Group Narcissism or Collective Narcissism
As many of you know as a body language expert. I write and speak to my corporate clients about honesty, integrity and credibility as well as deception, narcissism and psychopathology. I am working on a chapter in my book on how people respond and interact to the "dark triad behaviors like Malignant Narcissism and it struck me that most people don't understand how a group can tolerate a Narcissist in their midst. Someone they know is "crazy" and has done harm. How can it happen?
As many of you know as a body language expert. I write and speak to my corporate clients about honesty, integrity and credibility as well as deception, narcissism and psychopathology. I am working on a chapter in my book on how people respond and interact to the "dark triad behaviors like Malignant Narcissism and it struck me that most people don't understand how a group can tolerate a Narcissist in their midst. Someone they know is "crazy" and has done harm. How can it happen?
Are greatest fear is rejection of our tribe. We fear death, we fear snakes, we fear public speaking but, our greatest fear is not to die, but to die alone, outcast from our tribe.That fear can make some people stay in tribe even if they see that the tribe and or one or more of its members are unhealthy. An it can make people who would be outcast from other groups band together. Narcissist are fed by good highly empathetic people, but they also can be drawn to other narcissists so they feel like they are with "their people."
In group narcissism we see a unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and its ideals.
Its the unquestioning aspect that is dangerous. They also can have an intense energy in the persecution of any person who questions the authority and or ideals of the group.
The group will do anything, ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give a fellow tribe member a pass and then another pass, even normalize bullying, yelling, crazy, abusive and even dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind, for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threatens the group status quo.
The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply." No one is safe from the pathology of the group, as happened after the horrific Parkland shooting, they will even attack the character of children, and threaten then with harm.
Eric Fromm the social physiologist and philosopher and author (I read his incredible book about love in high school) explains in his research on group narcissism that “..[an] individual narcissists, who is out on his own, comparing himself to normal people may see he lacks a moral core, unless he is mentally very sick, he may have at least some doubts about his personal narcissistic image. But, if he joins a group that has other narcissists, he has none, since his narcissism is shared by the majority” (ibid., p.204). If they are themselves narcissists they are in the presence of other narcissists, who reflect back “like” behaviors so they don't see their dark selves. In the group they are whole and belong. They don't have to face the possible problems with their own behavior, they can say, "All my friends are doing it so it cant be bad." They normalize bad behavior.
If they do see damage in other tribe members it may only serve to make them feel superior in that group members presence. In fact their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members can make them think they are a good people.(Think of the case where the congregation accepted a apology of their minister who assaulted another member of the congregation when he had not apologized to her or suffered any consequences for his attack.) If you are in a narcissistic group you you don’t consider the fact that in a healthy group dark damage behaviors are called out as unacceptable and anyone who does something wrong is called out!
In group narcissism we see a unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and its ideals.
Its the unquestioning aspect that is dangerous. They also can have an intense energy in the persecution of any person who questions the authority and or ideals of the group.
The group will do anything, ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give a fellow tribe member a pass and then another pass, even normalize bullying, yelling, crazy, abusive and even dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind, for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threatens the group status quo.
The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply." No one is safe from the pathology of the group, as happened after the horrific Parkland shooting, they will even attack the character of children, and threaten then with harm.
Eric Fromm the social physiologist and philosopher and author (I read his incredible book about love in high school) explains in his research on group narcissism that “..[an] individual narcissists, who is out on his own, comparing himself to normal people may see he lacks a moral core, unless he is mentally very sick, he may have at least some doubts about his personal narcissistic image. But, if he joins a group that has other narcissists, he has none, since his narcissism is shared by the majority” (ibid., p.204). If they are themselves narcissists they are in the presence of other narcissists, who reflect back “like” behaviors so they don't see their dark selves. In the group they are whole and belong. They don't have to face the possible problems with their own behavior, they can say, "All my friends are doing it so it cant be bad." They normalize bad behavior.
If they do see damage in other tribe members it may only serve to make them feel superior in that group members presence. In fact their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members can make them think they are a good people.(Think of the case where the congregation accepted a apology of their minister who assaulted another member of the congregation when he had not apologized to her or suffered any consequences for his attack.) If you are in a narcissistic group you you don’t consider the fact that in a healthy group dark damage behaviors are called out as unacceptable and anyone who does something wrong is called out!
They feed each other giving each other narcissistic supply, and if they loose members they will just seek out new supply, some just like them, and others who are their best supply, their opposites who have real emotions the "Empaths" who are honest trusting people that the group can use and abuse.
Narcissists love the "supply" being in a group gives them. "...it works as protection and amplification of their own narcissism." Fromm says that, "One would expect the narcissist to be ‘above’ such social conformity, but, actually, this often represents a stepping up of his pathology. It is also gratifying to the weak and untalented narcissist since he becomes a giant by belonging to the group."
Mats L Winther says, "The group members are often mistaken for nice fellows, who are socially mature and respectful towards other people. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a chimera. Such people are only providing for their own narcissism by way of reflection in the group. Scratch on the surface, and a nasty intolerance appears.” Many psychologists tend to view the social group as an ideal for the individual to attain. The true ideal is to belong to a healthy group filled with loving honest caring people.
Think of it this way. Marriage is also an deal, and there are unhealthful abusive marriages, in which an abusive spouse inside it may brag about his great marriage and gain social status from being "in" a marriage. In the same way, there are group members, who brag about being in a group that is in fact toxic. Fromm has labeled this pathological version of social life called group narcissism. So if you have read this far, you may get a greater understanding of why some political party members may cling to their group memberships, some cult members may cling to their cult and some people may belong to a church, a work group or social group that treats people badly.
So what can you do? First think of your place in your tribe, look to the left and look to the right then look at yourself. What destructive behaviors are you allowing? Emphasis on negative topics, and people, constant complaining without actions, anger mongering, shouting, shutting people down, bullying, gossiping, name calling, sexual discrimination, judging, smearing and assassinating of peoples characters behind their back and to their face. What do you think is ok? And if you, like I do now, look to the left and look in the right and look in the mirror and see kindness be grateful.
Narcissists love the "supply" being in a group gives them. "...it works as protection and amplification of their own narcissism." Fromm says that, "One would expect the narcissist to be ‘above’ such social conformity, but, actually, this often represents a stepping up of his pathology. It is also gratifying to the weak and untalented narcissist since he becomes a giant by belonging to the group."
Mats L Winther says, "The group members are often mistaken for nice fellows, who are socially mature and respectful towards other people. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a chimera. Such people are only providing for their own narcissism by way of reflection in the group. Scratch on the surface, and a nasty intolerance appears.” Many psychologists tend to view the social group as an ideal for the individual to attain. The true ideal is to belong to a healthy group filled with loving honest caring people.
Think of it this way. Marriage is also an deal, and there are unhealthful abusive marriages, in which an abusive spouse inside it may brag about his great marriage and gain social status from being "in" a marriage. In the same way, there are group members, who brag about being in a group that is in fact toxic. Fromm has labeled this pathological version of social life called group narcissism. So if you have read this far, you may get a greater understanding of why some political party members may cling to their group memberships, some cult members may cling to their cult and some people may belong to a church, a work group or social group that treats people badly.
So what can you do? First think of your place in your tribe, look to the left and look to the right then look at yourself. What destructive behaviors are you allowing? Emphasis on negative topics, and people, constant complaining without actions, anger mongering, shouting, shutting people down, bullying, gossiping, name calling, sexual discrimination, judging, smearing and assassinating of peoples characters behind their back and to their face. What do you think is ok? And if you, like I do now, look to the left and look in the right and look in the mirror and see kindness be grateful.
