The Best Way to Give Feedback to Employees.

Excerpted From my forthcoming Book THE CONFLICT CURE and my workshops on leadership. 

• Give feedback as soon as positive or negative behavior occurs.
• Stick with talking about one behavior rather than a laundry list of pent-up frustrations or irritations.
• If you are giving a piece of criticism, wait till you are alone with the employee to share it rather than speaking in front of others to show your respect for everyone.
• Make sure the criticism matters, saying it will make a difference for your business, and it's not just a personal pet peeve or a put-down. For example, years ago, I had a boss who was rarely in the office, and our clients never came into the office, much less the breakroom. He humiliated a fellow consultant in front of all of us by saying, "I don't like the smell of popcorn. It's unprofessional. What would our clients think? Never make it again." The consultant left the firm and took his high-paying clients with him!
• If you've waited for a pattern of good or bad behavior to occur before you give the feedback, make sure you stick with the one behavior and say when it happens or how many times it happens. Again, avoid sharing a list of bad behaviors.
• Give the praise or criticism using specifics the way a scientist would—for example, you were 20 minutes late five times in the past three weeks. Not, You're always late. And I have noticed that over the past month, you smile and greet customers in a genuinely warm and welcoming manner that makes them feel good coming into our business. Rather than, "You're good at customer service."
• I am an expert in nonverbal communication, so I want to make sure you a cautious with your tone of voice when giving criticism. Be honoring and respectful. Don't speak in anger or frustration.
• If you are giving criticism, make sure you have a conversation about what the positive behavior would look like. For example, you can ask them what they think the replacement behavior should be and discuss any challenges they may have with making the change, and if that doesn't work, offer what you think the ideal behavior would look like. 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How Do You Know Someone is Fake Crying, Do Narcissists' Cry?, Why Do Narcissist's Cry? By Bod Language Expert Patti Wood

As a body language expert, I am asked by the media and my clients to analyze politicians, celebrities, and others to see if their tears are real or fake. Unfortunately, time and time again, I find that malignant narcissists fake cry. They cry, but the timing is off. It often comes out of nowhere. It doesn't show authentically at the top and bottom of their face, their breathing is off, and they often look to see if their fake tears are having a persuasive effect on their audience.

Body Language Analysis of Kyle Rittenhouse's Crying. Real Tears or Fake Tears? Kyle Rittenhouse Murder Trial. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/19741562/5363364492962921396?hl=en) I can't say with certainty that Kyle is a Narcissist but, I can tell if he fake cried during the trial. 

Though anyone can fake cry, Malignant Narcissists are the most likely to do so. They can also cry authentically but mainly use crying to manipulate others.

For example, A malignant narcissist can take their girlfriend to a movie and sob during the sad love story in the film. So they get their girlfriend's full attention away from the movie. Then when their girlfriend asks, "Why are you crying?:" they can reply, "Oh, it reminds me of the loss of my relationship with my true love, the love of my life." So their girlfriend will comfort them, losing her enjoyment of the movie, overriding her importance to him for the lost love, and giving him the attention he craves. He gets a "hit" for gaining her attention over a great movie and the "hit" from making his current girlfriend feel sorry for him for losing someone he describes as his true love, making her less than and not his true love.

The Malignant Narcissists never feel satiated. They never find total peace or contentment. Instead, they are screaming for the cavernous depths of their insides to be filled up. So they seek attention by manipulating others. One method to get a narcissistic supply is to play the Victim and fake tears to get attention.

Like a child who fakes crying to get attention, they will pretend to be helpless, in pain, and act persecuted to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them. Any empathetic person wants to aid someone who is crying. Fake crying can help them gain alliance, turn their audience against someone they want to punish, and isolate and receive aid. So for example, media personality Alex Jones used his show to falsely accuse Sandy hook victims and their surviving family members of being crisis actors. But now that his victims are suing him for the harm, he is crying that HE is the Victim. He cries he is bankrupt though he was recently revealed to be a multimillionaire who is siphoning funds to dummy accounts to hide his wealth from his victims. In fact, he is currently fake, crying to his audience that he needs money to fight what he calls his attackers, who are, in reality, his victims.

And in truth, Malignant Narcissist thinks they are the Victim anytime they don't get what they want. As in, "I am crying, poor me, I am alone, my mean wife left me." Not revealing the wife left because of abuse and infidelity. So the ex becomes the villain the Malignant Narcissists get the sympathy.

And part of their confusing and mindbending behavior means they can exhibit a confusing mixture of superiority and inadequacy, victimhood. They show macho or superwoman confidence, except for circumstances where the appearance of low self-esteem, poor me I am helpless, oh please help me behavior is required.

In a romantic relationship, they will have two or more romantic targets they can play against each other. That way, they can always have at least one to run off to cry that they are the Victim. For example, they can cry in their lover's arms. "My wife does not understand me." "She is so cold." "Hold me because my wife gives me no affection."  And or cry to their wives, "This woman knew I was married to you, but she was relentless and kept sending me racy photos of her and would not stop." "I was a victim of her siren-like pursuit."  Crying can gain their wives' sympathy and forgiveness and turn the wives' anger away from them and to their mistress.

 Body Language Analysis of Kyle Rittenhouse's Crying. Real Tears or Fake Tears? Kyle Rittenhouse Murder Trial. https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/19741562/5363364492962921396?hl=en

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How To Dress For Zoom Job Interview, How to Look Good on Zoom.

I am a body language expert. I am a speaker and consultant with Fortune 100 companies and the media about nonverbal communication. I have written several books, including "Snap, Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language, and Charisma.

 

 Research shows that perceptions of professional attributes, like competence, composure, and knowledge, "are affected most by dress, with formal dress resulting in the most positive perception." It also affects how you see yourself. Research shows that dressing "properly" has an impact on how you see your own skill set.

