Patti will be on Entertainment Tonight on Saturday, April 30, 2016 at 7:00 pm - WSB-TV
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
A Body Language Expert Analyzes Notre Dame’s QBs
A Body Language Expert Analyzes Notre Dame’s QBs
What are Notre Dame’s quarterbacks saying with their bodies that they aren’t saying with their words?
I posed this question to Patti Wood, a body language expert and professional speaker. Wood, once dubbed “the Babe Ruth of body language experts,” is the author of “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.” She’s been asked to speak on non-verbal communication during hundreds of national news and entertainment programs. When she’s not speaking in front of Fortune 500 companies and government agencies, she maintains a blog about body language.
Wood watched three separate interviews, conducted March 18, of redshirt junior Malik Zaire, redshirt sophomore DeShone Kizer and sophomore Brandon Wimbush.
The body language expert was initially struck by Zaire’s movement of his neck – a quick jerk from side to side, combined with a pull back movement – which she called “such a strong tick.”
“It seems so out of his control that it may be neurological,” she said. “Less pronounced movements in individuals show a lack of centeredness and confidence.”
Wood said to watch for Zaire pressing his lips together tightly or turning his head away from the interviewer, which show a lack of confidence.
“His hesitant speech and low volume level show his discomfort and disquiet,” she added.
It may be no surprise that Wood said Zaire may be obscuring his true feelings when asked about the quarterback competition.
“His eyes are almost closed as he listens to the question,” she said. “That is typically an attempt to block the truth of how you’re feeling from the main interviewer and to give yourself time to think of a better answer than what you might be truly feeling.”
Wood says to watch for additional movements that may demonstrate frustration (sticking out his tongue or filling his mouth with air) and feeling uncomfortable (rubbing his nose several times) and during what moments they come in.
“As he goes on in the interview, notice his chin and how it juts out. He’s trying to give himself more confidence; that chin is jutting out in defiance,” she said. “The only thing he seems truly happy about is his love of Tex-Mex.”
While Wood believes Zaire’s tongue motions were a sometimes a sign of passive aggressiveness toward the questions being asked, she believed Kizer’s tongue betrayed something different.
“He is getting more moisture into his mouth, showing tension,” she said. “Overall, his body language cues are much less anxious and he, overall, is much more comfortable [than Zaire].”
“Brandon starts his interview so much differently than the other two players,” she said. “Notice his smile. Notice how his head is more forward. He gives, in just that first moment or two, such a profoundly different first impression – much more ease as to what’s going on.”
Wood said Wimbush holds his mouth open and moves his jaw to the side, which indicates he’s unsure about the answer he’s going to give to the question being asked.
“His gaze goes unfocused and glazed over like he is saying in his mind, ‘Get me out of here,'” she said. Wimbush also bites his lip, which betrays his nervousness.
Wood was also struck by a portion of Wimbush’s answer regarding Coach Brian Kelly’s initial decision to redshirt him.
“He has this interesting statement where he says, ‘I can control only what I can control.’ And then notice how he laps with his tongue out,” she said. “To me, that’s states nonverbally that he’d like to control more.”
Wood’s final impression of Wimbush is that he is “sincere” in his answer about redshirting this year.
“There’s a great truth,” she said. “He does feel it wouldn’t be so bad and you can hear a respect in his voice for his teammates.”
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
I posed this question to Patti Wood, a body language expert and professional speaker. Wood, once dubbed “the Babe Ruth of body language experts,” is the author of “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.” She’s been asked to speak on non-verbal communication during hundreds of national news and entertainment programs. When she’s not speaking in front of Fortune 500 companies and government agencies, she maintains a blog about body language.
Wood watched three separate interviews, conducted March 18, of redshirt junior Malik Zaire, redshirt sophomore DeShone Kizer and sophomore Brandon Wimbush.
ZAIRE IS FRUSTRATED & UNCOMFORTABLE
Wood said her overall impression of Zaire, based solely off this interview, was: “This is a young man that has been through a lot.”The body language expert was initially struck by Zaire’s movement of his neck – a quick jerk from side to side, combined with a pull back movement – which she called “such a strong tick.”
“It seems so out of his control that it may be neurological,” she said. “Less pronounced movements in individuals show a lack of centeredness and confidence.”
Wood said to watch for Zaire pressing his lips together tightly or turning his head away from the interviewer, which show a lack of confidence.
“His hesitant speech and low volume level show his discomfort and disquiet,” she added.
It may be no surprise that Wood said Zaire may be obscuring his true feelings when asked about the quarterback competition.
“His eyes are almost closed as he listens to the question,” she said. “That is typically an attempt to block the truth of how you’re feeling from the main interviewer and to give yourself time to think of a better answer than what you might be truly feeling.”
