Lie to Me
In preparing for my deception detection class tonight I thought I would watch a few minutes of the new television show called, "Lie to Me." The program is based on the research of Paul Ekman the leading authority on facial expression research. I have read all of his books and have been quoting his research since I began teaching body language at Florida State in the 80's. Durring the few minutes I watched the information on the facial expression that comes before someone is about to attack was accurate. I will be writing more about the show.
Obama's voice and body language read
I was going over my notes from the History Channel special I did this fall and came across my notes on Obama. Since I had so many of my audience members ask about him I thought I would cut and paste my notes. I am prepping for my deception detection class tonight so I am giving you these notes in their pure, make that not edited in anyway, form.
(i) Barack Obama How does he use his voice to project an impression? Rhythmical, very powerful, charismatic.
(ii) I just analyzed his voice as he did his victory speech at the Iowa Cacus back in January.
(iii) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(iv) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is but who is truly is.
(v) Listen how Obama cadence that rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words the word saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythmic speaking were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically like a drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing.( and he didn’t really say anything new in the speech) But his voice is hypnotic. We know when his voice goes up and he pauses we must cheer and say amen. You can’t help your self. His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect. He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say something like. He waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
(vi) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(vii) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is who is truly is.
(viii) Listen how Obama cadence rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words and he say ‘They saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythm were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing. The voice is hypnotic we just know when his voice goes up and he pauses we should cheer and say amen His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect.
(ix) And listen for how he says particular words like said you small towns and churches Ameeerica, affooodablllee draws it out he puts on a slight southern more accent that slightly slurs the word. That makes him sound like one of the common folk. So even when we know he came from upper class family when he says, Callused hand by callused hand he sounds like he was with us working on the farm and ploughing the field.
(x) He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
(i) Barack Obama How does he use his voice to project an impression? Rhythmical, very powerful, charismatic.
(ii) I just analyzed his voice as he did his victory speech at the Iowa Cacus back in January.
(iii) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(iv) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is but who is truly is.
(v) Listen how Obama cadence that rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words the word saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythmic speaking were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically like a drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing.( and he didn’t really say anything new in the speech) But his voice is hypnotic. We know when his voice goes up and he pauses we must cheer and say amen. You can’t help your self. His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect. He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say something like. He waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
(vi) Barack Voice is naturally a deep full low baritone. Deep low voices are perceived, according to research, as more authoritative believable and trustworthy. Combine that with the ease at which he can speak loudly without any vocal strain and you can hear his voice coming from the TV in another room and feel its authority and power. Hilary voice as much as she tries to control it and make it lower is not naturally low and she strains it and sound screechy and angry when she attempts it.
(vii) Obama paralanguage is chameleon like he changes his voices so dramatically to suit his location his audience his topic that it is difficult to know no just what his real voice is who is truly is.
(viii) Listen how Obama cadence rhythm that sounds like a Baptist preacher. Listen to how he speaks on beat and extends certain words and he say ‘They saaaaaaaid this day would never come. Preachers have a special rhythm were there voice goes up and down like a song and pauses on a beat rhythmically drummers reptile paradiddle on a drum.( demonstrate) When he does this his speaking is musical and very pleasing to the ear. We listen and moved by the rhythm so much we may not even hear the words; in fact the words may mean nothing. The voice is hypnotic we just know when his voice goes up and he pauses we should cheer and say amen His other preacher speaking aspect copies the I had a dream, Listen how to volume goes up and up and up stirring the crowd and then he pauses for effect.
(ix) And listen for how he says particular words like said you small towns and churches Ameeerica, affooodablllee draws it out he puts on a slight southern more accent that slightly slurs the word. That makes him sound like one of the common folk. So even when we know he came from upper class family when he says, Callused hand by callused hand he sounds like he was with us working on the farm and ploughing the field.
(x) He very effetely uses He uses the power of the pause he will say waits till the audiences cheers till he moves on to the next sentence. Pausing makes the word before the pause and sometimes the entire sentence before the pause sound more powerful and important.
Top Ten Graduation Speech Quotes
Here are my top ten graduation speech quotes that where requested by USA weekend magazines can. I would love to know your feedback or be sure to comment if you have one that you want to add.
J.K. Rowling -Writer
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Steve Jobs-Stanford UniversityJune 14, 2005
“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
Anna QuindlenMount Holyoke CollegeMay 23, 1999“But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
Katie Couric -TV Journalist
Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested…And have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect, nothing is, and no one is — and that’s OK
Oprah Winfrey -Talk show host
Your calling isn't something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel. It's a part of your life force. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that is. You know it inside yourself.... always take a stand for yourself. Your values, you are defined by what you stand for.
Paul Glaser -Actor and Director
It is said that only those that have experienced their own mortality through the loss of a loved one or a near death experience of their own can know that choice, because that is the greatest experience of our fear of helplessness; our mortality. I would venture to say that, while we may go to great lengths to deny it, we are quickly approaching a time when this fear, this extreme helplessness.. is showing itself in more and more ways as it bubbles, roils beneath a surface that we are ever determined to keep calm, controlled, and in place. Our fear is an anathema to us, and we go to great lengths to avoid it… to the detriment of our creativity, of our very act of being, and we sacrifice our ability to search, and in the accepting the security of the status-quo, to re -- search, to re--discover, to re -- attach to that body of knowledge of which we are all a part. To re-member, that which we all know and knew at the moment of our birth. We sacrifice our experience of ourselves to be created, and to be creative. And in the name of security we make choices away from our hearts, away from our real needs as individuals, and as a civilization
Ursula K. Le Guin Author
Mills College, 1983“Because you are human beings you are going to meet failure. You are going to meet disappointment, injustice, betrayal, and irreparable loss. You will find you’re weak where you thought yourself strong. You’ll work for possessions and then find they possess you. You will find yourself — as I know you already have — in dark places, alone, and afraid. What I hope for you, for all my sisters and daughters, brothers and sons, is that you will be able to live there, in the dark place. To live in the place that our rationalizing culture of success denies, calling it a place of exile, uninhabitable, foreign.” So what I hope for you is that you live there not as prisoners, ashamed of being women, consenting captives of a psychopathic social system, but as natives. That you will be at home there, keep house there, be your own mistress, with a room of your own. That you will do your work there, whatever you're good at, art or science or tech or running a company or sweeping under the beds, and when they tell you that it's second-class work because a woman is doing it, I hope you tell them to go to hell and while they're going to give you equal pay for equal time. I hope you live without the need to dominate, and without the need to be dominated. I hope you are never victims, but I hope you have no power over other people. And when you fail, and are defeated, and in pain, and in the dark, then I hope you will remember that darkness is your country, where you live, where no wars are fought and no wars are won, but where the future is. Our roots are in the dark; the earth is our country. Why did we look up for blessing - instead of around, and down? What hope we have lies there. Not in the sky full of orbiting spy-eyes and weaponry, but in the earth we have looked down upon. Not from above, but from below. Not in the light that blinds, but in the dark that nourished, where human beings grow human souls.
Salman Rushdie
Text of Commencement Address at Bard College, May 25th, 1996 by Salman Rushdie.
Members of the Class of 1996, we are here to celebrate with you one of the great days of your lives. We participate today in the rite of passage by which you are released from this life of preparation into that life for which you are now as prepared as anyone ever is. As you stand at the gate of the future, I should like to share with you a piece of information about the extraordinary institution you are leaving, which will explain the reason why it is such a particular pleasure for me to be with you today. In 1989, within weeks of the threat made against me by the mullahs of Iran, I was approached by the President of Bard, through my literary agent, and asked if I would consider accepting a place on the faculty of this college. More than a place; I was assured that I could find, here in Annandale, among the Bard community, many friends, and a safe haven in which I could live and work. Alas, I was not able, in those difficult days, to take up this courageous offer, but I have never forgotten that at a moment when red-alert signals were flashing all over the world, and all sorts of people and institutions were running scared, Bard College did the opposite - that it moved towards me, in intellectual solidarity and human concern, and made, not lofty speeches, but a concrete offer of help. I hope you will all feel proud that Bard, quietly, without fanfares, made such a principled gesture at such a time. I am certainly extremely proud to be a recipient of Bard's honorary degree, and to have been accorded the exceptional privilege of addressing you today….
It is men and women who have made the world, and they have made it in spite of their gods. The message of the myths is not the one the gods would have us learn - that we should behave ourselves and know our place - but its exact opposite. It is that we must be guided by our natures. Our worst natures can, it's true, be arrogant, venal, corrupt, or selfish; but in our best selves, we - that is, you - can and will be joyous, adventurous, cheeky, creative, inquisitive, demanding, competitive, loving, and defiant.
Do not bow your heads. Do not know your place. Defy the gods. You will be astonished how many of them turn out to have feet of clay. Be guided, if possible, by your better natures. Great good luck and many congratulations to you all.
Ray Bradbury Caltech
The Great Years Ahead
So, I've come a long way. I hope I have another 20 years to go. That gives you 20 years to get from here to Mars. That's the important thing. I've got to give you a few rules of hygiene here-very important for the next several days. You can do some of them tonight. First of all, from today on, none of you are ever going to have to watch local television news again, right? Don't look at it ever. Because it tells you how bad you are. It's full of rapes, murders, funerals, AIDS, all the good things, huh? So you're not to look at that.
Now, right after graduation today, make a list of the people who don't believe in you. And you have a few, don't you? I had plenty of people who told me not to do what I was going to do. You make a list this afternoon, of the people who don't believe in you, and you call them tonight, and tell them to go to hell!
And then you gather around you the people who do believe in you - your parents and a few friends, if you're lucky. We don't have many friends in this world; but the few that do believe in you - and then you move on into the future. I try to do that.
Anthony G. Collins -SUNY Jefferson Community College May 24, 2004
“The word ‘partner’ is often used when a child begins school. A kindergartener cannot make a move without finding his or her partner. The partner is the security blanket — the person who cushions insecurities and fears — the person who gives their hand when you fall. In summer swimming lessons at the beach, the lifeguard blows the whistle at regular intervals to do the buddy check — making sure everyone has a partner — someone to help in a time of need. Early on we recognize that others help to support and nurture us. We gain advantage by working together. Life is a vast network of partnerships in which all of us are givers and takers. Partnerships may well shape your career, your personal life, and ultimately define the mark you make in this world.”
J.K. Rowling -Writer
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Steve Jobs-Stanford UniversityJune 14, 2005
“Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
Anna QuindlenMount Holyoke CollegeMay 23, 1999“But nothing important, or meaningful, or beautiful, or interesting, or great ever came out of imitations. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
Katie Couric -TV Journalist
Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone, even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested…And have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect, nothing is, and no one is — and that’s OK
Oprah Winfrey -Talk show host
Your calling isn't something that somebody can tell you about. It's what you feel. It's a part of your life force. It is the thing that gives you juice. The thing that you are supposed to do. And nobody can tell you what that is. You know it inside yourself.... always take a stand for yourself. Your values, you are defined by what you stand for.
