"Wait untill you see the whites of their eyes!", is the iconic battle cry of the commander under siege as the attackers come in mass upon the fort, circle of wagons or up the hills toward his men.
Strangely, the large whites of the eyes in human where designed to help us cooperate.
Recent research at Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that unlike chimps and apes who look at head movement, children pay more attention to eye movement.
Apes and chimps need to mask where they are looking looking from other primates and thus do not have those bright whites of the eyes. Anthropologist Brain Hare says primates who do not have bright whites can hide where they are looking from others so they can, "...eat it, mate it, or chase it," I am thinking the chasing might come first, but I digress.
Humans however have evolved the bright whites of the eyes to contrast with our baby blues Iris and dark pupils so we can easily see the direction of another person's gaze.
The theory is that the advantages of understanding and cooperation received through mutual gaze outweigh a having a poker face. This is particular useful to me as I am not a great poker player, but boy can I read that body language.
I think this also interesting if your apply all the information we get subconsciously from eye gaze and brain function. That is the science of NLP. Which I have blogged about previously. I love that we were designed to create mutual gaze. If your interested in the whites of the eyes research pick up this months Scientific American Mind. Just another fun body language fact.
Oscar body language Tom and Katie
The most interesting part of the photo is how he is holding her hand tightly and high up close to his waist as if she is a little child in a super market who might get away. He is truly showing he is concerned she might get away from him. And she is standing fully away from him except for that hand. She is creating her own individual space. It's nice to see her in her own individual bubble rather than close and pulled into Tom like she has been. She is the most poised and relaxed I have seen her in over a year. Though her bowled and drooped down shoulders indicated she has been carrying a lot emotional weight. I mean, really a lot of weight, it is rather sad to see. Interesting that he is looking at the screen rather than doing his old "I'm looking at the camera" focus.
I found his Oscar presentation fascinating he was holding his hands together in a steeple which is a position men go into to gain control of themselves and looked poised and he was so very still and his voice strained to stay low and unemotional. His smile was even very small and a little tight. It was the anti Oprah show jumping on the coach body language.
I found his Oscar presentation fascinating he was holding his hands together in a steeple which is a position men go into to gain control of themselves and looked poised and he was so very still and his voice strained to stay low and unemotional. His smile was even very small and a little tight. It was the anti Oprah show jumping on the coach body language.
Bush & Pelosi-State of the Union Body Language
A Body Language Analysis of the State of the Union Address
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
Once again I found President Bush’s body language and other nonverbal communication during the State of the Union Address on January 23, 2007 fascinating. Though, the most fascinating thing to watch during this address was the body language of new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Here is a tremendously powerful historical event in American History, a woman Speaker presiding at a State of the Union Address. Here is a woman to represent all women in America, sitting behind the President watching him and responding to him as a woman who is third in line to the presidency. Many women waited all their lives for this event. We watched closely because we believed the camera would show through her how we feel and what we want. It was not a pretty site. I am not sure it did show all women’s feelings, and personally as a woman, a speech coach and a body language expert, it was not what I expected to see. But it certainly showed how Speaker of the House Pelosi felt!
Let me give you a nonverbal read of the entire event starting with the House Speaker Pelosi’s call to order.
I was watching C-Span before the official televised speech began. I saw the House Speaker Pelosi call the house to order with several gentle hits of the gavel and then when no one seemed to respond she tittered with lighthearted nervous laughter. I was expecting Pelosi to show more gravitas. And I was expecting an immediate respectful response from the democrats and perhaps a large and hearty round of applause. It seemed odd that while the public perceives her as wielding enormous and perhaps threatening power the Democrats and women are excited about her holding the office and those in the chamber in that historical moment did not show respect or obvious enthusiasm for her. Perhaps, they where oblivious to the continual C-Span coverage and they where just waiting for the obvious network coverage.
Many predicted that Bush would appear nervous and stained as he entered the chamber, knowing his low public option polls and the Democratic control of the house. However, the entrance of the President into the chambers was similar to any other address. Bush’s head was up. He directed smiles, handshakes and side comments to many people as he entered. Though, I did not see his normally rather playful winks and boyish grins to particular people. He certainly did not have the grim look of a warrior going into battle that many expected. He looked calm. Even his choice of a light blue tie rather than power red was interesting in its soft and calm effect. In color physiology blue is the color of the sky and the ocean; it is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red producing a peaceful, tranquil, calming effect.
Normally, the President enters the chamber and as he reaches the podium area he playfully greets the Vice President and the Speaker and visits a moment with them. In this address, he entered and turned to go in front of Cheney and Pelosi and just as he passed Cheney he made a determined turn of his feet, torso and headed away from Pelosi showing disrespect and with a stiffening of his body and reflective pull back, a little fear of the impending speech.
Mr. President subtly showed his power and lack of respect for Polsi’s power in a nonverbal manner when he handed out the envelopes containing the copies of his address. He didn’t linger as he gave the envelope to Pelosi, in fact he immediately turned away. She, in turn, showed she expected a warmer more lengthy greeting by staying faced towards him waiting for the opportunity to give a warm welcome. She shielded herself from his rebuff with the large yellow envelope, held slightly away and over her heart. What was particularly bizarre was what she did with her mouth when she didn’t get the greeting she expected. She took her tongue and pushed out her lower lip in a baboonish anger response. He was I feel, inappropriately disrespectful. However, this is a very strong cue and unusual for a person in her position, unusual for a women and unusual considering the significance of this historical moment.
In the first round of applause for the President, Palosi is already looking away from him, showing her disrespect. Then you see a very telling interaction. Normally the President shows that the Speaker of the House is in charge by waiting for the Speaker to introduce him or perhaps turning and giving a smile and head nod indicating that he is ready to go. Instead Bush turns to Pelosi and says in a commanding and slightly angry voice, “Ready to go?” (He may have thought his mike was not on yet.) The words in his request seemed innocent but his true feelings were reflected in his nonverbal communication. He wanted her to know he was in charge and when she smiles and tries to welcome him, (as he should have allowed her) she says, with a slowly, sweetly and differently delivered personal greeting to him, “Welcome Mr. President,” he ignores it. When she repeats it he emphasizes his message of control by giving a forcefully delivered order, “Let’s Go!”
When the President officially began his address and first makes reference to Pelosi she smiles buoyantly bows her head up and down in a “head curtsy” during the applause. This is her moment and she indicates with her non-verbals that this is the honor she expected.
At 9:15 there is what can only be described as an awesome screen grab moment. As Bush says in what appears on the surface to be a smoothly and beautifully crafted, “Madam Speaker.” The instant he finishes the word, “speaker” if you freeze frame you will see him give set of telling micro facial cues. He closes his eyes all the way, his forehead is wrinkled and furrowed, his head is pulled back, his neck is tense with the strained veins sticking out and he places his tongue inside his mouth and pushes HIS lower lip out with the tongue in defiance. This cluster of cues sends the real message. It says, “That was so hard to do because I am so mad.” “I can’t believe that I had to do that!” “That’s not how I really feel at all.”
Though through most of the rest of the speech Bush’s voice is confident, we have a rare vocal revealing of Bushes fear at the beginning of his address as he delivers the sentence.” I congratulate the democrat majority.” This is one of the most important sentences he says, considering Bush’s lack of popularity and the power of Democrats in the Chamber. His voice is so in strength on the delivery of the word, “congratulate” goes down significantly in power and strength on the word, “democrat” and is extremely soft and pulled back on the word, “majority.”
At this point Pelosi goes into rapid blinking. In my book, “Success Signals,” the reader learns that normal resting blink rate is 10 to 20 blinks per minute. It goes up to 21 to 25 when you begin speaking and as blink rate climbs to 50 it shows nervousness. Pelosi's blink rate was approximately 70 blinks per minute. Now, I always look for other reasons for someone’s nonverbal behavior and I can tell you that she was wearing false eyelashes that could easily have caused the rapid blinking, but because she was only blinking during certain portions of the address I don’t think that was the reason for the rapid blinking. If the cause was merely the false lashes the blinking would have been continuous. Her eye blinking seemed particularly obvious when compared to the stone faced expression of Vice President Cheney seated right next to her.
Considering democrats may not think the war is about a need to defend the US it was interesting that the chamber stood when Bush began speaking about the war and said the rather well crafted sentence, “troops…sent forth to defend us.” Pelosi showed her disagreement with the statement by making an overly obvious swallowing motion. When someone’s thoughts don’t go down well, the listener in this case, Pelosi may struggle to “swallow” the Speaker’s words.
At 9:16 Bush made another well crafted comment about something to the effect of “…Our citizens don’t much care which side of the aisle we sit on as long as we are willing to cross that aisle when there is work to be done.” (Referring to the Democratic and Republican’s sides.) To which Pelosi immediately slides out her tongue slowly over a curled lower lip in a “this tastes bad” nonverbal expression. Interestingly Bush knew it was a killer crafted comment. He waited a full ten seconds for response before he continued with his speech.
At 9:18 when Bush says confidently, “We must balance the federal budget” the entire chamber stands but Pelosi gives a snarling look of anger followed by a pursed lip sour taste in her mouth facial expression and then looks away. She then begins what will be almost continuous odd mouth movements for the remainder of the address. Next, looking like she is swallowing a bitter pill then clearing her mouth of the bitter taste then moistens her lips showing that her mouth is dry from nervousness. These facial expressions do not look respectful, dignified nor dare I say it, lady like. And even more odd considering that there are so many and after awhile or no longer in response to particular disagreeable statements made by Bush and that they continue during Bushes introduction of the Hero’s. This shows her lack of control of her extreme dislike of the President.
I had expected because of her high office, the respectful nature of the event, and again I must say it, her gender, that during the speech she would be stone faced or have the normal masked smile that many women have when hiding their true feeling. How surprising that she looked so awkward and uncomfortable with the President, surprising that his words stuck in her mouth and were difficult to digest. In fact it often appeared that she was searching with her tongue to dislodge a kernel of corn lodged between her teeth.
As Bush announced his still strong stance on the unpopular “No Child Left Behind” act
Pelosi had drawn together eyebrows and pressed her lips to show rage then stuck her tongue out in passive aggressive disagreement with the stance.
Though it sometimes appeared that she was not listening closely as she often blinked, looked away or made odd mouth movements, I believe this was merely a show of disrespect and disagreement. She did show she was ready to hear something she did agree with when she smiled broadly, jumped up out of her seat and began applauding enthusiastically when Bush stated he was for affordable health care.
Overall Pelosi gave applause as we would expect, only to generic statements, as well as extending private school vouchers and non-specific proposals.
Many people in the chamber stood when he said the somewhat poetic line, “On this day, at this hour, it is still within our power to shape the outcome of this battle, let us find our resolve and turn events toward victory.” Pelosi did not stand, nor did 2008 Presidential candidates Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barrack Obama.
