Why Do People Let Abuse and Character Assassination Happen? What Creates Complicity?

Why do people let abuse and character assassination happen? George Clooney

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5008429/Matt-Damon-KNEW-Harvey-Weinstein-harassed-Gwyneth-Paltrow.html

In this article Clooney says Weinstein, "... bragged about bedding stars. Clooney says that at the time he ."..didn't believe Weinstein because to do so would believe the worst of ...actresses who were friends of mine."

Read that again. Clooney was friends with and worked closely with Harvey who was telling horrible lies about women who were friends of his.and Clooney did-- exactly NOTHING about Weinstein's slanderous comments.
He didn't stop Harvey from telling him the stories. He didn't call Harvey on it and say, "Hey I don't believe you!" He didn't say, "I know these women, and I respect them and know they wouldn't be having affairs so I suggest you never say they are to anyone ever again." Nor did he do something else that requires integrity, Clooney didn’t tell his women friends about Harvey’s lies so those women could choose how they wanted to protect themselves against Harvey’s character assassination of them. His slander victims were not given the opportunity to defend themselves.

Clooney, a powerful man in his own right, and a buddy of Weinstein did not consider the harm of the slandering of his friends. He didn't consider how that harm to their reputation could affect them in the future. There is no doubt that having a huge producer brag to people that he bedded you doesn’t make it safe for you to NOT do so with the next powerful man in your career. Those women needed Clooney to be a true friend to them to be a stand up guy.

People, if someone is spreading lies about someone you care for be a stand up person. If someone is defaming anyone’s character with lies and deceit stand up!!!! It is oh so easy to not want to risk having a socially awkward conversation and call them on it, or lose membership in the group. But any group that contains a lying monster needs to rethink their membership! It's clear women were abused, it's clear women and in some cases men were x'ed out of Harvey’s “Group” and possibly their careers. But any group member who doesn’t defend a victim is an enabler of the attacker.

Here is why group members don’t speak out from another post I wrote:

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What kinds of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships

Just did a piece for Verily magazine. Here are the notes I sent them.

1. What types of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships (i.e. insecure, people-pleasers, etc.)

Narcissists choose people pleasers, and good listeners. They want someone who is empathetic, in fact, “Hyper Empathy is preferred” and kind. They want someone who is “High bonding”, “High Sentimentality.” They want someone who gives readily of their time, their caring and their emotions. They also want someone who is highly idealistic and low in “Harm Avoidance” and high in “cooperation.” For more information. Look up “Narcissistic abuse, targets, victims.” And if you think it is more serious look up “Psychopathic abuse, targets, and victims.”

2. Signs that you are dating a narcissist (i.e. what kind of qualities do narcissists generally have?)

Charm, Charisma, Intense mesmerizing eye contact, high touch behavior that starts very quickly, such as holding hands on the first date, or hugging spontaneously right away, or touching to push back their dates hair or take a thread off a jacket on the first date. Close talker and or just plain standing or sitting closer than normal, a space invader. May talk slightly louder or very loudly and may gesture in an over the top manner and may interrupt in a charming enthusiastic way. May have a loud or unusual laugh and may use the laugh to interrupt you, though it may sound like they are indeed laughing at something you said if you listen closely it interrupts your “turn” to speak. And if you listen even more closely you will notice they interrupt when you take away too much attention from them. High self-discloser on a first date. They will sweep you off your feet and charm you. Love bombing you so that you feel like you are on an emotional high, they will put you up on a pedestal complimenting you in an over the top manner and perhaps showering with small gifts. “Love bombing” is a phrase describing this stage, in which the narcissistic person may smother you with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a future together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever. (Look up “Mask of Sanity”)

3. Tips to help readers avoid dating narcissists.

Notice the first date. Do you feel overwhelmed swept up? Highly emotionally charged. Does the conversation seem very intimate? Are you sharing stories of your bad relationships? Do they claim they were a victim in their last relationship and tell you the horrible details? Do they compliment you more than once? Do they say you are different or special on the FIRST date? Do they lean in close or touch you on FIRST date? If they describe their ex as crazy, bipolar, a drug addict, and or anorexic or a bitch because they are not just a narcissist research says, people who describe their ex with any or all of these characteristics on first dates and or at the beginning of new relationship describing themselves as victims of their ex,’s are likely to be a sociopath/psychopaths. They are often flat out lying or they created so much stress in their ex’s life their ex may have thought themselves crazy. RUN! If your still not sure look out Psychopathic Abuse Victim.

