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A Traveler's Guide To Body Language Around The Globe

I did the interview for this piece on cultural differences in body language months ago. I have to try and find the print version! I have a door on this. My greatest challenge and fun as a speaker is doing my two day public speaking class with only one or two members of the class who speak English! I had one class with miners from five different countries, my small groups were speaking German, French, Italian, Spanish and Portuguese. Everyone tells you that humor does not translate but my goodness whenever I do these programs we laugh all day long!


Body Language And Charisma, Patti Wood (pattiwood.net) says, “In the West, the sense of self is external rather than internal, which means the body is perceived as extending into the space around it.” In Asia and more crowded cultures, the sense of self is internal, “so they might be around a tea truck and there might be five people on top of each other; to internal-thinking cultures, this crowding is absolutely normal and seen as friendly.” These fundamental differences are crucial to be aware of to avoid breaking rules and to ensure your own personal comfort.
There’s also auditory space. During a trip to Paris, Wood, an American, was forewarned that it’s a faux pas to gab in a train cabin. Upon boarding, she was noticed by a fellow American who wanted to bond. “This person is talking to me and I’m trying to find a way to kindly shut them down – and sure enough, everyone on the train was staring at us, probably thinking, ‘Those incredible, rude Americans.’”.... More at the link below




Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Donald and Melania Trump Both "Hiding Anger" in the photo on instagram

Since news came to light that President Donald Trump had an affair with porn star Stormy Daniels while married to his wife, Melania Trump, all eyes have been on the first family's current relationship. Body language expert Patti Wood exclusively told Life & Style what she thinks of the FLOUTS' latest Instagram pic from outside of the White House — and it sounds like trouble.
Several aspects of their behavior are interesting. Notice how he is facing fully towards the camera so you could have her cut out of the photo edit wouldn’t really affect him? Well, she is angled towards him in a position that is half of what I call a love the weight with each partner angles towards their partner Ideally to create a V but he’s not playing," Patti shared.
"[Melania] is smiling — there’s a strain to the effort she makes, but she is smiling. His smile is very unusual. It’s over the top, stretched out wide," she continued, comparing his facial expression to a "Jack Nicholson-maniacal grin." Another thing the Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language & Charisma author found interesting were the looks in both of their eyes. "Look how similar that look in the eyes are," she explained. "That’s hidden anger, and their eyes are both showing hidden anger — they're matching and mirroring hidden anger."
Not this photo the one on Instagram.

http://www.lifeandstylemag.com/posts/donald-trump-melania-trump-white-house-instagram-156645http://www.lifeandstylemag.com/posts/donald-trump-melania-trump-white-house-instagram-156645






Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Body Language Signs Your Relationship Is In Trouble Changes That Indicate Your Relationship Is In Trouble

I am working on a media request for tips if your relationship is in a slump or there is conflict.
Here are my rough notes....So many habits/rituals in a relationship are comforting, but when you’re fighting repeating the same rituals, interactions and activities can take you down a path towards another fight. Changing environments and changing nonverbal interactions changes the neural pathways in the brain and can lead to more positive interactions. I suggest changes that you repeat over a long period of time, not just a date night change. You're working on changing ingrained patterns, laying down new muscle memories and laying down new neural pathways in the brain so you want to repeat the new, happier rituals so they create happier interactions till they become new habits. This is also based on the theory of 21 that shows if you repeat a behavior for 21 days it becomes a habit.
For example, if you don’t typically run, hug and kiss each other when you come home try some new loving touching fun greeting ritual when you see each other. Even if you have to act or push yourself a bit to do it.
If you eat every meal together in the same place, change it up. Eat breakfast in the middle of the bed, eat dinner on a blanket on the floor, have lunch outside on a bench. Change it up. I mean for a while, not just a date night change.
If you watch TV or your lap top screens every night, unplug, both of you for a long stretch, at least seven straight days. You’re going to create some tension without that distraction, but you can also create excitement and intimacy. If you can’t take nighttime screen watching out entirely at least take it completely in any form out of the bedroom.
Change who cooks and who cleans up. Completely reverse roles, without criticizing or correcting your partner for doing their new job wrong. (There is a challenge!) It's not fair for the cooking partner to buy food if their partner typically cooks, instead switch out completely.
Take turns tucking your partner into bed, by getting all the little things they like to do before bed ready, like a glass of water or book and literally bring the blanket up to their chin and kiss them and wish them a good sleep. Each partner does this for their partner for a week, so each gets a week of tender night night care. Kissing, backrubs and sweet songs sung are highly recommended.
I have more….

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Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

The Pomp And Ceremony Of President Xi's Oath Taking, President Xi's Body Language


I read the Chinese President XI's body language as he took his oath of office for the South Chinese News.
When I do body language reads for foreign publications I don't always get the link to the story, in this case it will come out in print. So here are my rough notes.
In the video you can skip to his oath, though i think the highly stiff and tense pomp and ceremony is fascinating!