Pelosi had another particularly pointed look of distaste on her face as she pursed her lips and put her tongue out her mouth with revulsion and Bush said, "We must reduce gas consumption by 20% in the next years.” Did she perhaps think that it was a little too late of a statement?
At 9:41 Bush followed this with statements about the war saying, “…help men in the middle east build a fee society.” Then the camera went to Condelisa Rice who was withdrawn, had close together eyes, a tight mouth and tense facial muscles and had a look of anger on her face like a pit bull. Then she showed she knew she shouldn’t show her anger but couldn’t control it. Her face then twisted to the much more angry side on the left and she tried to suppress it on the right side of the face. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotion producing right hemisphere and shows are truest emotions.
I must say Bush gave his most smooth and confident vocal delivery of the State of the Union speech. And the speech itself was eloquently written. He continued however to show his usual odd habit of tongue thrusting at the end of statements that he either didn’t truly believe or that may illicit attacks from others. He also did his usual bend of the podium lean on his outstretched arm then grin pose. Which translates to, “You think you’ve got me but you don’t.”
Something that did reveal his anger and need to show power was his unusual finger pointing. In fact, he did a lot of aggressive finger pointing during his statements about the war. With the symbolic gun of the pointing finger he indicates that he is going to fight for his way shooting anyone who disagrees and not back down. He emphatically ended each pointing finger session by tapping the finger on the podium as if he was symbolically beating those who fought him and portrayed that they would be shot and their bodies would go down on the ground. He ended his speech with his old tongue thrust as he said, “God bless America” but gave a beautiful and graceful outward sweep of his hands as if he himself was bestowing God’s blessing.
As Bush was near the end of the speech at 9:53 and said something to the effect, “It would not be like us to leave our friends abandoned...” and, “We must save the American people from this...” Republicans stood Democrats stayed seated and our new Speaker of the House sat trying to dislodge that piece of corn in her teeth.
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
Once again I found President Bush’s body language and other nonverbal communication during the State of the Union Address on January 23, 2007 fascinating. Though, the most fascinating thing to watch during this address was the body language of new House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Here is a tremendously powerful historical event in American History, a woman Speaker presiding at a State of the Union Address. Here is a woman to represent all women in America, sitting behind the President watching him and responding to him as a woman who is third in line to the presidency. Many women waited all their lives for this event. We watched closely because we believed the camera would show through her how we feel and what we want. It was not a pretty site. I am not sure it did show all women’s feelings, and personally as a woman, a speech coach and a body language expert, it was not what I expected to see. But it certainly showed how Speaker of the House Pelosi felt!
Let me give you a nonverbal read of the entire event starting with the House Speaker Pelosi’s call to order.
I was watching C-Span before the official televised speech began. I saw the House Speaker Pelosi call the house to order with several gentle hits of the gavel and then when no one seemed to respond she tittered with lighthearted nervous laughter. I was expecting Pelosi to show more gravitas. And I was expecting an immediate respectful response from the democrats and perhaps a large and hearty round of applause. It seemed odd that while the public perceives her as wielding enormous and perhaps threatening power the Democrats and women are excited about her holding the office and those in the chamber in that historical moment did not show respect or obvious enthusiasm for her. Perhaps, they where oblivious to the continual C-Span coverage and they where just waiting for the obvious network coverage.
Many predicted that Bush would appear nervous and stained as he entered the chamber, knowing his low public option polls and the Democratic control of the house. However, the entrance of the President into the chambers was similar to any other address. Bush’s head was up. He directed smiles, handshakes and side comments to many people as he entered. Though, I did not see his normally rather playful winks and boyish grins to particular people. He certainly did not have the grim look of a warrior going into battle that many expected. He looked calm. Even his choice of a light blue tie rather than power red was interesting in its soft and calm effect. In color physiology blue is the color of the sky and the ocean; it is one of the most popular colors. It causes the opposite reaction as red producing a peaceful, tranquil, calming effect.
Normally, the President enters the chamber and as he reaches the podium area he playfully greets the Vice President and the Speaker and visits a moment with them. In this address, he entered and turned to go in front of Cheney and Pelosi and just as he passed Cheney he made a determined turn of his feet, torso and headed away from Pelosi showing disrespect and with a stiffening of his body and reflective pull back, a little fear of the impending speech.
Mr. President subtly showed his power and lack of respect for Polsi’s power in a nonverbal manner when he handed out the envelopes containing the copies of his address. He didn’t linger as he gave the envelope to Pelosi, in fact he immediately turned away. She, in turn, showed she expected a warmer more lengthy greeting by staying faced towards him waiting for the opportunity to give a warm welcome. She shielded herself from his rebuff with the large yellow envelope, held slightly away and over her heart. What was particularly bizarre was what she did with her mouth when she didn’t get the greeting she expected. She took her tongue and pushed out her lower lip in a baboonish anger response. He was I feel, inappropriately disrespectful. However, this is a very strong cue and unusual for a person in her position, unusual for a women and unusual considering the significance of this historical moment.
In the first round of applause for the President, Palosi is already looking away from him, showing her disrespect. Then you see a very telling interaction. Normally the President shows that the Speaker of the House is in charge by waiting for the Speaker to introduce him or perhaps turning and giving a smile and head nod indicating that he is ready to go. Instead Bush turns to Pelosi and says in a commanding and slightly angry voice, “Ready to go?” (He may have thought his mike was not on yet.) The words in his request seemed innocent but his true feelings were reflected in his nonverbal communication. He wanted her to know he was in charge and when she smiles and tries to welcome him, (as he should have allowed her) she says, with a slowly, sweetly and differently delivered personal greeting to him, “Welcome Mr. President,” he ignores it. When she repeats it he emphasizes his message of control by giving a forcefully delivered order, “Let’s Go!”
When the President officially began his address and first makes reference to Pelosi she smiles buoyantly bows her head up and down in a “head curtsy” during the applause. This is her moment and she indicates with her non-verbals that this is the honor she expected.
At 9:15 there is what can only be described as an awesome screen grab moment. As Bush says in what appears on the surface to be a smoothly and beautifully crafted, “Madam Speaker.” The instant he finishes the word, “speaker” if you freeze frame you will see him give set of telling micro facial cues. He closes his eyes all the way, his forehead is wrinkled and furrowed, his head is pulled back, his neck is tense with the strained veins sticking out and he places his tongue inside his mouth and pushes HIS lower lip out with the tongue in defiance. This cluster of cues sends the real message. It says, “That was so hard to do because I am so mad.” “I can’t believe that I had to do that!” “That’s not how I really feel at all.”
Though through most of the rest of the speech Bush’s voice is confident, we have a rare vocal revealing of Bushes fear at the beginning of his address as he delivers the sentence.” I congratulate the democrat majority.” This is one of the most important sentences he says, considering Bush’s lack of popularity and the power of Democrats in the Chamber. His voice is so in strength on the delivery of the word, “congratulate” goes down significantly in power and strength on the word, “democrat” and is extremely soft and pulled back on the word, “majority.”
At this point Pelosi goes into rapid blinking. In my book, “Success Signals,” the reader learns that normal resting blink rate is 10 to 20 blinks per minute. It goes up to 21 to 25 when you begin speaking and as blink rate climbs to 50 it shows nervousness. Pelosi's blink rate was approximately 70 blinks per minute. Now, I always look for other reasons for someone’s nonverbal behavior and I can tell you that she was wearing false eyelashes that could easily have caused the rapid blinking, but because she was only blinking during certain portions of the address I don’t think that was the reason for the rapid blinking. If the cause was merely the false lashes the blinking would have been continuous. Her eye blinking seemed particularly obvious when compared to the stone faced expression of Vice President Cheney seated right next to her.
Considering democrats may not think the war is about a need to defend the US it was interesting that the chamber stood when Bush began speaking about the war and said the rather well crafted sentence, “troops…sent forth to defend us.” Pelosi showed her disagreement with the statement by making an overly obvious swallowing motion. When someone’s thoughts don’t go down well, the listener in this case, Pelosi may struggle to “swallow” the Speaker’s words.
At 9:16 Bush made another well crafted comment about something to the effect of “…Our citizens don’t much care which side of the aisle we sit on as long as we are willing to cross that aisle when there is work to be done.” (Referring to the Democratic and Republican’s sides.) To which Pelosi immediately slides out her tongue slowly over a curled lower lip in a “this tastes bad” nonverbal expression. Interestingly Bush knew it was a killer crafted comment. He waited a full ten seconds for response before he continued with his speech.
At 9:18 when Bush says confidently, “We must balance the federal budget” the entire chamber stands but Pelosi gives a snarling look of anger followed by a pursed lip sour taste in her mouth facial expression and then looks away. She then begins what will be almost continuous odd mouth movements for the remainder of the address. Next, looking like she is swallowing a bitter pill then clearing her mouth of the bitter taste then moistens her lips showing that her mouth is dry from nervousness. These facial expressions do not look respectful, dignified nor dare I say it, lady like. And even more odd considering that there are so many and after awhile or no longer in response to particular disagreeable statements made by Bush and that they continue during Bushes introduction of the Hero’s. This shows her lack of control of her extreme dislike of the President.
I had expected because of her high office, the respectful nature of the event, and again I must say it, her gender, that during the speech she would be stone faced or have the normal masked smile that many women have when hiding their true feeling. How surprising that she looked so awkward and uncomfortable with the President, surprising that his words stuck in her mouth and were difficult to digest. In fact it often appeared that she was searching with her tongue to dislodge a kernel of corn lodged between her teeth.
As Bush announced his still strong stance on the unpopular “No Child Left Behind” act
Pelosi had drawn together eyebrows and pressed her lips to show rage then stuck her tongue out in passive aggressive disagreement with the stance.
Though it sometimes appeared that she was not listening closely as she often blinked, looked away or made odd mouth movements, I believe this was merely a show of disrespect and disagreement. She did show she was ready to hear something she did agree with when she smiled broadly, jumped up out of her seat and began applauding enthusiastically when Bush stated he was for affordable health care.
Overall Pelosi gave applause as we would expect, only to generic statements, as well as extending private school vouchers and non-specific proposals.
Many people in the chamber stood when he said the somewhat poetic line, “On this day, at this hour, it is still within our power to shape the outcome of this battle, let us find our resolve and turn events toward victory.” Pelosi did not stand, nor did 2008 Presidential candidates Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barrack Obama.
Pelosi had another particularly pointed look of distaste on her face as she pursed her lips and put her tongue out her mouth with revulsion and Bush said, "We must reduce gas consumption by 20% in the next years.” Did she perhaps think that it was a little too late of a statement?
At 9:41 Bush followed this with statements about the war saying, “…help men in the middle east build a fee society.” Then the camera went to Condelisa Rice who was withdrawn, had close together eyes, a tight mouth and tense facial muscles and had a look of anger on her face like a pit bull. Then she showed she knew she shouldn’t show her anger but couldn’t control it. Her face then twisted to the much more angry side on the left and she tried to suppress it on the right side of the face. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotion producing right hemisphere and shows are truest emotions.