Paul Glaser -Actor and Director
It is said that only those that have experienced their own mortality through the loss of a loved one or a near death experience of their own can know that choice, because that is the greatest experience of our fear of helplessness; our mortality. I would venture to say that, while we may go to great lengths to deny it, we are quickly approaching a time when this fear, this extreme helplessness.. is showing itself in more and more ways as it bubbles, roils beneath a surface that we are ever determined to keep calm, controlled, and in place. Our fear is an anathema to us, and we go to great lengths to avoid it… to the detriment of our creativity, of our very act of being, and we sacrifice our ability to search, and in the accepting the security of the status-quo, to re -- search, to re--discover, to re -- attach to that body of knowledge of which we are all a part. To re-member, that which we all know and knew at the moment of our birth. We sacrifice our experience of ourselves to be created, and to be creative. And in the name of security we make choices away from our hearts, away from our real needs as individuals, and as a civilization
Ursula K. Le Guin Author
Mills College, 1983“Because you are human beings you are going to meet failure. You are going to meet disappointment, injustice, betrayal, and irreparable loss. You will find you’re weak where you thought yourself strong. You’ll work for possessions and then find they possess you. You will find yourself — as I know you already have — in dark places, alone, and afraid. What I hope for you, for all my sisters and daughters, brothers and sons, is that you will be able to live there, in the dark place. To live in the place that our rationalizing culture of success denies, calling it a place of exile, uninhabitable, foreign.” So what I hope for you is that you live there not as prisoners, ashamed of being women, consenting captives of a psychopathic social system, but as natives. That you will be at home there, keep house there, be your own mistress, with a room of your own. That you will do your work there, whatever you're good at, art or science or tech or running a company or sweeping under the beds, and when they tell you that it's second-class work because a woman is doing it, I hope you tell them to go to hell and while they're going to give you equal pay for equal time. I hope you live without the need to dominate, and without the need to be dominated. I hope you are never victims, but I hope you have no power over other people. And when you fail, and are defeated, and in pain, and in the dark, then I hope you will remember that darkness is your country, where you live, where no wars are fought and no wars are won, but where the future is. Our roots are in the dark; the earth is our country. Why did we look up for blessing - instead of around, and down? What hope we have lies there. Not in the sky full of orbiting spy-eyes and weaponry, but in the earth we have looked down upon. Not from above, but from below. Not in the light that blinds, but in the dark that nourished, where human beings grow human souls.
Salman Rushdie
Text of Commencement Address at Bard College, May 25th, 1996 by Salman Rushdie.
Members of the Class of 1996, we are here to celebrate with you one of the great days of your lives. We participate today in the rite of passage by which you are released from this life of preparation into that life for which you are now as prepared as anyone ever is. As you stand at the gate of the future, I should like to share with you a piece of information about the extraordinary institution you are leaving, which will explain the reason why it is such a particular pleasure for me to be with you today. In 1989, within weeks of the threat made against me by the mullahs of Iran, I was approached by the President of Bard, through my literary agent, and asked if I would consider accepting a place on the faculty of this college. More than a place; I was assured that I could find, here in Annandale, among the Bard community, many friends, and a safe haven in which I could live and work. Alas, I was not able, in those difficult days, to take up this courageous offer, but I have never forgotten that at a moment when red-alert signals were flashing all over the world, and all sorts of people and institutions were running scared, Bard College did the opposite - that it moved towards me, in intellectual solidarity and human concern, and made, not lofty speeches, but a concrete offer of help. I hope you will all feel proud that Bard, quietly, without fanfares, made such a principled gesture at such a time. I am certainly extremely proud to be a recipient of Bard's honorary degree, and to have been accorded the exceptional privilege of addressing you today….
It is men and women who have made the world, and they have made it in spite of their gods. The message of the myths is not the one the gods would have us learn - that we should behave ourselves and know our place - but its exact opposite. It is that we must be guided by our natures. Our worst natures can, it's true, be arrogant, venal, corrupt, or selfish; but in our best selves, we - that is, you - can and will be joyous, adventurous, cheeky, creative, inquisitive, demanding, competitive, loving, and defiant.
Do not bow your heads. Do not know your place. Defy the gods. You will be astonished how many of them turn out to have feet of clay. Be guided, if possible, by your better natures. Great good luck and many congratulations to you all.
Ray Bradbury Caltech
The Great Years Ahead
So, I've come a long way. I hope I have another 20 years to go. That gives you 20 years to get from here to Mars. That's the important thing. I've got to give you a few rules of hygiene here-very important for the next several days. You can do some of them tonight. First of all, from today on, none of you are ever going to have to watch local television news again, right? Don't look at it ever. Because it tells you how bad you are. It's full of rapes, murders, funerals, AIDS, all the good things, huh? So you're not to look at that.
Now, right after graduation today, make a list of the people who don't believe in you. And you have a few, don't you? I had plenty of people who told me not to do what I was going to do. You make a list this afternoon, of the people who don't believe in you, and you call them tonight, and tell them to go to hell!
And then you gather around you the people who do believe in you - your parents and a few friends, if you're lucky. We don't have many friends in this world; but the few that do believe in you - and then you move on into the future. I try to do that.
Anthony G. Collins -SUNY Jefferson Community College May 24, 2004
“The word ‘partner’ is often used when a child begins school. A kindergartener cannot make a move without finding his or her partner. The partner is the security blanket — the person who cushions insecurities and fears — the person who gives their hand when you fall. In summer swimming lessons at the beach, the lifeguard blows the whistle at regular intervals to do the buddy check — making sure everyone has a partner — someone to help in a time of need. Early on we recognize that others help to support and nurture us. We gain advantage by working together. Life is a vast network of partnerships in which all of us are givers and takers. Partnerships may well shape your career, your personal life, and ultimately define the mark you make in this world.”
Body Language Tips for Looking Younger
I am a body language expert and I have done research and spoken for many years on first impressions. I am also coach and speak on interviewing, media interviews, public speaking. In my speeches and coaching on body language I often and share simple nonverbal techniques to looking younger. Please check out my website www.PattiWood.net for more information.
Body Language Tips for Looking Younger
1. Think lift and up. Wear collars on shirts that are crisp and go up to create lift around you face.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into an interview or a meeting hold your shoulder back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Check out my website or blog here for steps to get the perfect handshake.
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “Excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now. Most people who need hearing aids wait nine years or more to get their hearing checked and longer than that to get a hearing aid. And if you are squinting because you are not wearing needed prescription lenses you don't look that cute and you are forming squinty wrinkles.(I made the term squinty wrinkles up. It works so well.)
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply presses, no wrinkles no wear on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old or used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including your watches. If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s and look around and then go buy it at Timex or Marshalls.
It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. Woman don’t perch the entire time you look less powerful. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest to look confident. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information your confident in.
For Woman
9. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
10. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercie tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
11. Make sure you hair is healthy shiny and glossy. Get your hair trimmed more often than you use to so you don't have straggly ends and go to your nearest Sally Beauty Supply or Ultra Cosmetics and ask them for a product to make your hair shinny.
12. Woman put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you feel good.
Body Language Tips for Looking Younger
1. Think lift and up. Wear collars on shirts that are crisp and go up to create lift around you face.
2. If you need to wear glasses get your glasses tightened regularly. Glasses that come down on your nose, even a little bit make you look much older. Keep your glasses tightened and high on your face. Again think up.
3. When you walk into an interview or a meeting hold your shoulder back and head up and sit up.
4. Make sure you make eye contact right away smile and put out your hand for a hand shake with extra energy. (I have done several years of research on handshakes. Check out my website or blog here for steps to get the perfect handshake.
5. As you share your ideas and information make sure your voice shows your energy and enthusiasm and hold the strength and volume of your voice all the way to the end of a sentence. As we age our vocal chords show their wear and our voices change and tend to sound rougher and we tend to lose volume at the end or sentences forcing people to not feel with are speaking with conviction and sometimes even saying, “Excuse me I didn’t hear you.”
6. Get your hearing and eyesight checked professionally. Do it now. Most people who need hearing aids wait nine years or more to get their hearing checked and longer than that to get a hearing aid. And if you are squinting because you are not wearing needed prescription lenses you don't look that cute and you are forming squinty wrinkles.(I made the term squinty wrinkles up. It works so well.)
7. For men and woman make sure everything you wear is crisply presses, no wrinkles no wear on your shoes or belts. You have to make sure your clothes and accessories don’t symbolically say you are old or used or tired.
8. Make sure you are fashion current in colors style and jewelry including your watches. If you’re not sure what’s current in professional clothing read a style magazine and go to a high end store like Nordstrom’s and look around and then go buy it at Timex or Marshalls.
It seems basic, but be careful how you sit in a chair. Research says that women perch, sitting on the edge of their seats, arching their backs, while men tend to slouch, relying more on the backrest. Woman don’t perch the entire time you look less powerful. Sit back in the chair and use lots of space and put you arms on the arm rest to look confident. Men don’t slouch the whole time; you may look lazy rather than vital and energetic. Sit forward slowly as you share certain information your confident in.
For Woman
9. If you can avoid using one, don’t carry a purse. It not only sends a strong female signal it gives you one more thing to worry about and fuss over. When woman sit down they usually have over 16 separate movements. Men have three and look much more together and organized. If you must carry something carry a folder or hip briefcase.
10. Make up for Woman. Make sure you do wear make-up, but make it light. I love Laura Mercie tinted moisturizer. If you wear eye shadow take your finger and lay it on the outside of eye and sweep any shadow up and out. If you wear eyeliner make sure it goes up slightly and the corner of your eye. When you put on blush make sure to use it sparingly and make it go up around your eyes never down. I suggest a cream blush as the new makeup style is dewy not dry and powdered. Be very careful of lipstick I draw around the edge with a very soft Estee Lauder lipstick pencil press my lips together and blend very well so it covers my entire lip and then I put on a light clear pink gloss. If I need all day coverage for my lipstick I use Max Factor Color Stay in a rose shade and put gloss on throughout the day. Don’t wear eyeliner on your bottom lip and don’t use mascara there it pulls the eye down and makes it look tired and older.
11. Make sure you hair is healthy shiny and glossy. Get your hair trimmed more often than you use to so you don't have straggly ends and go to your nearest Sally Beauty Supply or Ultra Cosmetics and ask them for a product to make your hair shinny.
12. Woman put nice flattering color around your face hot pink, pink peach, salmon, cobalt blue whatever makes your skin glow and you feel good.
A-Rods body language durring Katie Couric interview was he lying?
I finished my ESPN radio interview about A-Rods ( Alex Rodriguez, the base ball superstar) interview with Katie Couric concerning his possible use of steroids to enhance his performance. I finished my ESPN radio interview about A-Rods interview with Katie Couric concerning his possible use of steroids to enhance his performance. Here is the the You tube video of the interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVcqLt9sJLs
Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather thaand the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I didn’t see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth. Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather than the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I did nott see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth.
Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather thaand the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I didn’t see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth. Of course everyone wants to know if he lied as he said no three times. And I think if you have seen the clip your gut told you he was lying. Let me share the body language cues that you where seeing that made us feel he was lying. First let me start by saying in a real deception detection interview you must get a baseline for normal behavior. I watched A-Rod in other television interviews where he had no reason to be overly nervous as well as more recent interviews so that I could see what he looked like and sounded like and even took note of his normal amount of words he used in response to questions before I watched the critical clip. In the Katie Couric interview he was unusually tense. The lower torso is the best indication of someone’s true emotional state as it under less conscious control. His legs were pulled back under his chair rather than the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere so can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical conscious part of the brain in front of him as someone powerful, who is confident in his innocence would have typically been. In addition his hands were clasped in front of him, so he was symbolically holding his own hands something I did nott see in any other the other interviews of him that I watched and not typical of a “celebrity interview” period. Hand clasping is a big tell. Also his face showed a lot of tension especially around the mouth. If you are a regular reader of my blog you know that I call the mouth the window of the truth. His mouth was shut and the outer edges of his lips were tense. His stare was also intense. He was working very hard to make eye contact. It is interesting to note that extroverts like A-Rod “over extrovert” when they are lying.
In deception detection the timing of a cue is the best “tell” that someone may be lying. You need to watch closely to see what the baseline behavior is and when it changes. When Katie was asking his first questions about his steroid use he stared until she said the word “steroid” then his eyes briefly closed in an eye block. He did another eye block as Katie finished saying human growth hormone then when he responded to her question if he had used the steroids by saying, “no." the left side of the lips on the left side of his face twisted up very briefly to show he was not confident in his response. The left side of the face is controlled by the emotional right hemisphere (more scientifically the limbic brain (the neocortex) so it can “leak” out someone true feelings even when the liar is able to control the more logical and conscious part of the brain. He also did another eye block as he responded and pursed his lips slightly as if he had just tasted something sour, perhaps the taste of his lie. When he was asked by Katie, “Have you ever been tempted…?” His head pulled back quickly in a flight response tell. He then said no as his head came down first in micro facial cue of no, just before he shook his head no. His mouth twisted again as she went deeper and said. “Tempted…other guys are getting better numbers.” At the end of his long response to this question he said, “I don’t have trouble competing at any level…pause no” the left side of his mouth came up in significant twist. If you watch the tape you will see just how conflicted that makes him look. And he does it again as he says, “It would be a huge black eye on the game of base ball.” Yep, a black eye on the game as A-Rod closed his eyes twists his mouth showing us his truth.
