Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog : 03/01/2023

Body Language Expert and Dating Coach Patti Wood

Patti Wood Dating Coach

Patti Wood is called the “Gold Standard” of Body Language by the Washington Post and credited in the New York Times for bringing the science of body language to national attention Patti Wood, is a true expert. She is the author of ten books including, “Success Signals Understanding Body Language and SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.” She is the body language expert who first analyzed Celebrity couple's body language for the media, having a weekly article in US Weekly, Yes, and Ok magazines for three years. She continues to be the go-to expert on celebrity couple’s body language. Just google her name and a famous couple like the Royals, the Kardashians, or Ben and Jen, as well are her name and the word Dating, Couples, Signs He or She is Into You, Toxic behavior, and more.

She speaks to Fortune 500 clients, and you may have seen her on Good Morning America, The Today show, ABC, NBC, National Geographic, The History Channel, and National News Channels.

She is quoted every week in publications such as Business Week, Psychology Today, The Wall Street Journal, Readers Digest, The Sun, Elite Daily, and Fortune. She coaches business owners and C-Suite level executives on Dating, Yes, that’s a niche because extremely smart successful, and wealthy people can find dating challenging.

Patti doesn’t advertise or market herself as a dating coach instead her clients find her. They may have been in an audience in one of her speeches, read an article where she is quoted as an expert, or may research and google the top body language expert. Often they come to her for executive or public speaking coaching and then hire Patti for dating coaching.

Patt’s Approach.

1. What do you think about dating apps? I work with my clients to find alternatives to dating apps as they often have a recognizable face and or name.

2. What are some tips you would give to someone who has to go on a first date?

First I would help them reframe it not as “.. have to go…’ to a gets to go on an adventure.
We work on their first impression going over the four first impression factors Credibility Likeability Attractiveness and Power to see how they come across to a potential date. We practice, sometimes in front of a mirror and videotape on their phone and review and I give coaching and feedback.

Instead of saying “Do this because I said so.” We have conversations about what they think of dating behaviors such as small talk. For example, I ask my clients what they think about small talk. Many of my clients are Drivers and Correctors and or a combination of the two on the DISC personality inventory. Drivers think small talk is a waste of time and they want to rush through it and get to the good stuff Correctors can perceive small talk as shallow, fake, and insincere. I help them see the value in small talk so they look forward to it rather than approaching it like a bite of bitter broccoli. We go over fun easy and interesting conversation starters, questions to discover more about your date and follow-up questions. I also give LOTS of coaching on how to listen.

3. What do you think of friends-with-benefits relationships? My opinion is not important, helping my client discover if it's right and healthy for them and their benefits partner is critical. We go over what they need to say out loud to make it clear what they want and don’t want and how to ask their benefits partner for their boundaries and expectations. I suggest they do “Updates and Check In’s” to make sure they are both on the same page. I ask my clients a lot of questions to see If they feel honored and respected and watch and observe their nonverbal behavior. If I see signs that they don’t then I suggest they have a conversation, change things or get out!

If they find themselves being unkind or unthoughtful or unhealthy in how they deal with the other person, we talk about how that affects both people and creates a pattern of communication that leads to an unhealthy romantic relationship with a long-term partner. Once you allow yourself to be mistreated or become abusive you begin to set down neural pathways in your brain that you will go down automatically in your dating and romantic relationships.

4. What would you tell a client who needs help getting out of the friend zone with the person they like? I suggest testing the waters. Sometimes it's just a simple change in touch such as putting their hand on the back of a friend to guide them into a restaurant or touching the top of their hand to emphasize a point or as they laugh together at a joke and being observant of their friend's response. We practice having open honest conversations to test the waters. It is funny how simply saying, “ I really like you.” And seeing how your friend responds Can be a relationship changer.

5. In your opinion, what are some personality traits men find irresistible in women?

Warmth, Confidence, Curiosity, Sexiness, Affectionate, and my clients tend to be attracted to what they describe as a very feminine woman. Some of my clients like Women who are shy in public, soft-spoken women and I believe it’s because it’s a contrast to their personality and it makes a good match for them.

6. In your opinion, what are some personality traits women find irresistible in men? Confident, Funny, Warm, Affectionate, Sexy, Easygoing.

7. How can people find you? Patti@PattiWood.net Thebodylanguagelady@blogspot.com

8. Two of Patti’s Books. “Success Signals Understanding Body Language and SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.”

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

Does Blinking a Lot Mean Your Lying? What Gwyneth Paltrow's Blinking Meant in her Ski Accident Court Room Testimony.

Here is what the Huffington Post quoted me saying in a recent article. The link to the article is in the comments.

Patti Wood, a body language expert and the author of “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma,” said that blinking rates under ordinary circumstances can vary widely depending on the person, such that 40 blinks per minute might also be a typical rate. So the key is to analyze what someone’s baseline is in different contexts.

“As stress increases, blink rate goes up to 70 blinks per minute or higher,” Wood said. “So, for example, you look at what a person’s blink rate is in a courtroom setting: How are they blinking most of the time? What is their baseline in that situation? Then you look at how their baseline rate changes due to certain factors — for example, when they ask a question and they’re stating their response, or when someone on the stand is saying something about them.”