I must say Bush gave his most smooth and confident vocal delivery of the State of the Union speech. And the speech itself was eloquently written. He continued however to show his usual odd habit of tongue thrusting at the end of statements that he either didn’t truly believe or that may illicit attacks from others. He also did his usual bend of the podium lean on his outstretched arm then grin pose. Which translates to, “You think you’ve got me but you don’t.”
Something that did reveal his anger and need to show power was his unusual finger pointing. In fact, he did a lot of aggressive finger pointing during his statements about the war. With the symbolic gun of the pointing finger he indicates that he is going to fight for his way shooting anyone who disagrees and not back down. He emphatically ended each pointing finger session by tapping the finger on the podium as if he was symbolically beating those who fought him and portrayed that they would be shot and their bodies would go down on the ground. He ended his speech with his old tongue thrust as he said, “God bless America” but gave a beautiful and graceful outward sweep of his hands as if he himself was bestowing God’s blessing.
As Bush was near the end of the speech at 9:53 and said something to the effect, “It would not be like us to leave our friends abandoned...” and, “We must save the American people from this...” Republicans stood Democrats stayed seated and our new Speaker of the House sat trying to dislodge that piece of corn in her teeth.
Speaker Body Language-Give Them Your Heart
Face toward the audience and give them your heart...
You have seen speakers turn and face toward the screen or spend the speech bent over their laptop. They are showing that the most important thing is their stuff.
When you face towards your audience you are symbolically letting them know with your body language that they are the most important element in the room. You’re showing that you care about them.
You walk into a room to hear a speech. As you sit down you notice someone is up at the front of the room. The speaker doesn’t notice you because his back is to you as he checks out his equipment and power point slides. All you see of him before he begins his speech is his wiggling rear end. Not a pretty sight. What are they communicating to you with his body language? He is showing you that his interest is in his equipment not in you. When you speak know that the most important element is the connection you make with your audiance.
As a speaker remember that you need to face toward the audience and give them your heart. Your heart is a powerful symbol of connection. Make sure you are not showing your back as you read your slides, that your heart is not hidden by a podium or lectern that you don’t point your heart down at your notes or computer screen or give your heart to one side of the room as you face towards you visual aids. It seems like a small thing, but sharing your heart with your audience has a powerful impact. Think basic human survival instincts. When we are unafraid and willing to make ourselves vulnerable to each other we face our hearts towards the person we are interacting with.
Check in with yourself throughout your presentation and make sure your giving your audience your heart.
You have seen speakers turn and face toward the screen or spend the speech bent over their laptop. They are showing that the most important thing is their stuff.
When you face towards your audience you are symbolically letting them know with your body language that they are the most important element in the room. You’re showing that you care about them.
You walk into a room to hear a speech. As you sit down you notice someone is up at the front of the room. The speaker doesn’t notice you because his back is to you as he checks out his equipment and power point slides. All you see of him before he begins his speech is his wiggling rear end. Not a pretty sight. What are they communicating to you with his body language? He is showing you that his interest is in his equipment not in you. When you speak know that the most important element is the connection you make with your audiance.
As a speaker remember that you need to face toward the audience and give them your heart. Your heart is a powerful symbol of connection. Make sure you are not showing your back as you read your slides, that your heart is not hidden by a podium or lectern that you don’t point your heart down at your notes or computer screen or give your heart to one side of the room as you face towards you visual aids. It seems like a small thing, but sharing your heart with your audience has a powerful impact. Think basic human survival instincts. When we are unafraid and willing to make ourselves vulnerable to each other we face our hearts towards the person we are interacting with.
Check in with yourself throughout your presentation and make sure your giving your audience your heart.
Bush Smirk-The Left Side of the Face is More Honest
I have lots of my audiances look at me with a mixture of awe and disbelief when I talk about how the left side of the face is more likely to reveal someones honest emotions, because in most people that side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere. Last night in my philophy group, we discussed how that has effected Senetor Kerry. I have talked about Bushes smirk in my body langauge book and on CNN and FOX news, Here is a scientific explanation by author Leonard Shlain.
Why Bush Smirks
"In observing our president's expressions over the years, I became aware of a feature of George Bush's face that revealed more about his inner self than anything issuing forth from his mouth. President Bush has a disconnect between the right side and the left side of his face. While the right side of his mouth and the corner of his right eyes portray a smile, the left side of his mouth and the corners of his left eye convey a scowl.
The result is a twisted smirk that has become his trademark expression. As a vascular surgeon who has operated on carotid arteries to the brain, I have long been interested in the opposing functions performed by the two hemispheres of the human brain. All vertebrates, from fish to fowl have a bi-lobed brain. Each half, with few exceptions, is a mirror image of the other both in appearance and function.
The organization of the human brain when compared to other vertebrate brains occupies the extreme edge of the bell shaped curve. Although the halves of our brain appear identical, each hemisphere is functionally different. The left-brain in right-handed people (and the majority of left- handers, too,) is the seat of language, logic, and one-at-a-time mental faculties that require a sense of linearity, sequence, and time.
In contrast, the right hemisphere excels at holistic thinking and the all-at-once recognition of gestalts and patterns, especially faces; all primarily spatial functions.
Most individual can coordinate both of their hemispheres to produce a symmetrical smile or frown. George Bush seems unable to accomplish this feat in his unguarded moments or when he becomes agitated. His lopsided smirk reveals an inner disconnectedness between the two sides of his brain. And the left sided scowl, and glaring left eye provides a more accurate window into his soul and psyche than does his smiling right. I would further speculate that this disconnect evident in his facial expression might have something to do with the president's unprecedented syntactical mangling of the English language. Sentences inarticulately constructed often belie a disordering of thought processes.
Psychologists have studied the phenomenon of the split face for many years and have accumulated a reservoir of studies that conclusively indicate that the expression of the left side of an individual's face is far more revealing concerning their emotional state than is their whole face.
The next time George Bush appears on television observe the left side of his face only and you will obtain a truer picture of what is in his heart than can be garnered by taking in the gestalt of his entire face. It would appear that not only has George Bush polarized the electorate as no other president in recent history has, but he also has polarized brain hemispheres."
Leonard Shlain is the author of Art & Physics, The Alphabet Versus the Goddess, and Sex, Time and Power; all of which contain the subtheme concerning the differences between the hemispheres of the brain.
Why Bush Smirks
"In observing our president's expressions over the years, I became aware of a feature of George Bush's face that revealed more about his inner self than anything issuing forth from his mouth. President Bush has a disconnect between the right side and the left side of his face. While the right side of his mouth and the corner of his right eyes portray a smile, the left side of his mouth and the corners of his left eye convey a scowl.
The result is a twisted smirk that has become his trademark expression. As a vascular surgeon who has operated on carotid arteries to the brain, I have long been interested in the opposing functions performed by the two hemispheres of the human brain. All vertebrates, from fish to fowl have a bi-lobed brain. Each half, with few exceptions, is a mirror image of the other both in appearance and function.
The organization of the human brain when compared to other vertebrate brains occupies the extreme edge of the bell shaped curve. Although the halves of our brain appear identical, each hemisphere is functionally different. The left-brain in right-handed people (and the majority of left- handers, too,) is the seat of language, logic, and one-at-a-time mental faculties that require a sense of linearity, sequence, and time.
In contrast, the right hemisphere excels at holistic thinking and the all-at-once recognition of gestalts and patterns, especially faces; all primarily spatial functions.
Most individual can coordinate both of their hemispheres to produce a symmetrical smile or frown. George Bush seems unable to accomplish this feat in his unguarded moments or when he becomes agitated. His lopsided smirk reveals an inner disconnectedness between the two sides of his brain. And the left sided scowl, and glaring left eye provides a more accurate window into his soul and psyche than does his smiling right. I would further speculate that this disconnect evident in his facial expression might have something to do with the president's unprecedented syntactical mangling of the English language. Sentences inarticulately constructed often belie a disordering of thought processes.
Psychologists have studied the phenomenon of the split face for many years and have accumulated a reservoir of studies that conclusively indicate that the expression of the left side of an individual's face is far more revealing concerning their emotional state than is their whole face.
The next time George Bush appears on television observe the left side of his face only and you will obtain a truer picture of what is in his heart than can be garnered by taking in the gestalt of his entire face. It would appear that not only has George Bush polarized the electorate as no other president in recent history has, but he also has polarized brain hemispheres."
Leonard Shlain is the author of Art & Physics, The Alphabet Versus the Goddess, and Sex, Time and Power; all of which contain the subtheme concerning the differences between the hemispheres of the brain.
Jennifer Aniston Body Language on Oprah in October
I was asked by US Weekly to Watch Jennifer Aniston's body language durring her interview on the Oprah show today. They sent me a little clip at the beginning of the show. Here are the three things I read. When asked if she was breaking up with Vince Vahn Jennifer quickly looked away and said with her voice going up at the end "Noooo." and then she looked back towards Oprah. As she looked back her face was not fully toward Oprah and then she smiled a true relaxed smile. Thease cues don't agree with one another and form are mixed gesture cluster. The looking away and voice going up indicate she is not sure or perhaps even lying, the looking back but eyes and face not looking at Oprah throughout response indicate doubt or deceipt but the full relaxed smile indicate she is comfortable. My read is that she does not really know. As in most relationships she is not 100 percent sure that that are a "sure thing". Two more insights tommrrow. If you have any specific questions about the interivew, email me. I taped it and can read them for you.
Why We Yawn...
People in my audiances have asked me for many years why we yawn when someone else yawns. I tell them that is yawn contangion is due do to isopraxism, the pull towards the same enegry that occurs in nature. Isopraxisism explains why birds fly together in formation, fish swim together in schools and why we do the wave at football games. We pull towards the same energy to save energy. In human relationships we tend to match people we like and feel comfortable beting around. For years the research on yawning said that matching was not the cause of mutual yawning, but I disagreed.
Now recent research supports the matching hypothesis. Though the original yawner may yawn because they are tired and or lack oxyegen, the matcher, yawns back out of kindness. Steven Platek, a reserch professor bio medical science at Drexel University in Philadelphia did resarch empthy. He found highly emphathetic people could not help but match someone's yawn. You may notice this in Gorillas and great apes at the zoo as well. (Not quite a case of monkey see monkey do, more like gorilla see gorilla do.)
So next time someone matches your yawn, you will know they are a nice empathetic person. You might want to fake a yawn today, just to see if how much people care!
Now recent research supports the matching hypothesis. Though the original yawner may yawn because they are tired and or lack oxyegen, the matcher, yawns back out of kindness. Steven Platek, a reserch professor bio medical science at Drexel University in Philadelphia did resarch empthy. He found highly emphathetic people could not help but match someone's yawn. You may notice this in Gorillas and great apes at the zoo as well. (Not quite a case of monkey see monkey do, more like gorilla see gorilla do.)
