Interview for Six Ways to Train Your Boyfriend

Body language tips for relationships; Six Ways to Train your Boyfriend. Patti Wood is quoted in the following article. Patti's quote is in bold print.

“You can’t change a man” is one of the oldest cliches in the book. Well, we just discovered some news that challenges that notion, and it comes from an unlikely source: animal trainers.

Keeping your man honest
“Males are card-carrying members of the animal kingdom, and they exhibit a lot of the same behaviors as many other mammals,” says Amy Sutherland, author of “What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love, and Marriage: Lessons for People from Animals and Their Trainers.” “So they’re likely to respond to some of the same training techniques.”
Sutherland is speaking from experience. After spending a year at an exotic-animal training school, watching students in action, she successfully applied the techniques to her husband. In less than a few months, she was able to curb some of his undesirable traits.

We know you so want in on this. That’s why we uncovered time-tested methods used by the most successful animal trainers on the planet. Then we got top psychologists to show you how to apply those techniques to your guy. Read on and you will soon be able to teach him some new tricks.

#1 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He’s Allergic to Chores

Earn his banana

Indulge His Playfulness
As Used on Chimpanzees. These primates are big mischief makers, so getting them to calm down can be a real challenge. Luckily, if you indulge their silly side, you have a good shot at getting them to pay attention. “When we need the chimps to perform a task, we get on their level and play with them for 5 or 10 minutes,” says Eugene Cussons, rescue director on Animal Planet’s “Escape to Chimp Eden.” Once they’ve had some fun, they’re more willing to heed commands because they instinctively know it’s their turn to return the favor.
Apply It to Your Guy. No matter how old they are, men never quite lose touch with the playful, naughty boy within. Too bad they often pick the worst times to bring out that brat — like when you’re running late for work or need them to do something around the house. To get what you need done, “indulge him with a few minutes of acting goofy,” says Anthony Riche, PhD, author of “Finally! How to Stop Dating Losers Forever.” Then tell him you’ll finish playing with him later, as long as he takes out the trash or does whatever else you need him to do. Since his mind and body are now surging with feel-good chemicals from your brief, fun exchange, he’s less likely to wrinkle his nose at the request, says Riche. Use this technique consistently and, over time, he’ll be less likely to associate chores with drudgery.

#2 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Lacks Social Graces

Reward the Good, Ignore the Bad
As Used on Dogs. Pre-training, a pup will sniff crotches and paw at people’s legs. The instinct is to shoo it away, but that only makes it want to sniff and paw more. “Instead, trainers reward the dog when it behaves and ignore any actions they don’t like,” says Sutherland. Since dogs crave affection, they slowly begin to avoid bad habits and opt for good ones.
Apply It to Your Guy. Perhaps your man could use some finessing when it comes to social situations too — say, to curb his habit of telling off-color jokes. When he engages in unseemly behavior, your immediate reaction might be to tell him to knock it off already. But that tactic invariably falls on deaf ears.
“Men don’t want to be treated like children, and if you correct him, he’ll feel like you’re mothering him,” says Patricia Covalt, PhD, author of “What Smart Couples Know.” Instead, ignore him when he’s being obnoxious, and give him some PDA (think a kiss or a tap on the bottom) when he’s acting sweet. Since guys, like dogs, aim to please, he’ll instinctively begin to avoid the behavior that makes you freeze him out. One caveat: Timing is crucial. Be sure to reward him at the exact moment he engages in a positive behavior; otherwise, he won’t be able to make the appropriate connection.

#3 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Bolts When You Argue

Keep a Cool Head
As Used on Horses. Beneath the powerful stallion exterior lies a skittish animal. “That’s why they generally respond well to a calming voice and touch from trainers,” says Patricia Barlow-Irick, PhD, equine-behavior specialist in New Mexico.
Apply It to Your Guy. Like horses, men seem to be hardwired to want to bolt at the first sound of irritation. So even if he’s been working your last nerve, try to approach him in a cool, collected manner (remember, as hard as it sounds, this is all going to benefit you in the end). For instance, if you are mad that he hasn’t been planning enough date nights or can’t stand when he forgets to call while he’s out, your instinct might be to yell or get huffy. Instead, keep your composure by taking a few minutes alone before you approach him, then speak in a quiet, even-toned voice. “Calmly telling him what he did wrong will make it easier for him to tune in to what you’re saying,” says Covalt. Touch also plays a crucial role in this scenario: Place your hand on his as you speak. Not only does this buffer the blow of your words, but it also mimics the comforting way a trainer strokes a horse’s mane to calm the animal down.

#4 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Stands His Ground

Use Proper Body Language
As Used on Cougars. When trainers want a cougar to bend to their will, they find a middle ground. “Instead of trying to submit or dominate a cougar, trainers try to form a cooperative relationship,” says Sutherland. They walk tall with squared-off shoulders. This stance ensures that the trainers don’t look like prey but they’re not threatening either.
Apply It to Your Guy. Even the most liberated guy can feel emasculated by a fearless chick. So when you’re having a sticky conversation with him, he might be unconsciously bristling at your body language. “If you’re standing really close to him with your hands on your hips and your feet wide apart, he’ll get defensive and instinctively want to fight back,” says body-language expert Patti Wood, author of “Success Signals.” Similarly, if you stand meekly and tilt your head while talking to him, he might take it as a sign that you’re too submissive. “The best way to stay on equal ground is to stand with good posture, your head up, and an open frame so he sees you as being on the same level as he is. This way, he’ll be more apt to want to talk things through with you,” says Wood.

#5 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He Won’t Drag Himself Off the Couch

Approach Him at the Right Time
As Used on Lions. Lions are, in a word, lazy. According to trainers, they sleep for up to 20 hours a day and only move when they see it as beneficial to themselves. “Trying to get a lion to do something when it’s in resting mode can be very difficult and even dangerous,” says lion wrangler Dave Salmoni, host of Animal Planet’s “After the Attack.” “That’s why we make use of the animal’s active time instead of trying to force it into doing something it doesn’t want to when it’s chilling.”
Apply It to Your Guy. A man in veg-out mode is unlikely to move no matter how much you try to engage him. “You have to gauge when he’s in a productive mood and then pounce to get him to do what you want,” says Riche. If you notice that he prefers working out in the morning, that’s a good time to ask him to help you clean when he’s finished. If you need something done during his downtime and don’t want to wait, bribe him. “Motivate him by making it worth his while,” says Riche. When you feel like you haven’t been able to have a heart-to-heart but he’s in a coma in front of the TV, try plying him with his favorite snack. If his cravings for the food outweigh his interest in the TV, he’ll eventually cave.

#6 BOYFRIEND BUMMER: He’s Not Romantic

Take Baby Steps
As Used on Elephants. These mammals can learn a variety of tasks but only on an incremental timeline. “A trainer would never expect an animal to learn something without teaching it how to do it,” says Sutherland. For example, if trainers want an elephant to paint as part of a circus act, they’ll first show the animal how to curl its trunk around the brush. Next, they’ll have it dip the brush into the paint. Only then would they show it how to create brushstrokes. Animal trainers call this process of using small steps “successive approximations.”
Apply It to Your Guy. The average guy is plenty romantic, but he’s not hardwired to plan out the little details. So if you can’t remember the last time he put together a romantic night for you both, you’ll have to show him the way. Start by staging your apartment with cues that get you going, like candles and a sultry soundtrack. Have your favorite chilled wine on hand so you can ask him to open it before dinner. This creates a ritual in his mind. Eventually, not only will he get a sense of what your romantic needs are, but he’ll also start making a game plan of his own.

