The Five Steps to Deal with Negative Self-Talk and Conflict By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

The Five Steps to Deal with Negative Self-Talk By Patti Wood

1. Tune in to your body.
2. Breathe and send yourself love
3. Use self-talk to see things differently.
4. Consider and choose the best behavior options.
5. Congratulate yourself.

Step 1. Tune in to your body.

When you're critical of yourself, you tune into the critical thinking brain in your neocortex. You want to release the critic, turn it off, and move to your emotional brain, where body language and feeling are processed. The first step is to be inside your body. Be aware of how criticism may negatively affect your body, then shift or change that aspect of your body language. Next, you want to be mindful of the physical signs of tension, so you can release them before they develop any further. Body signals indicate increasing negativity. Here’s what to do if you notice them:

· Tensing of muscles — move and let go and relax your body from the feet up.

· Lowering your head — bring your head up. Let it lift as if a balloon holds it.

· Your hands, arms, and legs are pulling in to make yourself smaller — bring your limbs out. Spread your feet apart. Get big.

· A change in your breathing (perhaps your breath is shallower) — breathe deep.

· A change in voice tone or volume. Notice if you are frozen in place or perhaps not talking at all or lowering the volume or the strength of your voice — shout or sing or yell out something positive.

Step 2. Take note of the message that you are sending yourself.

Realize you are in control. Say to yourself, "I am feeling negative about ____ right now. I choose not to let it get bigger, or I choose to let that thought go. Or I choose to change that thought. For example, imagine you have had a bad interaction and find yourself dwelling on a thought such as I let that coworker raise his voice and say horrible things to me. I'm not strong. You can say to yourself, "I chose not to say anything this time, but I will be prepared the next time someone treats me badly. I can say, ‘Please treat me with respect or I can ask for an apology. I might say to myself, "That coworker is not emotionally healthy, and I chose a safe non-engaging response to deal with them. Now I will let that interaction go so that unhealthy person does not take any more of my headspace and cause me any tension or stress.”

Step 3. Switch your negative message to positive self-talk to see things differently.

Learn to use a different kind of self-talk. The exact same situation will produce different emotions if you change your interpretation

Write out your negative message, then flip it and write the opposite positive message.
Write anything that you like about yourself and are proud of.

Examples:

· Hey, I can deal with this.

· I'm a creative person, and I may be stuck at this moment, but this moment will pass, and I will be in flow again.

· I can stop this task for now and shift to something that brings me pleasure and confidence.

· True, things aren't going how I planned, but being negative won't help. What can I do right now to shift my thinking? How can I still get something good/fun out of this experience?

Step 4. Consider and choose the best behavior options.

Do something to give yourself a physical release. Again, critical talk comes from the left hemisphere, so do things that activate your right brain. Take a brisk walk, turn on some music, and sing or dance. Hear live music. Get in the car and take a meandering drive somewhere pretty. Take a shower. Breathe in slowly and deeply. Play with your pet. You can imagine you are at the beach or in a meadow or looking at a stream or mountain. Bounce a ball.

Step 5. Congratulate Yourself

Focus on any improvement of your abilities. One step at a time is okay and congratulate yourself.

· Hey, I did that well. I am really proud of myself! YES!

Interviewed several times a week by national media outlets for her expertise in nonverbal communication, Patti Wood is an Atlanta-based consultant, speaker, and author. And speaks to Fortune 500 companies and associations on communication, including

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

How to Give Compliments and Praise and Show Gratitude for Good Behavior. ERASER METHOD Praise and Compliments

As a body language expert, in my speaking and coaching, I realized that people often notice bad behaviors in others and are critical, but people don't always notice the good behaviors of others and show them their
gratitude for doing something good. 
I use the Sunrise Manifesto Gratitude Journal in my coaching, It has a daily request to write about someone you are grateful for. 
I tell my clients to write out their gratitude, using my Exact and Aware Gratitude Tool and, when appropriate, share their gratitude with the actual person. I find that very quickly my clients focus more on positive behaviors. They also share with me that it creates uplifting conversations and interactions very quickly. 
                                      
                                                          Gratitude And Praise Tool 
Noticing and being grateful for people's
nonverbal behaviors.  

 Exact   
With exact terms, state the person's behavior as
it exists now.  Answer the following questions in your statement.  When
did it happen? Where did it happen? Who was involved? How often has it
happened? Be specific. Make it real and concrete. Don't use generalizations
such as always, never, every time.  

 Example:    Three times in the past three weeks, you've called me just to chat. 

 Example:    In the last week, you've come through the door and immediately kissed me. 

 Example:   I noticed as I stood in line how you made eye contact and smiled and chatted so warmly
        with the customers before me.      
      