So next time someone matches your yawn, you will know they are a nice empathetic person. You might want to fake a yawn today, just to see if how much people care!
Reading Celebs on the Red Carpet
Red Carpet Photo Analysis
Many of you know that I read photo for the media. Here is a recent photo analysis that I did for a client. To get the photo email me or sign up for the free newsletter.
While I do not know who these people on the red carpet are, it’s a very interesting photo. Several body gestures show the attractive man’s confidence. Dare I say, debonair! He's almost cocky for being at this Red Carpet event.
His stance is wide with his toes pointed out. His hand on his hip with elbow jutted far out and are significantly high which makes his right shoulder come up and his right hip jut out. The hip, elbow and shoulder gesture cluster and create a slightly sexual come hither posture. He also has a big smile on his face with cheeks significantly pulled back and up. Also, he has taken the time to take his sunglasses off and that would have covered his eyes and face and made him less recognizable. All of these gestures cluster to create a “Look at me aren’t I hot” pose.
Now look at his left leg and foot. The leg is stretched out in front farther than would be comfortably normal and the leg and foot effectively block or protect the woman with him. The slender attractive woman is standing slightly behind him in what I call an overlap position. She is leaning slightly in to him in the overlap, while his weight is away from her on his back right foot. This overlap shows she wishes to be seen as a part of him, while his focus is on being seen by the cameras as in charge and “singular”.
Her shoulders are down her right hand is behind him and perhaps she is holding on to him, this combined with her position behind him and her body orientation specifically, the body turned to him, feet close to his and pointed towards him show her desire to have him protect her. Her fear or anxiety is also emphasized by the arm and hand gesture cluster. She has her left arm and her shawl protectively over the front of her body and her hand hidden. In addition, the lowered eyelids, squinted eyes as well as the stiffness and tightness around the mouth show anxiety. Perhaps, aided by too much glare from the sun or the hundreds of flashing cameras at red carpet events.
Many of you know that I read photo for the media. Here is a recent photo analysis that I did for a client. To get the photo email me or sign up for the free newsletter.
While I do not know who these people on the red carpet are, it’s a very interesting photo. Several body gestures show the attractive man’s confidence. Dare I say, debonair! He's almost cocky for being at this Red Carpet event.
His stance is wide with his toes pointed out. His hand on his hip with elbow jutted far out and are significantly high which makes his right shoulder come up and his right hip jut out. The hip, elbow and shoulder gesture cluster and create a slightly sexual come hither posture. He also has a big smile on his face with cheeks significantly pulled back and up. Also, he has taken the time to take his sunglasses off and that would have covered his eyes and face and made him less recognizable. All of these gestures cluster to create a “Look at me aren’t I hot” pose.
Now look at his left leg and foot. The leg is stretched out in front farther than would be comfortably normal and the leg and foot effectively block or protect the woman with him. The slender attractive woman is standing slightly behind him in what I call an overlap position. She is leaning slightly in to him in the overlap, while his weight is away from her on his back right foot. This overlap shows she wishes to be seen as a part of him, while his focus is on being seen by the cameras as in charge and “singular”.
Her shoulders are down her right hand is behind him and perhaps she is holding on to him, this combined with her position behind him and her body orientation specifically, the body turned to him, feet close to his and pointed towards him show her desire to have him protect her. Her fear or anxiety is also emphasized by the arm and hand gesture cluster. She has her left arm and her shawl protectively over the front of her body and her hand hidden. In addition, the lowered eyelids, squinted eyes as well as the stiffness and tightness around the mouth show anxiety. Perhaps, aided by too much glare from the sun or the hundreds of flashing cameras at red carpet events.
Visiting People in their Cubical Space
If your a manager a team leader or just a cowoker who needs to get work from other people visit peoples work spaces when just to make a connection.
Take note of how people respond when you step into their workspaces. Do they smile, make eye contact and turn towards you or keep their hands on the computer keyboard, without turning towards you? Do they seem to cringe and stiffen their posture when you enter.
Busy body language is fine to get once in awhile from your employees, but if it is habitual take note. They are sending you a message. You may be interrupting them when they are in flow, you may be checking up on them too much, or only visiting them when you need somthing or have bad news. Employees and coworkers will get tense when they feel they can’t predict your behavior, or if they assoicate your "visit's" with negatives.
Ask yourself if you’re only face-to-face time when you’re giving negative information or instruction, it might be time to try something different.
Visit with good news or bring in bagels once a week, hang out in the conference room and talk about nothing in particular. If you’re managing people in the fiel or only see people in meeting make it point on your first call to them or first meeting to take extra time for visiting and small talk before you go into the typical work,
“…This is what I need from you.” mode. If you don’t know what small talk is appropriate ask for positive such as, “What’s the best thing you did over the weekend?”, or “What’s your favorite thing on TV lately?”
Small talk is a totally different speed of communication and creates different vocal pacing, facial expressions and body movements, and that easy pacing helps build relationships.”
I know that some people hate anyone comming into talk to them for any reason and think visiting is a waste of time. Disntinguish between those who do and those who do not need "relationship credits" to do their best work.
Take note of how people respond when you step into their workspaces. Do they smile, make eye contact and turn towards you or keep their hands on the computer keyboard, without turning towards you? Do they seem to cringe and stiffen their posture when you enter.
Busy body language is fine to get once in awhile from your employees, but if it is habitual take note. They are sending you a message. You may be interrupting them when they are in flow, you may be checking up on them too much, or only visiting them when you need somthing or have bad news. Employees and coworkers will get tense when they feel they can’t predict your behavior, or if they assoicate your "visit's" with negatives.
Ask yourself if you’re only face-to-face time when you’re giving negative information or instruction, it might be time to try something different.
Visit with good news or bring in bagels once a week, hang out in the conference room and talk about nothing in particular. If you’re managing people in the fiel or only see people in meeting make it point on your first call to them or first meeting to take extra time for visiting and small talk before you go into the typical work,
“…This is what I need from you.” mode. If you don’t know what small talk is appropriate ask for positive such as, “What’s the best thing you did over the weekend?”, or “What’s your favorite thing on TV lately?”
Small talk is a totally different speed of communication and creates different vocal pacing, facial expressions and body movements, and that easy pacing helps build relationships.”
I know that some people hate anyone comming into talk to them for any reason and think visiting is a waste of time. Disntinguish between those who do and those who do not need "relationship credits" to do their best work.
Ellen Talks About Body Language on Her Show-My Addtional Comments
Yesterday a producer from the Ellen's Talk show called me about possibility of being a guest on the show. What fun that would be! I would love to play with Ellen on the air.
Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.
Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.
Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.
Ellen did a monologue yesterday about body language were she talked about some fun things she had seen on the Discovery Channel. One of the things she talked about was the eyebrow flash. We briefly flash our eyebrows upward when we come towards someone, usually at about 7 to fourteen feet, to show we are friendly and not going to attack. If someone does an eyebrow flash to us as we are walking down the sidewalk towards us it usually means they aren’t going to bring out their Uzi when we get closer? In slightly raising your eyebrows as you glance at someone you are signaling that you are safe and approachable. So it is a nice flirting cue. It says, I see you, if you come over here I will talk to you and probably won’t bite.
Ellen also talked about playing with your hair. That can be a flirting cue for a women to use to attract a man. The secret it is to be light and playful, flipping your hair back once, maybe twice while showing the palm of your hand. Men are hunters and our eyes are designed to go towards movement so the hair flipping draws their eyes towards you. If your hair is shiny and bouncy, the movement of the hair can also show that your hair is health. Healthy hair is primal mating signal. It shows that you have good hair genes and are likely to create healthy babies with great hair. Finally showing the palm of the hand signals that you are vulnerable, that is not holding a weapon, and open and to approach. Make sure you do not twist and tug at your hair or touch it repeatedly which can signal fear or nervousness and can simply make you look desperate.
Standing with your legs apart is a good cue for guys as a broad stance of 10 t 12 inches makes your silhouette look larger and more powerful. Making you look like you could protect the women and have good strong genes for baby making. It is not the best way for a woman who wants to be approached to stand as it creates a male silhouette. I hate that, because standing with your legs closer together in say the 4 to 6 inches apart that is a stereotypical female stance does not make you feel or look powerful. Unfortunately, power is not always appealing to a guy. Hummm, I know this but I just keep giving off the power cues lately.
E-Mails Internationally
My friend Mike who works for an company based in Paris commented on the e-mail blog. He said that one of the issues of e-mail in an international company is the time differeance. You send off your e-mail thinking your going to get a reply in a certain amount of time, or thinking everyone will get the news from a group e-mail at the same time and things go amiss.
We talked about the problems of communicating internationally in the three day interpersonal skills workshop I am leading this week. One of the other issues that came up was the lack of small talk. If your doing everything by e-mail, and your feeling constantly rushed and overwhelmed your tendancey is not even to do a normal salutation, just a, "...I need this now."
I suggest you consider time problems and,in at least in your Monday e-mails, spend a few lines asking people how their weekend was, what good things have been going on in their lives ect. You can small talk via e-mail and we need the cushion of interpersonal communication to smooth out the rough spots in our work-a-day lives.
We talked about the problems of communicating internationally in the three day interpersonal skills workshop I am leading this week. One of the other issues that came up was the lack of small talk. If your doing everything by e-mail, and your feeling constantly rushed and overwhelmed your tendancey is not even to do a normal salutation, just a, "...I need this now."
I suggest you consider time problems and,in at least in your Monday e-mails, spend a few lines asking people how their weekend was, what good things have been going on in their lives ect. You can small talk via e-mail and we need the cushion of interpersonal communication to smooth out the rough spots in our work-a-day lives.
E-mail is a Form of Non-verbal Communication
Sometimes we forget that the way we send e-mail is a form of nonverbal communication. For example, if you take a long time to respond to someone’s e-mail your delay is way of sending a message about the importance of the person. I know I am guilty of taking a long time to return e-mails to friends when I am on the road speaking. Somehow, I rationalize that my friends will love me even though I take forever to respond to them. Isn't funny how we treat those who love us the most?
We also need to be aware that E-mails were not designed to send emotional messages. The internet was designed to send information, not emotions. It is so tempting at work to blast off a message via e-mail, without dealing with that messy human contact. But, if you’re in your office and you have a message laced with intense feeling to send to someone, go talk to them!! If over 80 percent of the meaning of the message is sent through nonverbal communication your simple e-mail that has no nonverbal communication will often be misinterpreted.
Finally, we sometimes blast off an email so we can say to ourselves, "That's taken care of." In truth, it may not be. Because you do not see the person get your message, understand it and respond to emotionally you really do not know if it taken care of. Follow up, at least occasionally with a phone call, a stop in the hallway or an office visit to make sure the receiver, really, "got" the message.