Article available at www.marvinacuellar.com

Oprah Article and Related Blog

http://www.oprah.com/article/relationships/dating/relationships_language

This is another link to a blog that used the previous article's information. Intereseting when my body language insights are quoted by other bloggers.

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/bodylanguage.html


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Interviewing and Body Language, Handshakes, Couples Body Language

Interviewing, Couples body language link to article on WebMD with Patti Wood
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/body-language-basics?page=3

From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth.

By: Heather Hatfield

WebMD FeatureReviewed by Louise Chang, MDAngel Rose, 34, an assistant vice president at a bank in upstate New York, was interviewing candidates for a teller position, which required that a person have good people and communication skills, a professional presentation, and a strong focus on customer service, among other abilities.

One candidate in particular stood out, but not in a good way. While she could have been very intelligent, her nonverbal communication and body language were way off. Her handshake was more of a finger shake, her eye contact was nonexistent, and her slouched posture exuded insecurity. For Rose, what the candidate said didn't matter because her body language spoke volumes: she wasn't a good fit for the position.

"Most communication experts now believe that almost 90% of what we say comes from nonverbal cues, which includes our body language," says Patti Wood, author of Success Signals: A Guide to Reading Body Language.

Body language, she explains, is everything from our facial expressions, to eye contact, to our gestures, stance, and posture. While the nuances of body language are complicated, there are some common body language signs worth a thousand words.

Body Language ABCs
Flipping your hair, shaking hands, making eye contact, and smiling are more than just movements -- they're a part of your nonverbal communication, adding emphasis and emotion.

"Body language represents a separate communication process beyond words," says Ross Buck, PhD, a professor of communication sciences and psychology at the University of Connecticut. "It exists simultaneously with language, but it is emotional and largely happening at the subconscious level."

What are some of the basic body language cues that we display and what kind of effect can they have on the impression we make on other people? Here's a beginner's guide to understanding what our bodies are saying:

Handshakes. A handshake can say so much more than hello, nice to meet you. "The most important part of a handshake is palm-to-palm contact," says Wood. "It's even more significant than the grip."

The palm-to-palm contact expresses an intention of honesty and openness, and that your interaction will be sincere and nonthreatening.

The "limp fish" handshake, Wood explains, seems so uncomfortable because it usually means that the palms don't touch, as Rose experienced in her interview.

Here are other handshake types:

Bone crusher: A person may be insecure and trying to overcompensate with an over-the-top hello.
Palm-down handshake: A person may be trying to express his dominance.
A left-handed wrap of the handshake from the top: A person may be trying to express his dominance.
A left-handed wrap of the handshake from underneath: A person may be trying to support and comfort you.
Synchrony. Synchrony happens when two people who are interacting mirror body language cues, explains Buck. What can it mean?

"Synchrony is a signal that both people are on the same page," says Buck. "When you see someone copying your body language, or you notice that you are copying his, it's a clue that you are probably sharing
a similar mind-set at the time."
Body Language Basics
From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth.(continued)
Body Language ABCs continued...
Posture. "Posture can be sign of dominance or submissiveness," says Buck.

Shoulders back with an erect posture can be a sign of dominance, he explains, while being slumped can mean insecurity, guilt, or a feeling of shame.

Eye contact. "While the rules of eye-contact engagement vary from culture to culture, in the U.S., it can mean honesty and forthrightness," says Buck.

The eyes are a powerful part of our body language cues and can express everything from sexual interest, to annoyance, to happiness and pain, he explains.

Playing with your hair. When a woman cups her hand, palm out, and tucks her hair behind her ear, it can be an expression of flirting, and can mean openness and interest, explains Wood. But be careful: It can also mean her hair is in her eyes.

Using Body Language to Your Advantage
"If you want to better manage your own body language, you need to think about every aspect of your day and how you behave," says Wood.

While you might think you are friendly person, if you go straight to your office and avoid eye contact with anyone, it can send the wrong signals to your co-workers, she explains.

Go through your morning routine -- what you do at lunch, how you spend your afternoon and evening -- and ask yourself questions like: Do I smile? Do I make appropriate eye contact with people? Once you better recognize your body language, you can start to manage it in a more meaningful way.

On the flip side, how can you use the body language of others to your advantage? Most important is to trust your gut.

"Body language says so much, that you can use it to gauge the sincerity of what a person is saying," says Wood.

If a person is telling you something, and he's covering his mouth, he might be lying, she explains. If a person's hands rub from his forehead down across his face, he could be wiping away an emotion, like stress or anxiety. Either way, if what a person is saying contradicts his body language, your intuition might be picking up on something that is not quite right.

Still, whether you are trying to manage your body language better, or understand that of others, remember the value of words.

"If you become too attentive to body language, instead of what you are saying or someone is saying to you, you miss out on the larger process of communication," says Buck.

Body Language Put to the Test
A basic understanding of body language, combined with verbal communication, can come in handy in almost every situation in your daily life. Here are some common scenarios in which body language can have a big impact, plus tips for putting your best foot forward while you watch what others around you are saying with their silent signs.
Body Language Basics
From a flip of the hair to hands on your hips, how you move, gesture, and make expressions can say as much as what comes out of your mouth.(continued)
Body Language Put to the Test continued...
First dates. First dates are laden with body language signs that can help you gauge whether or not a person is interested.

"Men tend to talk a lot on first dates when they're interested in a woman," says Wood. "If you're interested back, make eye contact and listen."

If either person isn't interested, and looks around the room and avoids eye contact, that's a sign that a second date isn't likely.

Other first-date tips?

"When men touch a woman on the small of her back to walk her through a door, that's a sign of confidence and interest," says Wood.

For women, it's the length of their touch that measures their interest. While short, less-than-a-second touches are appropriate, touches that are too long could convey an intimate meaning.

Job interviews. First and foremost, don't sit down while you wait for your interviewer to come and greet you; it puts you in an awkward position where you have to stand and gather yourself and your belongings in an odd sort of shuffle.

"Instead, stand and wait, or sit on the arm of a chair," says Wood. "And when your interviewer arrives, make eye contact, raise your eyebrows slightly in acknowledgement, smile, and then shake hands."

During the interview, she suggests you make eye contact when listening to show your interest, but don't stare. Sit up in your chair instead of slouching, and when you're done, leave strong by giving a good, palm-to-palm handshake.

Dinner with the in-laws. "One of the most important body language signs you should convey during your first encounter with your partner's parents is eye contact with your partner," says Wood.

Your partner's parents want to know that you are interested in and care for their child. The best way you can tell them that you are "the one" is to look at your partner with love and affection.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Clinton and Obama, Patti on Inside Edition

The Political Rumble: Barack vs. Hillary
ORIGINAL AIRDATE: on INSIDE EDITION 1/22/2008

It was a battle royal between Democratic Presidential hopefuls, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

INSIDE EDITION spoke with body language expert, Patti Wood who discussed the many differences between Clinton and Obama's debate stature.

