Selecting a Match Maker and or Dating and Relationship Coach

I am a body language expert, author, professional speaker, and coach. Years ago, when I began doing executive coaching to million and billion-dollar business owners and C-suite executives, I realized that many times the single executive men said they wanted management coaching. Still, their more profound need was to learn how to select mates, learn how to safely and effectively flirt, and form deep, meaningful relationships.

As you might guess, wealthy, successful singles sometimes find themselves sought after by people that want their money and power, so I teach body language and other healthy communication cues to know someone is credible and authentic. I also find that men and women high on the Driver and Correctors on the DISC type indicator are often successful. However, they may have trouble with the gentle back and forth flow of flirting and being still and listening that is required to create intimacy, and I teach those behaviors as well.  I also help them brainstorm places to go to meet future mates. I assign them tasks like joining a board on a nonprofit,  volunteering for Habit for Humanity, volunteering to help as a greeter, or sign in person at a nonprofit or art event, taking an in-person class on their interest in a university evening education program.

I don't advertise that portion of my business as I like how my executive coaching naturally creates a safe place for clients to seek that part of my coaching.

I advise people looking for a matchmaker or dating coach to look for someone who can assess their strengths and needs, coach them, give them "homework" assignments, and guide them through the growth process required to have a healthy, loving relationship.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

Expert on Gender Differences Patti Wood Book Recommendation.

A friend and I were talking today about physical appearance in the movie, A Promising Young Woman and I thought about how tragic it is that young women today feel the pressure to be fully made up at looking perfect at all times. I didn’t wear make-up until I was in my 20s and then I only wore it on dates!

I have been speaking and writing about gender differences and nonverbal communication for decades. This is a wonderful quote from a book I read years ago. To be born a woman has been to be born, within an allotted and confined space, into the keeping of men. The social presence of women has developed as a result of their ingenuity in living under such tutelage within such a limited space…She has to survey everything she is and everything she does because of how she appears to others, and ultimately how she appears to men, is of crucial importance for what is normally thought of as the success of her life. Her own sense of being in herself is supplanted by a sense of being appreciated as herself by another. Here is the quote from the book I recommend.

https://onartandaesthetics.com/2017/01/12/john-berger-on-male-and-female-presence-from-ways-of-seeing/amp/?fbclid=IwAR0SSiKxIj0rMFx1KK3_jfmQIOjx17dGZjz6w2EIuaXyEAcOeDOeXZwihJ4

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

What Makes Someone Look Like They Are Lying, Guilty and or Evil. The Body Language of Evil Eyebrows.

Notice the downward sloping of the inner eyebrow. Yes, that is controllable. That is something facial muscles can do in response to the suppression of the truth. If you don’t lie all the time you don’t have it!

I have a chapter on eye behavior in my book Success Signals. I talk about eyebrows a deception in my deception detection program and I discuss the research on eyebrow placement and malignant narcissism in my forthcoming book. I just happened to see a photo of him in a news story and when I looked up his name there were many more that showed the same characteristic. Body language of Chauvin during his murder trial.

Police Defendant Dereck Chauvin's Body Language During his Trial for the Murder by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Body language of Chauvin hearing his guilty verdict in this video https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-2402584/Jury-finds-Derek-Chauvin-guilty-killing-George-Floyd.html 

The fear is clear in the tenseness of the lower eyelids and the way he is raising his upper eyelids the rapid eye movement is him processing the verdict as anyone would first in the emotional limbic brain and going over to the neocortex to the logical thinking brain to decide how to respond. The rapid movement shows his constant attempt to first feel fearful, understand what is being said, and stay calm over and over again. But mixed with the fear are also nonverbal indications of anger, see when his eyebrows lower slightly and are drawn together along with the lower eyelid tension so we see him glaring. I had enough baseline of his normal to detect his shift from fear to anger in these few moments. I would say he did not expect his behavior to have reached this judgment. Remember he had been reprimanded but not fired for similar behavior (kneeling on someone) before this and anyone would be fearful of guilty judgment.

