How Does Being With Dishonest People Effect You Physically and Mentality? How Do You Feel Around People With Integrity?

One of the most significant aspects of integrity, of doing the right thing and being with other people who have integrity is that it calms your central nervous system. I am an expert in nonverbal communication. When you are in the presence of an honest person who has integrity your body calms and unfolds, breathing deepens moving from high in the chest to the belly.

Research shows that our limbic responds to danger by going into Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fall/Faint or Friend response. When we are stressed, doing something wrong or dangerous, or when we are in the presence of someone who is out of integrity, who is lying, doing something wrong, and or is dangerous and or pathological our limbic response to the danger. Our blood pressure rises, our heartbeat increases, our cortisol levels may rise, we may flush to the surface of the skin, or blood may rush from the face and to our extremities, leg, and hands so we can run and or fight.

Surrendering is realizing you can’t control everything. But you can let go of people that are out of integrity in your life. You surrender to the fact they won’t change; they won’t suddenly be who you want them to be. If they are close to you, you surrender to the loss, surrender to the fantasy of how you would like the relationship to be or even how it use to be.

And if you must interact with them the best way to stay safe and stress-free is to surrender your emotional response to them. Go grey rock. Stay calm and centered. Don’t let them trigger you. Let go of emotional responses or reactions. If your limbic system still gives you a message of danger listen and respond, but if it’s just gameplaying don’t play. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why Do People Yawn When Other People Yawn? Emotional Contagion. By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Have you ever noticed that we yawn when someone else yawns?  Occasionally we yawn when someone else yawns, as a response to shared exhaustion, but most often a matching yawn is due to a phenomenon called emotional contagion.

It's part of the phenomenon of Isopraxism, the pull towards the same energy that occurs in nature. Isopraxism explains why birds fly together in formation, fish swim together in schools, and why we see the wave coming around the football stadium and say we are not going to do it, but we get pulled into the wave. We pull towards the same energy to save energy. In human relationships, we tend to match people we like and feel comfortable being around.

For years the research on yawning said that matching was not the cause of mutual yawning, but I disagreed. Now recent research supports the matching hypothesis. Though the original yawner may yawn because they are tired and or lack oxygen, the matcher yawns back out of kindness. Steven Platek, a research professor in biomedical science at Drexel University in Philadelphia did research empathy. He found highly empathetic people could not help but match someone's yawn.

You may notice this in Gorillas and great apes match their fellow Gorillas and ape body language. Not quite a case of monkey see monkey do, more like gorilla see gorilla do.

So next time someone matches your yawn, you will know they are a nice empathetic person. You might want to fake a yawn today, just to see how much people care!

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What is a PERP WALK. Who Popularized the Perp Walk? Trump, Giuliani and the origin of the Perp Walk.

As a body language expert I have been analyzing perp walks for the media for many years. The perp walk or frog march is a practice of law enforcement of taking an arrested person through a public space, creating an opportunity for public scrutiny and these days the media to take photos and videos of the event. Historically it was done to show the public that justice was being done, that an arrest had been made and that the public could trust that the public officials were doing their jobs well and they would be safe from the bad guys. It's interesting that Perp walks are often associated with big cases in New York City because U.S. Attorney Rudolph Giuliani, wanted to be known as tough on crime, and he loved publicity so when suspects charged with felonies in New York he always had them perp-walked and typically did news interviews about the case. 

Here is more about it from Wikipedia. 

In the United States, once a person has been charged with a crime, the government may request that a judge either issue a summons for that person or an arrest warrant, which can lead to a perp walk. The choice of which to request is largely at the discretion of the prosecutor, with judges often deferring to it.^[4]

Since the arrest power is meant to ensure the defendant's presence in court, lawyers defending the white-collar criminals who have been perp-walked since the late 1980s have complained it is unnecessary and superfluous in their clients' cases, even if it does give the appearance of preferential treatment for wealthy defendants.^[4] Lea Fastow, the wife of former Enron executive Andrew Fastow, cited the perp walk she was made to take even though she had expressed her willingness to surrender to a summons in an unsuccessful motion for a change of venue.^[5] Some, like Martha Stewart, have still managed to avoid being perp-walked by responding to summonses, or surrendering in the courtroom as soon as the indictment is presented in open court.^[4]

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Young Man Shot Through Door., Why Do Men Assume Someone Is Dangerous When They Are Not? ,Gender Differences in Reading Body Language, Ralph Star Shooting

Someone is knocking at the door.

Today I’m sitting at my desk, my puppy at her little dog bed desk working on a speech. As always, I look for the most recent scientific research to support my points and recommendations.

In my speeches, I often ask my audience who is more accurate at reading body language males or females. Because I know that that’s not fully inclusive the first thing, I looked for was any research on not just males' and females’ ability to read body language but, LGBTQ differences in ability. As I suspected, there wasn’t any research on that. You probably know that many research studies are just done on males because you must have so many more subjects in your subject pool to consider gender differences. In fact, In medical research often less than 6% of the research includes female subjects.

Overall, the research says that females are more accurate than males at reading body language. But here is something interesting. New research shows that women are more accurate at reading negative emotions such as anger and men are more accurate at reading happy body language cues. And one of the studies they were looking at displays of someone knocking on a door the men could more accurately read the happy knocking cues and the women could more accurately read the negative cues such as anger.  And were far more accurate at reading the neutral knocking.

And that made me think of the horrible Ralph Star Shooting Story in the news that broke my heart and continues to haunt me.
A young man went to pick up his siblings a few blocks from his house but accidentally went to the wrong house, and knocked on the door. The owner of the home opened the wood door but not the glass door, saw the young man look him in the eye, and said, “Don’t ever come back here.” and shot the teen in the head through the glass door then shot him again once he was down. Did the man do this based on racial profiling? How often are men’s violent responses to strangers also triggered because they are less able to accurately read facial cues of danger so they assume someone is dangerous when they are not? 

