I do research, write and consult on body language and first
impressions. It is very interesting to me that after many years as a speaker I now
have clients that share with me that their employees and or professional association members are fearful of
networking. They feel they don’t have the
skills to introduce themselves or make small talk and some don’t even value
networking.
If you are wondering how to make
small talk and network you can hire me as your coach or bring me to your
business or association.
Here are a few tips from my book SNAP Making the
Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma
on how to network.
Tips for Reducing Your Social Anxiety and Improving Your First Impression at Parties and Networking Events
By Patti Wood MA, CSP and Body Language Expert
Some of you may think of social and networkingand mingling
opportunities and jump for joy and some of you may think of punch and cookies
and meeting strangers and feel your palms begin to sweat and your throat start
to close. Here are fun and helpful tips for feeling more comfortable at your
next party so you can change from a wallflower to a “social butterfly.”
1.
Look for an Open Person. You have learned in an earlier
chapter how to make yourself approachable by having open body language.
You can use that information to look for people who you can easily approach.
Search for people who are intently speaking to someone already. Spy the people
who have their feet slightly apart a few inches rather than crossed, pressed
together, or cowboy show of defensive stance 14 inches apart. It is easier to
approach someone who is showing his or her palms as they gesture and is
smiling. If you are super shy, you can just go up and stand next to someone who
looks open and slowly mirror his posture. Research says he is likely to
start a conversation with you.
2.
Go first….you can also introduce yourself. I
know I know, you’re thinking, "Patti you are insane.” I hate to talk to
people and you want me to initiate a conversation!” “I’d rather stick a fork in
my eye.” Put down the fork. Research shows that when you initiate you appear
more confident to other people and they immediately feel more at ease. In
addition, when they feel at ease, the comfort transfers to you. Remember, two awkward
people equal three times the anxiety.
3.
Introduce people to each other. Again,
you have something to do, and goodness it takes the pressure off you. You now
say the younger person’s name first to introduce them to the older person, say
the lower status person’s name first to introduce them to the higher status
person. Think bigwig’s name is said last.
4.
Ask a question and then relax and listen.
When I was in grad school and teaching at Florida State I tried out for
and got a part in a community program. I almost lost my voice and I
learned a lot about listening. So much anxiety comes from not knowing
what to do or how to do it well. I can tell you that the smartest thing you can
do at a party is ask a gentle question. It completely takes the talking
pressure off you. You don’t have to be witty and urbane to be good listeners.
And if “The Seven Habits of highly successful people” is right, everybody loves
a good listener. If asking questions seems to be as difficult for you as
defusing and atomic bomb, click to my book “Going UP!” The book gives
pages of questions you can use to start a conversation.
5.
Nod your head. I give simple listening body language cues
in my linked article. Here is one of my favorites to teach men. Nod your head.
Women love it. Men typically only nod their heads when they agree, woman nod to
show they are listening. Guys, if you nod your head a lot she will love you.
Beware of nodding your head at your female boss at the office. Power
people love it when you nod your head too, but your boss might think you love
them so much you are willing for them to nominate you for the office,
“recycling waste committee for 2009.”