Wood says to watch for additional movements that may demonstrate frustration (sticking out his tongue or filling his mouth with air) and feeling uncomfortable (rubbing his nose several times) and during what moments they come in.
“As he goes on in the interview, notice his chin and how it juts out. He’s trying to give himself more confidence; that chin is jutting out in defiance,” she said. “The only thing he seems truly happy about is his love of Tex-Mex.”
KIZER TENSE, BUT MORE COMFORTABLE THAN ZAIRE
Wood said her impressions of Kizer, based solely off this interview, is that he’s tense, a bit frustrated, but overall more comfortable than Zaire.
“His volume level is also low, but his voice seems even and steady,” she said. “Both of them [Zaire and Kizer] are chin jutting, he [Kizer] does it less so. He also has a slight pursing of the lips and a little tiny bit of that blowing out air and frustration – holding it in – but it’s much less.”While Wood believes Zaire’s tongue motions were a sometimes a sign of passive aggressiveness toward the questions being asked, she believed Kizer’s tongue betrayed something different.
“He is getting more moisture into his mouth, showing tension,” she said. “Overall, his body language cues are much less anxious and he, overall, is much more comfortable [than Zaire].”
WIMBUSH IS OK WITH REDSHIRTING
Wood was impressed with the way Wimbush handled himself, at least initially.“Brandon starts his interview so much differently than the other two players,” she said. “Notice his smile. Notice how his head is more forward. He gives, in just that first moment or two, such a profoundly different first impression – much more ease as to what’s going on.”
Wood said Wimbush holds his mouth open and moves his jaw to the side, which indicates he’s unsure about the answer he’s going to give to the question being asked.
“His gaze goes unfocused and glazed over like he is saying in his mind, ‘Get me out of here,'” she said. Wimbush also bites his lip, which betrays his nervousness.
Wood was also struck by a portion of Wimbush’s answer regarding Coach Brian Kelly’s initial decision to redshirt him.
“He has this interesting statement where he says, ‘I can control only what I can control.’ And then notice how he laps with his tongue out,” she said. “To me, that’s states nonverbally that he’d like to control more.”
Wood’s final impression of Wimbush is that he is “sincere” in his answer about redshirting this year.
“There’s a great truth,” she said. “He does feel it wouldn’t be so bad and you can hear a respect in his voice for his teammates.”
How To Give Bad News To Your Children
How To Give
Bad News To Your Children
A few years ago I had the
honor to speak to an association whose members work with grieving children. Any
child who has to hear bad news needs to be given that news with grace and
honesty. Here is research to guide you if you have to give difficult news to
your young adults.
Revealing news to young adult children
A
quick search on the internet returns all kinds of resources aimed at helping
parents communicate with their young kids or teenagers. But, what happens when
teens turn into young adults? When it comes to disclosing important news to
young adult children, how can parents do so in a way that results in closer
relationships?
“My
previous research had indicated that parents really struggle with how to
deliver important news effectively to their grown kids,” says Erin Donovan,
Associate Professor of Communication Studies and Associate Director of the
Center for Health Communication at The University of Texas at Austin. Donovan
is the lead author of a new study recently published in the National Communication
Association’s journal Communication Monographs.
“You
can find information online like ‘how to tell your kindergartener that you have
cancer in a way she can understand,’” says Donovan, “but there's virtually no
guidance for how to talk to young adult children, even though parents,
understandably, worry about how to do this. I wanted to be able to say to
parents: here’s how to disclose important news well to your adult children.”
In
their study, Donovan and her co-authors Charee M. Thompson of Ohio University,
Leah LeFebvre of the University of Wyoming, and Andrew C. Tollison of Merrimack
College identified three tips that could help parents communicate big news to
their adult kids, while making sure that their relationship grows stronger:
providing access to information, relating as peers, and communicating with
candor.
Nearly
300 college students were asked to recall and describe in detail a time when a
parent had shared important information with them. Topics of disclosure
included a parent’s illness, the death of a loved one, a change in parental
employment, a move, and family secrets or family turbulence. The participants
wrote about what contributed to the success or failure of the conversation.
They were also asked what they would keep the same or change were the
conversation to happen again.
Students
indicated that parental disclosures were evaluated based on how cooperatively
parents seemed to offer access to a sufficient quantity of information.
Responses mentioning this dimension tended to focus on how parents “filled us
in as much as they could” or whether a participant felt that he or she had
“learned everything I needed to know.” When a parent had been relatively
unwilling or unable to provide access to information, participants noted their
dissatisfaction with the lack of information provided.
