I just got a request from a journalist who wanted to interview me about Cosleeping, that is sleeping with the child or children in the parents' bed. Obviously this is a controversial topic. In fact, there was a very funny scene in the new independent film "Away We Go". The scene made CoSleeping seem like a crazy sixties hippie-like thing to do. When I discuss couples' sleep positions (Just type in couples sleep positions in my search to find those insights) I point out the importance of the couples connecting with each other during sleep. The research on Cosleeping--also called family bed sleeping--shows quite a long list of benefits for the child. Babies who Cosleep have less stress and more self confidence and parents create a deeper bond and sense of understanding with their children.(See below for more benefits as well as warnings.) I have spent years researching touch and body language. There are so many things healthy touch can do. It is an amazing thing. For all the health and psychological benefits of touch you can read the chapter in my body language book or check out my website. I have friends and relatives who practiced Cosleeping with their children and they are now the most confident, happy kids I have ever seen. There is research on how wonderful it is for the baby to Cosleep, but there are dangers for babies as well. I like the idea of the family cuddling together in a big family bed, and then, for safety, moving small babies to a separate bed to sleep. Of course no matter the choice the parents make they have to make sure they get a good nights sleep! Personally, when I was a baby and growing up my family slept in their own beds, but on Sunday mornings my sisters and I would all run in and jump on our parents' bed. We would cuddle as we talked, laughed and read the funnies. It made me feel connected to my family and also let me see my parents as a couple side by side. All very wonderful and healthy ways to spend time as a family.
Below is information on Co-Sleeping provided by Wikipedia.
Stress hormones are lower in mothers and babies who co-sleep, specifically the balance of the stress hormone cortisol, the control of which is essential for a baby's healthy growth.[11][12][13][14]
In studies with animals, infants who stayed close to their mothers had higher levels of growth hormones and enzymes necessary for brain and heart growth.[15][16]
The physiology of co-sleeping babies is more stable, including more stable temperatures, more regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing than babies who sleep alone.[17][18]
Co-sleeping may promote long-term emotional health. In long-term follow-up studies of infants who slept with their parents and those who slept alone, the children who co-slept were happier, less anxious, had higher self-esteem, were less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioral problems, tended to be more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults.[19][20][21][22] However, a recent study (see below under dangers) found different results if co-sleeping was initiated only after nighttime awakenings.
Co-sleeping is known to be dangerous for any child when a parent smokes, but there are other risk factors as well.[5] Some common advice given is to keep a baby on its back, not its stomach, that a child should never sleep with a parent who smokes, is taking drugs (including alcohol) that impede alertness, or is obese.[23] It is also recommended that the bed should be firm, and should not be a water bed or couch; and that heavy quilts, comforters, and pillows should not be used. Young children should never sleep next to babies under nine months of age.[24] It is often recommended that a baby should never be left unattended in an adult bed even if the bed surface itself is no more dangerous than a crib surface.
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Job Interviewing Tips
My intern Julie interviewed me recently about body language tips for job interviews. She will be posting our interview on the blog and website soon. I just wanted to add some tips that are important in interviewing that are not directly related to nonverbal communication.
Let go of performance anxiety - Let go of the stressful thought, “Will I be good enough in the interview?” The interview is really about filling a job. They are looking for a match of characteristics and qualifications. It about a match rather than about you being good enough. And sometimes it is about the personality of the interviewer. Many interviewers are looking for someone like them. Some matching and mirroring of the interviewer could get you a job offer, but then you need decide if you like the energy of your new this person, who may be your future boss.
Be Polite - The smallest thing you do and say that shows your caring and courtesy has an impact. From holding the door for the interviewer, waiting for them to take a seat first if they don’t ask you to sit first, thanking them for taking the time to speak with you at the beginning and again at the end of the interview, to thanking them for offering you a beverage--your ease and proper etiquette shows so much.
Show you came prepared- Bring a nice leather bound notebook with a pad and pen clipped inside. The pocket should have copies of your resume and the printed research you did on the company and the job. You can even pull out the research you did on the company and ask the interviewer a question you have prepared based on your research.
In my presentation skills course and my How to Give a Great Interview course I talk about the power of words. I suggest you don’t use soft words like hopefully, if I get the job, and instead use words that show your confidence. "When I get the job..."
When you leave the interview, at your first opportunity write down your impression of what you did and any questions you might need to go over should you have another interview. Also write down things you did well and pat yourself on the back. Completing a job interview is like climbing a mountain. Sit back a moment and congratulate yourself and enjoy the view.
For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadelphia in the summer of 09 though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site. You can always contact Patti at Patti@PattiWood.net
Let go of performance anxiety - Let go of the stressful thought, “Will I be good enough in the interview?” The interview is really about filling a job. They are looking for a match of characteristics and qualifications. It about a match rather than about you being good enough. And sometimes it is about the personality of the interviewer. Many interviewers are looking for someone like them. Some matching and mirroring of the interviewer could get you a job offer, but then you need decide if you like the energy of your new this person, who may be your future boss.