 Aware       Make the person aware of the emotion(s) the behavior arouses in you.  How do you feel in   
                   response to their behavior? 

 Example:  When you call just to chat it makes me feel connected to you, and we end up talking about good things and bad things and laughing and that feels wonderful. Thank you. I am grateful for your friendship.
 Example:  I love being first! And when you kiss me
 I feel like you are happy to see me and you desire me. Thank you, I am grateful
 for our marriage.                    
 Example:  It made me so happy to see your warmth and kindness. Thank
you. I am grateful for your happiness. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert.  For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What are the challenges and new things that you can do to ensure a safe meeting and conventions"

I am an expert on body language and first impressions, a professional keynote speaker at conventions, and the Author of SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions body language and Charisma. Here are a few of the articles I have contributed to about changes in interactions in the Post Covid world.

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/10/smarter-living/coronavirus-greetings-handshakes-hugs.html

https://www.abajournal.com/web/article/do-face-coverings-help-or-hinder-defendants

https://www.iaapa.org/news/funworld/how-staff-can-maintain-welcoming-environment-social-distancing

What challenges and new things can be done to ensure a safe meeting?

It's essential to help meeting attendees feel safe and informed before they get to the meeting. I suggest emails and newsletters websites that give as much information about the safety precautions. I also offer personal phone calls to board members and key individuals to ensure that the information they are getting is clear and accurate. One key member telling potential attendees negative or incorrect safety information can dramatically affect your member's attendance. For example, what are the sizes of the rooms? What are the ceiling heights? What has the meeting facility done to ensure safety, air circulation in the rooms, and how does that meet new recommendations? Will people wear badges with sensors so contract tracing can occur if there is a positive covid case during or after the convention?
Give the group fun ways of safely greeting and interacting. Throughout all cultures, people greet one another as a sign of recognition, affection, friendship, and reverence. Now people may be scared to greet or not know how others in attendance will greet. I have some alternatives listed below
If you are putting the tables further apart and more sparsely seated, make sure you make the tables look more appealing with color choices and centerpieces, so the effect is warmer and more welcoming. Have greeters at the door to safely and warmly greet people as they enter to make the attendees feel more welcome and warm them up for the speaker. Spend the money to get great friendly, upbeat music in the room, perhaps even live performers. Even someone playing guitar or a quintet playing classical music can warm up the environment.

HANDSHAKE ALTERNATIVES

For in face to face online interaction like your live stream concerts

By Patti Wood, Body Language, and Human Behavior Expert

With concerns about Germs, I wanted to give you and your company handshake alternatives that can make you and your team comfortable. I want to make sure you feel prepared and know what to do. Because greetings and goodbye rituals have so many physiological benefits, I encourage you to create nonverbal greeting and goodbye rituals when interacting online via Skype or some other format. I want to have ways to acknowledge how unique each human being on this little blue planet is and what a sacred thing we do when we interact.

First, know that without an acceptable form of touch, we will be losing an invaluable bonding mechanism that normally helps us feel safe and lets us bring down the "stranger barrier" and connect. I share this with you because I want to emphasize that greeting rituals allow to create a positive first impression and connect and reduce conflict. If you don't shake hands or have an alternative ritual, there is a cost, so you need a replacement. I have done three years of academic research on handshakes and greeting rituals and have spoken and written about them for over 30 years. I know their value. You need to do some sort of ritual, even online.

Start the Greeting Earlier. If you are face to face start at about 8 to 6 feet out. If you are shaking hands, you typically smile when you are four feet apart and again as you get close. If you start the greeting earlier, you can create a contact in time to signal that you want to create a different ritual and NOT SHAKE HANDS. What you want to do is slow down the greeting, so you have the time to change the greeting graciously.

Wave- hold up your open pam and wave. Open palm signals directly to the primitive limbic brain that you come in peace and friendship. It was said to have originated with American Indians to signal to others that you held no weapon and come in peace.

LEAN IN – Just lean in instead of shaking hand. You can even make sure no one reaches for you hand by keeping our arms at your sides with a slight bow lean in -This shows that first of all are NOT offering your hand but also that you come in peace and still allows you to acknowledge the person as special, that you honor them and that the and the interaction as special.

The NAMASTE – This was originally a Hindu greeting and used in the 2000s by celebrities who didn't want to shake hands with fans in red carpet greeting. The Namaste is a slight bow and hands pressed together, palms touching and fingers pointing upwards, thumbs close to the chest. In Hinda, you actually say the word NAMASTE but you don't have to but its a beautiful greeting and the actual ritual its called "Añjali Mudrā;" In Hinduism, it means "I bow to the divine in you".