More on A-rods body language of lying in Katie interview
I did my interview on ESPN radio and discussed A-ROds over all body language durring the interview was much more tense than he is normally. I say that, having gone back to watch his body langauge and paralanguage in other iverviews were he had not reason to be tense so that I could get his baseline for his normal behavior. His legs were held back under his chair rather than out as one would be if they were clearly inocent and not afraid on the interview. He was clasping his hands together tighly, sybollically holding his own hands. He even rubbed them occaiosnly. He was starring intently forward with a lot of tention held in his face especially around his mouth, I call the mouth thewindow of the truth. His stare I bleive was his attempt to look fpowerful and in contral. Extaverts tend to over extrovert when they are lying. When Katie was asking the first qutesion about steroids his starring eye behavior gave a tell as she said the word steroids he did an eyeblock eye close and then when back to straring and then as she said the words human growth hormone he did a eyeblock eye close. As katie finshed asking him if he did steriods he said with his words no but as he did he pursed his lips like he was eating a lemon and the left side of his mouth twisted up. The left side of the body is controlled by the right hemisphere more sceifically your more primal brain that is not under your consious control so it leaks out the truth and may look oddly off balance if you are controllig the right side of your face. He had this same resonse to her secound wording of the same quesion with an additional tell. Just before he responded his head came back to pull away f rom the quesion.
What hugs mean a nonverbal interpretation
I got an email today from past interpersonal skills training class participant asking me the following question about hugging
At least two times in the last month I have observed (in my close presence) two sets of two co-workers one male, and one female who had not seen each other in some time who hugged emphatically. In each case, the individuals were very glad to see each other -- it took me by surprise.
Since this is something I would never do, I was wondering if I could read any thing into it.
I responded. I did research on hugging in my doctoral program and as you might guess so much depends on how the hug was given and received, what parts of the body made contact with other parts and how long the hug lasted. It is even important to watch the facial expressions of the people as they are hugged and how their fingers grip or rest on the other person. In general, upper body hugs are typically friends ship hugs and full body with the lower torso pushed forward can indicate sexual intimacy.
'Hugging while briefly touching cheek-to-cheek hug is the typical celebrity socialite hug when someone does not want to add a more intimate kiss on the lips. that says "I Love You" even more with an added kiss on the lips.
Hugging while Resting gently and lingering cheek to cheek is much more intimate.
Tepee hug. Hugging with just the upper body with the torso actually pulled away and the rear end pushed back is a hug that emphasizes friendship rather than sexuality.
A Big Bear hug is defined by the arms being wrapped fully around the person and being pulled in tight with a quick but tight secure squeeze. This shows enthusiasm for seeing someone and can also show someones need to show power over or protection of the huggee.
.
Spoon Hug-While not normally thought of as a hug, when you spoon one partners arms are often wrapped around the other as you lie in bed on your side with the huggers front pressed up against the full back and torso on the hugge. .
Feel better hug- I just gave this hug to a friend yesterday who was laid off last week. I didn't even think about it I just wanted to pull him in close and with my arms wrapped around his shoulders and let my full palms rest there and linger a bit longer with a almost rubbing motion as I pulled away. I didn't pat, because guys don't typically like patting it makes them feel mothersmothered.
At least two times in the last month I have observed (in my close presence) two sets of two co-workers one male, and one female who had not seen each other in some time who hugged emphatically. In each case, the individuals were very glad to see each other -- it took me by surprise.
Since this is something I would never do, I was wondering if I could read any thing into it.
I responded. I did research on hugging in my doctoral program and as you might guess so much depends on how the hug was given and received, what parts of the body made contact with other parts and how long the hug lasted. It is even important to watch the facial expressions of the people as they are hugged and how their fingers grip or rest on the other person. In general, upper body hugs are typically friends ship hugs and full body with the lower torso pushed forward can indicate sexual intimacy.
'Hugging while briefly touching cheek-to-cheek hug is the typical celebrity socialite hug when someone does not want to add a more intimate kiss on the lips. that says "I Love You" even more with an added kiss on the lips.
Hugging while Resting gently and lingering cheek to cheek is much more intimate.
Tepee hug. Hugging with just the upper body with the torso actually pulled away and the rear end pushed back is a hug that emphasizes friendship rather than sexuality.
A Big Bear hug is defined by the arms being wrapped fully around the person and being pulled in tight with a quick but tight secure squeeze. This shows enthusiasm for seeing someone and can also show someones need to show power over or protection of the huggee.
.
Spoon Hug-While not normally thought of as a hug, when you spoon one partners arms are often wrapped around the other as you lie in bed on your side with the huggers front pressed up against the full back and torso on the hugge. .
Feel better hug- I just gave this hug to a friend yesterday who was laid off last week. I didn't even think about it I just wanted to pull him in close and with my arms wrapped around his shoulders and let my full palms rest there and linger a bit longer with a almost rubbing motion as I pulled away. I didn't pat, because guys don't typically like patting it makes them feel mothersmothered.
Is A-Rod lying. A body language read of Katie Courack interview
I am about to do an interview on ESPN radio about A-Rods body language as he repsponded to Katie Courac's questions about his steriod use. I will share the details here after the interview.
Is A Rod lying a body language read of Katie interview
I am about to do a radio interview on 1050 ESPN NYC about A b
Is A Rod lying a body language read
I am about to do a radio interview for ESPN radio NYC about A Rods Kati Corac interview with A Rod. There are several body langauge indications that he is may be lieing as he resonds to Katies questions about Steriod use here is the link to the You Tube Video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVcqLt9sJL
Some of his tells are obvious. He starts the interview with his body tense and making direct and tense focased eye contact and even tension around his closed lips. He is wired and focused for the interview. Eyeblinks are natural we normally blink at about 20 blinks per minute. When we are excited the brain released dopamine and that makes us blink faster so are blinks naturally rise with anicious or tense topics. Even being on TV can increase our blink rate. In deception detection the timing is the tell. When someone does a body language cue continuously are over and over again through an interview it may be a hbit or over all nervousness about the interview. Here is the tell A Rod doesn't blink fast through the entire interview wich indicates nervious about the overall interview. A Rod holds his eyes still untill Katie says the word steriod and on that word he BLINKs and then a moment later as he says hormone use he BLINKs. Then as he says the word NO his mouth twitches
Interview of body language with Health Magazine
I did a interview with Health magazine this week about body language. The article should appear in the April issue. I shared with the journalist several aspects of reading children's body language and how to be more powerful in a conflict using body language.
Love how photo shop can change your body language
My freind Jim was playing around on photo shop with some head shots I had done the other day and came up with this little miracle. I told him I wanted a magic photo shop wand to wave over me every morning so I didn't have to put on makeup. I had a big photo shoot Thursday with First for Woman magazine. I shared an embarrising moment story that will be in their April issue and they sent a camera crew to the house to take photos of me.
Here is the story as it will appear in the magazine.
In my rush to get ready and out the door to give a speech at convention I decided to leave my big pink sponge curlers on in the car and take them off when I got to the speech. It was raining outside I reasoned. This way my hair would not get frizzy. When I got to the convention hotel I looked in the rear view mirror and took out all the curlers. Well, I thought I got them all. At the end of the luncheon I got up to leave the table and get ready for my speech and heard a woman at the table shout. “You have a pink curler on the back of your head!” Everyone turned around to look. But the most embarrassing thing was that my speech was on First Impressions. The convention head thought it was so funny he told the story before he introduced me as t he pink curler girl! s
lie to me
So many people are asking me if I seen the new TV series called, "Lie to Me." I have DVR'd it and I will be watching it this weekend and reporting back about it here. In the meantime I am so excited that there is another venue for people to see the power of body language. I am also excited that Paul Eckman's research on facial expressions and deception detection is being shared with the public. For years Paul Eckman was only sharing it with law enforcement agencies like the CIA. Though if you were willing to spend 95 dollars on his academic book on facial expression. (yes I have all his books even this very expensive one.) you could educate yourself. So as I work on my deception detection book I will be sharing information of ways to read people's body language to detect deception. You can find some of my articles on deception detection on my website at www.pattiwood.net and find deception analysis of various political figures here on the blog.
the skill of reading body langauge
Yahoo jobs just asked me how you can apply the unusual skill of reading body language.
Since I was a small child I was able to read peoples body language and know what they were thinking and feeling. I ended up with degrees in nonverbal communication. Originally I interned as a counselor but since I pick up on the deep emotions of people as I “read” them that was taxing so In my case that has led to a job as a speaker, trainer and coach. I also work with law enforcement and the media reading people live and through video and still photos(see website for details) and sales people, health care workers and so many others who can use the unusual skills of reading body language. For my full story, How I became a body language expert, please go to my website at www.Pattiwood.net t
Since I was a small child I was able to read peoples body language and know what they were thinking and feeling. I ended up with degrees in nonverbal communication. Originally I interned as a counselor but since I pick up on the deep emotions of people as I “read” them that was taxing so In my case that has led to a job as a speaker, trainer and coach. I also work with law enforcement and the media reading people live and through video and still photos(see website for details) and sales people, health care workers and so many others who can use the unusual skills of reading body language. For my full story, How I became a body language expert, please go to my website at www.Pattiwood.net t
Ranking of Importance of Communication Skills
I was just reading a newsletter from Ravenwood that listed the ranking of the importance of communication skills in business. Of course it typically comes out as number one. Years ago when I was working on my Masters Degree at Auburn University my major Professor Larry Barker was not only one of the countries leading authorities on body language he was the president of the National Listening Association. He quoted research back in 1982 that listed good communication skills as the number one success factor in business. It is funny to me that anyone would think otherwise. If you don't listen. If you can not express your self and your needs clearly how can you possibly successful. The problem now is that there are fewer and fewer new employees that have even the most basic of communication skills. Here are the lists.
USA Today ranked communication skills #1 among a list of twelve success factors (Problem solving and an understanding of organizational structure ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
The Lamille Report of Top Executives ranked communications skills #1 among a list of ten success factors (Intelligence and integrity ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
A Society for Human Resource Management poll conducted in conjunction with the Wall Street Journal confirmed that "soft skills" now top the career success factor list for experienced employees
A study by the Center for Creative Leadership identified command of soft skills as the leading determinant of successful change management for executives
A study by Office Team concluded sixty-seven percent of HR managers would hire a candidate with strong soft skills whose technical abilities were lacking. Only nine percent would hire someone with strong technical expertise but weak interpersonal skills
USA Today ranked communication skills #1 among a list of twelve success factors (Problem solving and an understanding of organizational structure ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
The Lamille Report of Top Executives ranked communications skills #1 among a list of ten success factors (Intelligence and integrity ranked #2 and #3 respectively)
A Society for Human Resource Management poll conducted in conjunction with the Wall Street Journal confirmed that "soft skills" now top the career success factor list for experienced employees
A study by the Center for Creative Leadership identified command of soft skills as the leading determinant of successful change management for executives
A study by Office Team concluded sixty-seven percent of HR managers would hire a candidate with strong soft skills whose technical abilities were lacking. Only nine percent would hire someone with strong technical expertise but weak interpersonal skills
What Does Playing with a Wedding Ring Mean
If a person twists their wedding ring as they are talking to you it typically means they are attracted to you and they are aware of the bond they are under and have a desire to ignore that bond. If they move the ring up and down the finger it shows there desire not to just ignore but to remove that bond. Men and Woman can also make these movements in a conversation with people they aren’t attracted to merely because the conversation make them regret their bond of marriage.
Body Language and Wedding Rings
At the request of The Sun newspaper in Canada I made some comments about body language and wedding rings because Jennifer Lopez had sparked rumors about splitting with husband Marc Anthony, after she had been photographed at a red carpet event without her wedding ring.
Here are the notes I sent to the reporter answering her questions...
What does it mean when someone stops wearing his or her wedding ring. Does it always spell trouble? Why would any women do this? Is this a way to punish your spouse or send a message? What about men who don’t wear rings? Or is it just a trend and is of little significance?