If you’re trying to assess how someone’s blinking rate can change during questioning, Wood recommended mixing in more difficult questions with easier, fact-based inquiries. You may even ask the same tough question multiple times to get a better comparison. If their blinking pattern changes, you might want to get to the bottom of what they’re truly thinking.

“For example, in a job interview situation, you would ask them what’s making them uncomfortable about answering the question,” Wood said. “You should come from a place of integrity and curiosity. The goal should be to create conne

ction, establish a relationship with people so they feel comfortable telling you the truth, rather than have to fear everyone is lying and expend the energy trying to catch them. Research shows that people who [think they] are in the presence of an honest person with integrity, they are more likely to feel comfortable telling the truth.”

And remember that a change in blink pattern doesn’t necessarily mean someone is lying, so give people grace.

“There are many reasons why someone could have rapid blinking,” Wood said. Despite those studies showing some link between blinking and dishonesty, that’s not the whole picture, especially in a courtroom setting. After all, a person’s excessive blinking may simply stem from the stress of taking the stand in front of so many people.

“Blink rate is linked to a change or sudden shift in emotion. Now we have to accept that for any person, going into court with cameras present, reporting on every word we say, would be stressful.”https://www.huffpost.com/entry/blinking-lying-gwyneth-paltrow_l_642330c6e4b04efaae793fe7?fbclid=IwAR3SzO5wyxtUaPyaqZuHkaKyGqWcsPsfaLJabAs67R2xryrkhpT24u2OJCo

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/blinking-lying-gwyneth-paltrow_l_642330c6e4b04efaae793fe7

What is Body Doubling and Why Does It Work to Help People With ADHD and Others to Get Us to Work and Complete Tasks? By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Body Doubling is a strategy Recommended for people with ADHD. But because it's based on the effect of the scientific principle of isopraxism, it is one of the reasons it works in work and educational settings and it is recommended by therapists) while people clean, declutter, or

finish their to-do lists. It helps with executive functioning and accountability.

Body Doubling works because of a scientific phenomenon called Isopraxism, a pull towards the same energy to save energy. Isopraxism is why birds fly in formation, deer run together, fish swim in schools, why we do the wave at football games, slow in traffic if the car in front of us slows down, and why get can easily get pulled into someone’s bad mood. Research shows that the strongest energy, the strongest leader has the strongest pulling effect, and that negative energy (anger) has the strongest pulling effect. The people we are with can motivate us to change or shift our body language. Body doubling can help us get work done.

Body doubling creates a multi-tiered effect to get you moving and motivated. First, there is someone else moving so you are pulled to “Match” that movement. Your limbic system (not your logical thinking neocortex) feels the pull to move because they are moving. If you like a trust them that pull is stronger. You don’t have to Mirror them and do the same exact thing they are doing; you just must move. So for example when my assistant is in the office and may Mirror her and sit at my desk next to her and also type, but I may also just match and be up doing other things in the office or be working in another room. Her presence and energy of being productive pull me to be productive. Specifically, we are pulled by all our senses, The visual body language cues of the other person, the sound of them breathing and talking, and even their scent, ie they are sweating so we are pulled to work and sweat.

I have many fellow entrepreneurs and author friends that do their best writing in a coffee shop because there is movement around them. People’s energy and movement, create matching energy and productivity in them. I had an office in a shared office space in a cool hip Ponce City Market before covid, where I spent most of my time in the coffee bar or sitting in one of the lounges working because I loved being around all those fellow high-energy entrepreneurs.

In addition, there is a psychological pull towards being productive, where you see them working, and you feel good if you do too and feel guilty if you don’t move as well. My ex-fiancé, insisted I buy a two-story house because he hated that he could see me sitting at my desk working in my office when he was sitting on the couch watching TV. He wanted me to work on a separate floor so he didn’t feel my pulling effect and didn’t feel guilty for not working nights and weekends as I did. He worked full-time, he shouldn’t have felt any guilt but the pull was strong.

What is the best Planner System? What Is a Great Planner Calendar Gratitude and Goal Setting System to Get Things Done?

In the morning I fill out the brown book, it’s called The Sunrise Manifesto. The Manifesto book has Morning Pages where you write and dump out all the thoughts cluttering your brain so they don’t block your creative flow. They are recommended in the famous creativity book The Artist's Way. The Manifesto also has a great gratitude and to-do page as well as goal-setting and monthly review pages. I’ve been using the sunrise manifesto for years and recommend it to all my coaching clients.

I cut out and add the Sunrise Pages to A5 Lux planner (far right) and set tasks in that planner. Also in that planner, I have set up dividers and sections for the different books, speeches I am working on, and a songwriting section. If I have a big project with a client they may get a section in the paper planner.

I have my goals and tasks and copies of my sections and more on my computer calendar. I just enjoy writing and it helps me be creative and follow through. I use Microsoft calendar and it lets you color code. That calendar is typically open on the far left screen in my office. I have three screens.

