I do deception detection training for law enforcement, corporate
clients, hospitals and casinos. Recently I was asked to share with a media
source what to do when you have found out there has been a lie or cover-up. So
here are ten things to do when you have discovered an employee lying, cheating
or stealing.
You really need to get a read on the person before you have a
discussion or attempt to uncover deception. Sometimes it is just a small lie or
bad behavior by an overall good person, but if the problem is serious or a
criminal or the person is unstable you may have to deal with some uncomfortable
or even dangerous behavior. Someone who
has been living with the fear of being “found out” may be in a heightened state
of stress for a long time. Think of what
you would do to prepare to come upon a soldier in a war zone. The person may be very afraid and ready to
attack or defend. Proceed and deal with that person cautiously.
1. Have evidence.
Having visual hard evidence, specific facts in a list form on paper, videotapes,
things that they can see and or touch is helpful.
2. Know exactly
what you’re going to say. Write it down,
prepare and practice.
3. If
you want to get them to talk or tell you why, you may want to use the phrase, “I
know what you did, and I know you want to tell me everything.” “I know you did
this, and you will feel so much better if you tell me everything.”
4. Have
your plan of what you will do and what they need to do and be prepared to take
action and follow through immediately.
5. Some
people will crumble right away and apologize. Be prepared to act with
compassion and forgiveness for someone who made a mistake and is not a bad
person or compulsive liar.
6. If a
liar thinks they have an out or delay, they can be very persuasive and
manipulative. Be prepared, they may use tears and anger to try to get you
to change your plans.
7. If
someone is a compulsive liar be prepared, they will continue to deny any
evidence you give them of their deceit.
8. Be
prepared to repeat your statements of evidence. Repeat your plan and what they
need to do. Also be prepared to say,”I hear what you’re saying, but I need to
do… and you must do …” or even, “No matter what you say, this is what needs to happen.”
9. When
they are gone and you are done, plan to do something with someone you trust and
care about to ground you and remind you that most people are good and kind.
Don’t berate yourself for being deceived, it happens.
10. Protect
yourself from cynicism. Look for kind, caring and honest people.
The most recent research says that people who expect people to be
good and have people in their life that have integrity can more accurately
detect deceit.
Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at
www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at
www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at
http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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