Analysis of the Body Language in the Republican Presidential Nominee Debates. Ramaswamy, Desantis, Haley and Christie's Body Language, Debate

Key Moments and Nonverbal Analysis of the Republican  Debates
Below are my rough notes in preparation for my TV interview

 1: RAMASWAMY Attacking Haley about not being able to name PROVINCES

Vivek - “It is one thing that Joe Biden and Nikki Haley have in common. Is that neither of them could even state for you three provinces in eastern Ukraine that they want to send our troops to fight for. Look at that. This is what I want people to understand. She has no idea what the names of those provinces are but wants to send our sons, daughters, and military equipment to go fight it.”

My read - Ramaswamy FINGER WAGGING Pointing– He did throughout the debates as a symbolic weapon, which was not even acceptable in debates until a few years ago, but here it's worse he is attacking a woman, yelling, and pointing over and over. You can say oh it is a speech but in domestic violence and my threat assessment work that is a red flag warning that the man wants to physically hurt you.

It reminded me of the Hilary Clinton Trump debate where he came across the stage and stalked up her as she spoke. This is no small nonverbal behavior.

 2: CHRISTIE RAMASWAMY BLOWHARD (CHRISTIE ATTACKING RAMASWAMY)

Christie: “We see it on video. We confront you on the debate stage. You say you did not say it and back away. This is the fourth debate and you will be voted in the first 20 minutes as the most obnoxious blowhard in America so shut up for a little while. (cheers).”

My read - Christie – It is a sword fight; you see Christie finger-pointing and wagging and Ramaswamy pointing back. Christie's is Matching and Mirroring that level of violence. Christie is relaxed resting his arm on the podium, in a nonverbal response that says, “I have been fighting in the real world all my life buddy, you can’t scare me.” Nonverbal Response

3: Video of Haley being attacked HALEY ATTENTION FELLAS

DeSantis: “We know from her history that Nikki will cave to those big donors when it counts” //flash//Ramaswamy: “The only person more fascist than the Biden regime now is Nikki Haley who thinks the government should identify every one of those individuals with an ID. That is now freedom, that is fascism and she should come nowhere near the levels of power let alone the white house.” //flash//Haley: “I love all the attention fellas, thank you for that.”

My read - They Attacked Haley for a good twelve minutes at the beginning of the debates. Their yelling, angry faces, verbal insults, and the length of time were clear behavioral indications. They think she is the one to beat. Notice she smiles, it is a little bit tight, but her voice is warm and lilting beauty pageant way.

4: DESANTIS TRUMP AGE – “FATHER TIME IS UNDEFEATED” (HAS LOTS OF YELLING)

a.  (In 0:00) – (Shows Christie and DeSantis yelling) “Someone that is almost 80 years old it does not mean that someone can get elected. Ron! Ron!” //flash//” Father time is undefeated, and I do not know how someone will score on a test, but I know this we have an opportunity to nominate and elect someone for two terms.”

My read - DeSantis here and throughout the debates is giving an overly extended raised forehead, eyes wide look that is the poster face for deception. In my deception detection speeches, I give the example of a little 2-year-old covered in cookie crumbs saying with that face, “I didn’t still the cookies I didn’t do it!”

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

How to Improve Your Ability to Read People. How to Know if Someone is Safe Or Dangerous, Using Your Central Nervous System to Read Peopleorth Technique,

How can you improve your intuition?

Your central nervous system is your human lie detector, your early warning system for potential stress and danger. When you feel safe, when something feels right and true, and when you are with a good honest person with integrity your central nervous system is calm. It alerts if there is danger.

For example, your limbic system can read thousands of nonverbal cues in a fraction of a second in fact when you meet someone.

1.   Receive the visual image of a person's face in a hundredth of a second.
2.  Analyzes details in a quarter of a second.
3. Synthesize all the information into a single whole.
4.  Recognizes this face out of thousands, memory details second.
5. Interprets expression on the face…
6. Forms feelings toward the person
7. Decides what to do with the person.
8. Adjust the body to deal with them.

 How can you tell if someone is honest, deceitful, or dangerous?

