I am working on a media request for tips if your relationship is in a slump or there is conflict.
Here are my rough notes....So many habits/rituals in a relationship are comforting, but when you’re fighting repeating the same rituals, interactions and activities can take you down a path towards another fight. Changing environments and changing nonverbal interactions changes the neural pathways in the brain and can lead to more positive interactions. I suggest changes that you repeat over a long period of time, not just a date night change. You're working on changing ingrained patterns, laying down new muscle memories and laying down new neural pathways in the brain so you want to repeat the new, happier rituals so they create happier interactions till they become new habits. This is also based on the theory of 21 that shows if you repeat a behavior for 21 days it becomes a habit.
For example, if you don’t typically run, hug and kiss each other when you come home try some new loving touching fun greeting ritual when you see each other. Even if you have to act or push yourself a bit to do it.
If you eat every meal together in the same place, change it up. Eat breakfast in the middle of the bed, eat dinner on a blanket on the floor, have lunch outside on a bench. Change it up. I mean for a while, not just a date night change.
If you watch TV or your lap top screens every night, unplug, both of you for a long stretch, at least seven straight days. You’re going to create some tension without that distraction, but you can also create excitement and intimacy. If you can’t take nighttime screen watching out entirely at least take it completely in any form out of the bedroom.
Change who cooks and who cleans up. Completely reverse roles, without criticizing or correcting your partner for doing their new job wrong. (There is a challenge!) It's not fair for the cooking partner to buy food if their partner typically cooks, instead switch out completely.
Take turns tucking your partner into bed, by getting all the little things they like to do before bed ready, like a glass of water or book and literally bring the blanket up to their chin and kiss them and wish them a good sleep. Each partner does this for their partner for a week, so each gets a week of tender night night care. Kissing, backrubs and sweet songs sung are highly recommended.
I have more….
If you eat every meal together in the same place, change it up. Eat breakfast in the middle of the bed, eat dinner on a blanket on the floor, have lunch outside on a bench. Change it up. I mean for a while, not just a date night change.
If you watch TV or your lap top screens every night, unplug, both of you for a long stretch, at least seven straight days. You’re going to create some tension without that distraction, but you can also create excitement and intimacy. If you can’t take nighttime screen watching out entirely at least take it completely in any form out of the bedroom.
Change who cooks and who cleans up. Completely reverse roles, without criticizing or correcting your partner for doing their new job wrong. (There is a challenge!) It's not fair for the cooking partner to buy food if their partner typically cooks, instead switch out completely.
Take turns tucking your partner into bed, by getting all the little things they like to do before bed ready, like a glass of water or book and literally bring the blanket up to their chin and kiss them and wish them a good sleep. Each partner does this for their partner for a week, so each gets a week of tender night night care. Kissing, backrubs and sweet songs sung are highly recommended.
I have more….