Directing most comments towards each other, Hillary and Barack heated war of words continued.
At one point in the debate, Clinton stopped to stare at Obama.

The bickering and nasty personal attacks in the fiery Democratic debate are still all the buzz. But the tough talk isn't the only evidence of the intense battle between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Body language expert, Patti Wood told INSIDE EDITION Clinton and Obama responded to the confrontation in drastically different ways. While Clinton used tense, tight, close-to-the-body gestures, her opponent is big, tall and made grander movements.

Hillary stared straight at Obama, leaning against the podium even during Obama's sharpest jab.

Wood told INSIDE EDITION that any eye contact lasting longer than three seconds becomes a physical attack. She says that quite literally that stare said “I hate you.”

Barack looked agitated when Hillary came out swinging.

Wood says throughout the bitter battle Obama's body language gave off the aura of confidence. She says that Obama’s cocked head, which is a sign of self-assurance.

The candidates continued their war of words the following day by reacting to the televised clash.

Hillary had this to say, “He obviously came looking for a fight.” And Obama continued to speak out against the frustrations of dealing with what he calls “inaccuracies.”

It seems growing hostility between Obama and Bill Clinton may have sparked the heated argument in the first place. But it was the subject of the former President that later provided for the funniest moment of the debate.

When asked if he thought Bill Clinton could be considered the first black President, Obama jokingly responded in stride. “I would have to investigate…check in to Bill’s dancing abilities.”

http://www.insideedition.com/storyprint.aspx?SpecialReportID=1207

What Does A Half Smile Mean?

Body Language Cues that Tell You How He Feels
Here is a link to a story I did with Cosmo. They have photos and then my body language tips.
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/body-language/half-smile

There's a good chance this guy just wants a no-strings fling. "A sneerlike grin is an indication that he's not being sincere with you," points out body-language expert Patti Wood. "It's a split-face gesture: Each side of his face is telling a different story."

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Body Language Signals that Make You Look Approachable.

Pay attention to your walk. If you take a close look at the way you walk in shoes, you may find that some of your shoes make you walk duck-footed with your toes going outward. Toss the shoes. If you are a woman and are gasping with disbelief at such sacrilegious recommendations keep reading. I don't care if they are really cute and you got them on sale at DSW, get rid of them. Ditto for shoes that make clip clop sounds as you walk. That means most clogs and heavy flip flop shoes. Remember ducks make cute carton figures but not attractive approachable women or men.

Patti quoted in another language

Love it when I am quoted in another language
http://www.bartarin.net/?p=114


به گوش می رسد. اما متخصصین رشته زبان اشاره (body language) معتقدند نوع عطسه کردن نشانگر شخصیت افراد است.

بر اساس گفته پتی وود (Patti A. Wood) یکی از این متخصصین بیشتر افراد در طول عمرشان روش عطسه کردن مختص به خود را دارند که با شخصیت آنها مطابقت دارد. این متخصص بر اساس تحقیقی که انجام داده عطسه کنندگان را به چهار دسته کلی تقسیم کرده است:

۱- افراد خوب و مهربان

۲- افراد درست و قابل اعتماد

۳- افراد کاری

۴- افراد مشتاق و موثر

افرادی که فقط یک عطسه میکنند در زمره افراد خوب و مهربان هستند این افراد خون گرم، مفید و حامی دیگران می باشند.

افرادی که با صدای بلند عطسه میکنند در زمره افراد کاری به شمار می آیند ، این اشخاص سریع العمل ، قاطع و در نهایت رهبران خوبی هستند.

اشخاصی که همیشه به هنگام عطسه کردن با دستمال جلوی بینی خود را میگیرند افراد درست و قابل اعتمادی هستند این افراد معمولا با دقت، درستکار ، و بسیار منطقی میباشند.

آخرین گروه افرادی هستند که با صدای بسیار بلند و خشن و به دفعات عطسه می کنند در زمره افراد مشتاق به شمار می آیند که این اشخاص دارای جذابیت اجتماعی می باشند و توانائی ایجاد انگیزه و تاثیر گذاری بر دیگران را دارند.

بنا به گفته دکتر فردریک لیتل (Frederic Little) پرفسور دانشگاه بوستون یک الگوی ذاتی برای روش عطسه کردن انسانها وجود دارد که به احتمال زیاد ژنتیکی و موروثی میباشد.

بدون Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Celebrity Smiles Reveal Their DISC personality

To read what celebrity smiles reveal about their personalities go to http://pattiwood.net/uploads/Star%20-%2011-26[3].pdf

Body language is a powerful thing. Apparently it's so powerful that how you sleep with your significant other in bed says a lot about your relationship. The Nest interviewed two professionals -- author Evany Thomas (The Secret Language of Sleep), and Patti Wood, a body language expert -- about your sleep style decoded.

Four major positions and what they mean:

1. The Football: Both on your sides facing each other with one foot touching.

Just like touching a foot is enough contact for football players, you and your honey don't need to be around each other all the time to connect. You make the most of the time you do have together.

2. Classic Spoon: Full front-to-back contact, with one person tucked into the other.

You are a traditional couple -- the protective one on the outside and the sensitive one on the inside.

3. Tetherball: One of you on your back with a single hand on the other person.

You're both strong-minded and willful people who find ways to compromise. A heated discussion can lead to romance.

4. Cliff-Hangers: Sleeping on opposite sides of the bed with your backs to each other.

You prove that opposites attract. He likes sports and you like the opera, but you find ways to meet in the middle. Though there may be a rift in your relationship, practicality trumps all.

The best sleeping partner combos:

•The Spaghetti Noodle: You sleep on your side with your arms out and are mellow + The Soldier: You’re so go-with-the-flow, you need a little structure!
•The Crab: You lie face down, like you’re making out with your pillow, and tend to be stubborn + The Spaghetti Noodle: You need someone loose who'll bend around you.
•The Soldier: You sleep on your back with your arms at your sides + The Womb: A womb sleeper’s softness will soothe your rigid side.
•The Womb: You curl up and are as thoughtful as you are cozy + The Crab: You sleep in a tiny ball, and a Crab isn’t into snuggling.


Do you think these are accurate? What's your sleeping style?

Find Out More!

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Us Weekly's Body Language "Expert" Analyzes TomKat on Anniversary
Happy One-Year Anniversary, TomKat!

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/17626224.html#cutid1

To celebrate their November 18, 2006 nuptials, Us consulted a body language expert to analyze the evolution of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' relationship:



June 23, 2005: War of the Worlds premiere, New York - Just six days after their engagement (and two months of dating!), body language expert Patti Wood tells Us: "She's tightly holding him, rather than being relaxed, which indicates that she would prefer more space." Still, Wood says, "she does have serenity on her face."

June 27, 2005: War of the World premiere, Los Angeles - "The hand clasp on her leg shows intimacy and comfort," Wood says. "She's leaning in and she has her hand relaxed and wrapped around him."

May 4, 2006: Mission Impossible III Screening, Los Angeles - Just two weeks after Suri's April 18 birth, Wood says new dad Cruise is, "holding on a little bit tighter and his shoulder is really pressing more into her. The fatigue in their faces shows that they're exhausted."