Xi Jinping on Saturday became the first Chinese state leader to take a constitutional oath, as the country’s president and head of its military. The ceremony – which took place after Xi received unanimous support from lawmakers to serve a second term as president – was a symbolic move to show the significance of the constitution, which was revised last week to include Xi’s political theory, “Xi Jinping Thought”.

https://www.scmp.com/video/china/2137831/it-happened-pomp-and-ceremony-president-xis-oath-taking

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Group Narcissism. What Is Group Narcissism? How A Group Can Tolerate A Narcissist In Their Midst

Group Narcissism or Collective Narcissism

As many of you know as a body language expert. I write and speak to my corporate clients about  honesty, integrity and credibility as well as deception, narcissism and psychopathology. I am working on a chapter in my book on how people respond and interact to the "dark triad behaviors like Malignant Narcissism and it struck me that most people don't understand how a group can tolerate a Narcissist in their midst. Someone they know is "crazy" and has done harm. How can it happen?
Are greatest fear is rejection of our tribe. We fear death, we fear snakes, we fear public speaking but, our greatest fear is not to die, but to die alone, outcast from our tribe.That fear can make some people stay in tribe even if they see that the tribe and or one or more of its members are unhealthy. An it can make people who would be outcast from other groups band together. Narcissist are fed by good highly empathetic people, but they also can be drawn to other narcissists so they feel like they are with "their people."

In group narcissism we see a unquestioning loyalty and admiration for the group and its ideals.
Its the unquestioning aspect that is dangerous. They also can have an intense energy in the persecution of any person who questions the authority and or ideals of the group.
The group will do anything, ignore any bad behavior of their fellow narcissists, give a fellow tribe member a pass and then another pass, even normalize bullying, yelling, crazy, abusive and even dangerous behavior. They will defend one of their own kind, for fear of losing the group. They will even attack any innocent person or persons who threatens the group status quo. 
The group is their breath, their life, their sustenance, their "supply."  No one is safe from the pathology of the group, as happened after the horrific Parkland shooting, they will even attack the character of children, and threaten then with harm. 

Eric Fromm the social physiologist and philosopher and author (I read his incredible book about love in high school) explains in his research on group narcissism that   “..[an] individual narcissists, who is out on his own, comparing himself to normal people may see he lacks a moral core, unless he is mentally very sick, he may have at least some doubts about his personal narcissistic image. But, if he joins a group that has other narcissists, he has none, since his narcissism is shared by the majority” (ibid., p.204). If they are themselves narcissists they are in the presence of other narcissists, who reflect back “like” behaviors so they don't see their dark selves. In the group they are whole and belong.  They don't have to face the possible problems with their own behavior, they can say, "All my friends are doing it so it cant be bad." They normalize bad behavior. 

If they do see damage in other tribe members it may only serve to make them feel superior in that group members presence.  In fact their very acceptance of the dark damage in their fellow tribe members can make them think they are a good people.(Think of the case where the congregation accepted a apology of their minister who assaulted another member of the congregation when he had not apologized to her or suffered any consequences for his attack.) If you are in a narcissistic group you you  don’t consider the fact that in a healthy group dark damage behaviors are called out as unacceptable and anyone who does something wrong is called out! 
They feed each other giving each other narcissistic supply, and if they loose members they will just seek out new supply, some just like them, and others who are their best supply, their opposites who have real emotions the "Empaths" who are honest trusting people that the group can use and abuse.

Narcissists love the "supply" being in a group gives them. "...it works as protection and amplification of their own narcissism." Fromm says that, "One would expect the narcissist to be ‘above’ such social conformity, but, actually, this often represents a stepping up of his pathology. It is also gratifying to the weak and untalented narcissist since he becomes a giant by belonging to the group."

Mats L Winther says, "The group members are often mistaken for nice fellows, who are socially mature and respectful towards other people. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a chimera. Such people are only providing for their own narcissism by way of reflection in the group. Scratch on the surface, and a nasty intolerance appears.” Many psychologists tend to view the social group as an ideal for the individual to attain. The true ideal is to belong to a healthy group filled with loving honest caring people.

Think of it this way. Marriage is also an deal, and there are unhealthful abusive marriages, in which an abusive spouse inside it may brag about his great marriage and gain social status from being "in" a marriage. In the same way, there are group members, who brag about being in a group that is in fact toxic. Fromm has labeled this pathological version of social life called group narcissism. So if you have read this far, you may get a greater understanding of why some political party members may cling to their group memberships, some cult members may cling to their cult and some people may belong to a church, a work group or social group that treats people badly.

So what can you do? First think of your place in your tribe, look to the left and look to the right then look at yourself. What destructive behaviors are you allowing? Emphasis on negative topics, and people, constant complaining without actions, anger mongering, shouting, shutting people down, bullying, gossiping, name calling, sexual discrimination, judging, smearing and assassinating of peoples characters behind their back and to their face. What do you think is ok? And if you, like I do now, look to the left and look in the right and look in the mirror and see kindness be grateful.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.