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Model Emily Ratajkowski's Body Language, The way you hold things says a lot about you, Body Language Expert Patti Wood


Images of Emily Ratajkowski have long been breaking the internet. Surely I'm not the only one who has headlines like "Emily Ratajkowski Writhes Around In Spaghetti In Her Underwear For 'LOVE's Advent Calendar" burned into my brain. Of course, part of Ratajkowski's appeal lies in the fact that she prompts her audience to examine the way she both does and doesn’t have ownership over depictions of her face and body, and challenges people to think about how often she — and other models — are exploited. Yesterday, EmRata once again sparked a conversation about a photo of herself. Only this time, it was because an Instagram shot of Ratajkowski holding her three-month-old baby made some people wonder: Has she ever picked up a child before? 

In a carousel of photos posted to her Instagram yesterday, Ratajkowski is seen standing in a lovely outdoor locale, wearing a blue and orange string bikini. In the first picture, she stares intensely at the camera with big eyes and pouty lips. It's a pretty standard pose for Ratajkowski, except for one thing: She's clutching her baby under her right arm, which is sharply angled off to the side of her body. The next image is similar, but this time, the model is caught in a candid moment, swooping her hair out of her face as she continues to cling to the baby whose torso is still tucked up against her, his legs dangling in the air. In the third photo, EmRata readjusts, grabbing the baby's heretofore unsupported backside — which, by the way, is clad in swim trunks that match his mother's suit. (Cute!) Finally, after the repositioning, Ratajkowski and her child land in what appears to be a much less precarious pose for the last shot. Ratajkowski's right arm still looks a bit awkward, clamped tightly over the baby's shoulder, but his bottom half is no longer blowing freely in the beach breeze thanks to being supported by her left hand and arm.

EmRata's photos often generate a lot of comments, but these photos generated a lot of comments — so many, in fact, that she shut down comments on the post. It's no wonder, really, since most of the people talking about the photos online are being hypercritical, and questioning the way she has only one arm hooked around her baby, and pointing out that it certainly isn't how we most often see children being held. This is undeniably true; this carrying technique is more like how someone might carry a bag of groceries, maybe, or a pile of books. But even though it looks awkward, does that mean it's the wrong way to hold a kid? 

Well, obviously a lot of people on the internet — including some of the very worst people on the internet — had an opinion about that. Always looking for ways to shame women, Piers Morgan took to Twitter yesterday and wrote, "That's not how you hold a baby @emrata - and your millions of followers shouldn't be encouraged to do the same. Happy to give you some tips if you need them." Another Twitter user wrote, "not to mom police but the way emily ratajkowski is holding her baby in that one picture is anxiety inducing." I'm not going to lie, the photos of Ratajkowski holding the baby also give me anxiety, but not because I'm worried she's going to drop the kid — I'm sure she's taking plenty good care of him ,and it’s not up to me to sign off on how she chooses to cradle her child. The reason the photo gives me anxiety is because the idea of holding a baby itself makes me clammy.

I've held maybe four babies in my life, and I don't think I've ever attempted to do it while standing up, because the risk seems far too great and the load far too large. Even holding a newborn baby seems like a handful — not a literal handful, mind you, because they're usually much bigger than most people's hands! Babies are often referred to as "bundles of joy," but they're also bundles of fragile body parts, super heavy heads, and weak necks. The few times I've handled a baby, I've either thought to myself or asked out loud "am I doing this right?" and even the answers don't provide clarity. "Hold her like you'd hold a football" is supposed to be good advice, but guess what? I've held even fewer footballs than babies so that means absolutely nothing to me. Eager to find out if my anxiety over holding babies and the judgment so many seem to have about how Ratajkowski was clutching her kid in those photos are warranted, I enlisted help from an expert. No, not Piers Morgan.

Ruby Sibal is a newborn care expert, new parent coach, founder and CEO of Beyond Baby Care, and co-founder and CEO Himba Agency Inc. According to her, we should try to always have a fully secure, supportive hold on both the upper and lower body of any baby we hold. "A three-month-old is not as fragile as a newborn but they get so strong, you can't underestimate the capacity of how quickly they develop their gross motor skills," she explains. "It may seem to look 'okay' [to only support part of the baby's body] for two seconds but once the baby starts to feel uncomfortable or when his attention gets caught on something he is very interested in, he can start to move his head, arch his back, or do some strong stretches and kick his legs." The potential for these sudden bursts of movement is why it's important to have a good handle on the baby's whole body. 

Sibal points out that Ratajkowski seemed to be holding her baby tightly against her body and that the quick succession of photos likely indicates that she was adjusting to make sure he was supported. "She obviously was swift enough to hold him securely closer to her body and ensured that he is safe and won't accidentally slip," the baby care expert points out. Sibal also says she would never judge how the model is as a mother based on a few shots posted to Instagram: "I don't know her as a person. But she is a mother. And as a mother, she is the expert of her own baby."

