Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

"Phubbing" What Happens When Your Partner is Always on Their Phone and What to Do About It. The Body Language Expert Patti Wood Insights on Phubbing.

How Phubbing Can Impact Your Relationship

1. In interactions with one person, you can exchange up to 10,000 nonverbal cues. If you are on your phone, you are not paying attention to the nonverbal cues your partner is giving you and you are giving off cues that show you the priority is your device. Your body language shows how you truly feel.

2. You show that relationship with your device by bending your head, neck, and upper body over it staring at the device, and touching the device. There are critical “Body Windows” at the eyes, neck, heart, and palms of the hands that you would normally have open to your partner that you are now closing off from them and opening to your device. For example, typically when you communicate you turn your heart towards the person and do not have barriers, like folded arms or objects between you as you communicate. So, even if you start talking to your partner while you have a device, the device may keep you from turning completely towards them and may function as a barrier preventing clear communication and signally you want to be open honest and connect fully. I have a chapter in one of my books where I recommend the best body language cues for listening called GENTLER body language that I will put at the end of my responses.

Also, research shows that when you are in communication situations, merely with your device in the room and off you tend to pay less attention to the humans in the room, have lower levels of cognition, and retain less information from the interactions.

3. How To Bring Up Phubbing with Your Partner. Be clear and specific. Say what you want and why. Do not generalize or attack. “I care about you and our relationship and want to connect with you more.” “The last three weeks you have come home on your phone as you enter the house and don’t stop to say hello or hug me and during dinner, you have your phone on and keep checking it and when you watch TV you are bent over it, looking at it or the TV for hours at a time rather than turning towards me and interacting’ I feel ignored. I want to know what you are doing and feeling and would like us to talk about making our relationship a priority and how much time you are on your device when we are together.”

4. How to Stop Phubbing Your Partner Change the settings on your devices to either turn off social media when you are home with your partner or reduce the hours you can be on your device. Have a box by the door to drop your device in when you come through the door to show your partner, they are now your priority. Do not bring your phone to the table or the sofa!

When you are talking with people you form strong neural pathways to the social centers of the brain that make it easier and more comfortable to communicate and bond and according to research even make it easier to make decisions and deal with stress.

The quick shallow decisions you make on a device rewire your brain to create neural pathways to the ego centers of your brain and give you a dopamine hit. You may feel a dopamine withdrawal when you reduce your hours on your devices. Notice the times of day and the locations where you may have created an unhealthy ritual to always be on your phone and see if you cannot have a device with you in that location or at that time. It may be helpful to do activities with your partner that preclude being on a device, like cooking together, exercising and walking together, playing card games, or going to a concert. You can create healthy new rituals and make those activities always device-free going forward.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Six Non-verbal Clues That There Is Trouble in the Relationship with Your Partner/Spouse

Six Non-verbal Clues That There Is Trouble in the Relationship

with Your Partner/Spouse

A happy healthy relationship feels good. There may be bumps but when you get to the other side of the conflict you feel better. If you know what normal, happy, and healthy behavior is in your relationship it is easier to see when your partner's behavior changes to something that feels uncomfortable. Your body does not relax and feel calm. Often this occurs because your limbic system is noticing negative nonverbal cues, and your central nervous system is keeping you alert to danger.

When you stay stressed and feel that something is constantly off, but you cannot put your finger on it, it may be time to consciously look for concrete observable behaviors that are making you feel uncomfortable and address them with your partner.

What you are looking for are changes from their normal behavior that cannot be explained by other external issues like health problems and work stress. Ideally, you see a sign and address it. If you see multiple signs there is more danger, and even then, it is best to start by addressing one issue at a time in a conversation.

1. Space One of the most important things to be aware of, and one of the basic foundational principles of body language, is that you go towards what you like, and you retreat from or run away from what you do not like. If the norm was for your partner to lean in as you spoke, a healthy sign in a relationship, and now they are leaning away or reverting when you come near, it may be an indicator something is off in the relationship. Do they change how much time they spend sitting near you? Do they change the amount of time they spend in the same room as you?

2. Time A Be aware of the time spent together - and apart. Although it is normal for schedules to become busier, couples should want to spend time together. If this changes, becoming anything from not spending weekend days with you that they did before or coming home late or leaving for work early, and there is no other “external cause,” it might be worth speaking to your partner. Another indicator is eye contact or a lack thereof.

3. Eye contact When somebody loves you, they like looking at you. If there is a sudden change in the amount of time, they spend looking at you and making eye contact with you,” it is not a good sign. Touch is a powerful communicator so changes in the number of times they touch you or the location they touch you are telling. If your partner used to love holding your hand but suddenly has no interest in physical contact, their body may be telling you something that they have not verbally said. Whether they are made consciously or not, non-verbal clues can be an important indicator of the health of your relationship.

4. Phubbing, They are paying attention to their devices instead of being fully present with you. Especially if there is a sudden change/increase.

5. Wedding ring behavior Playing with or not wearing their wedding ring. Your central nervous system is stressed when you see human behavior that does not make sense to you. When for example the body language and the words spoken do not align. So for example a man says he cares for you but does not wear the wedding ring you have him or plays with he plays with it when he is out with you and there are other attractive women around, or you are single and out with a business colleague and he is flirting with you subtly while playing with a wedding ring that his wife gave him. There is a mismatch there and it drives the limbic brain crazy and alerts the central nervous system to stress mode. (The stress responses are freeze flee, fight, fall, or faint) So if you see the behavior and for a moment you freeze in place and are speechless be wary and know that something is very wrong. Side note. I am fascinated with autobiographies and biographies of women. I read Elizabeth Edwards autobiography a few years ago and was struck by a chapter where she discusses how her husband kept losing his wedding band when he went out running and how she bought several wedding bands for him so he would always have one. The writing in that section was so odd and stilted. You know she wanted to say, I know my husband is cheating on me, but darn it, I am going to fight for this relationship.

