Listen
to Your Partner with your
BODY LANGUAGE
Remember To Be Gentler
Patti Wood, MA, Professional Speaker expert in body language and
nonverbal communication. Author of SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions
Body Language and Charisma. www.pattiwood.net
What you can do to help focus and show that you are listening to
your partner
Give Facial Feedback
Let your nonverbal expressions show your emotional response to
the message. Matching and mirroring your partner creates similar chemicals in
your body, increases empathy and understanding, and signals your partner that
you "GET" what they are saying.
Eye Contact
A listener should give more eye contact than the speaker.
Research suggests that if you want to have a good rapport, you should maintain
eye-contact 60 to 70 percent of the time that someone speaks to you. Females are
better at this than men and need more eye contact from listeners to feel
comfortable in the conversation. Eye contact cues are more complicated for men.
This may be because dominance is communicated by either staring or a lack of
eye contact. It would help if you made good eye contact. Research shows
that a typical business gaze focuses on the eyes and the upper forehead, and in
a social gaze, the listener's gaze drops down to include the nose and the
mouth.
Nod Your Head
You do not have to have a bobble toy head. Just occasionally nod
your head to show you are listening and empathetic with the speaker's message.
An added bonus of nodding your head is that it releases endorphin-like
chemicals into your bloodstream to make you feel good and feel more affable
about the speaker. Be aware that women nod their heads whether they agree with
the speaker's message or not. Men may think that you agree with them if you nod
too much, so be careful not as you use it as mere feedback. Don’t give men "I'm
Listening" nods if you disagree with what a man is saying.
Turn Off Technology
We have become so accustomed to
checking our phones while talking to someone we forget how rude it is. all
those things are. Signal to your partner
your intent to really listen by turning away your laptop, turning off your cell
phone, and even saying out loud, "Let me turn this off and put this
away while we talk."
Lean
Forward
Proximity, that is, being physically close, signals
your desire to be emotionally or physiologically close. I don't mean get in
their face but merely lean in toward your partner. Research shows that
in a seated conversation, a backward lean communicates that you are dominant. A
forward lean shows interest.
Expose Your Palms
We hide the palms of our hands when we are nervous or lying.
Keep your hands open and visible to create comfort in others.
We all want to be seen heard and understood. There is no greater
gift to give to someone than your interest. Be GENTLE with your listening.