Okay, so we now know the best way to hold a baby, but a question still remains: Why is EmRata always holding living things so strangely in photos? Shortly after the model posted the carousel of images to Instagram, one Twitter user wrote, "Why does she hold small helpless beings like a textbook?" alongside one of the pics of Ratajkowski holding her baby and another of her holding a small dog in an eerily similar way. 



I went back through EmRata's Instagram history and found several other similar pics of her clutching creatures at her side with varying degrees of support. She's gripped her dog Colombo for photos more than once. She's shown off the underside of another unidentified dog as well as a baby sea turtle. She's pressed a sheep against her body. She's even held plants to her side. Her affinity for clasping live objects close to her seems to have started early, as evidenced by these childhood photos of her with a black cat

It really is such a puzzling pattern that I felt I needed one more expert's insights. According to body language expert Patti Wood, author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, these photos have little to do with what's being held. "The message is clear. The photos are about her. Whatever she is holding, be it flowers, puppies, or a baby, are mere 'artifacts,' accessories that send a nonverbal message about her personality and brand," she explains. "The flowers in front of her and surrounding her body and face are placed to say she is a beautiful flower. Her photos with dogs are to show, 'Hey, I am a loving caring dog owner.'"

Wood also has some thoughts about the way EmRata positions her own body in these photos. "She looks straight into the camera, and the dogs are not kept in loving rounded, supportive caresses. Her limbs are not relaxed around them. Her heart does not arch toward them; her torso doesn't lean in and surround." I'm glad I'm not the only one fixated on that strange arm-clench. From Wood's perspective, the main relationship these photos are about isn't between Ratajkowski and whatever she's holding. "Her focus in the photo is her relationship to the camera and her audience," she explains. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, though, and actually makes a certain kind of sense as that is what Instagram as a platform is all about. 

As Sibal says, "Let us not forget that she is a model. Perhaps she was just trying to get a good shot of her and her baby wearing the same swimsuit print — it’s super cute — and was confident that this hold would not hurt and would show most of the print."ll to say, does Emily Ratajkowski know how to hold things? She sure does — including the attention of her millions of followers.


Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What to say when your feel your partner is ignoring you. By Patti Wood Body Language Expert and Professional Speaker

What to say when your feel your partner is ignoring you.  By Patti Wood

I am an expert in nonverbal communication and suggest that you examine specific concrete behaviors to test if you are truly being ignored and request your partner change their behavior. If your feeling ignored, it works best to say something as soon as you see a pattern of behavior. Waiting The closer the conversation is to the behavior the more likely it is to change and if you wait you may end up with a long list of pent-up frustrations and your partner may be upset and or defensive because you waited. Think of specific behaviors such as their time on the phone and texting with you has changed? What’s a specific thing they do? Do they seem anxious to end phone conversations right away by rushing or sighing?

Do they not ask you questions when you share a story? Have they stopped saying anything supportive like, "that sounds great or that sounds bad?" Or have they stopped showing respectful facial expressions. Do they roll their eyes and or sigh?

I wrote a guideline so you can even write out what you want to say I call the ERASER method of changing behavior.

You begin by examining your partner's behavior. Is there a pattern to it? Look at it as a journalist would a news story. Stand away, look objectively, and ask yourself, ``What is the behavior?'' ``When does the behavior occur?'' ``Where does the behavior occur?'' and ``How often does the behavior occur?''

 

Exact           Express your concerns in exact terms. Don't use generalizations like, ``Every time you...'' or ``You never...'' or ``You always...'' Also, don't guess at or express an opinion as to why they do what they do. For example, ``If you weren't so busy with           , you would...''

 

                      Below are some examples of constructive ways to word your concerns:

 

                             ``Five time in the past three weeks, you have been at least an hour late home.''

                           “The last three weeks when I start to share something about my day, you take out your phone, look away.”

                           “The last three weeks when I have sent you a loving text you have not responded.”

                            

                      Sometimes you may ask for a response back from the person such as ``Is that accurate?''

STEP E  Be Exact: Describe the ignoring behavior on paper, then answer the ``W'' questions noted above regarding the behavior.


Result         After you've described the behavior, the partner may still not understand why they should change their behavior. You may need to give them a result, i.e., tell them what happens as a result of the behavior.

 

                             Examples:

                             ``When you say you’re going to be home at 7 and you’re an hour late, I end up waiting to eat, sometimes the dinner is ruined and sometimes, after planning shopping and cooking I eat alone.

 

STEP R  Know the result. As yourself, ``What is the concrete result of the offending behavior?''