When you are in the presence of an honest person who has integrity your body calms and unfolds, breathing deepens moving from high in the chest to the belly.

When you are in danger your Limbic system will respond with the Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fall/Faint, or Friend Response. Think of a squirrel in the road in response to your car coming at them. When we are stressed, doing something wrong or dangerous, or when we are in the presence of someone who is out of integrity, lying, or doing something dangerous our limbic system immediately gets the body ready. A first early warning perhaps hairs may rise on your arms and legs, and your body will tense and tighten, your blood pressure will rise, your heartbeat will increase, your cortisol levels may rise, your breathing rate may increase, you may perspire and you may flush to the surface of the skin or leave you pale as you freeze in place and or rushes to your extremities so you can flight and flee... As your blood pressure increasing the blood mu our blood pressure may rise your run-and-fight breathing may increase, at any point, your mouth could go dry, you could have trouble swallowing or yawning, you may perspire heave, start to heave, and or fight-breathing may increase, your heart rate may increase anymore, you may perspire, go dry mouth, have trouble swallowing, blink and you may feel nauseous, YOUR GUT FEELS BAD. You may Freeze in place holding your body tense and tight, Flight -you may pull back down or away, point or bounce your feet towards an exit, Fight -tense up and form your hands into fists, feel faint, and or Friend you may smile, tilt your head and lower and sweeten your voice to sound unusually passive, even childlike or seductive or charming its accommodating passivity.

You may give off Comfort Cues when you are with someone bad or in a dire situation. For example, you may hug yourself, hold your hand touch your face, adjust your clothing, hold on to the chair arms, or clutch an object because. Touch stimulates the nerve endings in the

skin so it sends signals to the brain to release calming endorphins. When we are stressed, the brain wants to restore itself to “normal” condition. The brain will enlist the body to provide comforting touch behaviors. In other words, the brain requires the body to do something that will stimulate nerve endings to release calming endorphins in the brain so that the brain can be soothed.

AGAIN, THIS IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TO HOW YOU FEEL IN THE PRESENCE OF A True North person. In the presence of a True North good person or a good situation, your body warms and relaxes, you feel safe, comfortable, calm, and sometimes both calm and energized in their presence. With free open relaxed body movements and gestures, you may even notice that your breathing changes, moving from high on your chest to your belly, is easy full, and deep with regular interval flowing breaths, and your voice changes, becoming warmer, fuller, and richer. You feel you can be fully yourself, say and do anything.

Below is a very short video of me talking about this and the technique to know if you are with a good person you can trust.
http://youtu.be/QQw4PCi18i0

You feel good after you are with them. You can get a highly charged feeling of euphoria when you meet the Right Person, which means you still feel good after you are with them. Your body has not had to go overdrive, so you feel good. When you are with an emotionally toxic person, your central nervous system goes on in overdrive to protect you. It may push tons of adrenaline and cortisol into your system while you are with them, giving you a high, but that is your body in danger mode of Freeze, Flight Fight, Fall, or Friend response. It is quite different from the pleasant limerence high of love, and one of those differences can be monitored by how you feel AFTER you are with them and how you feel when you are about to see them. Do you think overstimulated with racing thoughts and worries about what you said and did or what they might say or do, or are you pleasantly excited?

2) How can someone tell if a gut feeling is based on emotion versus intuition? Why is this an important distinction? There is a difference between stereotypes and intuition. Stereotypes are based on past experiences and prejudice and are formed in the neocortex where word language is formed and is extremely low in accuracy, and you can feel highly emotional about your stereotypes or preconceptions. Intuition or your gut response should take place in the limbic system where emotions and body language are processed and is based on thousands of cues you're able to detect and process so quickly that you may not be able to have words to describe how you know

3) How can believing you are lucky increase your chances of being lucky? How does curiosity relate here and increase your chances for positive opportunities? Pay conscious attention to what your body is saying to you. When you are with new people, are in new situations, or making a decision do a “Check In” scan of your body. What is your body language? Are you relaxed or tense? Is your body open or closed? Write it all down. Record your gut instincts. Then see if you were right. The more you notice, the more you can improve. Research says that Judges are some of the best judges of deception detection because they meet new people and have new situations, they have a gut feeling they typically have notes on that feeling and then they see if they are right and keep improving.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Greeting Behavior Effects Relationships. Why Greeting Your Partner, Spouse, Family at the Door is Important. Greeting Loved Ones and the Primacy Effect.