Also shattering me is the fact that when I went to look up the story again I googled young man shot through the door at pages of other stories about other young men being shot through doors came up. I am so upset. 

Here is the research study mentioned.

 https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2011.00016/full#:~:text=The%20findings%20show%20that%20gender%20affects%20accuracy%20rather,to%20excel%20in%20recognition%20of%20hostile%20angry%20knocking. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Can You Say to End a Conversation Politely? 37 Ways to End a Phone Call, Zoom or In Person Conversation Politely.

 

                                       by Human Behavior Expert Patti Wood         

Be aware of your last impression. Exiting, impression:  Have you ever had someone abruptly turn away and leave a conversation with you? How did it feel? We have forgotten how to say goodbye. Technology can train you to end text and social media conversations abruptly without the normal bridges to a positive goodbye. It may seem inconsequential but last impressions are critical. Research in Persuasion Theory shows that people not only remember their FIRST Impression of you but also their last, or lingering impression of you. Ideally, you want to end on a high note before the awkward lull.

 Knowing how to end a conversation well can not only improve people’s impression of you, but it can also increase rapport with the people you are conversing with and maintain positive emotions. It’s not just a form of good etiquette it’s an essential relationship-maintaining behavior. If you do it will. After the conversation, people will think, “I enjoyed that conversation.”  Ideally, you want to end on a high note before the awkward lull and link those good feelings with you. And want to maintain the relationship with you. Know as you use any of these phrases you can reach out your hand to shake hands goodbye or hug if appropriate as you say goodbye.

              You can be polite and a bit abrupt, but not necessarily end on a high note by saying -

1. “Please excuse me.”
2. “Please forgive me I need to go.”
3. “Please excuse me, It was great talking, I need to go.”

Or You can show you were listening and end on a high note by saying -

1. “I am so glad we talked. I enjoyed your story about your dog, that was so funny, It’s been great talking.”
2. “Oh, that was a great conversation about (fill in the blank) I need to go. See you later.”
3.   Forgive me, it was great catching up, I need to get to class. See you later.
4.  “I enjoyed talking to you about______ forgive me I need to go now.”(Again this is a great option because it also lets the other person or people know you were listening.  
5.  “Have a wonderful time with (Insert plans they shared about a future event.) See you later.
6.  “It was great talking let's meet this week for lunch. I need to get to class see you later.”
7.  “Another thing I wanted to mention before I go_______” “See you later.”
8. “Oh, I see Frank over there and I need to ask him about a meeting I missed.” Forgive me I need to go.”
9. “Oh, I just noticed the time, forgive me I have to run. Let's talk again soon.”

Right now, write down or put in your phone three conversation exit statements that you would feel comfortable using. Also, notice what other people say as they leave a conversation in a way that makes you feel good. Of course, if the conversation seems to be winding down you can say goodbye. I know it might seem easier to just walk away or leave, but it feels better for everyone if you smile and say something to create closure and show the other person or people you respect them.  Sometimes it pays to stick around and/or make yourself visible. Stay after a meeting occasionally. Remember to always be respectful, use a friendly tone, and thank the person for the conversation. It's also a good idea to leave the door open for future conversations or meetings.

      Here are more ways to say goodbye gracefully.

1. "It's been great talking with you about [topic of conversation]. I should get going now. I hope we can continue this another time!"
2. "I'm glad we got to discuss [topic of conversation]. Unfortunately, I have to go now. It was really nice speaking with you."
3. "Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me on [topic of conversation]. I have to leave now; I hope we can talk more about this in the future."
4. "I enjoyed our conversation about [topic of conversation], I have to head out now. It was lovely talking with you."
5. "I appreciate the insights you shared with me about [topic of conversation]. I'm afraid I have to go, but let's catch up again soon!"
6. "Our chat about [topic of conversation] was really interesting.  I am sorry, have to go now. It was nice meeting you."
7. "I learned a lot from our conversation about [topic of conversation]. I have to leave now. I hope we can continue this another time."
8. "Thank you for sharing your perspective with me about [topic of conversation]. It was a pleasure speaking with you. I have to head out now."
9. “I really enjoyed our conversation about [topic of conversation]. I'm sorry to leave so soon. Let's catch up again soon and continue where we left off."

• Asking for forgiveness is a way of exciting a conversation.

1. "Forgive me. I have another appointment. It was a pleasure talking to you."
2. "I'm afraid I have to leave now. It was nice talking to you. Take care!"
3. "I need to get going, but it was really nice to chat with you. Have a good day!"
4. "I should head out, but it was a pleasure speaking with you. Let's do it again sometime."
5. "I have to run an errand, It was really enjoyable talking with you."
6. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have to be somewhere. It was nice meeting you, and have a good day!"

It's also a good idea to leave the door open for future conversations or meetings.

Giving a reason to end the chat.

1. "I hate to end our chat, but I have to head out. It was great talking with you!"
2. "I have a meeting coming up, but it was lovely speaking with you. Let's catch up soon."
3. "It's been a pleasure talking with you, but I have to go now. Take care!"
4. "I should get going, but I really enjoyed our conversation. Have a great day!"
5. "I'm afraid I have to leave, but it was wonderful meeting you. Thank you for the chat."
6. "I don't want to keep you any longer, but it was great speaking with you. Goodbye!"
7. "I have to make my way to another appointment, but it was nice talking to you. See you soon!"
8. "I need to head out, but it was a pleasure chatting with you. Let's do it again sometime."
9. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I have a deadline to meet. Thanks for the conversation!"
10. “I hate to end our chat, but I have to head out. It was great talking with you!"

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.