PLUS

If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:

https://www.sott.net/article/228663-The-Unexamined-Victim-Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths

“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths, and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:

Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:

§ Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extraverts and excitement seekers.) In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!

§ Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)

§ Sentimentality

§ Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)

§ Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground. Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)

§ Low Harm Avoidance – does not expect to be hurt (She doesn’t expect to be hurt, sees others through who she is. In other words, not a person looking to recreate an abusive relationship of childhood. In fact, more often than not, these women were never exposed to abuse of any kind as children.)

§ Cooperation

§ Higher Empathy – can be genetic

§ Responsibility and Resourcefulness

What types of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships

I speak on how to deal with difficult people.

1. What types of people narcissists tend to seek out in romantic relationships (people-pleasers, etc.)

2. Signs that you are dating a narcissist (i.e. what kind of qualities do narcissists generally have?)

Charm, Charisma, Intense mesmerizing eye contact, high touch behavior that starts very quickly, such as holding hands on the first date, or hugging spontaneously right away, or touching to push back their dates hair or take a thread off a jacket on the first date. Close talker and or just plain standing or sitting closer than normal, a space invader. May talk slightly louder or very loudly and may gesture in an over the top manner and may interrupt in a charming enthusiastic way. May have a loud or unusual laugh, and may use the laugh to interrupt you, though it may sound like they are indeed laughing at something you said, if you listen closely it interrupts your “turn” to speak. And if you listen even more closely you will notice they interrupt when you take away too much attention from them. High self-discloser on a first date. They will sweep you off your feet and charm you. Love bombing you so that you feel like you are on an emotional high, they will put you up on a pedestal complimenting you in an over the top manner and perhaps showering with small gifts. “Love bombing” is a phrase describing this stage, in which the narcissistic person may smother you with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a future together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever.

3. Tips to help readers avoid dating narcissists.

Bill O'Reilly - Narcissists Abuse And Often Claim Victim Hood And Attack Their Victim's Character

Narcissist Abuse, then Claims Victim- Hood and Attacks Their Victims Character. The Bill O'Reilly Factor

O'Reilly settled in several sexual harassment charges against him so he obviously knew people perceived his behavior as harassment. And yet he speaks of a conspiracy against him, his career, and his children. What has happened to him is not due to a conspiracy it's a consequence of his predatory behavior. I find it particularly despicable for him to accuse people of hurting his children. He chose his behavior and he repeated his behavior again and again. He is the one who needs to be responsible for what is happening to him and his children now.

Research shows that "Malignant Narcissists" don't take responsibility. They always feel they are the "victim" and what is happening is always somebody else's fault. O'Reilly says, "The New York Times Hates Me!." Seriously! He sees no relationship between his 32 Million dollars in settlement cases for harassment and having a publication investigate whether you harassed someone. He sees no relationship between his abusive behavior and consequences. Perhaps he seems blindsided because until now they were kept secret, because up until now he got away with it.

In fact, when others see an opportunity for a man or woman who have made an error to stand up and say, "I messed up and I am so sorry." Malignant Narcissists and Psychopaths have a pattern of claiming victim-hood and may even attack and assassinate the character of their very victims. Note how O'Reilly attacks Kelly and lies saying he did not know of any complaint by her when in even a toxic HR environment he would have, by law, been required to know about the complaint.

http://deadline.com/2017/10/bill-oreilly-megyn-kelly-harvey-weinstein-new-york-times-glenn-beck-sexual-harassment-settlement-32-million-dollars-1202193171/amp/

UPDATED with Eric Bolling response, Bill O’Reilly apology: Former Fox News host Eric Bolling has issued a statement telling Bill O’Reilly to knock off his “beyond inappropriate” talk about his son. In a statement, sent first to New York Times, Bolling said:

Previous: Very busy morning for Bill O’Reilly. Appearing on The Glenn BeckProgram, he dismissed as “incomprehensible” the morning’s headline-grabbing monologue delivered by former Fox News Channel colleague Megyn Kelly.

“She did not file a complaint. Not that I know of,” he said.

At the top of her NBC News program, Kelly this morning revealed she sent an email last year to the co-presidents of her former employer Fox News complaining about O’Reilly’s behavior toward women.