November 18, 2006: Their wedding, Lake Bracciano, Italy - "They're both holding on equally to each other," Wood says. "She is fully pressed in to him, which shows that she can lean and depend on him." By wrapping his hand around hers, Cruise says he will "take care of her."

Star Couples: The Look of Love?
(People Magazine)
Updated: 2006-04-29 17:05

Star Couples: The Look of Love? Are Tom & Katie, Nicole & Keith and five other celeb couples in sync? Get the scoop from body language expert Patti Wood. By Serena Kappes

Tips to Look Great for a Photo

Tip one - If you are standing and want to look “extra” skinny across the waist and hips, stand like female celebs do on the red carpet. Place one foot pivoted out to the right and the other foot in front of it with toes pointed slightly to the left.
Tip two - To look skinny you can turn so one shoulder is towards the camera and the other is away from it. You have heard that TV adds ten pounds to anyone filmed. When a photo of you is taken head on, it makes you look heavier than you are. It’s because the plane of the body in the photo matches the plane of the camera’s eye, not because you ate too much chocolate.
Tip three - If you’re standing and you want to take attention away from your hips and look slimmer again stand with only one side of your body towards the camera, your feet and the rest of your body turned away. Then turn and look at the camera over your shoulder.
Tip four - To give yourself an hourglass figure do the Mae West, “Come up to my place.” Hand on your hip stance. Stand catty corner from the camera so your right foot is towards the camera as if it was 12:00 on a clock and your left foot is to the side at nine o’clock slightly behind the right. Shift your weight over your back left leg. Stretch your body up to elongate your torso and place your hand just above your hip. This pose doesn’t work for everyone so check yourself out in the mirror first.
Tip four - Stretch your neck up and point your chin just a little bit up. This gets rid of double chins. Careful not to point it too high up or you will look stuck up.
Tip five - A variation from the above. Turn your head so that only ¾ of your face is towards the camera and then lift up and elongate your neck then slightly tilt your head to the side. This keeps any sagging skin at the neck; chin and face smooth out. Think of it as a temporary face-lift. Now if you could only stay that way all the times and not look like goose!
Tip five - Smile naturally. Talk while you are being photographed. Don’t freeze. Freezing into cheese pose makes the muscles in your face tighten rather than relax. So get some fast film in your camera and have the photographer keep snapping. Talk about things that make you happy, your kids, your sweetie. The magic words that will help your face go into a full big smile are words that end with your mouth open on an eee or aa sound so you can say a string of words like money, cherry, and cheese, hay, day, lay, say. Another trick is to place the tip of your tongue behind your upper front teeth and smile. Or turn on a comedy show and start laughing. Everybody looks beautiful when laughing.
Tip six - Show the best side of your face. The right side of your face is controlled by the left hemisphere and is less emotional. This may mean it has less wrinkles or it may look more severe. Your right side is more expressive.
Tip seven - Don’t hold your breath, instead take deep yoga breaths. Relax your arms and shoulders and take big, full belly breaths. Don’t worry, you will be moving as the photo is taken. Let the air fill you up.
Tip eight - Think up. 'Up' body language is read as positive and makes you feel good. Lift your shoulders up. Breathe deeply in and up. Let the corners of your mouth go up. Let your eye brows go up. Let your chin go up. You can even bring your hands and arms up a few times to bring all that energy in
Tip eight - Smile with your eyes. The eyes determine a real sincere smile. Look at the camera and imagine it is your sweetie and you are about to kiss him.
Tip nine - Think about sex and/or have someone you consider attractive behind the camera. When we are sexually aroused our bodies make us look more beautiful. Our muscle tone increases, bagging around the eyes and face decrease, the chest comes up the stomach pulls in and the posture becomes erect.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

What Are the Signals of Flirting?

What are the signals of flirting? I just did a piece for First For Woman Magazine. Here are some of the body language cues for flirting:

1. The Head Toss and Hair Flick
In this preening gesture the head is flicked back to toss the hair over the shoulders or away from the face. Men's eyes are designed to go toward movement. In this case it calls attention to the woman's sexy, shiny hair--a signal of health. The man's primal response is, "This woman would make healthy babies." Even women with short hair will toss or flick back their hair. It’s also a way for a woman to subtly show that she cares about how she looks to a man. This also lets her bring up her arm to expose her armpit. This may seem gross but it ensures that the woman's “sex perfume,” or pheromones, waft across to the target man. In the pheromones he can read the woman's genetic make up to sense whether she is a good genetic match for him.

2. Wet Lips and Pouting and or Mouth Slightly Open
Larger, thicker lips are a symbol of the female sexual vulva. Women's lips tend to be rounder and larger than men and the lips at the mouth are typically proportional to the woman's vulva lips. (Unless they have been enhanced with collagen injections.) Opening the mouth calls attention to them and pouting the lips mimics the sexual lips and creates an invitation to enter the lower lips.
When a woman becomes sexually aroused her lips, breasts, and genitals become larger and redder as they fill with blood. The use of lipstick is an Egyptian invention that is four thousand years old and is intended to mimic the reddened genitals of the sexually aroused female. This explains why, in experiments using photos of women wearing various lipstick colors, men consistently find the bright reds the most attractive and sensual.

3. Self-Touching
When a woman slowly and sensually strokes her thigh, neck, or throat it implies that if a man plays his cards right, he may be able to touch her in these same ways. She is saying I am doing this to me to let you know that you can do this to me. At the same time, her self-touch lets her imagine what it might feel like if the man was initiating the touch, which can be arousing for her and cause more of the sexual attraction changes to take place that make her more attractive to the man.

4. The Limp Wrist
Didn't you ever wonder why gay men are stereotypically given this nonverbal behavior? Well, think about this symbolizing an animal moving with a broken or injured limb. They are seen as weaker. Walking or sitting while holding a Limp Wrist is a submissive signal used exclusively by women and gay men. I remember watching on The Animal Planet a bird feigning a damaged wing to distract prey away from its nest. Using this gesture can attract a lot of attention to you by men. They see an opportunity to swoop in and feel dominant. Women of course have to be careful not to use this gesture in business situations as it seriously detracts from a woman’s credibility and others will fail to take her seriously, although some men will probably ask her for a date.

5. Fondling a Cylindrical Object
Fondling cigarettes, a finger, the stem of a wineglass, a dangling earring, or any phallic-shaped object is an unconscious indication of what may be in the mind. Taking a ring off and on the finger can also be a mental representation of having sex. When a woman does these things, a man is likely to symbolically try to possess her by fondling her cigarette lighter, car keys, or any personal item she has nearby.

6. Exposed Wrists
An interested woman will gradually expose the smooth, soft underside of her wrists to the potential male partner and will increase the rate she flashes her wrists as her interest grows. The wrist area has long been considered one of the highly erotic areas of the female body because it is one of the more delicate skin areas; it's uncertain whether this is a learned behavior or is innate, but it certainly operates on an unconscious level. The palms are also usually made visible to the man while she’s speaking. Women who smoke find the wrist-palm exposure simple to do while not smoking by simply holding the palm up beside the shoulder. The Exposed Wrist and Head-Toss gestures are often mimicked by homosexual males who want to take on a feminine appearance.