After all, when Madonna stepped out minus the wedding band, the media speculated that her union was on the rocks - and they were right. What does it mean if you just switch the ring in favor of a splashy art deco ring just for the night - like Michelle Obama did?
Anytime a woman takes off her wedding ring it sends a powerful message. A wedding ring symbolizes your bond and union. A woman can do it as a passive aggressive message. Jennifer Lopez is symbolically saying something is wrong. Some women take off the ring for an event to say symbolically "I am my own person." Some take it off to say silently, “my husband broke our bond by being unfaithful.” Some women take off their wedding ring to say, “I am available again.” No matter what the reason, a woman not wearing a wedding ring is rarely just a fashion statement. In rare cases, not wearing a wedding ring may be necessary because the person has problems with his or her fingers swelling or the ring is lost, but a women caught without her ring will usually speak to those extenuating circumstances immediately. In J-Lo’s case I think the fact that she is not wearing her ring shows a message that there are problems. In Michelle’s case I believe it was to show that she is an independent, powerful woman on her own. Typically, women are socially rewarded for their relationships and men for their work and independence. Women start their sentences with "we" much more often than men. That gender difference is dramatic. When a man wears a ring he is saying, “I am proud of my bond.” When he takes it off he is saying, " I am open to other offers."
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments!
The Washington Post described Patti as, "The Babe Ruth of Body Language." and the New York Times credited her with bringing the topic to national attention. A professional speaker, author and body language expert she reads the nonverbal cues of world leaders, celebrities, criminals, business leaders and the world at large. She has been interviewed on: The BBC, CNN, FOX news, PBS, The History Channel, E!, The Discovery Channel, US Weekly, USA Today, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan and many more. Time Magazine recognized her nonverbal communication course at Florida State University as a top college course in the US. Patti has been researching, writing and speaking on the topic since 1982. Her latest book is "Success Signals Understanding Body Language" and can be found at http://www.pattiwood.net/.
Here are the notes I sent to the reporter answering her questions...
What does it mean when someone stops wearing his or her wedding ring. Does it always spell trouble? Why would any women do this? Is this a way to punish your spouse or send a message? What about men who don’t wear rings? Or is it just a trend and is of little significance?
After all, when Madonna stepped out minus the wedding band, the media speculated that her union was on the rocks - and they were right. What does it mean if you just switch the ring in favor of a splashy art deco ring just for the night - like Michelle Obama did?
Anytime a woman takes off her wedding ring it sends a powerful message. A wedding ring symbolizes your bond and union. A woman can do it as a passive aggressive message. Jennifer Lopez is symbolically saying something is wrong. Some women take off the ring for an event to say symbolically "I am my own person." Some take it off to say silently, “my husband broke our bond by being unfaithful.” Some women take off their wedding ring to say, “I am available again.” No matter what the reason, a woman not wearing a wedding ring is rarely just a fashion statement. In rare cases, not wearing a wedding ring may be necessary because the person has problems with his or her fingers swelling or the ring is lost, but a women caught without her ring will usually speak to those extenuating circumstances immediately. In J-Lo’s case I think the fact that she is not wearing her ring shows a message that there are problems. In Michelle’s case I believe it was to show that she is an independent, powerful woman on her own. Typically, women are socially rewarded for their relationships and men for their work and independence. Women start their sentences with "we" much more often than men. That gender difference is dramatic. When a man wears a ring he is saying, “I am proud of my bond.” When he takes it off he is saying, " I am open to other offers."
I would love to hear your thoughts and comments!
The Washington Post described Patti as, "The Babe Ruth of Body Language." and the New York Times credited her with bringing the topic to national attention. A professional speaker, author and body language expert she reads the nonverbal cues of world leaders, celebrities, criminals, business leaders and the world at large. She has been interviewed on: The BBC, CNN, FOX news, PBS, The History Channel, E!, The Discovery Channel, US Weekly, USA Today, Psychology Today, Cosmopolitan and many more. Time Magazine recognized her nonverbal communication course at Florida State University as a top college course in the US. Patti has been researching, writing and speaking on the topic since 1982. Her latest book is "Success Signals Understanding Body Language" and can be found at http://www.pattiwood.net/.
How did you play as a child?
I have a question that I love to ask people at whenever I whenever I am with a small group say at a dinner party. I ask each person what was their favorite thing to do as a child between the ages of 6 and 10 and then I ask them what they do for living. I love how often people share how their childhood play became their adult work. A friend who took apart every electric thing in the house became and engineer, a friend that painted and drew became and artist, a friend who liked to figure out how things where made and how they could be made better became a six sigma process engineer, a friend who loved to read and write became and editor and writer for NASA.
I would love to know how you played and if your childhood play effected what you choose to do as an adult.
I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. I use to do “shows” as a kid. I would be Herman of the Hermits and sing and dance with my friends on the porch of our house. I was Queen of the Cooties on the playground and the leader of all the games, whether it was who can make the biggest bubble with the bubble maker, built the best fort, or who can make the snowman that last the longest on the lawn. From forth grade on I also loved to watch people and I would write little poems and songs about what I saw, I carried a little notebook with me all the time from forth grade till college and filled it with my fun observations. And even learned to play the guitar so I could sing them. I loved playing and I loved the game of watching people and trying to figure out their secret story. Now I get to do it all my favorite play as living. I am a body language expert and I am a professional speaker and trainer and get to play with my audiences. (See my website for videos of how much fun we have.)
I would love to know how you played and if your childhood play effected what you choose to do as an adult.
I am one of the luckiest people on the planet. I use to do “shows” as a kid. I would be Herman of the Hermits and sing and dance with my friends on the porch of our house. I was Queen of the Cooties on the playground and the leader of all the games, whether it was who can make the biggest bubble with the bubble maker, built the best fort, or who can make the snowman that last the longest on the lawn. From forth grade on I also loved to watch people and I would write little poems and songs about what I saw, I carried a little notebook with me all the time from forth grade till college and filled it with my fun observations. And even learned to play the guitar so I could sing them. I loved playing and I loved the game of watching people and trying to figure out their secret story. Now I get to do it all my favorite play as living. I am a body language expert and I am a professional speaker and trainer and get to play with my audiences. (See my website for videos of how much fun we have.)
Nonverbal Communication and phone calls
This week I got a phone call from my friend Michael who lives in Paris. I have know Michael since he was a 19 year old student in my body language course at Florida State. I hadn't heard his voice in about a year and it always goes straight to my heart. His voice is uniquely smokey and rough and after 15 years in Paris he has a French accent and cadence. But the most wonderful thing about his voice is that I can tell from one word that it is Michael and from one word I know I know I can feel safe and loved. That's pretty remarkable in the book, "The Human Voice, the author writes that a study in the US found that , for m just forty seconds of surgeon patient consultations from which the words had en filtered out leaving tone of voice alone, listeners could tell which doctors had been sued from malpractice and which hadn't. the degree of dominance or concern in the surgeons' voice was a giveaway." (Nlini Ambady.et al, "Surguen."
ons' Tone of Voice: a clue to Malpractice History'. surgery, 2002.132.)
I have written about voice before. Today I want to share that that unique voice print is a wondrous thing. The ability to hear one word over the phone and identify it is remarkable.
There is another part of the distinctive tremors and pitches of the voice. That is the ability to hear a single word and know what is going on with the person. How many times have you called someone and known from the first word out of their mouth that something was wrong?
ons' Tone of Voice: a clue to Malpractice History'. surgery, 2002.132.)
I have written about voice before. Today I want to share that that unique voice print is a wondrous thing. The ability to hear one word over the phone and identify it is remarkable.
There is another part of the distinctive tremors and pitches of the voice. That is the ability to hear a single word and know what is going on with the person. How many times have you called someone and known from the first word out of their mouth that something was wrong?
Y generation and the next gen recommendations
I was asked by career builder .com to give a real world comment on having a boss that is younger than you.
When your boss is younger than you, don’t say your favorite song is, “I Want You.” By Peter Frampton, or say you use to play his live album on your record player.
You will be met with a blank stare that tells your past is now part of the twilight zone of “old people talk.”
Former Boss on consulting project who was 22 and I was 46
Gen Y folks are disengaged. Do you agree?
There’s another e-word besides the economy that’s still the talk of Corporate America: engagement. As in the lack of, according to a recent study by BlessingWhite. Over 7500 respondents report that 25% of Gen Y folks in North America are disengaged. Good news: we beat China (33%), Southeast Asia (35%) and the UK with Ireland (at 30%). Why do you care? Because even in this economy, Gen Y’s will bolt when they are bored and organizations will pay to reduce turnover. Good news for generational experts who come up with internal strategies to plug into Gen Y’s passion.
I was asked by a media source for tips for things the upcoming generation needs to pay attention to and work on as they enter the workforce. I actually got a bit cynical in this piece so forgive me.
Having taught at the university level for many years I think young adults need to
1. Understand the basics of financial planning, saving, credit card debt protection and just organizing their lives for the future.
2. Use your great energy and enthusiasm to build your relationships and career. Don’t waste it being a complainer standing on soap box ranting. Instead of tearing down move to action, make changes and create the work life and personal life you want.
3. Relationship and job success don’t come easily. When you make a mistake apologize and don’t do it again. When someone else makes a mistake forgive them and make it easy for them to change. Don’t end a relationship because of one mistake.
4. Learn to speak comfortably in face to face conversation. Human interaction requires and understanding of body language cues to read others and that you give out cues and show your positive and negative emotions. Read a good body language book, (Success Signals by Patti Wood)model the body language of good hearted people that you admire. Go online and study the proper etiquette for eating, parties, and gift giving then memorize them and use them.
5. Understand and be comfortable with conflict. Know how to have a productive though difficult conversation. Realize it is inappropriate to email or text a criticism or slam and it beyond rude to end a relationship, business or personal via text, email or voice mail or on a phone call. If you have done so in the past, let it go and don’t ever do it again. “Everybody else does it.” is not a good excuse.
6. Understand that you can’t fast forward, hit the mute button, or hit save on a relationship. Real people need human interaction and nurturing and are not easily replaced just by hitting delete and
adding someone else to your face book.
7. Be respectful of your elders. That, “old foggy” in tech support may not know all you know about technology, but he or she may know a lot about life. Respect them, rather than treat them with condescension.
8. Keep up to date with where the business world is going and keep your skills current and be above be flexible. That is something my generation is having a hard time with. I know we may learn a lot about it from you.
Patti Wood, MA, CSPThe Body Language Expert
When your boss is younger than you, don’t say your favorite song is, “I Want You.” By Peter Frampton, or say you use to play his live album on your record player.
You will be met with a blank stare that tells your past is now part of the twilight zone of “old people talk.”
Former Boss on consulting project who was 22 and I was 46
Gen Y folks are disengaged. Do you agree?
There’s another e-word besides the economy that’s still the talk of Corporate America: engagement. As in the lack of, according to a recent study by BlessingWhite. Over 7500 respondents report that 25% of Gen Y folks in North America are disengaged. Good news: we beat China (33%), Southeast Asia (35%) and the UK with Ireland (at 30%). Why do you care? Because even in this economy, Gen Y’s will bolt when they are bored and organizations will pay to reduce turnover. Good news for generational experts who come up with internal strategies to plug into Gen Y’s passion.
I was asked by a media source for tips for things the upcoming generation needs to pay attention to and work on as they enter the workforce. I actually got a bit cynical in this piece so forgive me.
Having taught at the university level for many years I think young adults need to
1. Understand the basics of financial planning, saving, credit card debt protection and just organizing their lives for the future.
2. Use your great energy and enthusiasm to build your relationships and career. Don’t waste it being a complainer standing on soap box ranting. Instead of tearing down move to action, make changes and create the work life and personal life you want.
3. Relationship and job success don’t come easily. When you make a mistake apologize and don’t do it again. When someone else makes a mistake forgive them and make it easy for them to change. Don’t end a relationship because of one mistake.
4. Learn to speak comfortably in face to face conversation. Human interaction requires and understanding of body language cues to read others and that you give out cues and show your positive and negative emotions. Read a good body language book, (Success Signals by Patti Wood)model the body language of good hearted people that you admire. Go online and study the proper etiquette for eating, parties, and gift giving then memorize them and use them.