I’ve used Color Coding on my monthly calendar for decades. Now my detailed monthly calendars are on my computer with color coding. Color coding is the bomb. So for example appointments are a certain color of blue, and I have other colors for Zoom programs, In town programs, and out-of-town programs. Anything to do with music is purple! My volunteer work is another color. And fun with friends and family is yellow. That way I can look at my calendar and see if I don’t have enough of a particular color and plan accordingly. I always want more hot pink programs and more fun yellow.

I print out my detailed monthly computer calendar in A5 size and tape it into the A5 so it’ll be with me in my purse. It sounds cumbersome, but I enjoy that cutting, taping, and coloring.

At the end of the month, I transfer all the pages except for the monthly calendar from the sunrise manifesto and A5 pages to the big binder on the far left so my carry-around planner stays small.

At that time, even though I have everything on my computer I like to review the month. Flip through the pages and touch them. It gives me a tangible sense of accomplishment. I see what I was grateful for and sometimes I write to thank you notes if I was grateful for a person. Though a gratitude journal makes it easy to say you’re to the person immediately.

And then I start resetting goals for the next month.

I used to write a blog that had a monthly post of every book I read and my synopsis and review, but now I just keep track of the books I’ve read on my computer calendar. This year I started to keep track of the movies I watch since I’m working on that movie book. The movie book is a long project. I have it calendared out with tasks over the next two years by Doubling works because of a scientific phenomenon called Isopraxism, a pull towards the same energy to save energy. Isopraxism is why birds fly in formation, deer run together, fish swim in schools, why we do the wave at football games, slow in traffic if the car in front of us slows down, and why get can easily get pulled into someone’s bad mood. Research shows that the strongest energy, the strongest leader has the strongest pulling effect, and that negative energy (anger) has the strongest pulling effect. The people we are with can motivate us to change or shift our body language. Body doubling can help us get work done.

Body doubling creates a multi-tiered effect to get you moving and motivated. First, there is someone else moving so you are pulled to “Match” that movement. Your limbic system (not your logical thinking neocortex) feels the pull to move because they are moving. If you like a trust them that pull is stronger. You don’t have to Mirror them and do the same exact thing they are doing; you just must move. So for example when my assistant is in the office and may Mirror her and sit at my desk next to her and also typing, but I may also just match and be up doing other things in the office or be working in another room. Her presence and energy of being productive pull me to be productive. Specifically, we are pulled by all our senses, The visual body language cues of the other person, the sound of them breathing and talking, and even their scent, ie they are sweating so we are pulled to work and sweat.

Gwyneth Paltrow ski accident trial body language. Does Blinking a Lot Mean Your Lying? By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

In the footage from her testimony during the ski accident trial, there are some interesting insights about Gwyneth Paltrow.

In the video below Gweneth describes what happened her upward hand motions as she speaks are in synch with what she is saying which would indicate she is telling the truth. Her voice baseline is calm, and slow so blips from her baseline are revealing. As she replies to the “assault” line of questioning. She blinks rapidly over her baseline and does what I call an “Eye Shade” holding her eyes shut for a moment longer than normal when she talks about, “this very strange grunting noise.” And she accentuates and elongates the word grunting in a way that doesn’t seem to match or align with the rest of her testimony. It would make more sense if the skies coming between her legs and her legs spreading upset her more, than the grunting noise. Yet she is emphasizing the grunting that would make it fit her narrative of him sexually assaulting her.

She did not appear likable during the trial. Likeability is one of the four first impression factors I discuss. It has been shown to affect the juror's opinions no matter what the evidence in the jury trial. For example, she huffed and rolled her eyes and looked like a petulant teenager at certain points in the testimony. She looked like, "I don't have time for this nonsense." I found that interesting as she is an actress and could have chosen to act differently. Her immaturity was so over the top and unlikeable. That is counter to her GOOP Branding that says, "I take care of my health and exercise, and if you follow me and buy my products you will have a calm serene healthy life." Did she do that because she couldn't help herself? Was she coached to look indignant so the jury would disrespect the defendant?

In general, would you say blinking a lot while speaking is a sign that someone is lying? This is something many of us have heard, but is it actually true?

There are many reasons why someone could have rapid blinking. When doing a nonverbal assessment you consider the context of the situation the person is the circumstances what’s going on with a person. Then you analyze the baseline for that particular behavior for example normal blinking rate come ordinary circumstances is about 40 blinks per minute and as stress increases blank rate goes up to 70 blinks per minute or higher. Ideally, you also want a baseline of what the normal blinking rate is, so it’s easier to rule out things like that person has allergies or allergies for other issues like that. Then you look at what I have named in the literature the timing of the tell. So, for example, if you look at what a person's blank rate is in a Courtroom setting how are they blinking most of the time what is their baseline in that situation. Then you look at how their baseline Great changes due to certain factors. For example when they ask a question and they’re stating their response, or when someone on the stand is saying something about them. (I analyzed OJ in the O.J. Simpson trial in the beginning of the trial he would do a full micro facial Q of a snarled with bare teeth when anyone on Stand said something negative about him, at a certain point in the trial he got a new lawyer and that lawyer got approval from the judge to give him an intense sedative and OJ lost all facial affect for the rest of the trial.