 

On Zoom, the top half of your body is the focus. Try all the outfits you are considering, sitting down on a rehearsal zoom call to see how they look. Does everything fit without pulling, gapping, or tugging on the button? Does it look too big or bulky?

The look should be crisp, well-ironed, and ideally, solid colors that "read" stronger, rather than distracting or too personalized (not plaid, polka dotted, flowered, a Hawaiian, or shirts with slogans.)

 

Next, pull down your jacket, shirt, or dress down in the back. I can't tell you how many people I coach forget that step. They check their outfit standing in front of a mirror and forget they need to look good in it while sitting down. Make sure if you're a woman that camera doesn't let the viewer see down the top of your dress or shirt to your bra.

 

Look at significant newscasters on TV to find the model of someone you think looks good on camera from the waist up.

Make sure that the shoulders of your jacket, shirt, blouse, or dress fit. The seam for the sleeves should be right at the end of your shoulders. There are women's clothes that are currently popular with dropped sleeves or no sleeve seam that are cute but look overwhelming and messy on camera. For women, a sleeveless or short sleeve solid color dressed in jewel tone looks the best. Note how female newscasters seldom wear look sleeves or brown, beige, black, and pastels.

 

If you are interviewing for job wear, you will dress casually and go at least one level up from the casual you would see in that business. In an interview, you show respect for the person interviewing you, the job, and the company.

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Why is There and Increase in Bad Behavior During Covid? By Stander Intervention. Being a Good Samaritan in the Age of Covid.

Bystander intervention and "good samaritan" behaviors in the era
of covid. Are we becoming more or less caring? What would you do
- and what should you do - when you see a stranger in distress?

I have noticed and discussed a behavior change with my clients, audiences, and media. I really liked the options that AOC had on her Twitter feed after the Comic Sexually harassed her on the steps last week, and I have been thinking about this from a nonverbal perspective as well as an expert in DISC personality assessment

 

We see more risk-taking, rule-breaking behavior that started during lockdown when a larger percentage of high-risk takers, the “Drivers” and “Influencers” on the DISC personality inventory, were out without the usual “Correctors” and “Supporters.” That would typically model good rule-following behavior to prevent and stop it. Instead, for two years, the rule breakers have experienced an unprecedently freedom to do whatever they want. They have even increased their bad behavior to get to an increased “Rush” from the rule-breaking behavior, similar to a drug addict increasing their drugs or upping to a more dangerous drug.

 

So now that the rule followers are out and about, they are dealing with rule breakers that are more likely to feel all-powerful, that space and resources are theirs and can not be stopped. That’s a much more dangerous kind of person to deal with if you are trying to help someone being harmed or harmed by them. Our limbic brains respond to danger with one or more stress responses FREEZE Flight Fall, Faint, or Friend.

 

The Danger of being a “Good Samaritan” has increased because of the fear of catching Covid in regular face-to-face interpersonal interactions closer than six feet.

 

So I recommend that people assess the Danger of interacting before interacting. If you are freezing in place, for example, ask yourself if you are genuinely in Danger before acting. If your feet spread and your hands go into fists, should you jump in and fight or not?

There are simple things a good Samaritan can do, such as pull over in their car and get far behind someone of color who has been pulled over by the police, staying far enough away not to be in Danger but to act as an observer.

If someone is being actively harassed and you don’t feel safe actively intervening, you can also stay six feet away and give a critical look and act as an “I am watching you, so you better stop” Samaritan.

You and ask, “Do you want help now?” “I am here. Do you want me to call for help?”

 

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Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

How to Deal With A Perfectionists Boss

To make sure they are receptive, don't interrupt them.  They like their solitude and prefer to know you will be coming to talk to them rather than having you just drop by. When you talk to a perfectionist, make your body language appropriate and reserved and your voice slow and at a low volume.  Allow long silent pauses for them to think before they speak.

Perfectionists tend to be smart, careful, and accurate. They crave facts and more facts and have trouble making decisions because they have so many details to consider. They welcome documentation, a lengthy testimonial, and statistical evidence that proves the point.

Explain until you are blue in the face, and they'll ask for more. Whether you give them task they have assigned you face to face or through email, they will email you back later with corrections, problems, mistakes that you made, and why it won't work.

Be prepared.  If possible, make sure you deal with the face of their criticism to face, or your project will drag out.  It will be weighed down with back and forth conversations and emails with what non-analytical people would consider minutia. Even when you think the "deal is done," they will want to come back with one more fix. 

Perfectionists are cautious because they want to ensure it is done the right way and produces the perfect result.

They typically think that if you do it their way, they can make it perfect or they can correct your mistakes so you can make it perfect.

To avoid doing tons of work and then having them come back with so many corrections, you have to start over; you can present the project in steps. "I will give you an outline by this date for your review, a rough draft by this date, and then I will go forward without changes to deliver it to the client by this date." Or, on a smaller project, to avoid delays, you may even offer a deadline for feedback and  criticism and say, "Could you get back to me by this date with problems, and after that, because of the client's deadline, we will of course, need to go forward."

 

 

 

Called the "Gold Standard" of Body Language by Washington Post and credited in the New York Times for bringing the topic to national attention Patti Wood is a true expert. Patti has degrees with an emphasis in Nonverbal Communication and taught Body Language at Florida State. She is the author of 10 books, Including SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma, and she speaks and consults with Fortune 500 companies and associations. You see her on National TV shows like Good Morning America, The Today Show, The History Channel, and the National news. In addition, she is quoted every week in publications such as The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today, Bloomberg Business Week, Fortune, Readers Digest, Good Housekeeping, Oprah, and USA Today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.