5. Understand and be comfortable with conflict. Know how to have a productive though difficult conversation. Realize it is inappropriate to email or text a criticism or slam and it beyond rude to end a relationship, business or personal via text, email or voice mail or on a phone call. If you have done so in the past, let it go and don’t ever do it again. “Everybody else does it.” is not a good excuse.
6. Understand that you can’t fast forward, hit the mute button, or hit save on a relationship. Real people need human interaction and nurturing and are not easily replaced just by hitting delete and
adding someone else to your face book.
7. Be respectful of your elders. That, “old foggy” in tech support may not know all you know about technology, but he or she may know a lot about life. Respect them, rather than treat them with condescension.
8. Keep up to date with where the business world is going and keep your skills current and be above be flexible. That is something my generation is having a hard time with. I know we may learn a lot about it from you.
Patti Wood, MA, CSPThe Body Language Expert
More on the body language at the Obama presidential inaguration
The most remarkable aspect of the Obama's body language at the presidential inauguration was the lack of reaction to the enormous crowds on the mall. I know he was trying to be presidential I watched him take on the mantel of seriousness and change his facial expression to a down turned mouth as he came out for his swearing in, but why not react at all? Why make the entire speech so practiced and rehearsed that he couldn't even have one spontaneous smile or wide open eyes and raised eyebrows in awe at all the people who have put their trust in him? Why not reach out his hands or look directly out at them one time as he spoke?
What do you think?
Check out my other posts on the inaguration and Obama.
on the blog or my website www. PattiWood.net
What do you think?
Check out my other posts on the inaguration and Obama.
on the blog or my website www. PattiWood.net
Inauguration Body Language Reads Continued...
I watched the Inauguration today for a body language read on Obama's presidential inauguration ceremony today.
Coming out of the white house to go the inauguration the "still president" Bush stepped behind Obama going down the stairs and then put his arm around and guided Obama down the stairs. This was particular interesting as I did a body language read of their first meeting after Obama was elected, for the New York Daily news, and in those photo stills Obama had his arm around Bush guiding him. This was Bush's last chance to look like the leader! Interesting, especially when you learn that Bush said something to the effect of, "Your on your own, go to your people for guidance" When Obama told Bush he was going to go to him for advice during his new presidency. Oddly this is what Bush senior said to Bush junior when Bush junior became president.
When Bush senior came down the steps he looked unusually ebullient. It was clear from his large smile and eye contact with the crowd of photographers that he was happy to be back in the limelight. You might have missed it but there was an odd moment that showed just how oddly happy Bush senior was as he came down the stairs he reached over and patted the rear end of one of the guards!
Former president Bill Clinton had his own "emotional moment" as he was entering the inauguration. When he was in the darkened hallway just before coming down the stairs his eyes wrinkled down and his mouth twisted back and down intensely as he held him his sadness. Then as he came out into the light and the crowd he lit up with his 'game face" with his great big charming smile and raised eyebrows. Hilary Clinton was calm her facial expression showed true power and pleasure. An interesting combination. I really admired that strength.
Soon to be president Obama's daughters came down the hallway and down the stairs walking several steps ahead of their grandmother, neither looking at her for comfort, support, or even acknowledging her. There posture was erect and lady like and very at ease. They seemed confident until it came to their seats. Then the youngest daughter sat down and had trouble with the blue blanket that was provided and then realized she should be standing. They kept looking at the immense crowds on the Mall. They where the only people filmed that seemed to acknowledge the incredible crowds.
When Obama came down the hallway you saw his face change from smile to a rather affected serious face. In fact I saw him put on the serious face and force it their. Odd that he chose to be serious instead of joyous throughout the inauguration.
Coming out of the white house to go the inauguration the "still president" Bush stepped behind Obama going down the stairs and then put his arm around and guided Obama down the stairs. This was particular interesting as I did a body language read of their first meeting after Obama was elected, for the New York Daily news, and in those photo stills Obama had his arm around Bush guiding him. This was Bush's last chance to look like the leader! Interesting, especially when you learn that Bush said something to the effect of, "Your on your own, go to your people for guidance" When Obama told Bush he was going to go to him for advice during his new presidency. Oddly this is what Bush senior said to Bush junior when Bush junior became president.
When Bush senior came down the steps he looked unusually ebullient. It was clear from his large smile and eye contact with the crowd of photographers that he was happy to be back in the limelight. You might have missed it but there was an odd moment that showed just how oddly happy Bush senior was as he came down the stairs he reached over and patted the rear end of one of the guards!
Former president Bill Clinton had his own "emotional moment" as he was entering the inauguration. When he was in the darkened hallway just before coming down the stairs his eyes wrinkled down and his mouth twisted back and down intensely as he held him his sadness. Then as he came out into the light and the crowd he lit up with his 'game face" with his great big charming smile and raised eyebrows. Hilary Clinton was calm her facial expression showed true power and pleasure. An interesting combination. I really admired that strength.
Soon to be president Obama's daughters came down the hallway and down the stairs walking several steps ahead of their grandmother, neither looking at her for comfort, support, or even acknowledging her. There posture was erect and lady like and very at ease. They seemed confident until it came to their seats. Then the youngest daughter sat down and had trouble with the blue blanket that was provided and then realized she should be standing. They kept looking at the immense crowds on the Mall. They where the only people filmed that seemed to acknowledge the incredible crowds.
When Obama came down the hallway you saw his face change from smile to a rather affected serious face. In fact I saw him put on the serious face and force it their. Odd that he chose to be serious instead of joyous throughout the inauguration.
More on the body lanuguage reads of inauguration...
I watched the Inaguration today for a body language read on Obama's presidential ingaguration ceremony today.
Coming out of the white house to go the inaguration the "still president" steped behind Obama going down the stairs and then put his arm around him and guided Obama down the stairs. This was particular interesting as I did a body language read of their first meeting after Obama was elected for the New York Daily news and in those photo stills Obama had his arm around Bush guiding him. This was Bush's last chance to look like the leader! Interesting, especially when you learn that Bush said something to the effect of, "Your on your own, go to your people for guidance" When Obama told Bush he was going to go to him for advice durring his new presidency. Oddly this is what Bush senior said to Bush junior when Bush junior became president.
When Bush senior came down the steps he looked unusally ebulent. It was clear from his large smile and eye contact with the crowd of photographers that he was happy to be back in the limelight. You might have missed it but there was an odd moment that showed just how oddly happy Bush senior was> Asa he came down the stairs he reached over and patted the rear end of one of the guards!
Former president Bill Clinton had his own "emotional moment" as he was entering the inaguration. When he was in the darkened hallway just before comming down the stairs his eyes wrinkeled down and his mouth twisted back and down intensely as he held him his sadness. Then as he came out into the light and the crowd he lit up with his 'game face" with his great big charming smile and raised eyebrows. Hilary Clinton was calm her facial expression showed true power and pleasure. An interesting cobination. I really admired that strength.
Soon to be president Obama's daughters came down the hallway and down the stairs walking several steps ahead of their grandmother, niether looking at her for comfort, support, or even aknowleding her. There posture was errect and lady like and very at ease. They seemed confindent untill it came to their seats. Then the youngest daughter sat down and had trouble with the blue blanket that was provided and then realized she should be standing. They kept looking at the imense crowds on the Mall. They where the only people filmed that seemed to aknowledge the incrediable crowds.
When Obama came down the hallway you saw his face change from smile to a rather affected serious face. In fact I saw him put on the serious face and force it their. Odd that he chose to be serious instead of joyess throuout the inaguration. More tonight or tommrrow
Obama's Inauguration and Body Language
Here are my first thoughts of Obama's Body Language today... I think that the 13 minutes late to the church communicates his sense of importance. His smile was large and genuine. More body language reads to come...
Embracing Femininity at Work As Featured in GlassHammer.com
Do you think women should embrace their feminity at work?
Read this article where Patti is Quoted: http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=8244
And I invite you to come back and post your thoughts, questions and comments here!
Read this article where Patti is Quoted: http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=8244
And I invite you to come back and post your thoughts, questions and comments here!
That’s so rude!
There are times when someone’s nonverbal communication is so unbelievably rude you wonder if the person is clueless or just visiting from another planet. I rarely rant in my blog but after being interviewed recently for my nonverbal stories on techie rudeness I wanted to share some stories.
I was sitting in a packed plane that was delayed on the ground for an hour. The guy sitting next to me was talking on his cell phone, quite loudly with his one night stand from the night before; about all the things they did...everything...in detail for over and hour. No request from me could make him stop he just got louder. Everyone around him was squirming as he kept talking using very explicit language and repeating the phrase, “You where so drunk last night.”
I am a professional speaker and set ground rules in my programs so people respect everyone in the audience and don't use their cell phones, type, twitter or do "hip checks" on the blackberry’s. I do that because I know how frustrating it feels to be an audience member when a fellow participant is being rude. At one convention a few years ago I stayed to here the next speaker. A guy in one of the front rows cell phone rang and he took the call and started talking got up walked down the center isle to the last row and paced the back of the room talking loudly on his cell phone. It’s as if the other 100 audience members where not there. AHHGGGG!
What are your “That’s so rude!” stories?
I was sitting in a packed plane that was delayed on the ground for an hour. The guy sitting next to me was talking on his cell phone, quite loudly with his one night stand from the night before; about all the things they did...everything...in detail for over and hour. No request from me could make him stop he just got louder. Everyone around him was squirming as he kept talking using very explicit language and repeating the phrase, “You where so drunk last night.”
I am a professional speaker and set ground rules in my programs so people respect everyone in the audience and don't use their cell phones, type, twitter or do "hip checks" on the blackberry’s. I do that because I know how frustrating it feels to be an audience member when a fellow participant is being rude. At one convention a few years ago I stayed to here the next speaker. A guy in one of the front rows cell phone rang and he took the call and started talking got up walked down the center isle to the last row and paced the back of the room talking loudly on his cell phone. It’s as if the other 100 audience members where not there. AHHGGGG!
What are your “That’s so rude!” stories?
Talk to strangers- party body language article is below
My mother always told me to “Talk to strangers." OK, I know what you are thinking. She didn't say,"Go out and play in the highway." What she really meant was, "Talk to strangers as if they are your friends." I remember growing up my mom and I would go into Walgreen’s soda fountain for a BLT after a day of shopping. My mom would sit down with a big smile, and the waitress would walk up and my mom would turn to her and lean in close as if she had known that waitress all her life and start talking. But most of all she would start listening. She would look that waitress in the eye, nod her head and keep saying say "uh-huh," and by the end of the meal she would leave the place knowing the waitress’s name and the names of her children. She did this everywhere she went and she still does it. She flirts with the world. And you know, everybody loves it. This one piece of advice has guided my life. Talking to strangers led me to be a body language expert and professional speaker. I think we are all connected and that makes being in the world warm and welcoming.
Don't forget to sign up for the free body language seminar today.
Don't forget to sign up for the free body language seminar today.
Ten Tips for Introductions
May I introduce? The proper etiquette, rules, tips and guidelines for making introductions.
Using the proper introductions help to establish rapport when meeting people. Yes they are not always easy, but they are important. And knowing how to introduce people to one another can make you not only more comfortable in business and social setting it can make other people feel more comfortable and make you look more confident! Here are ten tips for making introductions.
The most important thing is to introduce people to each other. If you don’t know someone’s name. Or you forget whose name comes first it is alright. Don’t avoid them or just stand there hoping they will introduce them selves.
If you forget a name simply say, “Please forgive me I have forgotten your full name.” If that seems awkward to you simple say. “Hello, I would like you to meet my wife Sara and hopefully they follow through with their name. It is still less awkward than standing their you’re your unnamed wife. That shows a lack of respect for both parties. Always introduce!
In very formal setting you would say, “I would like to present to you....” Otherwise it is fine to say, “I would like to introduce you to...” or less formally, Mrs.Garmen, Mrs. Tolbight,”
When your introducing someone at a party or say out at a restaurant at the mall or a bar you could also say. Mrs. Jones, you know Mrs. Robinson, don’t you?” Or Sarah have you met Molly. Or Julie do you know my Mother?