We also need to be aware that E-mails were not designed to send emotional messages. The internet was designed to send information, not emotions. It is so tempting at work to blast off a message via e-mail, without dealing with that messy human contact. But, if you’re in your office and you have a message laced with intense feeling to send to someone, go talk to them!! If over 80 percent of the meaning of the message is sent through nonverbal communication your simple e-mail that has no nonverbal communication will often be misinterpreted.
Finally, we sometimes blast off an email so we can say to ourselves, "That's taken care of." In truth, it may not be. Because you do not see the person get your message, understand it and respond to emotionally you really do not know if it taken care of. Follow up, at least occasionally with a phone call, a stop in the hallway or an office visit to make sure the receiver, really, "got" the message.
Making eye-contact when a loved one walks in the room
Last night I was watching Oprah. A guest spoke about changing his nonverbal behavior after hearing the author Toni' Morrisons ask, “What does your child see on your face when you he or she walks into the room on an Oprah episode. Steve, the guest on yesterday’s show is a father. He was inspired to change his nonverbal behavior. He made the conscious decision to put on a happy face every time his children walk into a room. "I thought, 'Wow, I could actually be hurting their feelings and not even [know] it,'" he says. "Aha! Your kids actually see the expressions on your face." He says. "I want them to see how proud [I am] that they're there—how much [I] love them."
There are two things that are important about this practice. One is that you make significant eye—contact with your loved one so that they feel, “seen” the other is that your face shows the joy you feel in seeing them enter the room. Let me talk about ‘Seeing” them in today’s blog. When I was sixteen I was, as I am now a voracious reader. I read a book by philosopher Eric Fromme on love called the “The Art of Loving." These many many years later I still remember how Fromme defined love as feeling seen. I remember thinking it would be that the person who loves you looks at you in way they makes you feel human and divine at the same time. That you wouldn’t feel invisible. As I grew up I realized that we often feel invisible in are love relationships with family or sweeties. So today, make real eye-contact with the people you love. See them for the wondrous people that they are.
There are two things that are important about this practice. One is that you make significant eye—contact with your loved one so that they feel, “seen” the other is that your face shows the joy you feel in seeing them enter the room. Let me talk about ‘Seeing” them in today’s blog. When I was sixteen I was, as I am now a voracious reader. I read a book by philosopher Eric Fromme on love called the “The Art of Loving." These many many years later I still remember how Fromme defined love as feeling seen. I remember thinking it would be that the person who loves you looks at you in way they makes you feel human and divine at the same time. That you wouldn’t feel invisible. As I grew up I realized that we often feel invisible in are love relationships with family or sweeties. So today, make real eye-contact with the people you love. See them for the wondrous people that they are.
Body Language of Stephen Harper Canada's prime minister
On February 08, 2006 Macleans Magazine, Canada's version of Newsweek published a story of my photo read I did of the former prime minister sitting with the new prime minister of Canada for. A bit of the story writeen by SHANDA DEZIEL after her interveiw with me is below.
www.macleans.ca/topstories/politics/
article.jsp?content=20060213_121419_121419
"Stephen is symbolically stepping on Paul," "You can almost see the movement, see it happening. And it's in combination with his hand position I would love to know what was said." "In that particular foot positioning,the toe would normally go down. But it's both up and facing slightly toward the former PM -- that is very telling. And that hand motion is a power motion. It's not done a lot, unless you're Italian or maybe Arabian or during public speaking, where you bring your hand flat down like that. It's done when you're admonishing somebody and when you're very emphatic about a point.""there isn't equality between the two of them. One feels much more in a position of power." Martin, looks as if "he's the one losing this negotiation or losing something in this interaction." She gives the former PM a toe-to-head reading. "He's doing a very unusual 'locked cross' with his feet. They're so twisted shut, which shows a very strong need to protect himself against attack. The way he has his legs positioned is also unusual. He's pressing them together, which is protection, and has them angled to create a wall between him and the new Prime Minister. The legs pressed together is very symbolic -- that's a man afraid of being kicked in the . . . . "
Wood says it's the lower part of a person's body that is most honest, because it's "under less conscious control." And while she feels Martin's doing a slightly better job of relaxing up top, there are a couple of other indications of "his need to protect and slight feelings of aggression." Like his right hand. A relaxed person's hand will fall much closer to the knee than Martin's does. "The elbow and the arm are about four to six inches further back on the leg than normal," says Wood. "His shoulder is raised up, showing tension and a need to retreat backwards." And there's the loose fist -- "it's more defensive than aggressive." The same can be said of his facial expression. "If you look at his mouth position," says Wood, "he has his bottom lip and his chin jutted out slightly -- again that's defensiveness, pouty defensiveness." From one picture, Wood comes up with the following personality assessment of Martin: "The posture and facial expression are so vulnerable, almost like a lack of maturity -- I wonder if he was very emotional when he was in power, if he had outbursts?"
She finds Harper doesn't give off as many "body language cues," and his face isn't revealing -- perhaps lending credence to the robot theory? But her overall impression is that he's "attractive and confident." He crosses his legs in a way that gives him more height, and his shoulders and face are relaxed. But she warns that the outside world may be put off by someone with so much power having such youthful features. And Wood, who gives workshops on how to improve body language, has some suggestions. "I would say that the new Prime Minister be a better listener and more empathetic. He also might be too consumed with image." Having also studied the photo of Harper shaking hands with his son after dropping him off at school, Wood concludes: "He should be a little more aware of being more real."
www.macleans.ca/topstories/politics/
article.jsp?content=20060213_121419_121419
"Stephen is symbolically stepping on Paul," "You can almost see the movement, see it happening. And it's in combination with his hand position I would love to know what was said." "In that particular foot positioning,the toe would normally go down. But it's both up and facing slightly toward the former PM -- that is very telling. And that hand motion is a power motion. It's not done a lot, unless you're Italian or maybe Arabian or during public speaking, where you bring your hand flat down like that. It's done when you're admonishing somebody and when you're very emphatic about a point.""there isn't equality between the two of them. One feels much more in a position of power." Martin, looks as if "he's the one losing this negotiation or losing something in this interaction." She gives the former PM a toe-to-head reading. "He's doing a very unusual 'locked cross' with his feet. They're so twisted shut, which shows a very strong need to protect himself against attack. The way he has his legs positioned is also unusual. He's pressing them together, which is protection, and has them angled to create a wall between him and the new Prime Minister. The legs pressed together is very symbolic -- that's a man afraid of being kicked in the . . . . "
Wood says it's the lower part of a person's body that is most honest, because it's "under less conscious control." And while she feels Martin's doing a slightly better job of relaxing up top, there are a couple of other indications of "his need to protect and slight feelings of aggression." Like his right hand. A relaxed person's hand will fall much closer to the knee than Martin's does. "The elbow and the arm are about four to six inches further back on the leg than normal," says Wood. "His shoulder is raised up, showing tension and a need to retreat backwards." And there's the loose fist -- "it's more defensive than aggressive." The same can be said of his facial expression. "If you look at his mouth position," says Wood, "he has his bottom lip and his chin jutted out slightly -- again that's defensiveness, pouty defensiveness." From one picture, Wood comes up with the following personality assessment of Martin: "The posture and facial expression are so vulnerable, almost like a lack of maturity -- I wonder if he was very emotional when he was in power, if he had outbursts?"
She finds Harper doesn't give off as many "body language cues," and his face isn't revealing -- perhaps lending credence to the robot theory? But her overall impression is that he's "attractive and confident." He crosses his legs in a way that gives him more height, and his shoulders and face are relaxed. But she warns that the outside world may be put off by someone with so much power having such youthful features. And Wood, who gives workshops on how to improve body language, has some suggestions. "I would say that the new Prime Minister be a better listener and more empathetic. He also might be too consumed with image." Having also studied the photo of Harper shaking hands with his son after dropping him off at school, Wood concludes: "He should be a little more aware of being more real."
Body Langage as you share past hurts and current success
A famous author of detective fiction was speaking at a writer’s conference I attended last week. Her nonverbal behavior and the content of her speech were so unusual, that the group of friends I attended the conferance with could not stop talking about her.
She spent a great deal of the speech talking about her alcoholic ex husband, "aka. 'The Rat'" and the horrible life she had with him.
I was fascinated by the long drawn out pauses the author gave before she was about to reveal some horrific aspect of her life. I was fascinated, because during the pause their would be a flash of pain across her face then a small smile would play there as her head tilted up and she shared the terrible incident. What where her true feelings? I think she was reliving the tremendous pain of her past, then enjoying the fact that she could share that pain, in fact I think she even enjoyed reliving the pain. Nonverbally she seemed to enjoy sharring it, not merly for us to apprieciate her marterdom for living through, it, but by somhow she simply seemed to receive pure pleasure from expressing it. She ended her speech, rather oddly, by singing the Janice Iain song about the painful adolescence of an ugly duckling, “At Seventeen”
Perhaps my deduction was not difficult to make as she would often share a success, such as the flying in her lire jet, or having over 37 novels published, just after sharing a painful story. She affected my friends differently. All of us had had experiences dealing with alcoholics, yet some of us felt moved and effected by her presentation, and others felt that she was manipulating us, by asking us to feel sorry for her and then envy her a moment later.
Why am I blogging about this? Well I think the whole process of sharing our past pain, and what the lie detector test of of nonverbal communication reveals as we do this, is interesting. And any time I am deeply affected by someone’s nonverbal behavior and find myself judging it, I ask myself what I can learn from it. So her behavior made me examine the way I share my past pains and current successes. I started to ask myself this weekend what my motivations are for sharring a story.
I am going to continure to examine my own body language as I share a past injustice, generally whine and complain, or just plain brag about a success.
Every human interaction is a chance to hold up mirror and reflect. What will the mirror show you?
She spent a great deal of the speech talking about her alcoholic ex husband, "aka. 'The Rat'" and the horrible life she had with him.
I was fascinated by the long drawn out pauses the author gave before she was about to reveal some horrific aspect of her life. I was fascinated, because during the pause their would be a flash of pain across her face then a small smile would play there as her head tilted up and she shared the terrible incident. What where her true feelings? I think she was reliving the tremendous pain of her past, then enjoying the fact that she could share that pain, in fact I think she even enjoyed reliving the pain. Nonverbally she seemed to enjoy sharring it, not merly for us to apprieciate her marterdom for living through, it, but by somhow she simply seemed to receive pure pleasure from expressing it. She ended her speech, rather oddly, by singing the Janice Iain song about the painful adolescence of an ugly duckling, “At Seventeen”
Perhaps my deduction was not difficult to make as she would often share a success, such as the flying in her lire jet, or having over 37 novels published, just after sharing a painful story. She affected my friends differently. All of us had had experiences dealing with alcoholics, yet some of us felt moved and effected by her presentation, and others felt that she was manipulating us, by asking us to feel sorry for her and then envy her a moment later.