Be Polite - The smallest thing you do and say that shows your caring and courtesy has an impact. From holding the door for the interviewer, waiting for them to take a seat first if they don’t ask you to sit first, thanking them for taking the time to speak with you at the beginning and again at the end of the interview, to thanking them for offering you a beverage--your ease and proper etiquette shows so much.
Show you came prepared- Bring a nice leather bound notebook with a pad and pen clipped inside. The pocket should have copies of your resume and the printed research you did on the company and the job. You can even pull out the research you did on the company and ask the interviewer a question you have prepared based on your research.
In my presentation skills course and my How to Give a Great Interview course I talk about the power of words. I suggest you don’t use soft words like hopefully, if I get the job, and instead use words that show your confidence. "When I get the job..."
When you leave the interview, at your first opportunity write down your impression of what you did and any questions you might need to go over should you have another interview. Also write down things you did well and pat yourself on the back. Completing a job interview is like climbing a mountain. Sit back a moment and congratulate yourself and enjoy the view.
For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadelphia in the summer of 09 though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site. You can always contact Patti at Patti@PattiWood.net
Reading Body Language Can Make You a Better Listener
This is a direct quote from a recent participant in my body language seminar.
"Patti, I attended you public seminar in Philadelphia. I found that out of all the benefits of attending your body language program, the biggest was becoming a better listener. Yes, learning to read others body language has actually made me a better listener. I know that sounds strange, but I would often have a lot of “mental noise” that kept me from truly listening to someone. When I would be in a sales meeting the other person (prospect) would be talking and I would be thinking about my answers or what I wanted to say next, etc. Now that I know body language I am not just listening to the words, I am watching my clients. This has helped me eliminate all my mental noise and allowed me to focus, listen and engage much more effectively."
"Patti, I attended you public seminar in Philadelphia. I found that out of all the benefits of attending your body language program, the biggest was becoming a better listener. Yes, learning to read others body language has actually made me a better listener. I know that sounds strange, but I would often have a lot of “mental noise” that kept me from truly listening to someone. When I would be in a sales meeting the other person (prospect) would be talking and I would be thinking about my answers or what I wanted to say next, etc. Now that I know body language I am not just listening to the words, I am watching my clients. This has helped me eliminate all my mental noise and allowed me to focus, listen and engage much more effectively."
Attractiveness, skinny, funny
I have been blogging about our love of skinny woman and horrible prejudice against those who are overweight. You may not know that I am constantly working on my weight and I got this joke from speaker Nigel Risner today.
"Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes." -Bob Thaves
In my case it would two or three Dove bars.
"Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes." -Bob Thaves
In my case it would two or three Dove bars.
Politician's body language: Lying and Trust
Question from a reader "How do I predict politicians future behavior from past body language?"
I have a separate category for Politicians on my Levels of Liars list that I created for my Deception Detection public seminar. Here is what I have observed and read in the research:
• Any person whose success is based on deceit can begin to rationalize that he or she must lie to succeed. By the way, men tend to lie more often about their success than woman.
• Anyone who believes that they are lying for some perceived greater good (for example, “Once I get into office I will do right for the people.”) will lie with less guilt and will give fewer cues of deceit making it harder for us to tell if they are lying.
• Repeating the same information, true or false, overtime can make it possible for someone to believe their own lies. This is an interesting result of how the brain reacts to dissonant information.
• Staff members giving misinformation is another problem that is rather unique to politicians. They are able to rely on their staff, speech writers and others to give them correct information and unless the politician is very smart and does their own fact checking before they speak and is savvy enough to create a staff made up of people with integrity, he or she can run into trouble. Before I do a body language read of a politician I like to study their staff to check the integrity of their 'spin doctors'. Read a case in point--the fall out from the recent Vanity Fair piece on Sara Palin. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0609/24392.html
I have a separate category for Politicians on my Levels of Liars list that I created for my Deception Detection public seminar. Here is what I have observed and read in the research:
• Any person whose success is based on deceit can begin to rationalize that he or she must lie to succeed. By the way, men tend to lie more often about their success than woman.
• Anyone who believes that they are lying for some perceived greater good (for example, “Once I get into office I will do right for the people.”) will lie with less guilt and will give fewer cues of deceit making it harder for us to tell if they are lying.
• Repeating the same information, true or false, overtime can make it possible for someone to believe their own lies. This is an interesting result of how the brain reacts to dissonant information.
• Staff members giving misinformation is another problem that is rather unique to politicians. They are able to rely on their staff, speech writers and others to give them correct information and unless the politician is very smart and does their own fact checking before they speak and is savvy enough to create a staff made up of people with integrity, he or she can run into trouble. Before I do a body language read of a politician I like to study their staff to check the integrity of their 'spin doctors'. Read a case in point--the fall out from the recent Vanity Fair piece on Sara Palin. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0609/24392.html
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