When I Get Home You Run To Me

Every evening when my father came through the door from work, he would give a high two-note whistle to signal he was home and my mother, my sisters and I would run to him. It did not matter what we were doing. My mother’s cake batter could be stirred later, my sister’s music or homework could be tended to later and my Barbie could wait to go out in the convertible with Ken. Daddy was our priority, we loved him, and we would run to him, sharing hugs and kisses. He would grab me in his arms and throw me in the air. We would all share love and laughter. This is what love looked like to me and I thought everyone shared it.  

Years later I learned how special and valuable that ritual is. I was about four years into a relationship with my love, my fiancé Bud. And every day no matter what I was doing, on a deadline for a proposal, deep into writing a speech, or on the phone with an important client in my upstairs office, when I heard Bud come home, I would stop whatever I was doing and run to him, leap to his arms and kiss him. It was wonderful.

One day Bud came home and ran to him and while I was in his arms, my head resting on his chest, he started crying, I led him to the sofa and asked him what was wrong. Bud had been married and divorced two times when I met him, and he had a life-limiting health issue. He had been through a lot. He said, "Patti, you know I was married twice before I met you and you know my family, my parents were never affectionate. And some days at work it is so hard, and I must go out to my car in the parking lot and do my breathing exercises and it can get so bad. But I just hold on, because I know with absolute certainty that when I come home you will run to me. I have never been loved like this before, I didn’t even know what it looked like, but now I have it and love you so much for always running to me."

I share with my audience around the country the importance of greeting your loved ones in my Body Language and First Impressions speech, but I do not share this story in every speech, because when I do share it, I start to tear up. He should have had that kind of love his whole life. I wrote a song about it that is at the bottom of the article. Also when I share it I get phone calls and emails from audience members sharing how profoundly changing their greeting behavior impacted their relationships.

Here is the science behind it that shows how important it is in all our relationships. 

In Persuasion Theory, the Primacy Effect profoundly affects our viewpoint. The Primacy effect says people remember the first thing you say or do. In my book, "SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma" I share insights into how first impressions impact our relationships. The first thing you say or do when you come through the door or when someone you love comes through the door is what they will most easily remember about you for the rest of the evening, or longer. Your first behavior also creates an “Anchoring Bias." That is that we rely heavily, sometimes too heavily, on the first behavior, that first piece of information we get about someone. Greeting loved ones at the door is a first-behavior opportunity. It is the first set of behaviors we have about how the person or people in the house feel about us.

I highly recommend that no matter where you are in the house, drop whatever you are doing, and greet your sweetie and other family members with a kiss or a hug hello. Go to them immediately, even if you are on the phone, working, cooking, online, watching TV, whatever. It communicates that they are the most important thing to you.

In business, the Primacy Effect and Anchoring Bias affect how customers see your business and how employees feel about their fellow team members, managers, and executives. For example, if you come into the workplace or a meeting while on your phone and do not greet people in the room you are communicating to them that they are not important.

Here is a related article for you about your business greeting impression. https://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=13306

In addition to being an author and keynote speaker, I am a songwriter. Here is the song I wrote about the feeling someone gets from having you run to them written from my Fiancé’s Perspective. 

 You Run to Me   

by Patti Wood 

Mornings, I kiss you, grab my coffee and I drive. 

I turn on the radio, the traffic hell on 285.

At work I’m invisible, no one even knows what I do.

Break my back, gets no thanks, but I grind through.

Life is hard, takes me low, 

but one thing is guaranteed,

I can get through bad days ‘cause I know.

When I get home, you run to me.

When I get home, you run to me. 

Today everybody’s tense. They let 2 guys go. 

Have to stay late. I’m tired, but I don’t let it show.

I hold on to thought of you in my arms all day.

Roll up my sleeves, buckle down, earn my pay.

Life is hard, takes me low, 

but one thing’s guaranteed.