Why am I blogging about this? Well I think the whole process of sharing our past pain, and what the lie detector test of of nonverbal communication reveals as we do this, is interesting. And any time I am deeply affected by someone’s nonverbal behavior and find myself judging it, I ask myself what I can learn from it. So her behavior made me examine the way I share my past pains and current successes. I started to ask myself this weekend what my motivations are for sharring a story.
I am going to continure to examine my own body language as I share a past injustice, generally whine and complain, or just plain brag about a success.
Every human interaction is a chance to hold up mirror and reflect. What will the mirror show you?
Nonverbal and Rhetorical Analysis of Dick Cheney shooting incident on Fox News
On January 1st of 1982, my boyfriend was shot in a hunting accident. He lost 37 pints of blood in less than 24 hours. His survival was a medical miracle. I am very passionate about proper hunting practices and taking responsibility for actions.
As a body language expert and media and political coach I am passionate about speaking with honesty and credibility. I discussed in a previous post how delay in speaking was a nonverbal communicator let me explore the actual interview.
In a televised interview granted exclusively to Fox News Channel, four days after the shooting, Vice President Dick Cheney spoke. He was looking down and to the right before making his main statements. When people look down and the right they are accessing their kinesthetic (feeling/body sense) and they usually have more skin color. Cheney, however, was very pale and drawn. They generally have a lower, slower voice tone which Cheney maintained through the interview. They gesture down by their middle or stomach; point to their heart or put their hand over their heart. Cheney did not gesture. They breathe low and deep in the abdomen... Cheney seemed to have trouble breathing. Cheney seemed emotional, but the emotions were about his pain rather than empathetic pain for his injured friend. That is even more apparent as Cheney discusses it as one of the worst days of his life. I imagine it was the single worst day of the guy he shot, his friend Harry’s life.
As he looked down and to the right he said, "Ultimately, I'm the guy who pulled the trigger that fired the round that hit Harry”. In a Rhetorical Analysis I am immediately struck by how long it took him to get to the admission. It sounds like that children’s nursery rhyme that goes;
This is the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.
Look at the limiters he used, ultimately, pulled the trigger that fired the round that hit Harry. His first and most important sentence should have been something like, "I shot Harry". Not, “I pulled the trigger, that shot the round…that milked the cow. That lay in the house that Jack Built..."
He then says again looking down and to the right, "And you can talk about all of the other conditions that existed at the time, but that's the bottom line". He starts with a condition, then says. "..but that’s the bottom line." He shouldn’t have even discussed the conditions in that way. He could have made a statement of facts. That is, told the story in a factual way and said the conditions, but saying it this way made it sound like he thought the conditions were, in fact an excuse.
He had a beer at lunch, hunters should not drink. The risk is too high for accidents. Drinking affects your body language. Cheney said. "It was not Harry's fault. You can't blame anybody else." This seems like an almost bizarre statement isolated from the factual story. And if you know hunting rules, it is always the shooter's fault. Whittington went to retrieve a bird and then walked toward Cheney without announcing his presence. But, Cheney, if he followed hunting rules, should have noted that a hunting partner is out in the shooting target range. A State Parks and Wildlife Department report concluded: "While he was out of the hunting line, another covey was flushed and Cheney swung on a bird and fired, striking Whittington," about 30 yards away. That’s incredibly close. "I turned and shot at the bird, and at that second saw Harry standing there. Didn't know he was there", Cheney said. "I saw him fall, basically. It had happened so fast."
In the Chicago Tribune yesterday, Kathleen Hall Jamieson, director of the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania was quoted as saying, “… Cheney's violation of the basic rule that a hunter verify the target and what is beyond it before pulling the trigger, as well as his lack of a $7 unpaid bird stamp on his Texas hunting license."
My friend Shane was shot by a young boy who was handed a gun, and in fact held a gun for the first time on that day. The boy was given three minutes of instruction. The boy did not know how to shoot responsibly. Obviously Cheney made a lot of mistakes in his dissemination of the information about the shooting, but the true mistake, the thing that matters, is he was irresponsible in his hunting and shot his friend.
As a body language expert and media and political coach I am passionate about speaking with honesty and credibility. I discussed in a previous post how delay in speaking was a nonverbal communicator let me explore the actual interview.
In a televised interview granted exclusively to Fox News Channel, four days after the shooting, Vice President Dick Cheney spoke. He was looking down and to the right before making his main statements. When people look down and the right they are accessing their kinesthetic (feeling/body sense) and they usually have more skin color. Cheney, however, was very pale and drawn. They generally have a lower, slower voice tone which Cheney maintained through the interview. They gesture down by their middle or stomach; point to their heart or put their hand over their heart. Cheney did not gesture. They breathe low and deep in the abdomen... Cheney seemed to have trouble breathing. Cheney seemed emotional, but the emotions were about his pain rather than empathetic pain for his injured friend. That is even more apparent as Cheney discusses it as one of the worst days of his life. I imagine it was the single worst day of the guy he shot, his friend Harry’s life.
As he looked down and to the right he said, "Ultimately, I'm the guy who pulled the trigger that fired the round that hit Harry”. In a Rhetorical Analysis I am immediately struck by how long it took him to get to the admission. It sounds like that children’s nursery rhyme that goes;
This is the man all tattered and torn
That kissed the maiden all forlorn
That milked the cow with the crumpled horn
That tossed the dog that worried the cat
That killed the rat that ate the malt
That lay in the house that Jack built.
Look at the limiters he used, ultimately, pulled the trigger that fired the round that hit Harry. His first and most important sentence should have been something like, "I shot Harry". Not, “I pulled the trigger, that shot the round…that milked the cow. That lay in the house that Jack Built..."
He then says again looking down and to the right, "And you can talk about all of the other conditions that existed at the time, but that's the bottom line". He starts with a condition, then says. "..but that’s the bottom line." He shouldn’t have even discussed the conditions in that way. He could have made a statement of facts. That is, told the story in a factual way and said the conditions, but saying it this way made it sound like he thought the conditions were, in fact an excuse.
He had a beer at lunch, hunters should not drink. The risk is too high for accidents. Drinking affects your body language. Cheney said. "It was not Harry's fault. You can't blame anybody else." This seems like an almost bizarre statement isolated from the factual story. And if you know hunting rules, it is always the shooter's fault. Whittington went to retrieve a bird and then walked toward Cheney without announcing his presence. But, Cheney, if he followed hunting rules, should have noted that a hunting partner is out in the shooting target range. A State Parks and Wildlife Department report concluded: "While he was out of the hunting line, another covey was flushed and Cheney swung on a bird and fired, striking Whittington," about 30 yards away. That’s incredibly close. "I turned and shot at the bird, and at that second saw Harry standing there. Didn't know he was there", Cheney said. "I saw him fall, basically. It had happened so fast."
In the Chicago Tribune yesterday, Kathleen Hall Jamieson, director of the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania was quoted as saying, “… Cheney's violation of the basic rule that a hunter verify the target and what is beyond it before pulling the trigger, as well as his lack of a $7 unpaid bird stamp on his Texas hunting license."
My friend Shane was shot by a young boy who was handed a gun, and in fact held a gun for the first time on that day. The boy was given three minutes of instruction. The boy did not know how to shoot responsibly. Obviously Cheney made a lot of mistakes in his dissemination of the information about the shooting, but the true mistake, the thing that matters, is he was irresponsible in his hunting and shot his friend.
Nonverbal Analysis of Vice President Dick Cheney and Shooting Incident
I have been traveling and resting, but now I am inspired again.
I just watched the first interview with our Vice President talking about the hunting accident. Remember the Vice President's friend was shot in the face and chest.
In law enforcement, the longer it takes for the "suspect" to come forward to talk, the higher the probability of guilt. In Public Relations, the longer the person takes to make a public announcement of the facts of an incident, the more the public believes, truly or falsely, that the person is guilty and has done something they want or feel they need to hide. And finally, in politics the public feels that a powerful figure they voted into office is responsible to the public and should give them the facts of an incident as soon as possible. Yet, the Vice President waited four days to be interviewed on the Republican leaning Fox News, rather than make a public statement immediately.
Time is a nonverbal communicator, and in this particular case involving Dick Cheney, I believe that delay communicates fear, a lack or honor, and desire to not take full responsibility for his actions. I will blog more nonverbal and rhetorical analysis of the Fox interview about the shooting later today. For now, I'm off to coach a client in public speaking.
I just watched the first interview with our Vice President talking about the hunting accident. Remember the Vice President's friend was shot in the face and chest.
In law enforcement, the longer it takes for the "suspect" to come forward to talk, the higher the probability of guilt. In Public Relations, the longer the person takes to make a public announcement of the facts of an incident, the more the public believes, truly or falsely, that the person is guilty and has done something they want or feel they need to hide. And finally, in politics the public feels that a powerful figure they voted into office is responsible to the public and should give them the facts of an incident as soon as possible. Yet, the Vice President waited four days to be interviewed on the Republican leaning Fox News, rather than make a public statement immediately.
Time is a nonverbal communicator, and in this particular case involving Dick Cheney, I believe that delay communicates fear, a lack or honor, and desire to not take full responsibility for his actions. I will blog more nonverbal and rhetorical analysis of the Fox interview about the shooting later today. For now, I'm off to coach a client in public speaking.
What I Learned From Falling Down The Stairs.
What I Learned from Falling Down the Stairs.
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
The Gold Standard of Body Language Experts
I wake up with a stomach ache the day after thanksgiving. I lie in bed thinking I shouldn’t have eaten that third turkey sandwich. My stomach burns. It’s the middle of the night and the house is dark. I definitely need an antacid and need to go downstairs to get one. I get up out of bed. I consider turning on the lights, but leave them off knowing that once I turn on lights I won’t be able to go back to sleep. The ambient light from the city shinning through the windows should be enough. I take two steps down the stairs I trip. I tumble over head first and feel a horrible pain and fall the rest of the way down the stairs and land sprawled half way into the kitchen.
The pain is excruciating I start to pass out I push to stay conscious. My dog Bo appears in front of me and for the first time without a doggie treat inducement he goes into a perfect sit. I am amused but I don’t think the dog whisper uses the falling down the stairs means “Sit!” technique. I try to get up, but a wave of pain and nausea hits me again and I fight to stay conscious. Oh my god I think, “I have fallen and I can’t get UP!” I crawl on my knees and one elbow towards the phone. Moving inch by inch I reach it. My right hand is hanging twisted and limp like a rag doll and dial 911 with my left finger. The phone rings and rings, but nobody answers. I am afraid I will pass out before anyone picks up. Then I remember that my neighbor is a doctor. My frequent casseroles delivered to his bachelor pad prompted him to say if I ever needed him to call. I needed him, but I don’t know his number. I am close to the kitchen door I manage to reach up and open it and crawl outside and across the lawn to his house.
This is the beginning of my falling down the stairs adventure. An adventure, because like an explorer climbing Mt Everest learns so much about himself, about life, about what makes living important from climbing up a mountain I learned so much about my self, about life, about what makes living important from falling down the stairs.