“I never had any problem with Megyn Kelly,” O’Reilly told Beck. “I don’t know why Megyn Kelly is doing what she’s doing. I don’t know why…It is incomprehensible.”

O’Reilly also could be heard today in a New York Times podcast of an interview conducted last Wednesday with authors of the blockbuster weekend report that O’Reilly had settled a sexual harassment lawsuit that had been threatened against him by Lis Wiehl, for $32M shortly before his contract was extended last spring by Fox News parent company.

In that interview, O’Reilly seems to suggest the NYT bore responsibility for the death of former colleague Eric Bolling’s son, who died shortly after Fox News parted ways with Bolling amid allegations of sexual harassment reported on by the newspaper.

“I urge you to think about what you put in your newspaper,” O’Reilly said in the podcast. “Eric Bolling’s son is dead. He’s dead because of allegations made — in my opinion and I know this to be true — against Mr. Bolling.”

In that interview, O’Reilly told Emily Steel and Michael Schmidt, “We have physical proof that this is bullshit. Bullshit. Okay? So it’s on you if you want to destroy my children further. Alright, cause it’s all crap. Why don’t you be human beings for once. This is horrible.

“It’s horrible what I went through. Horrible what my family went through. This is crap. And you know it. It’s politically and financially motivated. And we can prove it with shocking information.”

On Saturday O’Reilly rep Mark Fabiani said NYT report was “obviously designed to embarrass Bill O’Reilly and to keep him from competing in the marketplace.”

O’Reilly repeated that refrain Monday morning on Glenn Beck’s program, asserting NYT “wants to take me out of the markeplace,” and that he’s muzzled because he “can’t speak on any case that has been resolved.”

When Beck marveled at the reported $32M settlement price tag reported in NYT, O’Reilly shot back, “Right. What do you want me to say,” again noting he cannot talk, per terms of the settlement.

He similarly responded to other of Beck’s questions, adding, “I know it’s frustrating. It’s very frustrating for me. Imagine me sitting here, being accused of everything under the sun.

O’Reilly insisted NYT‘s “endgame is, ‘Let’s link O’Reilly with Harvey Weinstein. Let’s make him that’.”

Speaking of himself in the third person, O’Reilly charged the newspaper with working to “take him out of the marketplace forever…he never gets to give his opinion on issues again. We take him out because we hate him’.”

“The New York Times obviously hates me,” O’Reilly said. “It’s dishonest in the extreme and frustrating for me. But unless I want another seven or eight years of litigation that puts my children in the kill zone, I have to maintain

PLUS:
If you truly want to understand how smart warm wonderful women are targets of Psychopaths read the research of Sandra Brown:

https://www.sott.net/article/228663-The-Unexamined-Victim-Women-Who-Love-Psychopaths

“The seminal aspect of the research was in detecting these women's unique and astounding elevated 'super traits' of temperament, personality strengths and weaknesses. These proved to be an amazingly compatible match for the strengths and weaknesses of a psychopath and brought a natural 'balance' to the honeymoon aspects of the relationship.”

“While the uncovering of her innate traits and conditioned behaviors explained much about this dangerous relationship and has brought huge intellectual and emotional relief to the victims, it does not seem to have gone very far in modifying the public misperceptions about psychopaths or their victims. On a recent radio show, after describing the huge elevation of some of the victim's temperament traits and explaining how it could affect her patterns of selection and even tolerance in these relationships, the host said, "That's a crock of crap! You're telling me that a few temperament traits can do that? I don't believe it. She picked him, she stayed, she needs to own it and she was probably abused as a child." These simplistic answers are what have been, and continue to be, at the core of the abysmal lack of public psychopathology education.”

“As mentioned, my research has revealed that women who love psychopaths (and other Cluster B personality disordered individuals) possess rather unique and extraordinary 'super traits' of temperament that make them the perfect target/victim of the psychopath. While the following does not cover all of her traits, these were the ones most highly elevated and were thus likely contributing factors:

Here is the research by Sandra Brown on what psychopaths look for in a romantic partner:

§ Extraversion and excitement seeking (Psychopaths are also extraverts and excitement seekers.) In other words, these women started out being the least dependent types on the planet!

§ Deep Investment in all relationships (The victim gives great emotional, spiritual, physical, financial investments in any of her relationships, not just the intimate ones.)

§ Sentimentality

§ Attachment – Deep bonding capacity (She has a deep bonding capacity.)