In business at formal business events Introduce individuals to each other using both first and last names. If you are in a casual social setting or party it is fine to use first names. "Jim, Id like you to meet my neighbor, Sarah." Or, very casually, "Sarah, Jim.", "Jim, Sarah".
Whose name do you say first? Though even Miss Manner and Emily Post disagree on whose name comes first I believe you should honor the highest person by saying their name first. So think authority defines whose name is said first. Say the name of the most important person first and then the name of the person being introduced.
Introduce people in the following order:
· Younger to older, “Mrs. Hopkins I would like you to meet my little sister Mary Jones.”
· non-official to official,”Mr. President I would like you to present to you Mr. John Brown.”
· junior executive to senior executive, ”Mr. Iacocca I would like you to present you to our new junior executive Mr. Sam Horn”
· Colleague to customer, “Mrs. Hawthorne (The customer) I would like to introduce you to my college Mr. Mike Frank.”
· 2 year employee to ten year employee. Sam Coke I would like you to meet John Hordin.
· Trump rules. A customer visiting an office trumps the CEO. Mr. Camp I would like you to meet our CEO Mr. Mike Smith. There are also choices to make. Let’s say that you are introducing people to a speaker at an event and not everyone knows the name of the speaker. You could either say. MS Patti Wood I like you to meet my college Mr. Mike Stewart. Mr. Stewart (or just plane Mike) I would like you to meet our speaker today Patti Wood or you could say the lower status person’s name first Frank Smith I would like to introduce your to our speaker Dr. James Nelson. Dr Nelson this is Frank Smith he has been at the Atlanta Training office of UKS for two years. He works with Jennie Waddington. It is OK if you mess up the order. No small children were harmed, just keep going.
If you're in a formal business setting, say a convention, introduce someone who has a title’s doctor, for example’ include the title as well as the first and last names in the introduction. Use proper titles. Don't introduce your parents as 'Mom' or 'Dad' unless that is how they would like to be addressed. You can say, “I would like you to meet my mother Ms. Jones.
If the person you are introducing has a specific relationship to you, make the relationship clear by adding a phrase such as 'my boss,' 'my wife' or 'my uncle.' In the case of unmarried couples who are living together, 'companion' and 'partner' are good choices.
Use your spouse's first and last name if he or she has a different last name than you. Include the phrase 'my wife' or 'my husband.' Mr. Jones I would like you to meet my husband Eric Mann.
Introduce an individual to the group first, then the group to the individual. For example: 'Dr. Noble, I'd like you to meet my friends Hassan Jubar, Kim Nordeck and Michael Smith. Everyone, this is Dr. Mark Noble.'
Give them something to talk about once you have introduced them, preferably something they have in common. For example:” Sara this is Paul.","Paul, Sara is the biggest Baseball fan I have ever met" Now you have them a conversation starter. If you need to go, once they get a bit of a conversation going you can excuse yourself politely
Stand up. The rule used to be that only men were supposed to stand when being introduced to a woman. Now, gender no longer plays a role in most business introductions in the U.S. and European communities. In business situations, one should always stand up when being introduced to someone else.If you are traveling to another country, whether it be for business or pleasure, or if you are meeting someone whose culture is unfamiliar, always check to see what the specific manners are for that country or culture. If you are in a casual setting or in a group setting you won’t get beat up if you don’t stand, but you should stand. You don’t get to shake hands if you don’t. The exception to the rule. If you are eating you don’t have to stand or shake hands.
If your introduced to someone respond. You don’t have to say, “Nice to meet you.” It is the polite response, but you may not be sure yet if it will be nice. You don’t have to say, “It is a pleasure to meet you unless it is a pleasure.You do have to say something. You should repeat the person's name back; In a formal setting saying "Hi" or " Hello" is not enough. Instead, say, “Hello” "Do you prefer being called David or should I call you Dave?"
For more free tips on body language register for my FREE Body Language Teleclass, once your registered you will receive all the info and even if you cannot make the call we will provide you with the FREE mp3. Register here http://www.pattiwood.net/program.asp?PageID=7830
Using the proper introductions help to establish rapport when meeting people. Yes they are not always easy, but they are important. And knowing how to introduce people to one another can make you not only more comfortable in business and social setting it can make other people feel more comfortable and make you look more confident! Here are ten tips for making introductions.
The most important thing is to introduce people to each other. If you don’t know someone’s name. Or you forget whose name comes first it is alright. Don’t avoid them or just stand there hoping they will introduce them selves.
If you forget a name simply say, “Please forgive me I have forgotten your full name.” If that seems awkward to you simple say. “Hello, I would like you to meet my wife Sara and hopefully they follow through with their name. It is still less awkward than standing their you’re your unnamed wife. That shows a lack of respect for both parties. Always introduce!
In very formal setting you would say, “I would like to present to you....” Otherwise it is fine to say, “I would like to introduce you to...” or less formally, Mrs.Garmen, Mrs. Tolbight,”
When your introducing someone at a party or say out at a restaurant at the mall or a bar you could also say. Mrs. Jones, you know Mrs. Robinson, don’t you?” Or Sarah have you met Molly. Or Julie do you know my Mother?
In business at formal business events Introduce individuals to each other using both first and last names. If you are in a casual social setting or party it is fine to use first names. "Jim, Id like you to meet my neighbor, Sarah." Or, very casually, "Sarah, Jim.", "Jim, Sarah".
Whose name do you say first? Though even Miss Manner and Emily Post disagree on whose name comes first I believe you should honor the highest person by saying their name first. So think authority defines whose name is said first. Say the name of the most important person first and then the name of the person being introduced.
Introduce people in the following order:
· Younger to older, “Mrs. Hopkins I would like you to meet my little sister Mary Jones.”
· non-official to official,”Mr. President I would like you to present to you Mr. John Brown.”
· junior executive to senior executive, ”Mr. Iacocca I would like you to present you to our new junior executive Mr. Sam Horn”
· Colleague to customer, “Mrs. Hawthorne (The customer) I would like to introduce you to my college Mr. Mike Frank.”
· 2 year employee to ten year employee. Sam Coke I would like you to meet John Hordin.
· Trump rules. A customer visiting an office trumps the CEO. Mr. Camp I would like you to meet our CEO Mr. Mike Smith. There are also choices to make. Let’s say that you are introducing people to a speaker at an event and not everyone knows the name of the speaker. You could either say. MS Patti Wood I like you to meet my college Mr. Mike Stewart. Mr. Stewart (or just plane Mike) I would like you to meet our speaker today Patti Wood or you could say the lower status person’s name first Frank Smith I would like to introduce your to our speaker Dr. James Nelson. Dr Nelson this is Frank Smith he has been at the Atlanta Training office of UKS for two years. He works with Jennie Waddington. It is OK if you mess up the order. No small children were harmed, just keep going.
If you're in a formal business setting, say a convention, introduce someone who has a title’s doctor, for example’ include the title as well as the first and last names in the introduction. Use proper titles. Don't introduce your parents as 'Mom' or 'Dad' unless that is how they would like to be addressed. You can say, “I would like you to meet my mother Ms. Jones.
If the person you are introducing has a specific relationship to you, make the relationship clear by adding a phrase such as 'my boss,' 'my wife' or 'my uncle.' In the case of unmarried couples who are living together, 'companion' and 'partner' are good choices.
Use your spouse's first and last name if he or she has a different last name than you. Include the phrase 'my wife' or 'my husband.' Mr. Jones I would like you to meet my husband Eric Mann.
Introduce an individual to the group first, then the group to the individual. For example: 'Dr. Noble, I'd like you to meet my friends Hassan Jubar, Kim Nordeck and Michael Smith. Everyone, this is Dr. Mark Noble.'
Give them something to talk about once you have introduced them, preferably something they have in common. For example:” Sara this is Paul.","Paul, Sara is the biggest Baseball fan I have ever met" Now you have them a conversation starter. If you need to go, once they get a bit of a conversation going you can excuse yourself politely
Stand up. The rule used to be that only men were supposed to stand when being introduced to a woman. Now, gender no longer plays a role in most business introductions in the U.S. and European communities. In business situations, one should always stand up when being introduced to someone else.If you are traveling to another country, whether it be for business or pleasure, or if you are meeting someone whose culture is unfamiliar, always check to see what the specific manners are for that country or culture. If you are in a casual setting or in a group setting you won’t get beat up if you don’t stand, but you should stand. You don’t get to shake hands if you don’t. The exception to the rule. If you are eating you don’t have to stand or shake hands.
If your introduced to someone respond. You don’t have to say, “Nice to meet you.” It is the polite response, but you may not be sure yet if it will be nice. You don’t have to say, “It is a pleasure to meet you unless it is a pleasure.You do have to say something. You should repeat the person's name back; In a formal setting saying "Hi" or " Hello" is not enough. Instead, say, “Hello” "Do you prefer being called David or should I call you Dave?"
For more free tips on body language register for my FREE Body Language Teleclass, once your registered you will receive all the info and even if you cannot make the call we will provide you with the FREE mp3. Register here http://www.pattiwood.net/program.asp?PageID=7830
Self confidence.
A Men’s Health Magazine readership study showed that confidence ranked ahead of assertiveness, patience, communication skills and ambition as one of the characteristics. guys felt would earn more respect. Interestingly, confidence also ranked second on the skills guys felt they needed to work on the most. And I thought Men's Health readers where all buff and confident studs.
I use to teach a four week self esteem class. One semester I noticed that the people in my public speaking classes often had those same self esteem issues, and at the end of my three day public speaking class their confidence had grown tremendously. They had climbed their personal Mount Everest and having achieved the summit, they knew day to day interactions would never be as scary. Even today, the emails I receive after my public speaking class attest to the power of speaking success to help build confidence in all social areas. I feel one thing that can help your confidence is knowing what to do nonverbally. The part of your brain that controls your body langauage also holds your emotions. Making your body confidenct can make the rest of you confidenent. So use your body language to reduce your aniexty.
I use to teach a four week self esteem class. One semester I noticed that the people in my public speaking classes often had those same self esteem issues, and at the end of my three day public speaking class their confidence had grown tremendously. They had climbed their personal Mount Everest and having achieved the summit, they knew day to day interactions would never be as scary. Even today, the emails I receive after my public speaking class attest to the power of speaking success to help build confidence in all social areas. I feel one thing that can help your confidence is knowing what to do nonverbally. The part of your brain that controls your body langauage also holds your emotions. Making your body confidenct can make the rest of you confidenent. So use your body language to reduce your aniexty.
Body Language Lady Weight loss tips
I was skinny most of my life then I started gaining wieght. Finally I figured out how to stay skinny. I went from a size six ( yes that is still small but big for me to a size 0 in few months.) That was almost 30 pounds in weight loss. People ask me how I lost the weight. My lament that skinny is new pretty. (I have a post.) I was actually shocked at how many strangers responded to me so differently when I lost the weight. Goodness, even my friends kept saying how much better I looked and they loved me! I have kept most of the weight off. (If you want to know the particulars I am now between a size two and size four depending on the designer.)
The photo on the right with me in the red sweater was taken three years ago the one on the left was taken recently. Yep, I don't think I look that different. People still ask me how I lost the pounds and keep the weight off. It is not easy. After much peer pressure I promised some friends at a party last Friday night that I would blog my diet tips. I don't think it is anything new. But they wanted it in print. Though, I feel so silly saying what I do "out loud."
I am a professional speaker and a body language expert I have known for years that your appearance is important. However, I assumed with each year of age everyone gained weight. So I just put on the pounds. I have been traveling to give speeches and workshops on body language for many years so I spend a good bit of time on the road. I want to say again, I have to work really hard to keep the weight I lost off.
Here are my tips to keep weight off.
The first and most important thing is I walk every single day.
1. If I am home in Atlanta I walk with my dog Bo. We are lucky to live near a park and long walking trail.
I hate to exercise Bo and I meet so many people and dogs on the trail that I see it as a friendly visit rather than a sweatathon. We love to form our Pet Parent dog first impressions with each other. Bo, of course, is a great reader of people body language. If there is a treadmill in a hotel I get on it with the days paper. I look for stories to tie to the content of my speeches, but truly the reading distracts me from the fact that I am sweating. Pure exercise is so boring to me. I love to be "in the moment" but if that moment involves a noisy treadmill I want a distraction.