6. Sleep Are there changes in the way they sleep? I have done research on couples’ sleep positions and a sudden change, which is not to physical health can indicate unhappiness in the relationship. Even a change in sleep behavior like suddenly not going to bed when you do can signal an issue.

Jim Jordan's Body Language, President Biden's Body Language about Israel and Putin by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

My TV Interview.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVCj65-mAOQ

1. Rarely pointed. Kept hands in"hold the earth in place"Gesture

So when he did point as he talked about Putin in made his stabbing motion stronger.

2. American is a beacon, power of the point- his eyebrow goes up with emphasis. Point downwards. I refuse to let that happen. ( I will take them down.)

3. Jim Jordan presser. Look at this body orientation he is run off the stage body alignments and instead of standing firm straight up and down he is leaning quite dramatically to the side and onto the podium showing a lack of strength. Also,he is nervously playing with his note cards using them as comfort security. And finally notice his even faster than normal vocal pace, another strong nonverbal indicator that he wants to be out of there.

4. Head back laughing, unbridled over the top glee at what’s going on. In context in most business meetings in the corporate world if coworkers laughed like that at a potential boss they would have been at least reprimanded if not full-on fired for inappropriate behavior.

Trump's Body Language in Court, By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Here is a story I did on Trump's body language.

Donald Trump was 'abnormally angry' for court but key signs show he's 'playing a part' to cover his fear, expert says | The US Sun (the-sun.com)

Body language expert Patti Wood analyzed Trump's court appearance and speech afterward and shared her findings with The U.S. Sun.

Right away, Wood noticed similarities between the court appearance and another of Trump's recent outings.

“The scowl on his face is very similar to the mugshot," Wood revealed, drawing a comparison to the photo from Trump's August arrest.

"If you break it down, you have the glare of anger, the lowered brow, and the glaze in his eyes.

“That scowl and the downward jowls are similar to the mugshot.”

Wood noted that while the expression is normal for Trump, it's abnormal for someone to express that level of anger in a courtroom.

“He’s playing this part of an angry man," she said.

“He wants to look angry and strong and defiant. But it’s normal in these circumstances.”

However, Wood said it's "unusual to show anger of that magnitude in mugshots and in court.

"So that choice is an interesting choice."

Wood continued, noting Trump's posture sitting at the table between his two lawyers.

“His body is strangely kind of hunched forward," she said.

"That hunching of his shoulders downward, the protecting of his body, actually is a more honest reveal.

"That reveals that he’s scared and he doesn’t feel powerful, he’s hunching forward almost like a child would do if they’re being scolded.”

'LACKED HIS USUAL VIGOR'

Trump addressed the media before the first day of the trial began, on a lunch break, and then at the end of the day.

Wood said that while Trump had his normal talking points, his body language told a different story.

“He had to power himself up and I got that from his breathing, the way he’d lift up and go into a talking point and just deliver it," Wood said.

"But it didn’t work because he’d start a sentence and then he’d have to start it over again."

Wood noted that Trump has trouble getting to the end of a sentence and that while he didn't speak for a long time, he did stop and restart several times.

“He acted as if he was strong and powerful and angry and attacking but his nonverbal was to stop midsentence and there to be this pause, and then he would finish, sometimes repeating words or changing to finish the sentence," Wood said.

“That’s a tell for the fact that he doesn’t really feel full confidence.

"His mental energy [is] not there to fight fully.”

As far as his gestures were concerned, Wood was quick to note that Trump's usual gestures were tighter to his body than normal.

“It’s the same accordion gesture he always does," she said, adding that "his arms from the shoulder up to the elbow were held tighter and closer to his body.”

“The way it showed up to the viewer is, again, a lack of power, a lack of energy.

“It lacked his usual vigor.”

McCarthy's Body Language and Messaging in his Speech Leaving the House Speaker Position, By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

I don't know if they will use it, but I contributed my thoughts on McCarthy's speech yesterday after his historic ousting.

In my book SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma, I talk about the Primacy and Recency Effect. The Recency Effect, that is the last thing you say or do has been shown in research to have a profound impact on your credibility.

1. McCcarthy had the opportunity to show inspirational leadership. With at least one well-crafted inspirational talking point to the nation that would be quoted not just by the media but in history books. Instead, he spent most of his speech blaming others for his ousting.

2. His nonverbal delivery, rather than being strongly delivered, with a powerful voice and volume level carried to the end of his sentences and open posture with large forceful gestures, was more like a “back room”, “look here guys”, talk with a loss of volume and strength in his voice at the end of his sentences showing weakness and lack of confidence in his messaging. Rather than speaking to the nation at a critical point in history, he was talking to his buddies after he lost the game. And showed poor leadership by blaming the other team and his horrible team.

3. He also showed fear and lack of confidence with comforting gestures like touching the back of his neck and pressing his fingernail to his forehead in a "Self-Beating" gesture as he quoted President Lincoln. He also showed a lack of respect and lack of confidence with small “Tongue Thrusts” as he spoke. People often give passive-aggressive tongue thrusts when they are cornered but don’t have the strength to fight. I see tongue thrusts in perp walks and when people are caught in crimes and are questioned on the courtroom steps and sometimes in murder trials by a suspect on the stand has dark triad behaviors.

Check out the photo. It's so interesting here how he starts the speech with a thumb to the forehead. It's a form of "self beating" showing he has bad thoughts and wants to press the off button on them.

I am one of the top body language experts in the country. I have been giving national media interviews at least twice a week for over 20 years. I speak to Fortune 500 Companies, and I am a media coach.