Oddly enough the multiple trips to the emergency room, the doctor visits the, the scare that I would loose the use of my hand, the physical pain where not the source of my learning. I had certainly been to emergency rooms before, sat in doctors offices and even suffered more intense pain and longer bouts of both physical and physiological pain in my life. And I know many people would see my tumble as a mere bump in life, really not much of anything at all compared other injuries and life threatening illness.
But learning takes place when you are ready to learn and this adventure, small as it was, took place after I had spent two years of the most intensive traveling in my 25 year career. And the accidents resultant injuries caused a forced stillness and a lack of ability to work at my frantic pace. The injuries from the accident where minor, a broken wrist, torn ligaments and tendons, in both wrists, and left ankle, a bruised hip and irritated vertebra in my neck. But they made it painfully difficult to even take care of myself in the same way. So this adventure was my learning time.
It seems odd that not being able to use one hand and having limited use of the other could make everything so hard. Put those minor injuries meant I had to learn to open my dog’s dinner cans with my left elbow and chin, not eat anything frozen or packaged in plastic that required a knife or scissors to open or that I could not open with my teeth. Until, my left hand got strong enough not eats any food that had to be cut up to eat. Every thing to time. Slow focused effort and something I didn’t know I had enormous patience. Instead of talking on the phone to family or friend while fixing dinner, unloading the dishwasher and having part of mind occupied with my massive list of to do’s I could only cook. Slowly opening a drawer jiggle by jiggle with on hand. Opening the fridge carefully and painfully. Eating with a fork or spoon with my left hand each bite was an awkward and frustrating chore.
When I finally could get on the computer it was to type very very slowly and very very badly with one finger. Just answering emails took hours and the Emails became so cryptic that I am sure clients wished for secret decoder rings to decipher them. I showered slowly with one arm held up in a plastic baggie. To dry my hair. I set the dryer on the toilet and sat on the floor aiming my head towards it. I couldn’t hold a book and turn the pages. It even e hurt to change the channels on TV channel changer so I watched a single show all the way through! By the end of the day to effort to do simple little things left me bathed in sweat. But there was a gift in this.
Everything slowed down and became a meditation. After three weeks of doing things slowly one at a time, with out being able to drive, only leaving the house for speaking engagements, I felt calmer and more centered and strangely happier than I have been in a long time. This was my first lesson.
When life is frantic and faced paced. Resist the urge to do many things quickly. Do one thing at time and do it slowly and thoughtfully.
This not only gave me yoga serenity, but I lost 12 pounds!
You noticed that I said I left the house for speaking engagements. It may seem contrary that I was in all that pain and had all those limitations and I was out speaking. If you’re a speaker, or indeed a workaholic working under such circumstances probably doesn’t surprise you. Speakers have a, “The show must go on!” mentality.” Like every speaker out there I have spoken under horrible circumstances. I knew I could deal with that part of me that wanted to cry, take a pain pill, lie down and have a pity party. In fact I knew that some of the most incredible, heart wide open, speaking experience’s of my career occurred when I was suffering internally, but the audience didn’t know it and we created an incredible connection. But in these weeks, I was wrapped in a cast and sling slightly bent over and limping. My injury was visible. Would visible problems make the audience respond in ways I didn’t want? My worries started when my friends said, “Oh, your audiences will be so forgiving of your speaking; you can get away with anything.” And “Oh, lucky you, the audience will be so good to you because they will feel sorry for you.” I knew that it was not the audience’s job to give me a break. And that is not what I wanted. I was there to serve them. To be the strong expert resource and energizing force in the room. But would they let me do that? Would they listen to me and give me respect? I went off to each speech my little blonde smiling, arm in a cast, limping self, and waited to see what happened. Not only didn’t it matter to them, but they expected me to be in charge. Heck, they still let me carry my stuff, put my materials on the walls and move tables and chairs! And by the way I could have used some help moving the tables with one hand! I learned my second lesson.
People will treat you like a victim only if you choose to act like a victim.
As I started to get out in the world more. Going to the grocery store and the bank some people would notice me and ask if I needed help or just help me, other people would act like I was invisible or worse yet, a slow moving nuisance. I thought how many times I have seen people slam the door in the face of my elderly mother or pushed past my mother in an isle or restaurant and she moved awkwardly with her walker. As I recovered some of my friends where so very kind. One took me to the store, Another gave me a ride home from a speech, one brought over Chinese, and another brought bags of comfort food, another came over to open jars and empty the trash and one, went above and beyond taking me to the emergency room at 3 in the morning. Other friends where busy with their lives and some busy with their own pain. Each time someone was kind, stranger or friend, I asked myself how many times I had been kind to others. I felt so good remembering, because I knew now how good getting kindness felt. But each time someone was rude or didn’t take the time to care, I asked myself how many times I had been rude or had been to busy with my pain to show a little care and kindness. As I remembered I was ashamed. I learned a third lesson.
Notice the opportunity for a little act of kindness. No matter how busy or troubled your life is– What you give out good or bad will be returned to you.
I had a neighbor come over to cut the sleeves out of some sweatshirts for me so I had something to wear the night after the accident. (Yes the accident also gave me the gift f a new and stylish sweat shift wardrobe.) My neighbor, started to talk to me about how she knew that small acts of kindness mattered. They had mattered to her when other people helped her through her husband’s slow and painful long term illness and death. She said, that’s a long story, and I, arm propped up on pillows dog sitting on my feet, said, “I have all the time in the world. She sat down and told me her story and we hugged and cried when she was through. It was a wonderfully close and intimate moment. And I was so happy she could share her story with me.
As time passed I had so many people share their accident stories with me so my people tell about their recovery from illness. I had learned at other times in my life that your pain can make others open up to you. It happened in college when my dad died and the year my best friend was dieing. I knew that when you are at your most vulnerable people feel safe making themselves vulnerable to you. But this time I listened differently. I was not so caught up in my pain that I couldn’t hear their need. This time I revealed in it. I saw the gift that vulnerability gives you. I reveled in the opportunity to see to through the protective bravado to someone’s very heart. This was my favorite lesson.
When you are vulnerable people have the chance to open their hearts to you. Enjoy the view. Enjoy the gift of intimacy that pain can bring into your life.
Little by little I am gaining back my abilities. The first I the day I could put on my favorite post earrings after weeks of naked ears I called my sister and said, “I am now fully accessorized! Just before I got in the car to drive for the first time I called to thank my friend who had installed the knob on the steering wheel so I could drive with one hand. And I smiled the whole traffic filled ride to the store. When the cast came off and my arms where strong enough to hold a drier and a brush I looked in the mirror glad to finally have a good hair day At physical therapy last week I actually yelled, “Hurray!” when I could bend down my forefinger down and make it touch my thumb in an “OK’ sign. Recently, when my little ten year God child Morgan saw me struggle with my diner and asked, "Do you want me to cut that up for you?" I laughed with joy, grateful I could now hold a knife. And this week I can type two handed for type for short periods of time. I am so grateful to be able to write and communicate these thoughts to you. The last lesson:
Be grateful for the smallest things you can do. Be grateful for all your capabilities.
I have a feeling that very few people will take the time to read this whole article. There is so much to do and so little time….But I am grateful to those of you who did. I had a little adventure and it was a good one and I am so very grateful for it.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
By Patti Wood MA, CSP
The Gold Standard of Body Language Experts
I wake up with a stomach ache the day after thanksgiving. I lie in bed thinking I shouldn’t have eaten that third turkey sandwich. My stomach burns. It’s the middle of the night and the house is dark. I definitely need an antacid and need to go downstairs to get one. I get up out of bed. I consider turning on the lights, but leave them off knowing that once I turn on lights I won’t be able to go back to sleep. The ambient light from the city shinning through the windows should be enough. I take two steps down the stairs I trip. I tumble over head first and feel a horrible pain and fall the rest of the way down the stairs and land sprawled half way into the kitchen.
The pain is excruciating I start to pass out I push to stay conscious. My dog Bo appears in front of me and for the first time without a doggie treat inducement he goes into a perfect sit. I am amused but I don’t think the dog whisper uses the falling down the stairs means “Sit!” technique. I try to get up, but a wave of pain and nausea hits me again and I fight to stay conscious. Oh my god I think, “I have fallen and I can’t get UP!” I crawl on my knees and one elbow towards the phone. Moving inch by inch I reach it. My right hand is hanging twisted and limp like a rag doll and dial 911 with my left finger. The phone rings and rings, but nobody answers. I am afraid I will pass out before anyone picks up. Then I remember that my neighbor is a doctor. My frequent casseroles delivered to his bachelor pad prompted him to say if I ever needed him to call. I needed him, but I don’t know his number. I am close to the kitchen door I manage to reach up and open it and crawl outside and across the lawn to his house.
This is the beginning of my falling down the stairs adventure. An adventure, because like an explorer climbing Mt Everest learns so much about himself, about life, about what makes living important from climbing up a mountain I learned so much about my self, about life, about what makes living important from falling down the stairs.
Oddly enough the multiple trips to the emergency room, the doctor visits the, the scare that I would loose the use of my hand, the physical pain where not the source of my learning. I had certainly been to emergency rooms before, sat in doctors offices and even suffered more intense pain and longer bouts of both physical and physiological pain in my life. And I know many people would see my tumble as a mere bump in life, really not much of anything at all compared other injuries and life threatening illness.
But learning takes place when you are ready to learn and this adventure, small as it was, took place after I had spent two years of the most intensive traveling in my 25 year career. And the accidents resultant injuries caused a forced stillness and a lack of ability to work at my frantic pace. The injuries from the accident where minor, a broken wrist, torn ligaments and tendons, in both wrists, and left ankle, a bruised hip and irritated vertebra in my neck. But they made it painfully difficult to even take care of myself in the same way. So this adventure was my learning time.
It seems odd that not being able to use one hand and having limited use of the other could make everything so hard. Put those minor injuries meant I had to learn to open my dog’s dinner cans with my left elbow and chin, not eat anything frozen or packaged in plastic that required a knife or scissors to open or that I could not open with my teeth. Until, my left hand got strong enough not eats any food that had to be cut up to eat. Every thing to time. Slow focused effort and something I didn’t know I had enormous patience. Instead of talking on the phone to family or friend while fixing dinner, unloading the dishwasher and having part of mind occupied with my massive list of to do’s I could only cook. Slowly opening a drawer jiggle by jiggle with on hand. Opening the fridge carefully and painfully. Eating with a fork or spoon with my left hand each bite was an awkward and frustrating chore.
When I finally could get on the computer it was to type very very slowly and very very badly with one finger. Just answering emails took hours and the Emails became so cryptic that I am sure clients wished for secret decoder rings to decipher them. I showered slowly with one arm held up in a plastic baggie. To dry my hair. I set the dryer on the toilet and sat on the floor aiming my head towards it. I couldn’t hold a book and turn the pages. It even e hurt to change the channels on TV channel changer so I watched a single show all the way through! By the end of the day to effort to do simple little things left me bathed in sweat. But there was a gift in this.
