Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

Hello Honey, I'm Home!

Hello Honey, I'm Home!

Every week when I fly home back to Atlanta I eavesdrop on people being greeted by their families and I listen to their voices and I watch them reach out their arms kiss, hug and show their love. It's amazing and reminds me how sweet, fabulous and wonderful love is.

This has happened a lot but I'll tell you about one particular story.

I was watching a businessman come down the aisle of the plane looking like a weary soldier.

He seemed really exhausted and overwhelmed as he sat down and as we flew the three hours from Albuquerque to Atlanta he worked on his computer, getting out receipts and opening up excel spread sheets and going through tons of emails. He was working really hard, but it was clear from his slumped shoulders and turtle in his shell head he was beat. Then as soon as our plane landed he got out his cell phone and got on the phone with his little girl and was transformed. He talked in the most enthusiastic and loving voice and his shoulders came back and his head came up. He lit up with joy as he listened to his daughter and responded to her with such generosity of spirit. It was an amazing thing to witness.

Now here is something amazing. I have seen business men do this a least two dozen times on my weekly flights. As soon as they land after a long flight they get out their phone to call their loved ones. It reminds me of the power of love to transform us and I hope it also reminds you that you communicate with your actions. If your first thought getting home is to call your family,

you are putting the most important part of your life first.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

Why You Shouldn't Talk On Your Cell Phone on Airplanes

Why You Shouldn't Talk On Your Cell Phone on Airplanes

The Mr. Mustache Story

I was on a plane as it waited to take off from the Atlanta Airport. There was a gentleman with a mustache in the row across from me in first class on his cell phone. Mr. Mustache didn't seem to care we could hear every word he said on his cell phone as he loudly told the employee he was fired.

It was the most heart wrenching and disturbing eavesdropping situation I've ever encountered. His voice was cold, hurried and matter-of-fact. He said sales were down in his region and he felt Sam could do a better job. I could actually hear the pleading in the voice of the employee from his cell phone.

Mr. Mustache said that he hadn't said anything before hoping the sales would increase and that was that, and that he had to get off the phone as his plane was about to take off. Yes, Mr. Mustache, totally ignored the pleading and quickly said he had to get off the phone because the plane was taking off.

I audibly groaned as he got off the phone and my seatmate who also heard the call said, "Can you believe him?" If I had been in the seat near mustache I would have told him he was rude and insensitive, but going across my seatmate to say that would have been rude of me! My seatmate and I talked about how horrible that was and how unprofessional and heartless this man was.

I want you to remember this story. Remember you do not fire people with a brief heartless phone call having obviously not given them any prior notice. You should not rush a phone call when someone is in obvious distress and let them know you are on a plane publically firing them. You do not have emotional phone calls in public spaces, especially in spaces like airplanes where no one can escape your rudeness.

If you are making any excuses for Mr. Mustaches behavior, DON"T. He may have been a rich guy in first class thinking he earned the right to be rude and heartless. He hadn't. If you are thinking you have never done anything remotely like this think again. Have you ever said something emotional or negative to someone on the phone when you were in a public space? Have you ever said something over the phone or text or email that you should have said in person, but you didn't want to deal with it?

Have you ever talked loudly on the phone when others could not step away from you to not hear you?

Be polite. Be a grownup. Honor and respect the souls around you.

Should You Date a Coworker?

Should You Date a Coworker?

I'm a body language expert, speaker, author and coach. My first dissertation topic was dating in the workplace. I did research on the topic for two years.

If you know all of your policies and procedures in the workplace allow it, I think it's absolutely fine to date coworkers. I just recommend being very clear and specific about your expectations.

Before you go out on one single date:

· Discuss how you will act and what you see your behavior and their behavior looking like.

· What will you say and do what will they say and do? For example, Do you expect them to greet you or say goodbye differently?

· Do you want to ask that they not visit you in your office space during the day?

· What conversations, endearments and nonverbal behaviors are acceptable or unacceptable?

· Are you comfortable with them sharing details about you and your dates?

Here is the most important thing to know and rule to follow when dating coworkers. Don't keep it a secret! It sounds counterintuitive but makes it known to your boss and your close coworkers that you are going out on a date. My feeling is, if you are too uncomfortable to make the date public you don't respect the person enough to date them.

In my research I found it was keeping any dating or relationships a secret from your team members that seem to cause the most problems both for the people dating and fellow coworkers.

Even seemingly innocent deceptions can pervert your actions and lead to miss perceptions and tension. Be up front and be a grown-up.

Couples Who Sleep Less Than an Inch Apart Might Be Happiest Research Reveals What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

Couples Who Sleep Less Than an Inch Apart

Might Be Happiest Research Reveals

What Your Sleeping Position Says About Your Relationship

If you get my newsletter you know that I have written and spoken about couples’ sleep positions for many years. I have even been in bed on a morning television show talking about. Patti on Regis & Kelly

Here is some of the most current research on couples sleep positions.

From Science Daily News
April 15, 2014 University of Hertfordshire

Scientists have discovered what people’s preferred couple sleeping position reveals about their relationships and personality. The research revealed the most popular sleep positions for couples.

What Sleep Position is the Most Popular for Couples and what is the Least Popular.

42% sleeping back to back,

31% sleeping facing the same direction

4% spending the night facing one another.

12% of couples spend the night less than an inch apart whilst

2% sleep over 30 inches apart.