-- Are there other reasons someone may be blinking a lot that has nothing to do with lying? Yes, allergies dry eyes pollen in the air like there is right now in Atlanta, or general nervousness. The first week I began doing Nightly TV interviews for CNN and I noticed that I had a high blink rate because I both not nervous about being on TV the bright white lights in my eyes made me blink. I also noticed that I blink for the first 30 seconds or so of the interview but once I calm down I didn’t blink
-- Do you have any thoughts about Gwyneth Paltrow's body language during her testimony in the videos that have been shared online? Is there anything you take away from her body language? If you send me some videos I’d be happy to do an analysis for you just quick videos would be all I need as I’ve watched some of the testimony but I’d rather look at the videos you sent to make that analysis.
-- Anything else you'd like to add on the topic of blinking and lying?

And Various programs such as my establishing credibility and deception detection program, my risk assessment program, and my interview program teach questioning techniques to affirm you’ve made an accurate assessment. For example, if you ask someone a question and they do rapid blinking over 70 blinks per minute as they respond and that’s a blip from their baseline behavior you don’t say to yourself I know they’re lying. Instead, you change the topic to something totally different, and easy for them to answer to see if they stop blinking. And if they do you go back later and ask the same question and see if they begin to blink again. If it’s a critical issue that you need them to be honest about you can even do the same process a few more times. Then say for example in a job interview situation you would ask them what’s making them uncomfortable about answering the question. Nonverbal assessments should never be a “hey I gotcha” situation. Instead, you should come from a place of integrity and curiosity. The goal should be to create connections and establish a relationship with people so they feel comfortable telling you the truth, rather than have to fear everyone is lying and expend energy trying to catch them. Research shows that people who are in the presence of an honest person with integrity are more likely to feel comfortable telling the truth

Also once you start knowing noticing rapid blink rate is different from somebody’s normal blink rate you will notice it. You’ll begin to watch politicians and celebrities are interviewed on TV and your friends and family. Give your friends and family grace! Never say hey you’re rapidly blinking I know you’re lying!

Does Blinking a Lot Mean Your Lying?

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;_ylt=AwrEoeht0iFkMAAPzpdXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzEEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3BpdnM-?p=Gweneth+Paltrow&fr2=piv-web&type=E210US0G0&fr=mcafee#id=4&vid=f90b60c7864fe49c07fe98ecbbc6f3e7&action=view

The Five Steps to Deal with Negative Self-Talk By Keynote Speaker Patti Wood

1. Tune in to your body.
2. Breath and send you self-love
3. Use self-talk to see things differently.
4. Consider and choose the best behavior options.
5. Congratulate yourself.

Step 1. Tune in to your body.
When you're critical of yourself, you are the critical-thinking brain in your neocortex. You want to release the critic, turn it off so move to your emotional brain, where body language and feeling are processed. So the first step is to be inside your body. Be aware of how criticism may be negatively affecting your body, then shift or change that aspect of your body language. Next, you want to be aware of the physical signs of tension, so you can release it before it develops any further. Body signals indicate increasing negatively and what to do if you feel them.

Tensing of muscles –move and let go and relax your body moving from the feet up.
Lowering your head - bring your head up. Let it lift as if a balloon holds it.
Your hands and arms and legs are pulling in to make yourself smaller – bring your limbs out. Spread your feet apart. Get big.
A change in your breathing. Perhaps your breath is shallower. -Breath deep.
A change in voice tone or volume, perhaps not talking at all, or a lowering of your volume and the strength of your voice. ---- shout or sing and yell out something positive.

Step 2. Take note of the message that you are sending yourself.

Realize you are in control. Say to yourself, "I am feeling negative about ____ right now. I chose not to let it get bigger, or I chose to let that thought go. Or I decided to change that thought.

Step 3. Switch your negative message to positive self-talk to see things differently.

Learn to use a different kind of self-talk. The exact same situation will produce different emotions if you change your interpretation

Write out your negative message, then flip it and write the opposite positive message.
Write out the negative message, then write anything that you like about yourself and or are proud of.

Say, "Hey, I can deal with this.
I'm a creative person, and I may be stuck at this moment, but this moment will pass, and I will be in flow again.
I can stop this task for now and shift to some task that brings me pleasure and confidence.
True, things aren't going how I planned, but being negative won't help. How shifts my thinking? Or how can I still get something good/fun out of this?

Step 4. Consider and choose the best behavior options.
Do something to give yourself a physical release. Again, critical talk comes from the hemisphere so do things that activate your Take a brisk walk, Turn on some music and sing or dance. Go hear live music. Get in the car and take a meandering drive somewhere pretty. Take a shower. You can breathe in slowly and deeply. Play with your pet. You can imagine you are at the beach or in a meadow or looking at a stream or mountain. Bounce a ball.

Focus on any improvement of your abilities. One step at a time is fine.

Hey, I did that well. I am really proud of me! YES!

Interviewed several times a week by national media outlets for her expertise on nonverbal communication. Patti Wood. She is an Atlanta-based consultant, speaker, and author. And speaks to Fortune 500 companies and associations on communication including "

www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com

Signs of an Untrustworthy Person. Signs of Toxic Person by Body Language Expert Patti Wood.