2. One thing I do seems highly unusual to other people. When I get to airport I put on my walking shoes take the handle of my wheeled briefcase and get in about 30 minutes walking up and down the concourses. People sitting in their seats at the gates stare at me, security has stopped me, but by the time I get on my flight I am refreshed and I have managed to avoid the airport junk food.
3. When I am home I walk every day for 45 minutes and while I am walking I enjoy the woods and my dogs wagging tale. To keep me going at the end of the walk I catch up on my calls to friends and family. They all tease me that I am always panting and breathless when I talk to them.
4. My rule in my home office is too keeping moving while I am on the phone with personal calls. I put on my headset and walk up and down the stairs, but away laundry, unload the dishwasher, or simply walk from room to room. I am mindful and present with my phone partner and let my body move with the beat our talking.
5. Nights are my difficult time; At home I will take a walk at night if I feel hungry. In hotels I read. You can’t eat and read a book. And watching TV seems to make me hungry.
6. When I am out of town I have trail mix to keep from ordering dessert from room service.
At home I have the usual cut up vegetable to crunch on, but my savior is plain Greek yogurt with a spoonful of peanut butter or walnuts or berries.
That's it.
Bad Breath and body language. How and why people respond the way they do.
If your on this site for the first time please check out my speaking website at www.PattiWood.net
You’re at your holiday office party standing near the punch bowl, your boss leans towards you to say hello then crinkles his nose and steps back abruptly ending the conversation. What did you do? You’re dressed in your best clothes, heck you took a shower and put on your cologne and you’re smiling even though you have heard Santa baby played four times tonight. You might think you’re doing everything right that you’re oh so sweet but if your breath is sour it will send a primal message for others to retreat that overrides anything we say. We are often unaware of are own nonverbal communication. If you have Bad breath it may be invisible to you but, its effect isn’t. It can make people lean away, step back, freeze or hold their body stiffly, bring the corners of their mouth down or simply not want to be with you. And they may not only back off that one time. Here is scarier information. Since our sense of smell is our strongest link to memory people may remember you not as that clever guy who talked about movie or but as the guy with the bad breath
In other countries doctors smell the breath of their patients to for signs of their ailment. At a primal level bad breath, communicates that you are “sick.” And people respond by withdrawing.
My brother in law is an Endodontist. That is the doctor that does root canals. He taught his children to floss well with the admonition that it not only would save their teeth from decay, but that it would also be help prevent bad breath.
It’s funny, but I always floss when I get ready for date. Why wear lipstick to make your lips kissable if someone is not going to want to get close enough to kiss you? There are long lists of things to do to prevent bad breath from eating lots of fruits and veggies to brushing the backside of your teeth and the top of your tongue. There are lots of remedies if you think you have bad breath, from eating parsley to gargling. Make sure if you have bad breath that it is not a sign of illness. I’ve been the National spokes person for the Natural Dentist a line of dental care products and done enormous research on smiling and the effect of dental health and how people respond to others. Don’t forget the silent message of good breath.
If you use this information in any document, video or audio production please attribute the content to Patti Wood, MA, CSP
You’re at your holiday office party standing near the punch bowl, your boss leans towards you to say hello then crinkles his nose and steps back abruptly ending the conversation. What did you do? You’re dressed in your best clothes, heck you took a shower and put on your cologne and you’re smiling even though you have heard Santa baby played four times tonight. You might think you’re doing everything right that you’re oh so sweet but if your breath is sour it will send a primal message for others to retreat that overrides anything we say. We are often unaware of are own nonverbal communication. If you have Bad breath it may be invisible to you but, its effect isn’t. It can make people lean away, step back, freeze or hold their body stiffly, bring the corners of their mouth down or simply not want to be with you. And they may not only back off that one time. Here is scarier information. Since our sense of smell is our strongest link to memory people may remember you not as that clever guy who talked about movie or but as the guy with the bad breath
In other countries doctors smell the breath of their patients to for signs of their ailment. At a primal level bad breath, communicates that you are “sick.” And people respond by withdrawing.
My brother in law is an Endodontist. That is the doctor that does root canals. He taught his children to floss well with the admonition that it not only would save their teeth from decay, but that it would also be help prevent bad breath.
It’s funny, but I always floss when I get ready for date. Why wear lipstick to make your lips kissable if someone is not going to want to get close enough to kiss you? There are long lists of things to do to prevent bad breath from eating lots of fruits and veggies to brushing the backside of your teeth and the top of your tongue. There are lots of remedies if you think you have bad breath, from eating parsley to gargling. Make sure if you have bad breath that it is not a sign of illness. I’ve been the National spokes person for the Natural Dentist a line of dental care products and done enormous research on smiling and the effect of dental health and how people respond to others. Don’t forget the silent message of good breath.
If you use this information in any document, video or audio production please attribute the content to Patti Wood, MA, CSP
Harvey Milk, Sean Penn, body language
If your just reading my blog for the first time please know that you can find entry's here on just about every aspect of body language. If you sign up for my newsletter on my website. www.Pattiwood.net you will get my monthly articles and news of my TV appearance's as well.
Last night my friends, Ellen, Judith and I went to see the new Sean Penn movie about Harvey Milk. It was so well done and so moving that the audience clapped at the end. It was a difficult movie to watch at times. I love movies and movies that make us socially conscious are so rare. This movie might not align with your feelings about the rights of gays, but I challenge you even if you choose not to see the movie to at least examine Harvey rights human rights work. Since this is a body language blog I could also recommend the movie for the extraordinary Oscar worthy performance of Sean Penn. Again the movie may be difficult to watch, but it can move you to think.
Personally, this movie caused me to reflect on my friend Roy and how much his life changed when he was fully “out.” How much joy and freedom he felt at being all Roy all the time. He was so happy being fully himself. People like Harvey Milk made that freedom possible, loving Roy so much I am so grateful for that. I am crying as I write this, because the movie made me feel for all those people living in secret. How horrible to live a half life, how hard to hide a part of yourself whenever you are in public. Those of us that don’t have to do that have no idea how hard that must be for gay people. To have to “act” and be aware of you body language and what you say at work, at a store, at a restaurant.
I remember back in the eighties being in Piedmont Park with a group of friends, all gay men. I was walking with my friend John. At that time he had been with his partner 6 years. (John is still with him over 20 years later as a matter of fact.) John noticed a straight couple holding hands and he whispered to me sadly, “I would love to be able to walk in this park holding hands with my love.” I have a photo from that day. It’s me and a group of some of the guys standing in a fountain with our arms around each other smiling. We made a joke of the movie, ‘Three Coins in a fountain” and called the photo “a blonde and five queers in a fountain.” Except for John, all the men in the photo died of AIDS, including my best friend Roy.
Roy was 29 when he died.
The movie also made me recall what happened with the ignorance and prejudice against gays in the fight against AIDs. There were so many needless delays in the fight against the disease. How horrific that foolish belief that it was only affecting Gay people, how insane notion that it was a punishment for them, that they deserved it. It allowed people to ignore it. It gave them permission to think it wouldn’t effect them so they didn’t have to take action. We forget we are all equal that we are all connected to each other. We must remember we are on a very small planet.
There is scene in the movie where someone tells Milk. “I know what you are against, but what are you for?” So I ask you, my dear readers “What are you for?”
As the movie ended I wept for the loss of Harvey Milk. I wondered if Harvey Milk, who was so passionate about Gay rights, so passionate about human rights had lived would he have helped the US government take action, to give money to fight AIDS more quickly? Most people don’t know that the government original plan was to corral all the people with AIDs into camps. Yes, camps. Perhaps they felt that they could get away with it because no one would stop the government from taking gay people out their homes and hospitals to isolate them.
The movie reminds us that one person can make a difference. It made me see that loss of one person who can make a difference and does not have the opportunity to keep working is tragic. Watch the movie and let me know what you thought of it.
And while you’re at it watch the old black and white classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It reminds all of us that we make a difference through are actions every day. If you watch that movie make sure you notice the body language in the telephone scene with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. It is one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.
Last night my friends, Ellen, Judith and I went to see the new Sean Penn movie about Harvey Milk. It was so well done and so moving that the audience clapped at the end. It was a difficult movie to watch at times. I love movies and movies that make us socially conscious are so rare. This movie might not align with your feelings about the rights of gays, but I challenge you even if you choose not to see the movie to at least examine Harvey rights human rights work. Since this is a body language blog I could also recommend the movie for the extraordinary Oscar worthy performance of Sean Penn. Again the movie may be difficult to watch, but it can move you to think.
Personally, this movie caused me to reflect on my friend Roy and how much his life changed when he was fully “out.” How much joy and freedom he felt at being all Roy all the time. He was so happy being fully himself. People like Harvey Milk made that freedom possible, loving Roy so much I am so grateful for that. I am crying as I write this, because the movie made me feel for all those people living in secret. How horrible to live a half life, how hard to hide a part of yourself whenever you are in public. Those of us that don’t have to do that have no idea how hard that must be for gay people. To have to “act” and be aware of you body language and what you say at work, at a store, at a restaurant.
I remember back in the eighties being in Piedmont Park with a group of friends, all gay men. I was walking with my friend John. At that time he had been with his partner 6 years. (John is still with him over 20 years later as a matter of fact.) John noticed a straight couple holding hands and he whispered to me sadly, “I would love to be able to walk in this park holding hands with my love.” I have a photo from that day. It’s me and a group of some of the guys standing in a fountain with our arms around each other smiling. We made a joke of the movie, ‘Three Coins in a fountain” and called the photo “a blonde and five queers in a fountain.” Except for John, all the men in the photo died of AIDS, including my best friend Roy.
Roy was 29 when he died.
The movie also made me recall what happened with the ignorance and prejudice against gays in the fight against AIDs. There were so many needless delays in the fight against the disease. How horrific that foolish belief that it was only affecting Gay people, how insane notion that it was a punishment for them, that they deserved it. It allowed people to ignore it. It gave them permission to think it wouldn’t effect them so they didn’t have to take action. We forget we are all equal that we are all connected to each other. We must remember we are on a very small planet.
There is scene in the movie where someone tells Milk. “I know what you are against, but what are you for?” So I ask you, my dear readers “What are you for?”
As the movie ended I wept for the loss of Harvey Milk. I wondered if Harvey Milk, who was so passionate about Gay rights, so passionate about human rights had lived would he have helped the US government take action, to give money to fight AIDS more quickly? Most people don’t know that the government original plan was to corral all the people with AIDs into camps. Yes, camps. Perhaps they felt that they could get away with it because no one would stop the government from taking gay people out their homes and hospitals to isolate them.
The movie reminds us that one person can make a difference. It made me see that loss of one person who can make a difference and does not have the opportunity to keep working is tragic. Watch the movie and let me know what you thought of it.
And while you’re at it watch the old black and white classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” It reminds all of us that we make a difference through are actions every day. If you watch that movie make sure you notice the body language in the telephone scene with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. It is one of my favorite movie scenes of all time.
12 body language tricks for great first impressions for women working internationally.
I was asked today by a journalist for my for 10 body language “tricks” for good first impressions for business woman for an issue of Harper’s Bazaar Dubai. This has been one of my favorite research areas for many years and certainly one of my audience's favorites so here are my top 12.
- Make palm to palm contact. The single most important part of the international business handshake is making palm to palm contact.
- The palm of the hand shows you’re willing to be honest and that you come to business meeting “unarmed”
- Start early. Men are not always sure whether to shake hands and how to shake hands or greet women, especially in a mixed culture setting so let your body language show what you want. At fifteen feet flash up your eyebrows to show you see them.
- Then smile to show you’re friendly. The smile is the single most important nonverbal cue to show friendliness. It is actually able to be recognized from 300 feet away and a true wide smile is one of the few cues that have the same meaning in all cultures.
- Put out your hand at 6 to four feet away from the person you want to greet so they know you want to shake hands. If you prefer not to approach with your hands at your side and your left side slightly in front of you as you meet.