§ Competitiveness – stand ground – not codependent (She is not likely to be run out of relationships – she will stand her ground. Again, not the co-dependent type at all.)

§ Cooperation

§ Higher Empathy – can be genetic

§ Responsibilty and Resourcefulness

What Are Ways To Connect And Build Intimacy With Someone Who Prefers Love Language Via Physical Touch

What are ways to connect and build intimacy with someone who expresses love via physical touch?

What does it mean if someone's love language is physical touch?

If someone’s love language is touch it means that they are fed by, need and are brought joy and connection through touch. They may feel depressed, stressed or unloved if they don’t receive enough touch and may not feel emotional intimacy with someone if that person does not fulfill their touch needs. It can be a short touch as they let you through a door, holding hands when walking or sitting together, a brief touch to push back your hair and the following:

Touch to-do’s

“How about a hug?” Ask for hugs and give them freely. There are many forms of affection — cuddling, a pat on the shoulder, etc. Find out what kind of affectionate touch the people in your life want and give it to them. At Florida State, though I did not have a doctorate, I was called Dr. Hugs by my students. My nonverbal communication class had more than100 students, so everywhere I went I got a hug. I loved it.

“Thank you.” Touch can be a reward. A gentle touch on the forearm or hand at work or a hug or kiss at home can let people know you appreciate them. Think of all the little things people do for you and reward them with a touch. I was “the napkin girl” when I was very small and after I went around the table folding and putting the napkin at each place setting, I got a hug. As I grew older and set the full table, I still got a verbal thank you, but the hug was absent. Continue touching to say thank you. Heidi Feldman, chief of the Division of General Academic Pediatrics at Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh says, “A child is much more likely to try to please a parent who acknowledges his contribution and thoughtful, helping behavior.”

“Tell me more.” I did research in grad school on touching to increase self-disclosure. Sure enough, when you touch someone even briefly in a non-threatening, non-sexual way, they will self disclose more. This was helpful for me to know and take action as a therapist, but just think how powerful it is to use in your personal relationships. We tend to skate on the surface of our relationships instead on becoming emotionally intimate. Create the intimacy of pillow talk without sex by giving healthy touch to encourage people to share more. There are places and times where “Tell me more” touch works very easily. While cooking or eating dinner with loved ones, you can purposefully touch as you hand each other food, plates and utensils, When riding in a car or golf cart, you are close enough to touch in a non-threatening manner, even if it is something as innocent as passing a drink or handkerchief. In sales or other meeting settings, you can touch when passing out handouts, brochures or samples.

“Let me comfort you.” Sometimes we move away from loved ones who are highly emotional, crying or upset when moving in closer and touching can help them feel better.

There is an exception to this. Therapists are sometimes encouraged not to touch too soon so their patients can stay upset long enough to share all their pain. When my best friend Roy was dying, one of the worst things to deal with was the lack of comforting touch I could get from others. I moved to Atlanta away from my other friends and family and the one person who normally hugged me and gave me the most comfort was Roy. And he needed me to be strong for him. If you know someone who is going through grief and loss give them comforting touch. So often, we get caught up in taboos and avoid the natural inclination to touch. People will step back or arch away if they are uncomfortable with the prospect of your touch, so take the step to try it, knowing you can move out of it if you need to.

“You can do it.” Use touch as a motivator. Touch as you give a work assignment, as you put your child on their first two-wheeler and as you send your sweetie off to his or her first marathon. Touch makes us feel empowered and is a great encourager. Increased self-esteem received through touch can help others follow through a challenging task. I spent a lot of my teenage years working on plays. I remember clearly how we would all hug each other before each play started and would give little back rubs to actors about to go on stage for a difficult part of their performance. The touch fed us and made us strong. Think of all the touch given in a sporting event. It’s not surprising the encouraging touch given to athletes is similar across cultures. We know that a pat on the back moves a person forward.

“Please.” Use touch to ask for help as well. It won’t surprise you to know that pairing touch with a request makes it much more likely the person will do what you ask. Just a brief touch on the forearm, lasting less than a fortieth of a second, can increase your persuasive powers.

“I love you.” It should be very clear to you now we need physical contact to feel acceptance and belonging. We all want to be loved.

Why do people let abuse and character assassination happen? Clooney, Damon and Afleck didn't speak out, Harvey W

Why do people see abuse and character assassination and let it happen.