A trustworthy person has consistent, predictable behavior. You can rely on them to do what they say they will do and act in a way that makes sense and considers others’ feelings.

An Untrustworthy person is just the opposite.

1. Unpredictable. You can’t count on them to act and respond as they have in the past and or changes in their normal baseline of behaviors that don’t seem to make sense. That they don’t want to talk about or that they give lame excuses for and or they get mad at you for noticing.

2. The amount of time they want to spend with you or communicating with you changes. For example, they were calling, texting several times a day and suddenly they go quiet and can’t be reached.

3. Lateness. Time is a powerful nonverbal communicator and someone saying they will be somewhere at a certain time and then breaking that promise shows a lack of respect for you and your time. Again, you can’t rely on them, you can’t trust them.

4. Quick mood changes that don’t make sense. They may get mad for no reason at all, or get mad at you for something that was not a big deal, or that if you step back is bullying. Everyone can show emotions, but if the emotions are used to make you be quiet or not question their odd behavior and make YOU feel bad that’s not healthy. Trustworthy people can cry and get mad, but you know what makes them upset, and it is reasonable considering the circumstances. You don’t have to avoid topics or walk on eggshells to prevent them from getting emotional.

5. Related to that they change how they act towards you and feel about you. One minute they may be super happy, and energetic, and act like you’re the most wonderful person in the world smiling at you, giving you focused intense eye contact and hanging on every word you say, the next minute they are mad, crying, or cold.

6. Someone can come off as untrustworthy when YOU feel uncomfortable around them. If you can’t predict someone’s behavior and or you fear their intense emotions you are going to be tense, on edge, filled with cortisol when you are with them, and tired and or drained or numb when they aren’t with you. Inconsistent intense people can create an oddly addictive response. You're high with them, get a fix or intense emotions, and then nothing. Just like a drug addict, you may crave the high and or just the intensity.

Care Giver Guilt, What do so many caregivers experience guilt? By Keynote Speaker Patti Wood

By Patti Wood

When we see our loved ones suffer, in pain, frustrated, and sometimes angry at themselves, their doctors, and the world. And we feel guilty that we are well. That we are not in pain, that we can walk and move and be out in the world, and in the case of a terminally ill loved one that we will live. When I was taking care of my best friend when he was dying I felt guilty sharing the fun silly thing I was doing out in the world. We were both 29 at the time and I knew he would never dance again, never eat Wendy’s chicken sandwich again, and not live to turn 30.
When I was taking care of my boyfriend who was shot in a hunting accident I felt such guilt that I was not hurt and in pain, I only had fun when visiting with him and felt depressed and isolated myself from fun. I was only 21 and didn’t know how to process my caregiver guilt.
We also feel guilty that we may not be good enough caretakers and that we are not doing everything we can do. That we might make a mistake. When I was taking care of my best friend I read everything about his illness and the medications and talked with the doctors and nurses and was hyper-vigilant with every medication and every dosage through his drip and felt guilty if I was in his hospital room when the doctor came because I was at work. When later I was engaged to a man who had cystic fibrosis I again became hyper-vigilant, and again felt guilty that I was not critically ill and at risk of death, but I grew to realize that that was a toxic bond to have with a loved one.
Sometimes we learn from our caretaker experience. Many years later I had a boyfriend and I broke up with him. The next day he showed up at my house, wearing his piolet uniform as he was about to go pick up a private plane for a client. He wanted to get back together, I said no but we went to breakfast and when he dropped me back at my house he had a stroke, long story, but he and his doctors said I saved his life. Once I got him brain trauma ICU and his family was there and his other girlfriends were there. (Oh yeah a lot of discoveries.) I realized I didn’t need to take care of him, and I felt no guilt about abdicating that responsibility. That came from my other experiences.

5) Sometimes we feel guilty because we are not perfect, we are not saints. I have a friend who still feels guilty that while taking care of her ex after he had a debilitating stroke, she was sometimes mean and yelled at him. Even though she gave up most of her wonderful healthy single life and moved in with them for 24-hour care, fed him changed his diapers, and lived again with his toxic manipulation and had to take care of his financial mistakes as well, and all the results of his irresponsible self-care, lack of financial responsibility, lack of healthy relationships with his family and friends that left him with no one else to take care of him.

What Are The Benefits of Journaling?

I have experienced many benefits of journaling. It can truly improve your mental and physical health. I have been journalling, gratitude journaling, morning page journalling, and more since I was a preteen. I use it to process issues like relationships, pain, grief, trauma and loss, dream analysis, decision-making, goal setting, learning, and creative flow and inspiration for my speeches, books, and songs It is something I recommend to my coaching clients.

I ask them to journal what they notice related to what we are working on in our coaching and to track interpersonal issues so they have specific experiences to use in coaching. I have them journal about what they notice in the TV shows, and movies they watch related to coaching. FYI one of the areas I coach on is body language so they typically have, among other assignments a weekly assignment to watch one aspect of body language, like handshakes, or “leave-taking” behavior.