 

Aware  There are times when it's obvious from the steam escaping from your ears that your partner behavior is upsetting to you. Sometimes it is not so obvious. Clue them in. Notice what emotion their behavior arouses in you and communicate it to them.

 

                             Examples:

                             ``When you are late, I feel anxious, worry and feel alone.”

 

                                                   Notice these statements are worded carefully. Absent are statements like, ``You made me angry.'' By using an ``I'' statement, you avoid arguments. No one can argue with an ``I'' statement. It's pretty difficult for someone to tell you how you do or don't feel about something. Your feelings are your feelings. There are times when this step is very significant.

 

                            

STEP A Create awareness. When appropriate, state how you feel in response to their behavior.

 

Switch If you've ever tried to stop a habit, you know how difficult it can be. Something that can make it easier is to replace the old, negative habit with a new, positive habit. This technique makes a return to the old habit less likely. So, why not help the offending person out by giving them a new, less offensive behavior to switch to. Suggest an alternative behavior that would work for you and for them!

 

                             Examples:

                             ``I would like to know you are coming home on dinner together at least three times a week for the next three weeks.”

 

                            

STEP S  Switch the behavior. Suggest and recommend the behavior you would like to see occurring in place of the current offensive behavior.

 

 

Evidence    If you're concerned that the person may backslide into an old behavior, or it is critical that they do something a certain way, you may wish to add an evidence step to your script. Outline what will happen or stop happening as a result of the behavior modification. Support it with an expressed agreement as to what the change will look like.

                     

                     Remember, you may want to open up some dialogue here and ask them what the evidence would look like.

 

STEP E  Evidence—establish and agree on the behavior change.

 

Reward      Think about what motivates your partner.  Would it be helpful to give them a specific reward if they erase the old behavior and switch to a new one and pay more attention to you?

STEP R  Reward good behavior.                                 

 

 

                      After you've finished your script, look it over and make sure all the necessary steps are included. Edit out any generalizations or ambiguous terms like ``good'' or ``bad.'' When you talk to them it may help to preamble your conversation by telling them you are practicing a new method of communicating and solving problems. Then, do the most important part—deliver the communication! No communication—No result. Go for it and good luck!

 



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Selecting a Match Maker and or Dating and Relationship Coach


I am a body language expert, author, professional speaker, and coach. Years ago, when I began doing executive coaching to million and billion-dollar business owners and C-suite executives, I realized that many times the single executive men said they wanted management coaching. Still, their more profound need was to learn how to select mates, learn how to safely and effectively flirt, and form deep, meaningful relationships.

As you might guess, wealthy, successful singles sometimes find themselves sought after by people that want their money and power, so I teach body language and other healthy communication cues to know someone is credible and authentic. I also find that men and women high on the Driver and Correctors on the DISC type indicator are often successful. However, they may have trouble with the gentle back and forth flow of flirting and being still and listening that is required to create intimacy, and I teach those behaviors as well.  I also help them brainstorm places to go to meet future mates. I assign them tasks like joining a board on a nonprofit,  volunteering for Habit for Humanity, volunteering to help as a greeter, or sign in person at a nonprofit or art event, taking an in-person class on their interest in a university evening education program.

I don't advertise that portion of my business as I like how my executive coaching naturally creates a safe place for clients to seek that part of my coaching.

I advise people looking for a matchmaker or dating coach to look for someone who can assess their strengths and needs, coach them, give them "homework" assignments, and guide them through the growth process required to have a healthy, loving relationship.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Expert on Gender Differences Patti Wood Book Recommendation.


A friend and I were talking today about physical appearance in the movie, A Promising Young Woman and I thought about how tragic it is that young women today feel the pressure to be fully made up at looking perfect at all times. I didn’t wear make-up until I was in my 20s and then I only wore it on dates!

I have been speaking and writing about gender differences and nonverbal communication for decades. This is a wonderful quote from a book I read years ago. To be born a woman has been to be born, within an allotted and confined space, into the keeping of men. The social presence of women has developed as a result of their ingenuity in living under such tutelage within such a limited space…She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because of how she appears to others, and ultimately how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life. Her own sense of being in herself is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another. Here is the quote from the book I recommend.



Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Makes Someone Look Like They Are Lying, Guilty and or Evil. The Body Language of Evil Eyebrows.






Notice the downward sloping of the inner eyebrow. Yes, that is controllable. That is something facial muscles can do in response to the suppression of the truth. If you don’t lie all the time you don’t have it!
I have a chapter on eye behavior in my book Success Signals. I talk about eyebrows a deception in my deception detection program and I discuss the research on eyebrow placement and malignant narcissism in my forthcoming book. I just happened to see a photo of him in a news story and when I looked up his name there were many more that showed the same characteristic. Body language of Chauvin during his murder trial.