What do people’s preferred sleeping position reveal about their relationships and personality?

Credit: © Igor Mojzes / Fotolia

Research carried out at the Edinburgh International Science Festival has discovered what people’s preferred sleeping position reveals about their relationships and personality.

The work, carried out by University of Hertfordshire psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman, involved asking over 1000 people to describe their preferred sleeping position and to rate their personality and quality of their relationship.

The research revealed the most popular sleep positions for couples, with 42% sleeping back to back, 31% sleeping facing the same direction and just 4% spending the night facing one another. In addition, 12% of couples spend the night less than an inch apart whilst 2% sleep over 30 inches apart.

Professor Wiseman commented: “One of the most important differences involved touching, with 94% of couples who spent the night in contact with one another were happy with their relationship, compared to just 68% of those that didn't touch.”

In addition, the further apart the couple spent the night, the worse their relationship, with 86% of those who slept less than an inch apart from their partner being happy with their relationship, compared to only 66% of those who slept more than 30 inches apart.

The work also revealed that extroverts tended to spend the night close to their partners, and more creative types tended to sleep on their left hand side.

Professor Wiseman noted: "This is the first survey to examine couples' sleeping positions, and the results allow people to gain an insight into someone's personality and relationship by simply asking them about their favourite sleeping position."

Professor Richard Wiseman is the author of Night School, which examines the science of sleep and dreaming.   He returns to the Edinburgh International Science Festival on Thursday 17 April, 2014 to talk about the power of the sleeping mind.

More sleep position articles:

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/sleep%20positions

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/sleep%20habits%20of%20men

http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/search/label/Sleep%20position

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by University of Hertfordshire. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

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University of Hertfordshire. "Research reveals what your sleeping position says about your relationship." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 15 April 2014. .

Research on Mate Selection Shows That Settling for 'Mr. Right Now' is better than waiting for 'Mr. Right.'

Research on Mate Selection Shows
That Settling for 'Mr. Right Now'
is better than waiting for 'Mr. Right.'

And that if we were raised in small communities we are more risk averse and more likely to settle and find a mate. This makes sense to me. It indicates that if there are more possible mates when we are growing up we think there are more fish in the sea and it's harder for us to find someone we want to mate with for life. Though it talks about how we grew up and I also think it explains why people searching for a mate on dating sites like Match.com have a hard time meeting someone they want to settle down with. The possibilities make them less risk adverse.

Here is the research from Science Daily News. I have yellow highlighted the interesting sections.

Date: February 6, 2015

Source: Michigan State University

Summary:

Evolutionary researchers have determined that settling for 'Mr. Okay' is a better evolutionary strategy than waiting for 'Mr. Perfect.' When studying the evolution of risk aversion using a computational model of digital organisms, researchers found that it is in our nature -- traced back to the earliest humans -- to take the safe bet when stakes are high, such as whether or not we will mate.

How risk averse we are correlates to the size of the group in which we were raised. If reared in a small group -- fewer than 150 people -- we tend to be much more risk averse than those who were part of a larger community.

It turns out that primitive humans lived in smaller groups, about 150 individuals. Because resources tend to be more scarce in smaller communities, this environment helps promote risk aversion.

When studying the evolution of risk aversion, Michigan State University researchers found that it is in our nature -- traced back to the earliest humans -- to take the safe bet when stakes are high, such as whether or not we will mate.

"Primitive humans were likely forced to bet on whether or not they could find a better mate," said Chris Adami, MSU professor of microbiology and molecular genetics and co-author of the paper.

"They could either choose to mate with the first, potentially inferior, companion and risk inferior offspring, or they could wait for Mr. or Ms. Perfect to come around," he said. "If they chose to wait, they risk never mating."

Adami and his co-author Arend Hintze, MSU research associate, used a computational model to trace risk-taking behaviors through thousands of generations of evolution with digital organisms. These organisms were programmed to make bets in high-payoff gambles, which reflect the life-altering decisions that natural organisms must make, as for example choosing a mate.

"An individual might hold out to find the perfect mate but run the risk of coming up empty and leaving no progeny," Adami said. "Settling early for the sure bet gives you an evolutionary advantage, if living in a small group."

Adami and his team tested many variables that influence risk-taking behavior and concluded that certain conditions influence our decision-making process. The decision must be a rare, once-in-a-lifetime event and also have a high payoff for the individual's future -- such as the odds of producing offspring.

It turns out that primitive humans lived in smaller groups, about 150 individuals. Because resources tend to be more scarce in smaller communities, this environment helps promote risk aversion.

"We found that it is really the group size, not the total population size, which matters in the evolution of risk aversion," Hintze said.

However, not everyone develops the same level of aversion to risk. The study also found that evolution doesn't prefer one single, optimal way of dealing with risk, but instead allows for a range of less, and sometimes more-risky, behaviors to evolve.

"We do not all evolve to be the same," Adami said. "Evolution creates a diversity in our acceptance of risk, so you see some people who are more likely to take bigger risks than others. We see the same phenomenon in our simulations."

Story Source:

The above story is based on materials provided by Michigan State University. Note: Materials may be edited for content and length.

Journal Reference:

1. Arend Hintze, Randal S. Olson, Christoph Adami, Ralph Hertwig. Risk sensitivity as an evolutionary adaptation. Scientific Reports, 2015; 5: 8242 DOI:10.1038/srep08242