Definition of Passive-Aggressiveness
In my book, THE
CONFLICT CURE, I define them as people that don't deal with conflict directly
and honestly. Instead, they may pretend that everything is great, but they may
hit you, the team, or the project with a dagger later.
Signs of Passive-Aggressiveness
Complain to other people
They leave the room without saying
anything about how they feel but then don't do the work, sabotage it, or delay
doing it.
Give a "Cover Smile" over
their true feeling, so you think everything is great but then do something
behind the scenes.
Say, "I'm sorry," then repeat
the offending behavior.
Use sarcastic humor or teasing to put
down you or other team members and then say they are "Just joking," but
the message in their humor is caustic.
Give an excuse for late or poor work on
bad behavior, then repeat it.
Seem fine to the person's face then bad
mouth them behind their back
Gossip about people they don't like
Counterattack,
Sabotage the next project if they don't
like what they have to do for someone.
Passive-Aggressiveness increases in
toxic work environments,
especially in groups with bullies and malignant narcissists and in situations
where people at the top don't know and or don't care how employees feel.
What to Do
It's essential to find out how they are
genuinely feeling as soon as possible, have them reveal it, and then deal with
it directly, openly, and honestly.
So if you ask someone, "Can you get
it for me Friday?" and they say "Yes." but give a brief grimace,
pull their lips into their mouths, and pull their upper body back, their
nonverbal cues are telling you they don't want to do it. Those cues tell you
what the person truly feels. Please don't call them out on their behaviors;
instead, investigate the problem and seek a comfortable, honest conversation.
Here is a further explanation of how to get usually passive-aggressive people
to be more open, honest, and upfront.
"How do you feel about the contract?" or "Can you get that for me by
Friday?" you look for "Comfort Cues" someone gives off like
shuttering their eyes, rubbing their nose or pushing up their sleeves, or
freezing in place, and not matching or mirroring body language
From now on, you can find
the truth and gain trust with phrases such as:
"What would make
it easier to get it done by Friday?"
"What would make
it challenging for you to get it done by Friday?"
"What changes
should we make in our systems to make it easier?
"Do you want to
share what's on your plate so we can re-prioritize?"
Malignant Narcissist
1. Lack
of empathy,
2. Need
to look down on others with scorn
3. Find
Pleasure in Depriving or hurting others
4. Play
Victim Lay Blame of Don't Change.
5. Break
Boundaries
6. Use
flattery and compliments excessively
7. Talk
behind your back about you.
8. Pit
people against each other.
To deal with them
Some research suggests that their brains don't show the normal
neural pathways to the brain's pleasure centers. So instead of feeling happy
when someone they love is happy, they feel good when they CONTROL the happiness
of others. They become addicted to the sense of power they have over someone's
happiness
TO DEAL WITH
THEM
Malignant
Narcissists crave Narcissistic Supply. They seek and create drama. So if you
have to interact with them, you can Go "grey" or what is called grey
rock, giving them emotion, no anger, not
a victim like not passive, not powerful, just boring, using a monotone voice
and as little expression as possible, no matter what they do to trigger you or
those around you. If they want to talk, talk about the boring aspects of your
day, if they talk d Will a Narcissist Come Back After No Contact? Don't give
any feedback. Be dull if they get mad. Don't be triggered. You can simply
listen say you get it. You can also tell them you need to go and leave any
attempt by them to create drams.
The other
option is NO CONTACT which means no contact, which is not always possible.
I have heard
stories from my clients who did business with some of the most famous MN, such
as Jeffery Epstein and Steve Bannon, and most of those stories end with them
quitting their jobs or ending business relationships.