7. Sideways Glance Over Raised Shoulder
The Raised Shoulder is self-mimicry of the rounded female breasts. With partially drooped eyelids, the woman holds the man’s gaze just long enough for him to notice, then she quickly looks away. This glance produces the feeling of peeping in the woman who does it and being peeped at by the man who receives it.

8. Rolling Hips
For childbearing reasons, women have wider hips than men and have a wider crotch gap between the legs. This means that when a woman walks she has an accentuated roll that highlights her pelvic region. Men can’t walk like this, so it becomes a powerful sex difference signal. It also explains why few women are good runners, because their wider hips make their legs splay out to the sides when they run. Rolling of the hips is one of the subtle female courtship gestures that has been used for centuries in advertising to sell goods and services.

9. Pelvic Tilt
Medical evidence shows that a woman in excellent health and most capable of successfully bearing children has a waist-to-hips ratio of 70%; that is, her waist is 70% the size of her hips. This gives her what’s known as an hourglass figure. Throughout recorded history, this is the body ratio that has proved the most dramatic male attention-grabber. Men begin to lose interest when the ratio exceeds 80% and for most men, the greater or lesser the ratio, the less attentive he will be. He completely loses interest when her ratio reaches 100% but still maintains a level of interest when it drops below 70%. To highlight this ratio she just tilts her pelvis when she stands.

10. Handbag in Close Proximity
Most men have never seen the contents of a woman’s handbag and studies show that most men are afraid even to touch her handbag, let alone open it. A woman’s handbag is a personal item that’s treated by her almost as if it’s an extension of her body and so it becomes a strong signal of intimacy when she puts it close to a man. If she finds him particularly attractive, she may slowly fondle and caress her handbag. She can ask him to pass the handbag or even to retrieve something from it. Placing the handbag near him so he can see it or touch it is a strong signal she’s interested; keeping it away from him indicates emotional distance.

11. The Knee Point
One leg is tucked under the other and points to the person she finds the most interesting. This is a relaxed position, which also takes the formality out of a conversation and gives the opportunity for a fleeting exposure of the thighs.

12. The Shoe Fondle
Dangling the shoe on the end of the foot also indicates a relaxed attitude and has the phallic effect of thrusting the foot in and out of the shoe. This action unsettles many men without them knowing what is happening.

13. The Leg Twine
Most men agree that the Leg Twine is the most appealing sitting position a woman can take. It’s a gesture that women consistently use to draw attention to their legs. One leg is pressed firmly against the other to give the appearance of high muscle tone, which is a condition that the body takes when a person is ready for sexual performance.

Other leg signals used by women include crossing and uncrossing the legs slowly in front of the man and gently stroking the thighs with her hand, indicating a desire to be touched.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
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How Attraction Creates Changes in Our Body Langauage and Apperance.

When a person enters the company of the opposite sex, certain physiological changes take place. High muscle tone became evident in preparation for a possible sexual encounter, “bagging” around the eyes and face decreased, body sagging disappeared, the chest protruded, the stomach was automatically pulled in, potbellied slumping disappeared, the body assumed an erect posture, and the person seemed to become more youthful in appearance. Both men and women walk with a livelier, springier gait as a display of health and vitality and to convey their suitability as a partner. A man will stand taller, protrude his jaw, and expand his chest to make himself appear dominant. A woman who is interested will respond by pulling back her shoulders and bringing her breasts higher on her chest. She will also try tilting her head, touching her hair, and exposing her wrists, making herself appear submissive.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Body Language for Happiness,

How to use your body language to feel positive happy and optimistic. Bring your body language UP to think optimistically.

People are often told to think positive, but many people don’t know how important it is to act positive in order to feel positive. Many people don’t know that how you hold your body sends a message to your brain and your brain reads it like a prescription and creates the chemicals that match the position. So you can act like you want to feel. Positive body language is UP. So the body is held up--the head, the shoulders, the chest are all up; your toes may go up or your feet make kick up if you’re sitting or you may bring your whole body up by rocking onto your toes as you stand. Your gestures move up when you are speaking optimistically, the corners of your mouth go up into a smile. Even your head goes back and up when you laugh and your voice goes up as you speak. It is an amazing phenomenon. I was on the Regis and Kelly show this week and watched the video yesterday and noticed how often my gestures and head went up because I was so happy and having such a good time. Click Here to see the Youtube video.

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
I have a new quiz on my YouTubestation. Check it out!
YouTube- YouTube - bodylanguageexpert's Channel

Regis and Kelly photos

Here are some photos from yesterday's Regis and Kelly show. The hosts interviewed me on the meaning of couples' sleep positions as part of the show's "Sleep Week". And here is the link to Regis and Kelly's Facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/LIVEwithRegisandKelly

For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadeliphia this summer though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site.

Regis and Kelly appearance Body Language expert Patti Wood

I was in bed with Regis and Kelly! As many of you may know, I appeared on Live with Regis and Kelly TV show yesterday to speak about couples' sleep positions. I had so much fun. You can watch the segment on my YouTube channel. Check it out! I also have blog entries here with details and descriptions of the couples sleep positions and individuals sleep positions and what they mean. I had so much fun. I have watched the show for over 20 years. Watching the show the last few years I have really admired Kelly Rippas's quick one liners. She really has great body language and vocal delivery. She also has an amazing sense of comic timing. In person, off camera, Kelly is as real, down to earth and clever as she appears on camera. Reading her body language it is obvious she truly loves her children. We talked off camera about how her children are all pile in the bed with her and her husband at night. She came back to the green room with her son to introduce herself to me before the show and she was so sweet as she interacted with here son. Regis is the warmest kindest person and he has such charisma. He keeps absolute focused eye contact with you. He was amazing. Focused eye contact is one of the body language traits I have noticed in truly charismatic people. Clinton has that ability to make you seem like the only person in the room. I had a lot of time with Regis and Kelly on the set and they where so present and in the moment with me off camera as well as on. I have done hundreds of TV shows and that is really unusual. Here they are big stars and they were so nice to this little blond who was on the show for a couple of minutes. I am sure that is one of the reasons the show is such a success. One of the great little things that you can see on the YouTubevideo is me in bed with Regis and Kelly. He held out his hand and had me get down on the bed with them durring the segment and then after the last segment made sure I got to stay in the shot and be in the end of the show credits. That was so kind. He said he hadn't had the chance to say goodbye to me on air and he wanted to make sure that he could credit me again.
The segment was on different shows like "The Soup" and mentioned on quite a few websites like the one below.
http://blog.realityshack.com/2009/07/08/whats-hot-on-tv-tonight-%e2%80%93-so-you-think-you-can-dance/

What Your Sleep Position Says About You

Sleep On It: What Your Sleep Positions Say About You
For more information on Body Language Contact Patti@PattiWood.net

Nonverbal communication is more honest because it is under less conscious control, so what could be more revealing than the positions you assume in your sleep. The secret messages of your sleeping positions can reveal your true waking personality style. Here are the most popular sleep positions and what the research says it means.

The Spaghetti Noodle (lying on your side, stretched out)
According to British researcher Professor Chris Idzikowski (2003) fifteen percent of people sleep in this position. This is not the curled up or stiff limbed posture with arms at your sides, but rather one that is relaxed and stretched out. These people are calm, peaceful and steady. They are easy going and do what is expected of them. They want to be liked and part of the group. They are not driven or aggressive. Some research says people who sleep on their side with their right arm stretched over their head are said to be blessed with power and fortune.

