't like any of the emotions I'm feeling, [and] I want to wipe them away," she says, "So, what he [may] want to portray there is that he's gone through all these horrible experiences and all these horrible emotions, and he wants to wipe them away."
Later in the video, at around 6:18, JAY-Z's face is a clear sign that the emotions he's experienced, particularly his "sadness," are indeed genuine. According to Wood, his "facial muscles are down" and "he is really sad and tired; the fatigue is real."
2. Beyoncé's Position On The Pulpit Says A Lot
Positioned on the priest's pulpit in the church, Beyoncé's location in the shot, in comparison to JAY-Z, is likely pretty intentional. "What I also think is interesting non-verbally is her location and how she's presenting herself," says Wood. "She is high up... she's representing herself as above him." Beyoncé's later position in the priest's chair of the confessional booth is another prime example of this.
What may be even more intriguing, Wood believes, is that the video conveys that JAY-Z "is agreeing with that role." "He's down below," she says, and the position he assumes next may help to confirm that symbolism...
3. JAY-Z Assumes The "Figleaf" Position
At about 5:57 in the video, JAY-Z assumes what Wood refers to as the "figleaf" position, with JAY-Z standing with his arms crossed over his genitals. "He's covering his private parts," she says. "It's a communication of 'OK, I have to cover this. I have shame around this. I don't want to expose this part of me." For JAY-Z especially, who has not shied away from sexual references in the past, Wood believes "that's not normal for him."
4. Beyoncé's Happiness Is Genuine
At 7:00, as Beyoncé sings "Amen," (as seen in the above screenshot) Wood says the smile on Beyoncé's face is a "real smile." Despite JAY-Z's wrongdoings in the past, Beyoncé's genuine smile could signal that JAY's remorse is something she feels positively about. "This video is playing out his apology to her," says Wood. "She is enjoying every moment of that, and this shot really shows that."
5. JAY-Z Doesn't Want To Mess Things Up Again
JAY-Z raps, "I'll f*ck up a good thing if you let me," starting at about 7:06 in the video, and subsequently starts rubbing his hands on his head. "Symbolically, he's showing purposefully that [his screwing up] messes with his mind, that he doesn't want to do that again, and he doesn't want to f*ck up again," says Wood. If this particular signal is anything to go by, it's likely Hova won't be cheating again any time soon.
Of course, reading between the lines of "Family Feud" isn't the same as seeing what's happening in the Carter-Knowles marriage and in their respective lives firsthand. They are the only two people on this planet who actually know what's going on with themselves and in their marriage. But as long as they let us stay on the sidelines, we'll be here watching.
Link to actual article: https://www.elitedaily.com/p/beyonce-jay-zs-body-language-in-the-family-feud-music-video-is-super-intense-7720384
Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
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