I can get through bad days ‘cause I know.

When I get home, you run to me.

When I get home, you run to me.

 Bridge

I’ve never told you this before.

How you make me feel when I open the door

That there’s one thing I am certain of

I can always count on your love.

Life is hard, takes me low,

but one thing’s guaranteed. 

I can get through the bad days ‘cause I know.

When I get home, you run to me.

When I get home, you run to me.

When I get home, you run to me.

                   

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Body Language of DeSantis and Newsom in the Debates. DeSantis' Smile vs. Newsom's Smile, Smiles

Here are my rough notes in preparation for my TV interview

1 - SMILE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NEWSOM AND DESANTIS IN THE DEBATE

Smiles are a key nonverbal behavior to show “Likeability” one of the four first impressions factors. Smile makes us feel safe as in, “Hey that guy is smiling and looks like he would be safe to approach.” We like to see candidates give sincere smiles. It feels especially good to see them smile as they talk about something positive so there is an ideal emotional match to their smile.

I have researched smiling including research as the National Spokesperson for the Natural Dentist Toothpaste. They sponsored my research. We showed that the way you smile reveals your DISC personality preference.

On the DISC personality inventory, DeSantis is C. Critiques tend to give brief subtle “closed mouth smiles with little arching,” but he has been coached to smile so he overdoes it and gives it when it doesn’t match what is being said, and he has to force it to be large and last so we see him paste it on, can’t keep it there drops off and expends enormous effort to turn it on again. Newsom has a resting smile face. He is an I, influencer, on the DISC which creates an advantage in Debates.

2 -  NEWSOM’S TAKEDOWN AND DESANTIS’ RESPONSE

Note Newsom’s hand to chest, how is that going for you? To say he knows DeSantis should feel it. Notice how DeSantis gives a big smile and tries to hold, his subtle smile would have shown Newsom, “You’re not bothering me,” and at one point we see forehead brows, mouth turn down, smiling through my tears face, which was painful to watch.

a.     Newsom: "You trolling folks and trying to find migrants to play political games and trying to get some news and attention so you can out-Trump Trump and by the way how’s that going for you? How is that going for you, Ron? You are down 41 points in your own home state.” (ends with Newsom pointing a finger)

3 -  SOT DESANTIS NEWSOM FIL

a.     DeSantis “So I was talking to a fellow who had made the move from California to Florida and he was telling me that Florida is much more governed, safer, much better budgeted, lower taxes all this stuff and he was really happy with the quality of life and then he paused and said ‘by the way, I’m Gavin Newsom’s father-in-law.’ So, we do count Gavi’s in-laws as some of the people who have fled California. (ends with Gavin smiling and looking at the camera).

Here we see Newsome enjoy the ribbing, he gives a big smile that comes more naturally, you see it rise and go up his full face, his cheeks his eyes change and go all the way up to lift his forehead., so it shows he is enjoying himself.

4 - SOT DESANTIS SF POOP MAP Talking point could have been funny if DeSantis’ nonverbal delivery had been playful, instead, he held his body stiff and gave loud gruff angry voice delivery and held his body stiff

DeSantis: “This is a map of San Francisco. There are a lot of plots on that, and you may be asking what is that plotting? Well, this is an APP where they plot the human feces that are found on the streets of San Francisco. You can see how, just about, the whole map is covered.”

https://twitter.com/ClayTravis/status/1730431474359255079

SOT NEWSOM IMMIGRATION (DESANTIS SAYING “FALSE”) What is interesting here is that Newsome, DeSantis says the word, “False” the second time, and instead of an easy-going full face flowing smile he actually grits his teeth, then his head and upper body dip down and when he comes up we see him transform to an angry eyed glare.

Newsom: “You supported Obama’s efforts to (DeSantis: that is false) advance comprehensive reform (DeSantis: “false”). The last guy you want to talk to on immigration. Your immigration policy can best be described as, “a governor from the state of Florida going into another state, the state of Texas, and lying to migrants promising them jobs and housing.”

 SOT DESANTIS GENDER QUEER BOOK Here DeSantis is delivering what he feels is a serious message, so his emotions are in alignment with what he is feeling so it comes off well.