THE PEACE SIGN or Victory V - I wanted to offer another option that signals a greeting that could catch on as we battel whatever this cold/flu/virus gives us and come out in peace and victory. This thought of creating this for our season of germs started with my friend Carl who is a biker. He is smart, cool and he greets fellow bikers on the road with a peace sign. Yes, the peace sign! Who knew the hippy, bead wearing right hand up, palm facing out with two fingers spread in a slight "V" greeting? Remember, we like people who are like us. The various versions of the peace symbol given by bikers show other bikers they have something in common. During World War II, Victor de Laveleye, a Belgian refugee, suggested during a BBC broadcast that his countrymen use the letter V as a rallying sign. The "V" is the first letter of victoire (victory) in French and vrijheid (freedom) in Dutch. Soon you could see "V" in graffiti all over Belgium and then all of Nazi-occupied Europe and given as a hand sign. It was a message that said to the occupier that "he is surrounded, encircled by an immense crowd of citizens that don't want this occupation. British Prime Minister Winston Churchill popularized the V symbol as a victory. 1958, the artist Gerald Holton began using the graphic representation of the "V" in an opposite way from the World War II usage, casting it as a symbol for peace to create the peace symbol.

It is a greeting that shows others your own beliefs and desires and asks in return, "Are you part of my tribe? Will you interact with me in harmony?"

I suggest that if you are meeting face-to-face or online with business associates, friends, or family, you talk about how you would like to greeted. Perhaps pick a team or family or friendship tribal greeting ritual like the fist bump was created to show we are in this together.

Because we also need a ritual to show we are done and grateful for the interaction will return in peace again, I suggest you end with one of these rituals or your own special parting as well.

einteractions

For you and for your company

(suitable to send out to those you

What is collective/group narcissism? What are social narcissism's potential consequences in societies and groups?

1) What is collective/group narcissism?

Group Narcissism consists of people who feed on the narcissistic supply. As a result, they can create more drama from the group and use the power of the group to create havoc on others, creating more emotional supply.

Malignant Narcissists feed off drama. Research, including brain scans, shows that their brains operate differently. MG's may not feel or get enough supply for healthy human emotions created from love, bonding, and empathy. Instead, their brains light up, are fed when admired, and when they see and or create intense negative emotions like drama, fear, pain, and discord. These emotions create the MG's "Narcissistic Supply."

2) What are social

Narcissism's potential consequences in societies and groups?

The most serious is emotional contagion, just like a small group yelling and taunting can create a large crowd to stir to anger an attack like the crowd torch-bearing scene in the classic movie Frankenstein, a toxic group, can contaminate not just those inside that group and those outside the group

In group narcissism, we see unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and its ideals and an intense fervor in the persecution of any person who questions the authority of the overarching ideals of the group. The group will do anything to ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give him a pass and then another pass, normalize bullying, yelling, crazy, abusive, and even dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threaten the group's status quo. The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply." In the presence of other narcissists, who reflect "like" behaviors, they don't see their dark selves. In the group, they are whole and belong. They may see damage in others, yet it only serves to make them feel superior. And in fact, their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members may make them think they are good people. They don't consider that dark damage behaviors are unacceptable in a healthy group. They only see reflections of themselves.

Patti Wood is a body language expert with degrees emphasizing Nonverbal Communication. She writes and speaks to corporate clients about body language and honesty, integrity, credibility, deception, narcissism, and psychopathology. She is also an expert on Hitler's body language.

How to Teach Kids About Body Language Using Mr. Potato Head, Teaching Kids Healthy Safe Touch Using Mr. Potato Head

I have used Mr. Potatoe's head toys to help teach foster parents a safe way to discuss body parts, how a child feels about each body part, and safe and appropriate touch.

I also have shown teachers how to teach simple body language reading cues in a fun way.

So they talk about eye contact and have the children put the eyes in and share what they can see and they put the hands-on and say what it safe healthy touch and other concepts like body windows and how the feet are the most honest parts of the body.

Play: It can’t be disputed that children learn best through play as language development can be supported, by adults, in a fun and natural way. Playing with Mr. Potato Head can help develop symbolic play, certain language skills and support overall cognitive development.

Choices: Offer your child choices of body parts when placing them into Mr Potato Head. It can support the understanding and expressive use of, vocabulary for body parts. Talk about these body parts as your child is assembling and experimenting with Mr Potato Head. Providing choices can also support a child’s ability to make decisions.

Requesting: Mr Potato Head is a great tool to help support the skill of requesting. It offers many ways to develop consistent use of communication including, gestures, sign and verbal communication. Adapt the way Potato Head is played by holding back some pieces from the child to provide repetitive opportunities for the child to use all their communication skills.

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