How To Recognize Threatening Behavior and What to Do. By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

I consult on murder and sexual assault cases and also teach risk assessment. What are the signs that someone is about to start a fight and what can you do and say?

I was analyzing the security footage from a bar, analyzing everyone’s verbal and nonverbal behavior before during, and after and deadly fight to see if I could help a suspect in a murder trial. I saw the signals that preceded the fight wishing I could have done a workshop with the staff. I watched the video of a group of young friends trying to talk a very drunk Paul Murdaugh from driving the boat they were all about to get in. They were young people dealing with a violent drunk friend and even though they had a nickname, Timothy for his personality when he was a raging drunk, he had money power, and charm and they didn't know how to deal with the violence and danger he created. I wished I could have been at their college and talked to their student body to warn them and give them options that would have saved Mallory’s life and them all from so much pain.

I consult with Fortune 500 clients as well as public-facing small business owners such as amusement park owners and restaurant owners on threat assessment and what to do. If you are in a dangerous situation, pay attention to your body. Your central nervous system may go into FREEZE FLIGHT FIGHT FALL/FAINT or Friend RESPONSE very quickly. So, take a deep breath. Check-in with your body to see what’s happening so you can self-comfort and calm down before you act, and know sometimes the best action is to get away from the dangerous person and protect yourself.

What if in a scary situation and the scary person is drunk? The basic rule is it's almost impossible to reason with a drunk person. I recommend you get away from them. Move slowly but get away. If they are a friend and or a family member and you are trying to deal with them and you can’t get away, know they may escalate to fighting. State what you want and need clearly and calmly and don’t back down. For example, say, “It’s not safe for you to drive and I am not getting in the car with you. Hand me the keys” They may charm, resist, or fight you verbally. Don’t back down, but don’t be aggressive. Calmly state your boundary. If they don’t comply. State the consequences, If you don’t hand me, the keys, I am….” Many times you cannot reason with someone drunk. Dangerously angry people and drunk people are often the exceptions to the rule that healthy non-threatening communication can de-escalate a conflict and produce positive results. I teach threat and risk assessment as well as conflict management and I suggest to my clients that sometimes walking away is the best option. In the bar footage I viewed for th murder trial, the man initially walked away, but he didn’t leave the bar, and when he came back the situation had not de-escalated. I wish Morgan Doughty, along with Connor Cook, Miley Altman, Anthony Cook, and Mallory Beach had walked away before that horrible accident.

What if they are not drunk but are argumentative or combative? First, assess your risk and the likelihood the person is willing and able to listen and create a positive outcome. Watch their body language and listen to their voice. Are they in the stress response? Are you afraid? If they seem like will and can listen, you can make a calm reasonable non-threatening request. I highly recommend you show the palms of your hands, in an upward direction at your waist level. Keep your voice level and calm, make eye contact but don't glare or stare. If you are making a soft request you can briefly tilt your head. If you want to make a strong request keep your head level.

Here are aggressive/about-to-strike behaviors to look for that indicate immediate threat and risk. Danger Signals that Someone Is About to Attack.

1. Jaw thrust also known as the chin jut or jaw clenching. The person grits their teeth and juts their jaw forward indicating they want you to back down or they will take you down.

2. Nostril Flaring or Wing Dilation- the outer lobes flare out so you get more oxygen and you have the energy to fight.

3. Pressed Tight Lips or Even Hidden Lips

4. Chest Puff - Attempt to get Bigger to look threatening and Imposing.

5. Pupil Dilation - So they can see what's going on.

6. Lowered Brow often with a forward head tilt - to show dominance, a bid to power. Saying back down and doing what I want or else.

7. Teeth licking- Licking the teeth preparing the teeth to bite.

8. Blading -Moving your body so only the side shows.- an action to put the shoulder and arm in a position to fight and protect most of your vital organs.

9. Tightened Muscles - This is a way of creating a muscular shield to protect your vital organs and increase blood flow to the limbs to prepare them for fighting.

10. Clenched Fist -It may include tightening the hand into a fist and or tightening and flexing the hands.

11. Foot Stomping. Often seen in children. You may have seen movies where horses, toss back and raise their heads, thrust out their chins then stomp.

12. Eye Narrowing. Eye muscles tighten- The ocular orbital muscles around the eye tighten.

13. One leg up/ arm out and over the leg or arm on your chair. Claiming ownership. Alpha signaling.

14. Rattling/Shaking/Growling. You see it as a stress response in dogs and humans it's also a stress response and can indicate they are stressed and ready to fight or in fight mode, it can be accompanied by other fight behaviors like touching or shoving.

First, establish commonality, “I know you want to have a comfortable and enjoyable flight and I do too.” State their specific behavior from their perspective and show empathy, “I can see that you are very unhappy.” Then state the issue, “Your raised voice and upset demeanor are making me uncomfortable.” “So that we can both have better flight could you bring down your voice and calmly deal with your issues?” Thank them if they do so.

What is the Bristle Reaction to Your Partner, Why You May Not Want to Have Sex With Your Partner. By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

I am a Body Language and Human Behavior Expert Author, Keynote speaker, and Relationship Coach.