Everything slowed down and became a meditation. After three weeks of doing things slowly one at a time, with out being able to drive, only leaving the house for speaking engagements, I felt calmer and more centered and strangely happier than I have been in a long time. This was my first lesson.
When life is frantic and faced paced. Resist the urge to do many things quickly. Do one thing at time and do it slowly and thoughtfully.
This not only gave me yoga serenity, but I lost 12 pounds!
You noticed that I said I left the house for speaking engagements. It may seem contrary that I was in all that pain and had all those limitations and I was out speaking. If you’re a speaker, or indeed a workaholic working under such circumstances probably doesn’t surprise you. Speakers have a, “The show must go on!” mentality.” Like every speaker out there I have spoken under horrible circumstances. I knew I could deal with that part of me that wanted to cry, take a pain pill, lie down and have a pity party. In fact I knew that some of the most incredible, heart wide open, speaking experience’s of my career occurred when I was suffering internally, but the audience didn’t know it and we created an incredible connection. But in these weeks, I was wrapped in a cast and sling slightly bent over and limping. My injury was visible. Would visible problems make the audience respond in ways I didn’t want? My worries started when my friends said, “Oh, your audiences will be so forgiving of your speaking; you can get away with anything.” And “Oh, lucky you, the audience will be so good to you because they will feel sorry for you.” I knew that it was not the audience’s job to give me a break. And that is not what I wanted. I was there to serve them. To be the strong expert resource and energizing force in the room. But would they let me do that? Would they listen to me and give me respect? I went off to each speech my little blonde smiling, arm in a cast, limping self, and waited to see what happened. Not only didn’t it matter to them, but they expected me to be in charge. Heck, they still let me carry my stuff, put my materials on the walls and move tables and chairs! And by the way I could have used some help moving the tables with one hand! I learned my second lesson.
People will treat you like a victim only if you choose to act like a victim.
As I started to get out in the world more. Going to the grocery store and the bank some people would notice me and ask if I needed help or just help me, other people would act like I was invisible or worse yet, a slow moving nuisance. I thought how many times I have seen people slam the door in the face of my elderly mother or pushed past my mother in an isle or restaurant and she moved awkwardly with her walker. As I recovered some of my friends where so very kind. One took me to the store, Another gave me a ride home from a speech, one brought over Chinese, and another brought bags of comfort food, another came over to open jars and empty the trash and one, went above and beyond taking me to the emergency room at 3 in the morning. Other friends where busy with their lives and some busy with their own pain. Each time someone was kind, stranger or friend, I asked myself how many times I had been kind to others. I felt so good remembering, because I knew now how good getting kindness felt. But each time someone was rude or didn’t take the time to care, I asked myself how many times I had been rude or had been to busy with my pain to show a little care and kindness. As I remembered I was ashamed. I learned a third lesson.
Notice the opportunity for a little act of kindness. No matter how busy or troubled your life is– What you give out good or bad will be returned to you.
I had a neighbor come over to cut the sleeves out of some sweatshirts for me so I had something to wear the night after the accident. (Yes the accident also gave me the gift f a new and stylish sweat shift wardrobe.) My neighbor, started to talk to me about how she knew that small acts of kindness mattered. They had mattered to her when other people helped her through her husband’s slow and painful long term illness and death. She said, that’s a long story, and I, arm propped up on pillows dog sitting on my feet, said, “I have all the time in the world. She sat down and told me her story and we hugged and cried when she was through. It was a wonderfully close and intimate moment. And I was so happy she could share her story with me.
As time passed I had so many people share their accident stories with me so my people tell about their recovery from illness. I had learned at other times in my life that your pain can make others open up to you. It happened in college when my dad died and the year my best friend was dieing. I knew that when you are at your most vulnerable people feel safe making themselves vulnerable to you. But this time I listened differently. I was not so caught up in my pain that I couldn’t hear their need. This time I revealed in it. I saw the gift that vulnerability gives you. I reveled in the opportunity to see to through the protective bravado to someone’s very heart. This was my favorite lesson.
When you are vulnerable people have the chance to open their hearts to you. Enjoy the view. Enjoy the gift of intimacy that pain can bring into your life.
Little by little I am gaining back my abilities. The first I the day I could put on my favorite post earrings after weeks of naked ears I called my sister and said, “I am now fully accessorized! Just before I got in the car to drive for the first time I called to thank my friend who had installed the knob on the steering wheel so I could drive with one hand. And I smiled the whole traffic filled ride to the store. When the cast came off and my arms where strong enough to hold a drier and a brush I looked in the mirror glad to finally have a good hair day At physical therapy last week I actually yelled, “Hurray!” when I could bend down my forefinger down and make it touch my thumb in an “OK’ sign. Recently, when my little ten year God child Morgan saw me struggle with my diner and asked, "Do you want me to cut that up for you?" I laughed with joy, grateful I could now hold a knife. And this week I can type two handed for type for short periods of time. I am so grateful to be able to write and communicate these thoughts to you. The last lesson:
Be grateful for the smallest things you can do. Be grateful for all your capabilities.
I have a feeling that very few people will take the time to read this whole article. There is so much to do and so little time….But I am grateful to those of you who did. I had a little adventure and it was a good one and I am so very grateful for it.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel
How often do we touch each day compared to time on email
As the National Spokesperson in Canada for Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion I worked with Vaseline on a touch research study. I have a few of the finding from the VICCL survey.
- In total, 1502 adults were interviewed across Canada.
- These interviews were conducted between August 2nd and August 7th, 2005.
- With a sample size of 1502, results are considered accurate to within (+ or -) 2.5 % points, 19 times out of 20.
Here are a few of the findings...
The most interesting thing in this bit is that the average Canadian spends an average of 5 minutes a day touching and an average of 35 minutes in electronic communication. Hmmmm, e-mail just is not the same as a hug.
Daily Touching
- On average, people have 8.9 separate incidences of touching each day.
- People in Alberta touch the most (13.0), while those in the Maritimes and Quebec do so the least (7.8 each).
- Older people are the less frequently touched (between 45-54 - 7.4, between 55-64 - 5.3, and 65+ 4.4).
- Unmarried people are more likely to touch 2 or less times a day (38%), while married people touch 6 or more times a day (42%).
Daily Amount of Touch
- More than half of Canadians spend less than five minutes a day engaged in touch (61%). This is particularly true of those over the age of 55 (71%).
- The average amount of time touching is 7.4 minutes. This is consistent across the country.
- Men are more likely than women to spend less than a minute touching (37% vs. 24% respectively).
- Married people also spend more time touching (8.5 minutes vs. 5.6 minutes).
Daily Amount of TouchAverage Number of Minutes Spent on Touch / Daily Amount of Electronic Communication
- Two-thirds of Canadians spend more than 10 minutes a day on electronic communication, with one third spending more than one hour.
- 45% of people under 45 spend more than an hour a day on electronic communication.
- The average amount of time spent on electronic communication is 33.5 minutes.
- People in Alberta and B.C. spend the most time on electronic communication (an average of 40.7 and 37.3 minutes respectively).
If you want to hear more, I will be on "Breakfast Television" Canada's version of the Today Show Monday morning Feb 6 around 7:00 am talking about touch and the Vaseline Science of Touch exhibit.
Bush body language
Well, They kept the camera so tight on President Bush's face I did not see the gesture I was asked about. I am going to keep watching him in future speeches and comment on it when I do.
He did use one emphatic hand to chest gesture in the whole speech. When he said, "I have the power (gesture) given to me by congress to decide...(on the patriot act.) The hand to the chest symbolically showed his power and that power was centered on him, and the hitting motion signaled that he would back up that power with might. You are more likely to see that gesture in old movies were they have a stereotped russion leader emphasing that he is in charge. Hummm.
He did use one emphatic hand to chest gesture in the whole speech. When he said, "I have the power (gesture) given to me by congress to decide...(on the patriot act.) The hand to the chest symbolically showed his power and that power was centered on him, and the hitting motion signaled that he would back up that power with might. You are more likely to see that gesture in old movies were they have a stereotped russion leader emphasing that he is in charge. Hummm.
Bush gestures
Someone for one of my workshops asked me in an email today if I had ever analyzed the gestures that George W. Bush uses when he speaks. "... Particularly, the one where he brings his hands - backs facing outward up to the sides of his chest. It is a gesture that GWB frequently uses but neither of us has ever seen any analysis of this particular gesture. " I will be watching more of the state of union tape tonight for it. I am familiar with the gesture and he is coached to do the gesuture so I will need to see in what context he uses it to see if he is coached to use when he says particular things or just to use it when he is so moved.
I am doing speech coaching with a client all day Thursday so hope to do my blog tonight or early tommrrow morning. I'm off to get some Thai food. Yummm!
I am doing speech coaching with a client all day Thursday so hope to do my blog tonight or early tommrrow morning. I'm off to get some Thai food. Yummm!
Bush, State of the Union & Tongue Thrusts
I taught my Emory "Meeting of the Minds" class last night, so I had a short reprieve from analyzing President Bush’s body language in the State of the Union speech. This morning I turned on the DVR recording (a version of TVO) and started watching him.
Surprise, he is still giving his habitual tongue thrusts. A tongue thrust is when someone sticks his tongue part of the way out of the mouth. Typically this is done very quickly in what is called a micro facial cue. A body language cue done so quickly you only notice it at a subconscious level. So you may feel, “Humm, he seems aggressive, but I don’t know why.”
Bush has a habit of giving slow, definite tongue thrusts after making a comment he is uncomfortable with. I have to be very objective about my reads when I am being interviewed by the media, but hey, this is a blog. I believe he does it to gear himself up and feel more confident. He does not give tongue thrusts when he talks about Iraq or war or attacking. In reading Bush, it is clear to me he is most comfortable when he is aggressive. For a detailed interpretation of the state of the union address two years ago, see go here . I will be watching more of last night's address and blogging about it. Of course, that means I have to watch the speech over and over, so pray for me.
Surprise, he is still giving his habitual tongue thrusts. A tongue thrust is when someone sticks his tongue part of the way out of the mouth. Typically this is done very quickly in what is called a micro facial cue. A body language cue done so quickly you only notice it at a subconscious level. So you may feel, “Humm, he seems aggressive, but I don’t know why.”
Bush has a habit of giving slow, definite tongue thrusts after making a comment he is uncomfortable with. I have to be very objective about my reads when I am being interviewed by the media, but hey, this is a blog. I believe he does it to gear himself up and feel more confident. He does not give tongue thrusts when he talks about Iraq or war or attacking. In reading Bush, it is clear to me he is most comfortable when he is aggressive. For a detailed interpretation of the state of the union address two years ago, see go here . I will be watching more of last night's address and blogging about it. Of course, that means I have to watch the speech over and over, so pray for me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)