The Fetal Position
Approximately 51 percent of women and 41 percent of all 1000 people surveyed sleep curled up on one si The Full- Fetal Position- The full-fetal is the characteristic womb position. Sleepers lie curled on their sides, with knees pulled all the way up, heads bent forward. Usually a pillow or blanket mass is centered at the stomach. These people are highly emotional, sensitive, artistic, and have intense one-on-one relationships. Oddly, it's found that women who sleep in this position normally have heightened capacity for multiple orgasms. de.
The symbolism is that of a baby in the womb. People who sleep in this position would have the innocence and unaffected personality of a child. If they are hugging a pillow they need a lot of love and support. They are sensitive and trusting. They tend to see the world as full of goodness as if they are wearing rose-colored glasses. They are friendly and social. They give support. They are the ones who bring the birthday card for everyone at the office to sign; a sense of community is important to them. They long for what they had in the womb: security, warmth and intimacy. They give joy to others. If the position is tightly curled up, it may show a slight degree of insecurity. A sudden change to this position could show stress and a need to return to the womb.

Semi Fetal- The most common position, the semi-fetal, has sleepers lying on their sides with knees slightly bent, one arm outstretched above the head, the other resting comfortably on the opposing upper arm to cradle the head. Conciliatory, compromising, non-threatening, non-shakers; sleep experts claim this to be the optimal sleep posture position.

The Yearner (side sleeper and reacher)
The same research shows this position is used by 13 percent of sleepers. People who sleep on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature but can be suspicious and cynical. They are slow to make up their minds, but once they have made a decision, they are unlikely to ever change it.

The Crab (lying face down)
The sleeper is face down on the stomach with arms extended and bent, usually framed above the head this position has quite different meanings. I feel when a sleeper suddenly takes on this position it shows they are afraid of something. They may not want to face something or they are dealing with intense stress. Research says that sleepers who regularly sleep in the prone position tend to have strong compulsive tendencies and stubbornness in their personalities and are persistent and goal-oriented. The symbolism is of someone who refuses to see others’ viewpoints. They are serious and stubborn. They hold strong beliefs and try to have everything done their way and will use force to gain compliance. They are tense and focused in order to get things done. They do not give ground easily. If their hands are in fists, they could be showing hidden aggression. They are “my way or the highway” people.

The Soldier (on back and face up, arms at the side)
According to American researchers, 43 percent of the population sleep in this position. The nonverbal symbolism indicates that of someone facing life; you are secure and self assured. Professor Idzikowski’s British research says that only eight percent of the population use this position. I guess there are a lot more soldiers in the USA. The soldier position is held by lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. Professor Idzikowski says that people who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don’t like a fuss, but set high standards for themselves others.

The Royal Position is the geometric opposite of the prone. The royal sleeper lies supine, fully on the back, with arms slightly akimbo at the sides. It's an open, vulnerable and expansive position, and these people display self-confidence and self-involvement. Workaholic businessmen and entrepreneurs often prefer this position.

The Star (on back, face up with the legs open and arms spread wide)
You are a star and freedom loving. You are comfortable taking over the space. This is the sleep position of an extremely confident person. You are not only assured, you are open to the world. You’re ready to hug the world. Sleeping in this position shows you have a sense of well-being. You’re confident and optimistic and not particular keen on planning or scheming, but you can be surprised by scheming of others.

Starfish (on back with both arms up around the pillow)
British research says that these sleepers make up five percent of the population, make good friends because they are always ready to listen to them, and offer help when needed. They generally do not like to be the center of attention. I disagree and give a specific assessment based on the position of the hands on top and I call it The Crown.

The Crown (hands are on top of the head or arms are crossed to support the head)
They are putting a crown on their heads because they think they are kings. They listen so they can be the wise sage and then tell people what to do. They think they are supportive and merely giving helpful advice. The crowned sleeper is highly intelligent and enthusiastic but some of their ideas are only good to them.

The Twister (tied up in knots)
People who sleep all tied up in knots (twisted) or with limbs flung out all over the bed are experiencing stress. They are under constant pressure. It is difficult to always feel that life is a struggle and these people often feel that they are falling short. The tension will eventually wear them down, hopefully leading to a new approach to life that is less stressful.


Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional
The Body Language Expert
Phone-404-315-7397
Web- http://www.PattiWood.net
Blog- http://www.bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com
I have a new quiz on my Youtube station. Check it out!

" Excellent as always. You never fail to 'Wow!' the
audience and teach us something new."
- UCB Pharma Inc.

Controversial CoSleeping as Seen in the Movie "Away We Go."

I just got a request from a journalist who wanted to interview me about Cosleeping, that is sleeping with the child or children in the parents' bed. Obviously this is a controversial topic. In fact, there was a very funny scene in the new independent film "Away We Go". The scene made CoSleeping seem like a crazy sixties hippie-like thing to do. When I discuss couples' sleep positions (Just type in couples sleep positions in my search to find those insights) I point out the importance of the couples connecting with each other during sleep. The research on Cosleeping--also called family bed sleeping--shows quite a long list of benefits for the child. Babies who Cosleep have less stress and more self confidence and parents create a deeper bond and sense of understanding with their children.(See below for more benefits as well as warnings.) I have spent years researching touch and body language. There are so many things healthy touch can do. It is an amazing thing. For all the health and psychological benefits of touch you can read the chapter in my body language book or check out my website. I have friends and relatives who practiced Cosleeping with their children and they are now the most confident, happy kids I have ever seen. There is research on how wonderful it is for the baby to Cosleep, but there are dangers for babies as well. I like the idea of the family cuddling together in a big family bed, and then, for safety, moving small babies to a separate bed to sleep. Of course no matter the choice the parents make they have to make sure they get a good nights sleep! Personally, when I was a baby and growing up my family slept in their own beds, but on Sunday mornings my sisters and I would all run in and jump on our parents' bed. We would cuddle as we talked, laughed and read the funnies. It made me feel connected to my family and also let me see my parents as a couple side by side. All very wonderful and healthy ways to spend time as a family.

Below is information on Co-Sleeping provided by Wikipedia.

Stress hormones are lower in mothers and babies who co-sleep, specifically the balance of the stress hormone cortisol, the control of which is essential for a baby's healthy growth.[11][12][13][14]

In studies with animals, infants who stayed close to their mothers had higher levels of growth hormones and enzymes necessary for brain and heart growth.[15][16]

The physiology of co-sleeping babies is more stable, including more stable temperatures, more regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing than babies who sleep alone.[17][18]

Co-sleeping may promote long-term emotional health. In long-term follow-up studies of infants who slept with their parents and those who slept alone, the children who co-slept were happier, less anxious, had higher self-esteem, were less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioral problems, tended to be more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults.[19][20][21][22] However, a recent study (see below under dangers) found different results if co-sleeping was initiated only after nighttime awakenings.

Co-sleeping is known to be dangerous for any child when a parent smokes, but there are other risk factors as well.[5] Some common advice given is to keep a baby on its back, not its stomach, that a child should never sleep with a parent who smokes, is taking drugs (including alcohol) that impede alertness, or is obese.[23] It is also recommended that the bed should be firm, and should not be a water bed or couch; and that heavy quilts, comforters, and pillows should not be used. Young children should never sleep next to babies under nine months of age.[24] It is often recommended that a baby should never be left unattended in an adult bed even if the bed surface itself is no more dangerous than a crib surface.