I wrote this awhile ago and I am just posting it. In this article Clooney says Weinstein, "... bragged about bedding stars. Clooney says that at the time, “..I didn't believe Weinstein because to do so would believe the worst of ...actresses who were friends of mine." Read that again. Clooney was friends with and worked closely with a Harvey who was telling horrible lies about women who were friends of his, and Clooney did-- exactly NOTHING about it. He didn't stop Harvey from telling him the stories, he didn't call Harvey on it and say, "Hey I don't believe you!" He didn't say, I know these women, and I respect them and know they wouldn't be having affairs so I suggest you never say they are to anyone every again." Nor did he do something else that requires integrity, Clooney didn’t tell his women friends about Harvey’s lies so those women could choose how they wanted to protect themselves against Harvey’s character assignation of them. Because there is no doubt that having a huge producer brag to people that he bedded you doesn’t make it safe for you to NOT do so with the next powerful man in your career. Those women need Clooney to be a true friend to them.

People if someone is spreading lies about someone you care for be a stand up person. Iif someone is defaming anyone’s character with lies and deceit stand up!!!! It is oh so easy to not want to risk having a socially awkward conversation and call them on it, or lose membership in the group. But any group that contains and lying monster needs to rethink their membership! Its clear women where abused, its clear women and in some cases men where xd out of Harvey’s “Group” and possibly their careers. But any group member who doesn’t defend a victim is an enabler of the attacker. Here is why group members don’t speak out from another post I wrote.

Ever, wonder why no one spoke up about Weinstein during his years of abuse? For many years I spoke on sexual harassment and the group’s response to it. (In fact, the group’s response to abuse, affairs and romantic relationships was my first research paper in my doctoral program) People around the abuser may know about the abuse to the victim or victims and let it continue.

Think about the people around Bill Cosby. There are many reasons they may need to believe the abuser is innocent, as believing the truth. That the abuser has abused and is in fact evil creates too much cognitive dissonance. They would have to admit they know and are working with someone evil. Many prefer to keep the mask on the monster and continue their lives as they are.
They may not feel comfortable “tattling” or really mislabel calling an abuser and abuser wish is not tattling but defending a victim.

Or they may find it just easier to look the other way. They may say its not my business after all it doesn’t affect me directly as, they aren’t being attacked. They may think, “I need to be Switzerland and not get involved.” This is an easy choice, but not a very noble one. It required no bravery not action Actually even choosing to say you are like Switzerland is admitting that their is a problem and your are avoiding it. And oddly Switzerland was NOT nutral that was their protective mask, while they took money and art and stolen possessions from the Nazis while looking the other way as thousands of people were sent to concentration camps.

You may blame the victim(s) saying hey they should have not allowed themselves to be abused!! Again not a noble or empathetic choice and or as in this story, they are being fed goodies by the abuser. Sexual Predators like to spread the goodies out to their "Apaths"or "Enablers" In fact, they may spend years giving out goodies, so when if their mask falls, their minions look the other way and allow them to pick it up and put it right back on. so the goodies can keep on coming and the boat isn’t rock and their life can supposedly keep on going as it is. Though in this case, the enablers are exposed as well., and they have to back pedal and defend their own character.

Here is a good story on this.

https://lovefraud.com/the-psychopaths-enablers/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5008429/Matt-Damon-KNEW-Harvey-Weinsten-harassed-Gwyneth-Paltrow.html

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Patti Consulted in CLOSER Magazine John Stamos

John Stamos and Caitlin McHugh Could Totally Last, but There's Tension (EXCLUSIVE)

It's a sad day for single ladies around the world, as Closer Weekly reported earlier today that Fuller Housestar John Stamos, 54, is engaged to his girlfriend, Caitlin McHugh, 31, after nearly two years of dating. However, will their 23-year age gap ultimately get the best of them? We spoke with a bunch of relationship and body language experts, who have revealed whether or not they think they could last forever.

"Let's consider the facts: John Stamos is the antithesis of an old man. He's hot, handsome, and successful. And contrary to the Playboy image that's projected onto him by others, John's a 'relationship guy' at heart," says NYC-based relationship expert Susan Winter.

"Caitlin and John have been dating for a year and a half. This is not a fly-by-night romance," she continued. "This is a long enough time period to see how their dispositions (and lifestyles) meld. They've gone through their initial honeymoon period, and have had time to find themselves confronted with disagreements as well as resolutions."