“I have something that I brought that some parents have objected to. This is a book that is in some of the schools in California. In Florida, this is not consistent with our standards. Called “Gender Queer.”  Some have been blacked out as you would not be able to show it on air, this is pornography, it is not cartoons, it is aimed at children, and it is wrong.”

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How You Carry Your Purse Says a Lot about You, Purse Styles and Personality by Body Language Expert, Patti Wood

Making a statement with a handbag used to involve spending lots of money.

In these straitened times, however, it seems all you must do is carry it in the right way.

Body language expert Patti Wood has analyzed how women hold their handbags and suggests there are ten distinctive styles that reveal volumes about their personalities.

For example, while a woman who holds her handbag tightly under her arm in the ‘Armpit Vice’ may merely think she is freeing up her arms, the look also suggests awkwardness, according to American author Patti Wood.

Younger women, she says, tend to go for ‘The Hands-Free’ look, wearing a bag draped across their body from one shoulder.

But Miss Wood warns: ‘The girl who wears a hands-free bag willingly covers up her silhouette and outfit. It is useful but it also shows you are slightly dorky.’

Meanwhile ‘street-smart’ women are likely to adopt the protective ‘Thumb-to-Pit’ style, keeping their thumb firmly hooked around the bag’s handle in a look often sported by Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Carrie in Sex and The City.

Few mere mortals, however, are likely to find themselves in the final category – the ‘I’ve Got a Bag Bitch’ look.

Usually reserved for royalty and, occasionally, Victoria Beckham, it involves not carrying a handbag at all, because you have an assistant – or boyfriend – to carry it for you.

‘When people feel the need to look fabulous all the time, they can’t be encumbered with anything,’ Miss Wood said.

            

          Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2263105/What-way-hold-bag-says-The-distinctive-styles-reveals-volumes-personalities.html#ixzz32RYmBJOK 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Do You Set a Mission Statement and or a New Year's Resolution or Goal for You and or Your Company, Seven Steps to Achieve Your Goals. Seven Steps to Achieve Your New Years Resolution.

What is your New Year's Resolution and or What are your goals for the new year and how do you achieve them?

 

I do two-day team building workshops with the C-Suites Executives of a company. As part of that program, I help them create or update their company Mission Statement and set goals to achieve and maintain their mission statement as well as help the individual set a personal resolution for the year. Here are some of the tools I use in the workshops and in my business that may help you achieve your New Year's Resolutions.

 

1    Post your resolutions/goals above your desk and or put them on your laptop and or on your paper planner. Read it/them each morning. When you have to make any difficult decisions and or you find you aren’t getting anything done read it again.

Set up a time to check in and see if your resolution is working for you and if your behaviors are in alignment with them. ng in with their resolution to see if it was in alignment. Give yourself permission to change your resolution if it’s not serving you.

2)    When setting a resolution for your work you may want to ask your clients/customers for feedback to determine WHAT to work on. I teach this to my clients and do this myself. In December I call all my clients from the previous year and ask for their feedback on how my team and I served them and what we can do better. That helps me determine my resolution and goals for the next year.

3)    I have a one-sentence Resolution that changes each year. Yours can be as simple as, “How can I best serve others in this moment?”  “Choose what will bring you peace.” “What is the most important thing to work on at this moment to make my business successful?” “What can I do today to become the go-to expert in body language and nonverbal communication.”  the go-to expert in your field?”, “Chose Joy” and “Say yes to adventure.” “Do what brings you wealth and happiness.”

 

4)     Share your statement with someone. You can get a Resolution Partner, a Mastermind Group, or a friend. You don’t have to do more than share it but it helps to plan a time say twice a year, once a month or so to share your challenges and successes around your resolution and goals.

 

5)    “Calendar Out” your resolution and goals. Break them down and set daily time to achieve them. Go through your entire calendar year and set aside specific days times, and amounts of time to work on your goals.  

 

6)    The fifteen-minute tool. I teach my clients that consistently planned work on tasks to achieve their resolution/goal and doing it at the same time each day and for a certain amount of time makes it easy to do the task and it pays off.