Job Interviewing Tips

My intern Julie interviewed me recently about body language tips for job interviews. She will be posting our interview on the blog and website soon. I just wanted to add some tips that are important in interviewing that are not directly related to nonverbal communication.

Let go of performance anxiety - Let go of the stressful thought, “Will I be good enough in the interview?” The interview is really about filling a job. They are looking for a match of characteristics and qualifications. It about a match rather than about you being good enough. And sometimes it is about the personality of the interviewer. Many interviewers are looking for someone like them. Some matching and mirroring of the interviewer could get you a job offer, but then you need decide if you like the energy of your new this person, who may be your future boss.

Be Polite - The smallest thing you do and say that shows your caring and courtesy has an impact. From holding the door for the interviewer, waiting for them to take a seat first if they don’t ask you to sit first, thanking them for taking the time to speak with you at the beginning and again at the end of the interview, to thanking them for offering you a beverage--your ease and proper etiquette shows so much.

Show you came prepared- Bring a nice leather bound notebook with a pad and pen clipped inside. The pocket should have copies of your resume and the printed research you did on the company and the job. You can even pull out the research you did on the company and ask the interviewer a question you have prepared based on your research.

In my presentation skills course and my How to Give a Great Interview course I talk about the power of words. I suggest you don’t use soft words like hopefully, if I get the job, and instead use words that show your confidence. "When I get the job..."

When you leave the interview, at your first opportunity write down your impression of what you did and any questions you might need to go over should you have another interview. Also write down things you did well and pat yourself on the back. Completing a job interview is like climbing a mountain. Sit back a moment and congratulate yourself and enjoy the view.
For information of public seminars Patti is giving on body language and deception detection in Philadelphia in the summer of 09 though Paliani consulting please contact us or go directly to the Paliani site. You can always contact Patti at Patti@PattiWood.net

Reading Body Language Can Make You a Better Listener

This is a direct quote from a recent participant in my body language seminar.

"Patti, I attended you public seminar in Philadelphia. I found that out of all the benefits of attending your body language program, the biggest was becoming a better listener. Yes, learning to read others body language has actually made me a better listener. I know that sounds strange, but I would often have a lot of “mental noise” that kept me from truly listening to someone. When I would be in a sales meeting the other person (prospect) would be talking and I would be thinking about my answers or what I wanted to say next, etc. Now that I know body language I am not just listening to the words, I am watching my clients. This has helped me eliminate all my mental noise and allowed me to focus, listen and engage much more effectively."

Attractiveness, skinny, funny

I have been blogging about our love of skinny woman and horrible prejudice against those who are overweight. You may not know that I am constantly working on my weight and I got this joke from speaker Nigel Risner today.

"Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes." -Bob Thaves

In my case it would two or three Dove bars.

Politician's body language: Lying and Trust

Question from a reader "How do I predict politicians future behavior from past body language?"
I have a separate category for Politicians on my Levels of Liars list that I created for my Deception Detection public seminar. Here is what I have observed and read in the research:

• Any person whose success is based on deceit can begin to rationalize that he or she must lie to succeed. By the way, men tend to lie more often about their success than woman.
• Anyone who believes that they are lying for some perceived greater good (for example, “Once I get into office I will do right for the people.”) will lie with less guilt and will give fewer cues of deceit making it harder for us to tell if they are lying.
• Repeating the same information, true or false, overtime can make it possible for someone to believe their own lies. This is an interesting result of how the brain reacts to dissonant information.
• Staff members giving misinformation is another problem that is rather unique to politicians. They are able to rely on their staff, speech writers and others to give them correct information and unless the politician is very smart and does their own fact checking before they speak and is savvy enough to create a staff made up of people with integrity, he or she can run into trouble. Before I do a body language read of a politician I like to study their staff to check the integrity of their 'spin doctors'. Read a case in point--the fall out from the recent Vanity Fair piece on Sara Palin. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0609/24392.html

Body language treatment of the obese and over weight

Another report has more bad new about body language behavior and the obese. The article says, "America condemns the fat and blames them for their condition. Americans tend to see in fat people the loss of control that they fear in themselves (Angier 1992). Americans also associate fat people with a wide variety of negative characteristics. Studies published over a 20-year period demonstrate that Americans see fat people as "unattractive . . . aesthetically displeasing . . . morally and emotionally impaired . . . alienated from their sexuality . . . and discontent with themselves" (Crandall 1994)
The following report on size discrimination also says, " In other cases, it has led to weight-focused job interviews, forced resignations, denials of promotions and insurance coverage, and exclusion from office social functions. It has also led to lower incomes ($6,700 a year less) and higher rates of poverty (10 percent higher) among obese women than among their nonobese peers(Gortmaker 1993). And it has negatively affected the wage increases of the obese: when they increase, they increase less rapidly than the wages
of the nonobese (Averett 1994)."

Are you as disturbed by these findings as I am?

Body Language changes when dealing with the overweight or obese

Body language and Obesity. Obesity rates in adults rose in 23 states and more than 1 in 4 adults in 31 states are obese with Mississippi in the lead for adults according to Trust for America's Health quoted in USA today. The report also said that Medicare spends 1,400 to 6,000 dollars more a year on health care for an obese senior. There is quite a long list of research on how people discriminate against people based on their weight.There is body language research on nonverbal behaviors of store clerks dealing with overweight shoppers. "Sales clerks tend to subtly discriminate against overweight shoppers but treat them more favorably if they perceive that the individual is trying to lose weight, according to a study by Rice University researchers. (www.news-medical.net) The research found that, "Based on data from interactions in 152 stores in a large mall, the researchers found greater levels of interpersonal discrimination directed toward obese shoppers than toward average weight shoppers. The findings were based on the observers' and customers' reports of the sales clerks' eye contact, friendliness, rudeness, smile, premature ending of the interaction, length of interaction time, and negative language and tone. Almost three-fourths of the sales clerks were women." This again shows the difference in body language and interpersonal behaviors due to attractiveness or perceived lack of attractiveness.

How to respond to a flasher or indecent exposure

How to respond to indecent exposure? Some body language tips I gave to About.com:
http://walking.about.com/od/medfirstaid/a/exhibitionists.htm

Couples Sleep Positions, What Do They Mean, Body Language

I will be on,"Live with Regis and Kelly" talking about what couples sleep positions say about their relationship. They saw a piece I was quoted on in Nest Magazine. The body language cues of couples sleep positions are fun to read. I have articles here and on my website about the body language of sleep positions.
What does your couple sleep position say about your relationship?
The Body Language Patti Wood reveals what she will share on Live with Regis and Kelly on Wednesday July 9, 2009

How do sleep positions offer a view into what is going on in the relationship? The majority of body language comes from the more primitive part of the brain called the limbic brain rather than the more rational “Let me think how I want to look” cognitive brain. So body language reveals our true feelings. In sleep, we are our most honest, vulnerable selves and our sleep positions may therefore reveal secrets we do not show with our mates during the daytime. Heck, you might even prefer your sweetie when he/she is alseep!