Sometimes we bristle at our Partner's Touch. Freeze in place, pull away, or get angry. Our central nervous system responds to the touch that indicated our partner wants to have sex and we don't so we go into a freeze-flight fight response. There are many reasons this can occur. You can just plain not want to have sex at that moment, whether you are too tired or have too much to do, you just want to Netflix and not "chill." Perhaps at that moment, you are not attracted to your partner, You can just plain you may currently be mad at your partner or have briefly or more profoundly not be attracted. It could feel the uncaring, or low effort to seduction to easy touch from your partner and even trigger PSTD if you have been assaulted because it suddenly feels to you if it's uncaring.

What is happening in your body that may cause bristling?

We are wired to associate certain nonverbal cues of flirting, connection, and seduction preclude intercourse. Desire starts with sensory input and or cognitive processes. - Excitement ensues, increasing activation of the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. - Orgasm involves a peak activation of the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system.

If you are in a relationship with a partner, you could have repeated those cues over and over again one leading to the next leading to intercourse. Sometimes shorting the rituals can still lead to sexual arousal in a Pavlov dog, salivating to a bell-type response, but sometimes they don’t. Your partner could begin to have his or her own Pavlov response such as, “Hey every time I touched the back of your hand before it lead to sex so if I do it tonight I will get sex, forgetting that there were rituals that occurred before and after that that actually led to a natural mutual arousal state.

So, there you are on the couch, your partner touches you on the top of your hand and you bristle. And you think,” I am not a dog!” If you are no longer attracted to your partner, if don’t want to have sex, if you need more than this cue to feel aroused, but you know this is all you going to get and it’s not enough, and or if you are not getting connection and seduction cues unless your partner wants sex so you feel like a sex doll, this can be an issue.

As a body language expert, I can speak to the connection and seduction issue. Often the main reason you are bristling is that you or you and your partner may over time have stopped doing the full connection, seduction rituals that naturally lead to connection and arousal. You both may have shortened the acts before sex down to one cue, which could be a time saver, and is obviously an effort and energy saver for busy couples but our souls and our bodies may not be happy with that. So, what are those rituals?

You may have stopped doing connection rituals can include long intimate conversations, time one on one over a long dinner, being fully present to each other, making eye contact when your partner is talking, or sitting or doing an activity together while talking or not talking without any media or people distractions.

You may have stopped doing seduction rituals, especially seduction rituals in order, lingering rather than rushing through them. ring. For example, you may have stopped “touching seduction” that goes from light brief non-intimate touch to long non-intimate touch (say the lower arm), to brief semi-immediate touch to long semi-intimate touch (say from touching to resting your hand on the top of the leg) to brief intimate touch to long intimate touch (say brief lip kiss to long French kiss or touching the chest to rubbing the chest.

If you want to be with your partner and have connection and sex would recommend that you are your partner both on your own and together think about what you used to do that worked to connect and arouse you and read about different ways couples can connect and seduce each other. I would recommend you consult books on tantric sex that include rituals like tantric breathing in which both partners can orgasm without intercourse. Then and make a long list of what you would like that would make you feel loved and aroused. This is not an I saw it in a porn video list, this is a love and seduction list. Then create an agreement of what would work.

How to Handle an Unruly Airline Passenger Sitting Next To You By Body Language and Conflict Expert Patti Wood

I have flown an average of once a week for over 30 years. People are angrier than they use to be. What can you do?

One of the first things to consider is how crowding on a plane increases and escalates bad behavior and being in an intimate zone of space from your seat makes ( less than 14 inches apart) a space we typically reserve for intimate conversation and battle. (Yes, strange but true) So if there is conflict Isopraxism makes it more likely to catch you up in a negative emotional state and, sharing the intimate zone of space with someone who now may be foe makes you very uncomfortable and your central nervous system may go into FREEZE FLIGHT FIGHT FALL/FAINT or Friend RESPONSE very quickly. So, take a deep breath. Check-in with your body to see what’s happening so you can self-comfort calm before you act.

What if the person next to you is drunk? The basic rule is you can not reason with someone drunk. They, only with dangerously angry people are the exception to the rule that healthy non-threatening communication can deescalate a conflict and produce positive results. I teach threat and risk assessment as well as conflict management and I suggest to my clients, (I consult with Fortune 500 clients as well as public-facing small business owners such as amusement park owners and restaurant owners.) That passenger should request to change seats. Ideally getting up from their seats to speak to the flight attendant rather than in front of the drunk seatmate.)

What if the person is argumentative or combative? First, assess your risk and the likelihood the person is willing and able to listen and create a positive outcome. Watch their body language and listen to their voice. Are they in the stress response? Are you afraid? If you are at risk as a passenger, leave your seat and request assistance or a different seat. If they seem like will and are able to listen, you can make a calm reasonable non-threatening request. I highly recommend you show the palms of your hands, in an upward direction at your waist level. Keep your voice level and calm, make eye contact but don't glare or stare. If you are making a soft request you can briefly tilt your head. If you want to make a strong request keep your head level.

Here are aggressive/about-to-strike behaviors to look for that indicate immediate threat and risk. Danger Signals that Someone Is About to Attack.