While their relationship has potential, body language expert Patti Wood, who is also an Allergan partner on the Eyepowerment Campaign, shares she believes there might be tension in their relationship. After observing the photo above, Patti shares, "The great thing about that photo is that he has the full front of his body at what I call the heart window. It's called the ventral front, that's the belly area, and the pelvis — all those areas he has touching her, which is incredibly intimate and shows that they have a sexual relationship."

However, after seeing a second photo, Patti continues with, "His [left] hand [is placed] in an unusual position. The tips of the fingers are tightly curled in and away from her — that's unusual and shows a lot of tension. It emphasizes or highlights that there's a little bit of tension about being fully connected. That other part of that is his legs are crossed away from her, and that's an indication that he wants to be seen as his own person and not as a unit with her."

What Donald Trump’s Tweets Reveal About Him

What Donald Trump’s Tweets Reveal About Him

45's need to attack and criticize anyone who threatens his persona of perfection is horrifying. He even attacks leaders who are dealing with traumatic events. Google “criticism and attacks Trump”, and you will see his insatiable need to take down others. Google “Trump and narcissism” and you'll see why he feels this need.

This is the time to act with integrity in your life. Treat people with kindness and respect. Be the person people can count on and seek comfort from. We can see bad behavior and rail against, but we also must create the world we want through our behaviors.

Article:

Excerpted with permission from “All I Ever Wanted to Know about Donald Trump I Learned From His Tweets” by John Gartner, PhD, and Rachel Montgomery. Copyright 2017, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc. Available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and IndieBound.

One of the most notable things about the 34,000 tweets that Rachel Montgomery culled through for this new book is their sheer quantity. It’s like looking at your phone in the morning, the night after a brief dinner date, and finding thirty-seven nasty texts from your date. The quantity alone warns that this person may not be mentally stable, and then the gratuitous nastiness confirms it. Donald Trump’s manic dark energy drives him to vaunt himself and denigrate his fellow human beings relentlessly: all day, all night, every day, and every night.

To make sense of his aberrant behavior, you need to understand, specifically, what is psychologically wrong with Donald Trump. His diagnosis is the Rosetta Stone to cracking the Trump Twitter code, revealing its underlying structure, and unfortunately, how much danger all the rest of us are in as a result. He is a malignant narcissist who is also on the bipolar spectrum. From a psychiatric perspective, the prognosis could not be more dire—for us.

Much has been written about Trump having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. For example, Trump embodies the diagnostic criteria of believing himself to be “uniquely superior,” (“Only I can fix it”) to a degree that would be comical if it weren’t so frightening. He appears to literally believe that he knows more about everything than everybody, despite his lack of experience, study, intellectual curiosity, or even normal attention span. An amusing video montage made its way through social media, where through the miracle of editing, in the course of three minutes Trump brags about being the world’s greatest expert in twenty different subject areas, literally using the exact same sentence—just fill in the blank. “No one knows more about (fill in the blank) than me,” he repeats over and over, while it becomes more absurd, as his imagined portfolio of expertise expands with each improbable bombastic claim. When candidate Trump was asked from whom he sought foreign policy advice, he responded, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain.” Just how good a brain he has is up for debate, but the narcissistic fantasy that any brain is so good it doesn’t need a brain trust bigger than me, myself, and I, is scary and crazy. “I know more about ISIS than the generals, believe me,” he boasts. Trump has more ways to say, “I am the best” than anybody. Believe me.

But as critics have pointed out, merely saying a leader is narcissistic is hardly disqualifying. Most are. But malignant narcissism is to garden variety Narcissistic Personality Disorder what a malignant tumor is to a benign one. Both are bad, but only one will kill you.

“The quintessence of evil,” was how Erich Fromm described malignant narcissism, a term he introduced in 1964. Fromm, a refugee from Nazi Germany, developed the diagnosis to explain Adolf Hitler. While Fromm is most well-known as one of the founders of Humanistic Psychology—the basic premise of which is, ironically, that man’s basic nature is good—the Holocaust survivor had a lifelong obsession with the psychology of evil. Malignant narcissism was, according to Fromm, “the most severe pathology. The root of the most vicious destructiveness and inhumanity.” Erich Fromm saw evil up close and applied his genius to boil it down to its psychological essence. A malignant narcissist is a human monster. He may not be as bad as Hitler, but according to Fromm he is cut from the same cloth: “The Egyptian Pharaohs, the Roman Caesars, the Borgias, Hitler, Stalin, Trujillo—they all show certain similar features.”