 

For example, each morning I spend 15 minutes or more if I have time, working on a task that can help me achieve my mission. For example, years ago when I was working on the resolution to become one of the top body language experts in the country, I set aside 15 minutes each morning to check the news for any top story that could be related to body language and write a blog post about it. I did that for FIVE YEARS and that led to being contacted by the media, a job as a national spokesperson for Wrigley’s Gum, my first national TV interview on Regis and Kelly, and regular guest segments on other news shows, and change in my keynote status and fees to “Expert Speaker.”  The joke was some of my colleagues said I suddenly became an “overnight success.”

 7)    Pair gratitude with your resolution and goals. I recommend using a gratitude journal that also has a space to set daily, weekly, and monthly goals and if they work in a creative field, space to do Julia Cameron’s “Morning Pages. Morning pages get rid of the garbage thoughts, worries, and concerns that keep you from working effectively.

 

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

     

Tattoos, Couples Matching Tattoos, Does the Size of a Couples Matching Tattoo Mean Something? Body Language Expert Patti Wood and Tattoos.

Nonverbal communication is a symbolic language. In nonverbal communication, there is a category called Artifacts. Artifacts - are material things we wear or attach to or put on our bodies to express our identities and connections to other people. These include wedding rings, earrings, makeup, tattoos, a small dog we carry, etc. In addition, they include things like long painted fingernails, uniforms to display professionalism and draw respect from people, colors like red that create excitement, and high-end luxury branding on items.

 

In nonverbal communication, the amount of space something takes up and the significance of that space communicates. So a larger matching tattoo would symbolize more significance and a more visible and or important space on the body would also increase the significance and the importance of the bond between the couple. In addition, the symbol would communicate what is important to the couple. It could be a shared memory like an Irish A Claddagh  (Irish: fáinne Chladaigh) is a traditional Irish symbol a heart represents love, the crown stands for loyalty, and two clasped hands symbolize friendship or it might be a shared memory like a mountain to symbolize a trip/location where they became engaged or a musician’s name or face that they share a passion for.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

"Phubbing" What Happens When Your Partner is Always on Their Phone and What to Do About It. The Body Language Expert Patti Wood Insights on Phubbing.

How Phubbing Can Impact Your Relationship

1. In interactions with one person, you can exchange up to 10,000 nonverbal cues. If you are on your phone, you are not paying attention to the nonverbal cues your partner is giving you and you are giving off cues that show you the priority is your device. Your body language shows how you truly feel.

        2.  You show that relationship with your device by bending your head, neck, and upper body over it staring at the device, and touching the device. There are critical “Body Windows” at the eyes, neck, heart, and palms of the hands that you would normally have open to your partner that you are now closing off from them and opening to your device. For example, typically when you communicate you turn your heart towards the person and do not have barriers, like folded arms or objects between you as you communicate. So, even if you start talking to your partner while you have a device, the device may keep you from turning completely towards them and may function as a barrier preventing clear communication and signally you want to be open honest and connect fully. I have a chapter in one of my books where I recommend the best body language cues for listening called GENTLER body language that I will put at the end of my responses.

Also, research shows that when you are in communication situations, merely with your device in the room and off you tend to pay less attention to the humans in the room, have lower levels of cognition, and retain less information from the interactions.

3.  How To Bring Up Phubbing with Your Partner. Be clear and specific. Say what you want and why. Do not generalize or attack. “I care about you and our relationship and want to connect with you more.” “The last three weeks you have come home on your phone as you enter the house and don’t stop to say hello or hug me and during dinner, you have your phone on and keep checking it and when you watch TV you are bent over it, looking at it or the TV for hours at a time rather than turning towards me and interacting’ I feel ignored. I want to know what you are doing and feeling and would like us to talk about making our relationship a priority and how much time you are on your device when we are together.”

4. How to Stop Phubbing Your Partner Change the settings on your devices to either turn off social media when you are home with your partner or reduce the hours you can be on your device. Have a box by the door to drop your device in when you come through the door to show your partner, they are now your priority. Do not bring your phone to the table or the sofa!