- People can form a first impression in less than a fortieth of a second and may be deciding what they think about you before you begin to speak so if you know you are about to greet someone important make sure you posture is “up” make sure your head is up and above your shoulders. If you are seated rise to greet others so that your are on an equal plane. (Unless you are eating. You shouldn't’t go up to shake hands with someone who is eating, nor should you have to shake hands when someone approaches you when you are eating. )
Make sure your posture is “open” that is, and your arms are not held or folded in front of your heart. That communicates that you may be afraid or lack confidence.
Animate your voice. Make sure it has the appropriate energy to show you are pleased and happy to meet someone.
Men prefer to talk face to face standing and side to side or catty corner sitting. Choose to stand or sit to make a man comfortable and he is more likely to have a favorable impression of you.
Remove your bracelets from your right hand if you choose to shake hands in a business setting as they send a first impression, “I am a woman” rather than, “I am a smart impressive person.”
A first impression is formed very quickly, but there is also a "recency effect". People remember the LAST thing you say or do. It is especially critical in an initial interaction. Make sure you end the conversation with appropriate eye contact. Think about the other person, make a real connection with them, smile softly and make sure that if you leave with a closing statement such as, “It was a pleasure meeting you.” That your voice is expressive and sincere. Think and feel the statement as your say it rather that say it automatically.
We often are thinking of ourselves, how we look, in an initial interaction. The big secret is to focus on the other person. Make it your job and your pleasure to make them feel comfortable and you will definitely make a great first impression!
Written by Patti Wood MA, CSP.
Watch Bush's body language as he misquotes during his speeches
Watch Bush's body language as he makes various mistakes in several presidential speeches. In the first two he tries to search for the right phrase by moving his hands. This is actually and effective tool for retrieving files in your brain. But unfortunately it doesn't work for him so he smiles his little boy smile. In many of the other clips he doesn't even seem to notice his mistake! Watch talented new anchors. If they make a mistake they quickly say a transition word such as, "rather" then correct themselves and keep going without a pause. Funny. If I had been hired as his speech/media coach I would have taught him that bridging technique in a our first coaching session. Enjoy and laugh out loud!
Thursday Body Language Expert Blog. Voices
Last night I watched a special on Alistair Cook. You might know him as the man who hosted introduced Masterpiece Theater for 22 years. He also had a weekly broadcast called, "Letter From America" for over 58 years. He would sit at his window overlooking Central Park and write about America. As I watched the show I realized in many ways he was one of the first pod casters/bloggers. He observed what was happening in the world and talked about it each week. People would send him letters. Some of them addressed simply Alistair Cook in the apartment that overlooks Central Park, New York. He had a blog following.
He and his wife were great friends with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall and Bacall remarked in the special about Alistair's unique voice. I have blogged a lot about voices. His was quite remarkable. Raised in Blackpool he latter went to one of the colleges at Cambridge and developed what we call in the states and ivy league voice. Sophisticated and some what haughty he sounded like he knew everything about everything and was excited to share it with you. A fascinating man. Think about voices today. Does your voice sound knowledgeable? Does it sound sophisticated? Does it sound warm?
He and his wife were great friends with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall and Bacall remarked in the special about Alistair's unique voice. I have blogged a lot about voices. His was quite remarkable. Raised in Blackpool he latter went to one of the colleges at Cambridge and developed what we call in the states and ivy league voice. Sophisticated and some what haughty he sounded like he knew everything about everything and was excited to share it with you. A fascinating man. Think about voices today. Does your voice sound knowledgeable? Does it sound sophisticated? Does it sound warm?
Tom and Kate's Body Language...
Check out my recent read on Tom Cruise and his wife Katie Holmes' body language with US Weekly...
http://www.usmagazine.com/photos/happy-2nd-anniversary-tomkat
http://www.usmagazine.com/photos/happy-2nd-anniversary-tomkat
The History Channel Presents "The Secrets of Body Language" - See Patti's Feature in This Compelling Program!
Patti Wood is on a History Channel special this month entitled, “The Secrets of Body Language”She is one of the leading experts in Nonverbal Communication in the world who were interviewed about how to read body language and paralanguage (voice.)
The next airing of the History Channel body language special will be this Saturday, October 18, 2008 at 5:00 EST.
If you would like to contact Patti about speaking or coaching please go to her website for contact information at http://www.pattiwood.net/
Body Language Observations of the 2nd Presidential Candidates Debate - McCain vs. Obama October 08
The “fighting rules” were strict, allowing little interaction.
The candidates had to stay six feet apart, in their designated area.
******* (I have listed some of the debate rules at the bottom of the article).
Thank goodness there were no lecterns, just chairs upon which to perch while the other was speaking. This way, we could see more of the candidate’s bodies despite the fact that the other debating rules meant there was little engagement with each other. They would have very little interpersonal debate, but rather give “short speeches” in response to questions asked.
Obama came onto the stage in a long relaxed stroll. In this debate Obama was respectful and McCain did not have to tap him to get him to shake hands. They shook hands each grasping the other’s elbow in the classic politician’s handshake showing power and control.McCain had more energy than I had ever seen him have. His voice tone and energy was often positive and hopeful. He was coached well to be upbeat in the beginning of the debate but, overused that “we can do it”, “we are Americans” hopefulness later in the debate when he should have been mad at Obama for aligning him with Bush and calling him on it.
At the beginning of the debates Obama was calm, blank eyed and seemed more coached and less passionate and at times although he kept gesturing, his eyes seemed dead eyed. . While Obama spoke McCain paced the stage a bit nervously.McCain needed to be strong in this debate, show more energy confidence and power than Obama. Obama needed to be more cool, collected and in control. McCain showed more energy but overall did not seem presidential. He has more knowledge but his energy was wasted in attacks, verbal and nonverbal. He walked toward towards Obama as he attacked, but then would step back. Neither move showing strength. He often showed snarly smirking facial expressions as he walked toward Obama and pointed at him in little jabs. While discussing the Bush/Cheney-backed energy bill "stuffed full" of goodies for the oil companies. "Know who voted for it? That one," he says, not looking at Obama. "Know who voted against it? I did..." This was the biggest nonverbal memorable moment in the debate and was all negative for McCain. A big mistake.
Powerful debaters let attackers come to them and smile or act bored. Obama smiled as if McCain's attack didn’t mean a thing. McCain needed to show his confidence and superior experience knowledge but with the exception of a few questions, like what we should do about Russia, his true deep knowledge was not shown.
Obama attacked McCain during the debates by standing near his chair or walking forward using his hand to make fists. He didn’t look at him, and that worked. I didn’t like any of the attacks but Obama’s method of attack worked.
While McCain talked and Obama waited and listen for his next question, Obama sat on his stool with one leg down up with his foot resting on the bar with his legs spread open to take a posture of “cool power.”
I could almost see a black and white photo of him in that same pose on the cover of a jazz CD. This was not the same pausing, awkward Obama. His coaching between the debates was clear. Answer the questions quickly and strongly. Often Obama leapt out of the chair and strode toward Moderator Brokaw as he answered Brokaw's question. Obama loves a podium. He was more awkward in the town hall setting. He had a hard time at first approaching the audience and individual questioners. But, gained confidence later and scribbled notes more frequently. His notebook spilling over the small table.With the physical; contrast one tall and slender, the other short and older; their physical differences seemed more pronounced as they walked on the stage in this setting.
Remember, we tend to choose the winning candidate in a debate seconds after it begins. Typically, we make these choices based on the charismatic factors of Likeability, attractiveness and level of dominance. Though McCain was more comfortable in the town hall format and sincerely engaged the people and talked to the questioners in an authentically warm way, his gestures showed up too late. Obama had it made before he opened his mouth.More notes to come later today. In the meantime, check out this story with me and several other experts:http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection/la-na-debateside8-2008oct08,0,4755608.story********The format: Under the terms of a 31-page Memorandum of Understanding, Candidates must stay in their designated areas. The NBC host Tom Brokaw will moderate, picking questions from a pool 150 undecided voters from the Nashville area, pre-selected by Gallup so that they're demographically representative. The live questioners will ask their questions directly, and Brokaw will intersperse them with selections from a reported six million others received by email. Cameras aren't allowed to show the reactions of the live questioners -- just their initial questions. Tom Brokaw will identify a person and call on them; the questioner will ask the question, and then be seated. The candidate to whom the question was posed will have two minutes to respond, and then the other candidate will have two minutes. Then there'll be one minute of open discussion.
The candidates had to stay six feet apart, in their designated area.
******* (I have listed some of the debate rules at the bottom of the article).
Thank goodness there were no lecterns, just chairs upon which to perch while the other was speaking. This way, we could see more of the candidate’s bodies despite the fact that the other debating rules meant there was little engagement with each other. They would have very little interpersonal debate, but rather give “short speeches” in response to questions asked.
Obama came onto the stage in a long relaxed stroll. In this debate Obama was respectful and McCain did not have to tap him to get him to shake hands. They shook hands each grasping the other’s elbow in the classic politician’s handshake showing power and control.McCain had more energy than I had ever seen him have. His voice tone and energy was often positive and hopeful. He was coached well to be upbeat in the beginning of the debate but, overused that “we can do it”, “we are Americans” hopefulness later in the debate when he should have been mad at Obama for aligning him with Bush and calling him on it.
At the beginning of the debates Obama was calm, blank eyed and seemed more coached and less passionate and at times although he kept gesturing, his eyes seemed dead eyed. . While Obama spoke McCain paced the stage a bit nervously.McCain needed to be strong in this debate, show more energy confidence and power than Obama. Obama needed to be more cool, collected and in control. McCain showed more energy but overall did not seem presidential. He has more knowledge but his energy was wasted in attacks, verbal and nonverbal. He walked toward towards Obama as he attacked, but then would step back. Neither move showing strength. He often showed snarly smirking facial expressions as he walked toward Obama and pointed at him in little jabs. While discussing the Bush/Cheney-backed energy bill "stuffed full" of goodies for the oil companies. "Know who voted for it? That one," he says, not looking at Obama. "Know who voted against it? I did..." This was the biggest nonverbal memorable moment in the debate and was all negative for McCain. A big mistake.
Powerful debaters let attackers come to them and smile or act bored. Obama smiled as if McCain's attack didn’t mean a thing. McCain needed to show his confidence and superior experience knowledge but with the exception of a few questions, like what we should do about Russia, his true deep knowledge was not shown.
Obama attacked McCain during the debates by standing near his chair or walking forward using his hand to make fists. He didn’t look at him, and that worked. I didn’t like any of the attacks but Obama’s method of attack worked.
While McCain talked and Obama waited and listen for his next question, Obama sat on his stool with one leg down up with his foot resting on the bar with his legs spread open to take a posture of “cool power.”
I could almost see a black and white photo of him in that same pose on the cover of a jazz CD. This was not the same pausing, awkward Obama. His coaching between the debates was clear. Answer the questions quickly and strongly. Often Obama leapt out of the chair and strode toward Moderator Brokaw as he answered Brokaw's question. Obama loves a podium. He was more awkward in the town hall setting. He had a hard time at first approaching the audience and individual questioners. But, gained confidence later and scribbled notes more frequently. His notebook spilling over the small table.With the physical; contrast one tall and slender, the other short and older; their physical differences seemed more pronounced as they walked on the stage in this setting.
Remember, we tend to choose the winning candidate in a debate seconds after it begins. Typically, we make these choices based on the charismatic factors of Likeability, attractiveness and level of dominance. Though McCain was more comfortable in the town hall format and sincerely engaged the people and talked to the questioners in an authentically warm way, his gestures showed up too late. Obama had it made before he opened his mouth.More notes to come later today. In the meantime, check out this story with me and several other experts:http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/asection/la-na-debateside8-2008oct08,0,4755608.story********The format: Under the terms of a 31-page Memorandum of Understanding, Candidates must stay in their designated areas. The NBC host Tom Brokaw will moderate, picking questions from a pool 150 undecided voters from the Nashville area, pre-selected by Gallup so that they're demographically representative. The live questioners will ask their questions directly, and Brokaw will intersperse them with selections from a reported six million others received by email. Cameras aren't allowed to show the reactions of the live questioners -- just their initial questions. Tom Brokaw will identify a person and call on them; the questioner will ask the question, and then be seated. The candidate to whom the question was posed will have two minutes to respond, and then the other candidate will have two minutes. Then there'll be one minute of open discussion.
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