My former teacher Otto Kernberg is the modern figure most associated with the study of malignant narcissism. He defined the syndrome as having four components: 1) Narcissistic Personality Disorder, 2) antisocial behavior, 3) paranoid traits, and 4) sadism. Kernberg told the New York Times that malignantly narcissistic leaders like Hitler or Stalin are “able to take control because their inordinate narcissism is expressed in grandiosity, a confidence in themselves and the assurance that they know what the world needs.’’5 At the same time, “they express their aggression in cruel and sadistic behavior against their enemies: whoever does not submit to them or love them.’’

As G. H. Pollock wrote, “the malignant narcissist is pathologically grandiose, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation with characteristic demonstrations of joyful cruelty and sadism.”

When you combine these four ingredients—narcissism, antisocial traits, paranoia, and sadism—you have a leader who feels omnipotent, omniscient, and entitled to total power, who rages at being persecuted by imaginary enemies, which includes anyone who disagrees with him, as well as vulnerable minority groups who represent no threat whatsoever. All who are not part of the in-group or those who do not kiss his ring must be destroyed. And destroying them in the most humiliating and painful way will be an exquisite pleasure. Once you understand the logic of malignant narcissism, all of Trump’s tweets make perfect sense.

Paranoia

In the same week, the New York Times and the Washington Post both ran front-page stories about Trump as a conspiracy theorist. Before the election, Rightwing Watch accumulated a list of fifty-eight conspiracies proclaimed by Trump. And of course, the list has grown since then. Many are truly bizarre. For example, not only is Barack Obama a Muslim born in Kenya, but according to Trump, Obama had a Hawaiian government bureaucrat murdered to cover up the truth about his birth certificate:

How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama’s “birth certificate” died in plane crash today. All others lived

Dec 12, 2013 04:32:44 PM

Antonin Scalia was murdered: “They say they found a pillow on his face, (which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow.)”

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Later, fake news websites sponsored by the Russians laid this “murder” at Hillary Clinton’s feet. Fellow candidate Ted Cruz’s father even aided the Kennedy assassination—the mother of all conspiracy theories. “What was he doing with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before the death? Before the shooting? It’s horrible.”

Yet, the world was shocked when Trump accused Barack Obama by tweet of illegally wiretapping Trump Tower. Why were we surprised when this tweeting about conspiracy theories has been going on for years, as the author’s research shows?

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Trump also meets criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder. Antisocials lie, exploit, and violate the rights of others, and have neither remorse nor empathy for those they harm.

Politifact estimated 76 percent of Trump’s statements were false or mostly false, and Politico estimated Trump told a lie every three minutes and fifteen seconds. So in his tweets, Trump freely and frequently lies. He doubles, triples, quadruples, and quintuples down on transparently disprovable falsehoods.

We have ample evidence of Trump’s pervasive pattern of exploiting and violating the rights of others. According to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, Trump University was a “straight up fraud…a fraud from beginning to end.” Dozens of lawsuits attest to his pattern and practice of not paying his contractors. Finally, there is Trump’s pattern of serial sexual assault, which he bragged about on tape, even before a dozen women came forward, who he then called liars.

Trump is allergic to apology and appears to feel no remorse of any kind. It is as if being Trump means never having to say you’re sorry. When Frank Luntz asked Trump if he had ever asked God for forgiveness, Trump said “I’m not sure I have…I don’t think so.” His unrepentance notwithstanding, he also boasted that he loves God and his church.

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Sadism

Because he is a sadist, the malignant narcissist will take a bully’s glee in persecuting, terrorizing, and even exterminating his “enemies” and scapegoats. When a protester was escorted out of a Trump rally, Trump famously said “I’d like to punch him in the face,” in a tone that suggested it would genuinely bring him great pleasure. He relished the thought of throwing another protester out in the cold without his coat. “I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out on a stretcher, folks.” Narcissists often hurt others in the pursuit of their selfish interests. A noteworthy difference between the normal Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the malignant narcissist is sadism, or the gratuitous enjoyment of the pain of others. A narcissist will purposely hurt other people in pursuit of their own desires, but may regret and, in some circumstances, show remorse for doing so, while a malignant narcissist will damage others and enjoy doing so, showing little compassion or shame for the damage they cause. People with simple Narcissistic Personality Disorder often feel shame when being forced to confront the reality that they have hurt other people in pursuit of their selfish or self-centered goals. For malignant narcissists it’s a bonus. It’s part of the fun.