1. Jaw thrust also known as the chin jut or jaw clenching. The person grits their teeth and juts their jaw forward indicating they want you to back down or they will take you down.

2. Nostril Flaring or Wing Dilation- the outer lobes flare out so you get more oxygen and you have the energy to fight.

3. Pressed Tight Lips or Even Hidden Lips

4. Chest Puff - Attempt to get Bigger to look threatening and Imposing.

5. Pupil Dilation - So they can see what's going on.

6. Lowered Brow often with a forward head tilt - to show dominance, a bid to power. Saying back down and doing what I want or else.

7. Teeth licking- Licking the teeth preparing the teeth to bite.

8. Blading -Moving your body so only the side shows.- an action to put the shoulder and arm in a position to fight and protect most of your vital organs.

9. Tightened Muscles - This is a way of creating a muscular shield to protect your vital organs and increase blood flow to the limbs to prepare them for fighting.

10. Clenched Fist -It may include tightening the hand into a fist and or tightening and flexing the hands.

11. Foot Stomping. Often seen in children. You may have seen movies where horses, toss back and raise their heads, thrust out their chins then stomp.

12. Eye Narrowing. Eye muscles tighten- The ocular orbital muscles around the eye tighten.

13. One leg up/ arm out and over leg or arm on your chair. Claiming ownership. Alpha signaling.

14. Rattling/Shaking/Growling. You see it as a stress response in dogs and in humans it's also a stress response and can indicate they are stressed and ready to fight or in fight mode, it can be accompanied by other fight behaviors like touching or shoving.

What if they invade your personal space? You can calmly say to yourself, it's just a short flight, stay calm and let them invade your space. You calmly reclaim your space, not showing any irritation or anger, just reclaim it or use the method above to ask them to give you your space back.

What if they threaten you or anyone else on an aircraft? Again, access your risk. If you can calmly establish commonality, show you understand their intense emotional state, (Ie I can see that you are unhappy, I can see that you're very upset.) and request a change in their behavior great. If not request assistance. If you feel in danger and can safely leave your seat, do so. If it's dangerous to leave your seat. Ring for assistance and calm your body down and think of options. If there are people near you that you can request calm assistance signal them that you may need them. See if you can request assistance from the flight crew over the internet. You may be able to reach out to the company through its website.

What are the Benefits of Walking Outside with Someone

I am a body language and human behavior specialist. In many books and programs I share the benefits of walking.

Men feel more comfortable, bond, and self-disclose more when side by side, and walking outside with someone side by side can increase all those factors for men walking with other men and mean walking with women. In addition children, male or female or LGBT+ feel more comfortable and will self-disclose more when side by side with adults. So if men walk with others they can share, listen and bond more easily. In addition, because walking and swinging opposite arms synch the right and left hemispheres you are more comfortable having conversations. (My rough notes from one of my books discussing this are below.)
When you swing your left arm and the right leg and your right arm and left leg the opposite sides of your body are working together in a cross-body motion that synchs the right and left hemispheres of your brain, stimulating the brain for growth of the neural pathways. Walking with your arms swinging in this manner can increase creativity, and problem-solving and stabilize the central nervous system.

I am a professional speaker and coach. When I work with C-suite executives for a full day or over a weekend I walk with them outside to increase their comfort in self-disclosing and help them process and problem-solving. The results of the past 20 years have been amazing. I also use walking/coaching to help my clients who are on the spectrum. I am blessed to live a few houses from a path through the woods over and by creaks that go on for many miles and all the nature has an additional benefit.

Notes

The central window is the window at the middle of your chest that I call the heart window. Children start changing how they orient their hearts and the rest of their bodies to others at about the age of five. Boys begin playing with their buddies side by side and battling face-to-face and little girls begin playing face-to-face. The theory is that girls are nurtured and rewarded for reading and understanding body language so they can eventually nurture preverbal babies and little boys begin competing and jocking for who is going to be the most powerful in a situation at this age.

When men sit across a table a counter or a desk facing another man and their heart windows are open and unprotected it can cause them to feel uncomfortable and awakens their primal fears of danger. Men feel that in that vulnerable position, they must battle, and in a business interaction that leads to disagreements, defensiveness, ego battles, and verbal attacks. Because of this primal warring position even little boys will move their chairs and work to sit and stand side by side. In that position, their heart is protected and they feel that the man beside them physically is also symbolically on their side. Men feel so much safer that they will self-disclose more and communicate more effectively in a side-by-side or catty corner position than from the more opposition-causing male face-to-face position. Women are wired and socialized to speak positioned face to face. This helps them to create and nurture relationships. In a face-to-face position, they can see the other entire person's body language and respond accordingly. Again, men prefer to have their hearts protected and be on the "same side" when they talk. For more information on this you can read the chapter on body windows in my book success signals www.PattiWood.net. Go to the products page to o

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What is the Bristle Reaction to Your Partner, Why You May Not Want to Have Sex With Your Partner. By Body Language Expert Patti Wood

How to Handle an Unruly Airline Passenger Sitting Next To You By Body Language and Conflict Expert Patti Wood

What are the Benefits of Walking Outside with Someone

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