Another
aspect students noted was “candor,” which was related to participant
descriptions of how honest, straightforward, and unambiguous parents were when
disclosing. When children knew or felt that parents had been dishonest, the
communication was deemed unsuccessful. One participant explained:
"Recently my mom was having surgery and had to have some tests run the day
before. I called her to ask how her tests had gone and she explained that they
went fine. That was the end of the conversation. Then the next day I talked to
her, she explained that she had lied to me the day before and one of her tests
had come back with an abnormality. I was devastated because she tried to hide
it from me."
Another
theme that emerged was that children deemed disclosure more successful when
“relating as peers” with their parents. When parents opened up in a manner that
reflected an appreciation for a child’s maturity, participants perceived that
the communication was more successful. They described their parents as “being
real,” treating them as adults and confiding in them the way a friend or peer
would, rather than shielding them the way parents do with young children.
In
a follow-up study, the researchers confirmed that providing access to as much
information as possible when communicating with their young adult children and
relating to them as peers during these disclosures could predict increased
disclosure quality, which in turn predicted relational closeness. Candor didn’t
predict either disclosure quality or relational closeness.
This
study provides a needed analysis of how emerging adult confidants view parental
openness and its relational outcomes. Disclosure may be an important way to
promote and maintain relational closeness even as young adults become more
independent from their parents.
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Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
Quick Ways to Feel More Energetic
Quick Ways to Feel
More Energetic
How you hold your body can actually change how you
feel, in less than a 1/40 of second. If you hold and move your body the
way you want to feel, your body's chemistry can change in a fraction of a
second. Your posture and movement create a message that acts like a doctor’s
prescription. The message is sent through your neural synapse to the
brain's pharmacy. The brain notes the posture and movements and creates
chemicals that match and sends them out into your blood stream so you begin to
feel chemically the way your body language is held or moves. If you drag around
head down feeling tired you will get the chemicals that make you feel more
tired. You think your body language reflects
your fatigue and lack of energy but you can change your energy by how you hold
and move your body. I have been writing about the biochemistry aspects for over
30 years. (In her Ted Talk Amy Cuddly speaks
about Power Poses using research about this phenomenon.)
Keep your body language
“up.” Up, energetic body language is beautifully symbolic–you go up when you’re
feeling up. In addition up body language brings your posture up in a way that
allows more deep full lung capacity breathing which gives you more oxygenated
blood, thus more energy. Though the steps may seem wacky, if your are feeling
sluggish and just want to lay down and take a nap, these methods can charge you
up very quickly.
Quick Ways to Use Your
Body Language to Feel More Energetic:
- Take
five deep full breaths. Breathe in on a count of three, hold for three seconds and let your breath out slowly on the count of three. Make sure
your lungs fill up fully.
- Stand
up and lift your chest up and out.
- Stand
up against a wall and see if you can get your shoulders back against the
wall. Pull the shoulders back so even the tops of the shoulders
touch the wall. Now step away from the wall and see if you can stand and
walk with your shoulders back. This posture enlarges the chest
allowing the lungs to fill up with air giving your body more oxygen.
- Bring
your hands up and gesture high in the air. The location of your hands also
affects other nonverbal behavior. Put your hands at your sides and your
energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone, and you
tend to move less and show fewer facial expressions. Bring your hands to
the level of your waist, and you become calm and centered. Bring your
hands up high to the level of your upper chest or above, and your voice
goes up; you become animated.
You
can have fun for a second and pretend you’re a conductor leading an orchestra. Coincidentally, research shows conductors tend to live longer and they believe one
of the reasons is their high gesturing that increases their oxygen. You can
pretend like you have just won an Olympic competition and bring both hands up
above your head and hold them there for three seconds, lower them then raise
them again.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
What You Can Say To Stop A Bully
Yes, you can look for these
behaviors. I would also say you need to be aware of how you feel in the
presence of person. If you “feel” bullied, check in on what you are hearing in
the words and the nonverbals. Bullies sometimes know exactly what they are
doing and they get what they want. Sometimes they don’t know. In either case
you have many ways of dealing with it. One possibility if you are awake and
aware is to say,
·
Och, that hurts
·
(Action - hold up
your hand in a stop hand position.) Stop!
·
I am willing to
listen to what you have to say, but you need to say it to me in a different
way, please speak to me with honor and respect.
·
I am feeling
uncomfortable with how you are speaking to me.
·
You may not be aware
of it but, I feel you are not treating me with respect.
·
You’re not treating
me with respect. I ask that you change the way you are speaking with me
·
Stop, I ask that you
treat me with honor and respect.
·
I don’t deserve that
tone of voice, please speak to me with honor and respect.
·
I am stopping this
conversation because you are not treating me with respect.
Notice
that you don’t call anyone a bully in any of these options. Do not label or
name call, ask instead for what you want.
Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.
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