Here’s the story about the moment he spoke to the court and the video itself.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9474599/Derek-Chauvin-trial-Defense-set-call-final-witnesses.html What is striking here is his very erect posture and bearing see how it seems that there is an invisible rod through his back and up through his neck. This is perfect professional posture and indicates he is very aware of his circumstances and surroundings. Also, notice this way he is holding the microphone down away from his face and his heart and instead over his torso with his fingers only lightly holding it with the tips of his fingers extended. He may have been coached to hold the mike in this relaxed unguarded way, but in any case, this placement and grip make it appear he is not tense. You do see The tell of his anxiety his clipped, tense, rapid replies. I coach people to be expert witnesses and to testify before congress and while lawyers tend to coach clients to give short responses, I coach them to breathe and give relaxed naturally voiced responses that are credible. Of course, he is responding to questions about understanding about not testifying but his paralanguage, that is voice tone, tempo, speaking rate, high voice, etc. and his focus on looking at his lawyer in a way that makes it look like he searching for approval that he is doing ok and making the right choice make him sound scared.  The one "tell" that makes him look a bit smug is his chin placement. Chin placement is a key place to read for someone's level of confidence. Confidence is shown when the chin is held at the center.  He holds his neck arched out at one point and throughout holds his chin up above “the centerline” showing he feels superior. I think that is telling because it's very hard to consciously control the chin placement when under stress, so it tends to go to its natural baseline of that person's normal.

 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-2399020/Video-Minneapolis-cop-Derek-Chauvin-invokes-Fifth-Amendment.html

 

 The defence’s closing statement, where Chauvin took off his mask for the first prolonged period throughout the trial. We didn’t get to see much of him because the camera was focused on his attorney and insight on why the defence would have him take the mask off just for that section.

 https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9488203/Derek-Chauvin-trial-Defense-argues-closing-statement-cops-actions-reasonable.html

https://twitter.com/CourtTV/status/1384559990665584640

 I think the mask off was an attempt to have the jury read him and potentially see him be emotional. The background of court trials recently has been controversial in some legal trials they have delayed going forward for fear their defendant won’t be seen on zoom or under a mask as a human/innocent/real. It’s a big concern.

 NOTE TAKING

Many of my clients, curious have asked me about his note-taking. It is standard practice for me to coach my executive and politician clients to “take notes” in court cases, testimony, debates and congressional hearing so they will stay focused and occupied, have something to do with their hands as hands often go to “Self Comfort Cues” and overall not be as nervous and NOT GIVE AS MANY TELLS” I give caveats to that advice however saying it's important at times to show respect, caring, and concern partiality.

 These caveats were not coached and or shown by him. Because he was labeled as unfeeling and lacking emotion before the trial it was a mistake for him to do it so often. Here the lack of emotion during very painful testimony may have affected the jury’s impression of him negatively. And you have that chin up and often shoulders back as he is taking notes. He looks more natural and humane (that is humane, not human) when he is relaxed down in his chair here.  The constant note-taking and the chin-up which can be seen even with a mask on may have been the reason some people labeled him as looking unfeeling or even labeling him as a sociopath. Every individual has their baseline normal behavior that I use to do a read and we have a standard of normal nonverbal behavior for situations. Because of the long horrific video, this was a trial that caused many people who say the video feel horrific pain and sympathy for the victim so the baseline of normal response for the defendant is expected to show a reflection of our normal even knowing that he feels and considers himself innocent. I know that lawyers may coach a client to show no emotion to make the victim look more guilty, but again we saw the video of the victim's agony so that standard lawyerly advice about how to comport yourself as the defendant in the courtroom could and in this case did backfire.

 

In regards to his constant notetaking, again there aren’t many videos of it because we only saw glimpses but having watched the trial I can say he was writing on his legal pad constantly, no matter who was on the witness stand or which attorney was speaking.  

https://twitter.com/HLNTV/status/1382728587808215043

https://twitter.com/CourtTV/status/1382348828871958533

https://twitter.com/JuliaCourtTV/status/1384249332761731081

 

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.
     

A Nonverbal Trick to Fall Asleep

I just read about this nonverbal trick to fall asleep.

Isn’t it frustrating when you can’t run off those racing thoughts and get to sleep?

You probably have experienced it, haven’t you?

You get in bed, pull up the blanket, flip off the light, take a deep breath…

And everything you’ve thought about, worried about during the day, worked on during the day, comes flooding back.

You can’t stop thinking about the things that you need to do tomorrow.

Your mind is overwhelmed with stresses, anxieties, the pandemic, and all the issues that are out of control.

Most people will tell you just to “Shut your mind off” and “Just stop thinking.”

But…

How do you do that?!

Well, this is how to flip the switch off on your racing brain.

Now, this technique might sound weird and unconventional but try and you’ll see how well it works.

Next time you get in bed, close your eyes and imagine as you are feeling different objects -- NOT see them, but feel without moving your hands.

Remember: The objects are moving - NOT your hands!

Feel their shapes.

Feel their textures.

Feel whether they are soft or hard on touch.

At first, it might take up to 15 minutes to concentrate your mind on this activity. Although, once you practice it daily you’ll be able to fall asleep in minutes!

Why does it work?

Basically, instead of trying to shut off all those racing thoughts in your mind, you simply refocus and concentrate on something that neither bores you nor interests you too much.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.