When you are talking with people you form strong neural pathways to the social centers of the brain that make it easier and more comfortable to communicate and bond and according to research even make it easier to make decisions and deal with stress.

The quick shallow decisions you make on a device rewire your brain to create neural pathways to the ego centers of your brain and give you a dopamine hit. You may feel a dopamine withdrawal when you reduce your hours on your devices. Notice the times of day and the locations where you may have created an unhealthy ritual to always be on your phone and see if you cannot have a device with you in that location or at that time. It may be helpful to do activities with your partner that preclude being on a device, like cooking together, exercising and walking together, playing card games, or going to a concert. You can create healthy new rituals and make those activities always device-free going forward. 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Six Non-verbal Clues That There Is Trouble in the Relationship with Your Partner/Spouse

Six Non-verbal Clues That There Is Trouble in the Relationship 

with Your Partner/Spouse

A happy healthy relationship feels good. There may be bumps but when you get to the other side of the conflict you feel better. If you know what normal, happy, and healthy behavior is in your relationship it is easier to see when your partner's behavior changes to something that feels uncomfortable. Your body does not relax and feel calm. Often this occurs because your limbic system is noticing negative nonverbal cues, and your central nervous system is keeping you alert to danger. 

When you stay stressed and feel that something is constantly off, but you cannot put your finger on it, it may be time to consciously look for concrete observable behaviors that are making you feel uncomfortable and address them with your partner.

What you are looking for are changes from their normal behavior that cannot be explained by other external issues like health problems and work stress. Ideally, you see a sign and address it. If you see multiple signs there is more danger, and even then, it is best to start by addressing one issue at a time in a conversation. 

1.   Space One of the most important things to be aware of, and one of the basic foundational principles of body language, is that you go towards what you like, and you retreat from or run away from what you do not like. If the norm was for your partner to lean in as you spoke, a healthy sign in a relationship, and now they are leaning away or reverting when you come near, it may be an indicator something is off in the relationship. Do they change how much time they spend sitting near you? Do they change the amount of time they spend in the same room as you?

2.   Time A Be aware of the time spent together - and apart. Although it is normal for schedules to become busier, couples should want to spend time together. If this changes, becoming anything from not spending weekend days with you that they did before or coming home late or leaving for work early, and there is no other “external cause,” it might be worth speaking to your partner. Another indicator is eye contact or a lack thereof.

3.   Eye contact When somebody loves you, they like looking at you. If there is a sudden change in the amount of time, they spend looking at you and making eye contact with you,” it is not a good sign. Touch is a powerful communicator so changes in the number of times they touch you or the location they touch you are telling. If your partner used to love holding your hand but suddenly has no interest in physical contact, their body may be telling you something that they have not verbally said. Whether they are made consciously or not, non-verbal clues can be an important indicator of the health of your relationship. 

4.   Phubbing, They are paying attention to their devices instead of being fully present with you. Especially if there is a sudden change/increase.

5.   Wedding ring behavior Playing with or not wearing their wedding ring. Your central nervous system is stressed when you see human behavior that does not make sense to you. When for example the body language and the words spoken do not align. So for example a man says he cares for you but does not wear the wedding ring you have him or plays with he plays with it when he is out with you and there are other attractive women around, or you are single and out with a business colleague and he is flirting with you subtly while playing with a wedding ring that his wife gave him. There is a mismatch there and it drives the limbic brain crazy and alerts the central nervous system to stress mode. (The stress responses are freeze flee, fight, fall, or faint) So if you see the behavior and for a moment you freeze in place and are speechless be wary and know that something is very wrong. Side note. I am fascinated with autobiographies and biographies of women. I read Elizabeth Edwards autobiography a few years ago and was struck by a chapter where she discusses how her husband kept losing his wedding band when he went out running and how she bought several wedding bands for him so he would always have one. The writing in that section was so odd and stilted. You know she wanted to say, I know my husband is cheating on me, but darn it, I am going to fight for this relationship.

6.   Sleep Are there changes in the way they sleep? I have done research on couples’ sleep positions and a sudden change, which is not to physical health can indicate unhappiness in the relationship. Even a change in sleep behavior like suddenly not going to bed when you do can signal an issue.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.