Trump loves to “punch down” people that he views as weaker than himself by demeaning and humiliating them. Not only are sizable portions of Trump’s 34,000 tweets dedicated to cyber-bullying, but sometimes, he will send the same nasty tweet six times across a day’s news cycle day to maximize his victim’s humiliation.

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Trump lives in a paranoid zero sum world divided into two types of people: Winners and Losers. Strong and Weak. Victors and Vanquished. Bullies and Victims. Predator and Prey. The guys who get to grab the pussies and those that get their pussies grabbed. All that matters is coming out on top.

Winning Takes Care of Everything

As the author points out in her illuminating chapter “They Are Laughing at Us!” the worst thing Trump can say is they are winning. They are taking advantage. They are laughing at us. We should strike back at those bastards. Turn the tables, make them pay, and laugh in their faces.

Lets fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice! The world is laughing at us.

Nov 6, 2012 8:30 PM

The United States better address China’s exchange rate before they steal our country and it is too late! China is laughing at us.

Feb 25, 2013 6:54 PM

“The Chinese laugh at how weak and pathetic our government is in combating intellectual property theft.” (cont) http://tl.gd/g70qiu

Mar 1, 2012 12:28 PM

Like the myth that the Inuit have one hundred words for snow, Trump has one hundred phrases to express his contempt (and that’s not a myth). The quantity and tone of these insults say more about the insulter than about the people he is publicly verbally abusing. Here is a sample of some of the phrases used throughout his tweets: low life!, overrated, 3rd rate, lightweight incompetent clown, major sleaze and buffoon, total dud!, mental basket case, true garbage.

Trump’s put-downs break into two basic categories: bad and weak. Losers are weak, and haters are bad. Indeed, haters and losers are his shorthand for anyone not on the Trump train:

Happy Thanksgiving to all--even the haters and losers!

Nov 27, 2013 2:22 PM

Happy Veterans Day to ALL, in particular to the haters and losers who have no idea how lucky they are!!!

Nov 11, 2013 7:59 AM

To EVERYONE, including all haters and losers, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Work hard, be smart and always remember, WINNING TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING!

Dec 31, 2014 4:15 PM

The narcissist in him imagines he is superior to everyone in every way, so he must constantly assert he is more powerful in every respect. During the campaign he effectively diminished his Republican rivals as weak, making him the winner of the primate alpha male competition in a simple contest of fitness, size, and strength.

Leightweight chocker Marco Rubio looks like a little boy on stage. Not presidential material!

Deleted after 1 hour at 11:17 AM on Feb 26

Low energy candidate @‌‌JebBush has wasted $80 million on his failed presidential campaign. Millions spent on me. He should go home and relax!

Jan 21, 2016 6:32 AM

He loves to call his critics stupid—essentially accusing them of mental weakness. As in:

Highly untalented Wash Post blogger, Jennifer Rubin, a real dummy, never writes fairly about me. Why does Wash Post have low IQ people?

Dec 1, 2015 12:46 PM

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How many ways can Trump call someone stupid? Let us count the ways: dumb as a rock, truly dumb as a rock, dummy dope, total dope!, very, very dumb!, dumbest of them all, lowest IQ on television, a spoiled brat without a properly functioning brain, gets dumber each & every year--& started from a very low base.

Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure,it’s not your fault

May 8, 2013 9:37 PM

If his critic is a woman, he will always find a weakness in her appearance:

There are many editorial writers that are good, some great, & some bad. But the least talented of all is frumpy Gail Collins of NYTimes.

Mar 17, 2014 2:03 PM

Frumpy and very dumb Gail Collins, an editorial writer at The New York Times, is so lucky to even have a job. Check her out - incompetent!

Mar 15, 2014 4:31 PM

Huffington Post is just upset that I said its purchase by AOL has been a disaster and that Arianna Huffington is ugly both inside and out!

Apr 20, 2014 4:57 PM

At his rallies, he said about one of the women who accused him of sexual assault, “Believe me, she would not be my first choice, that I can tell you,” implying she wasn’t attractive enough to assault.15 When asked about his rival Carly Fiorina, he said: “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!”

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