I love understanding sleep positions, because we are at our most vulnerable in sleep and our bodies are the most honest. Women, you can fake a lot with a man but you can’t fake your sleep position. That means how your body moves and joins with your partner in sleep can offer insights into your trust and connection for each other.

When looking at sleep positions you always want to take into consideration health issues like snoring and menopause. Thease issues, unrealted to your relationships may not only make you want to move away from your partner in bed, they might make you want to hit him with a pillow and leave the room! It’s also important to realize there are no right ways or wrong ways to sleep with your sweetie. You are not being graded on your sleep positions. You don’t have to say, "Hey Honey, I watched Patti on Regis and Kelly today, let’s work on an A Plus tonight.” Unless you are on a reality television show, we are not watching you sleep, there is no panel of judeges deciding wietehr you good enought to make it to next week's show. But tonight just to be sure, check for cameras.

About half of men and women sleep in the fetal position. The fetal position is sleeping on your side with head and shoulders curled in and knees pulled up. This position shows your innocence and trust. Symbolically curled positions in sleep mean, “I want to trust others and feel safe.” Bodies stretched out in sleep mean “I want to take charge and experience adventure.” Hands touching mean I want to connect; even hands wrapped around a pillow can indicate a cuddly nature. If hands and/or hands and arms are held or pressed tightly straight down at the sides in the soldier postion mean, "not tonight, honey".

In the Traditional Spoons Position, couples sleep side-by-side each curled up with each other in the fetal position. One partner is fully cupped around the back of the body of the other. Everything touches. Well, maybe not everything, but a lot of the front of one partner and lot of the back of the other. (Smile) Traditional spooning is the most common position adopted by couples during the first few years of their relationship or marriage. If the spooning is comfortable, is received with no tension in the limbs and seems balanced, it shows both a strong sexuality and feeling of security in the relationship. One partner is saying with their body, “I can turn my back on you and know I am safe—you have my back.” The other is saying, “I want to surround you and take you in.” This Spoon position has been shown to increase intimacy in couples and reduce the stress of both partners. So everybody try spooning tonight!

In spooning, if the man is around the woman it shows that he is comfortable being the protector in the relationship. If he is curled around the T.V. remote, it means something totally different. If the woman is around the man with the man facing the edge of the bed it can mean she depends on him. That’s not a bad thing, but if he tries to get out of the bed and you’re still holding on as he crosses the room perhaps you’re a little too dependent. (Smile)

Loose Spoons occur when there is a little gap between the bodies. Loose spoons tend to come later in the relationship after a few years—typically 5 to 6. If the couple is still close they may touch hands, feet, or knees to stay connected. (Note my comments on what feet touching means below)

The Royal Hug- In this position one partner, typically the man, is lying on his back facing up. The woman head is cradled in the man chest or shoulder. Symbolically the person on his back in sleep is facing life. A face up position indicates confidence and self-assurance. If the man’s arms are wrapped around the woman, it shows a wonderful protectiveness. If the man has his hands on top of his head like a crown and/or his elbows are out to the side like a royal cape, he is showing his confidence and that he wants to be in charge, the king of the castle. He is enthusiastic and perhaps likes to tell his partner what to do. (The on-the-back cape and crown position is an expansive position and these people are often workaholics and entrepreneurs.

If the woman is facing her partner in a fetal position she is showing she depends on him and lets him be in charge. This is a common position for women to take when their husbands are much older. (I know you are thinking of several celebrity couples right now.) If she rests her head on his chest but stretches out her body she is showing that she depends on him but she wants to make decisions herself as well.

If you (as a woman) sleep on your back with your partner, you’re showing your power and strength in the relationship.


V hug occurs when couples are on their sides, faced away from each other so only their rear ends touch. The facing away shows trust and the ability and desire to be independent but the Tushy Touch shows that they want to stay sexually connected. They are already a confident couple, they just need space. This is a sleep position that can form when a couple has small children that cling to them during the day so in sleep they want to touch their partner intimately but don’t want to hang on or have someone hang on them.

The Honeymoon Hug occurs when couples just cannot get enough of each other they want to face each other, seemingly gaze into each others’ eyes, even in sleep. Honeymoon huggers face each other and touch all or some of the front of their bodies. That means they may touch each other with their feet, their legs, their knees, torso and chests. One partner may even cradle the other partner’s face in their hands. This is a common position after couples first begin to make love. In addition, is also seen frequently in couples who are not married. Single guys, this doesn’t mean you can say, “Hey Hon, we can’t get married or we will stop Honeymoon hugging.” Here is a gentle warning for you: If your partner hasn’t been facing you as they go to sleep and suddenly they start facing you, it may indicate their desire to connect, and be more intimate or comforted.

The Leg or Feet Hug- This is a position where just the legs or feet of the couple touch. This position may be assumed after years of marriage when the couple wants space but still wants to connect. Alternatively, it’s a position couples take after a fight when they would normally have slept closer but since they’re angry they don’t go to the old position. Instead they signal “I will still love each you in the morning” by touching the feet or legs. The feet are the most honest portion of the body, under the least conscious control; they are the body part farthest from the brain. I love that your mind is mad but your body says, “I still love you and I won’t kick you out of the bed.”

Sleeping on your stomach temporarily typically shows you are anxious or feel things are out of control and need to protect the vulnerable front of your body. So notice if you or your partner suddenly starts sleeping on the stomach. Be aware that a partner who suddenly starts to turn away from their mate to sleep on their stomach can also be communicating a lack of sexual trust in their partner.

The research on solitary sleep positions shows that someone who always sleeps on his stomach but with his arms bent and hands up around the head in a crown position is showing he is persistent, goal oriented, compulsive and stubborn.

The Cliffhanger positions it when both partners are on opposite sides of the bed facing away from one another with no physical contact. This could be because each person is climbing mountains all day and just needs a good night’s sleep or because something like snoring or menopausal night sweats make being close feel like you are in an inferno. Know that Cliff hanging shows independence. It says, “I want adventure.” If your partner suddenly goes from close sleep to a cliffhanger, you might want to talk about it. If your position changes from a hug-like sleep to the cliff hanger it can indicate a desire to be more independent or separate, or a desire to buy a king size bed. (Smile)


Pretzel -There are couples that are so interconnected with one another that in sleep they wrap themselves around each other completely with legs and arms that seem almost melded into one entity. My sister and brother-in-law have always slept like a pretzel. They married a week after they graduated from college and have been together 40 years, so pretzels can work wonders.

Always notice changes in sleep positions. If a partner is close for years and suddenly separates and there is not a physical reason, you can reach out a hand or foot across the bed and see if they respond in kind. Or you might want to bring it up in conversation. “I loved it when you slept with your arms around me and I noticed you haven’t been doing that. What can we do to feel closer?” I recommend cuddling or holding hands before you go to sleep. Hands are what we use to give and take in life. Holding hands shows deep caring. I have friends that as couples go to bed and hold hands and then they say, “sleep now” and roll away to get to a good night’s sleep

Unless there is a health issue, sleep patterns can be a passive aggressive way of communicating to your spouse. Your sleep position can say, "I cannot depend on you", "I don’t trust you", "I want to leave space to be unfaithful to you" or "I don't feel that close to you."


Separate Rooms-What does it mean when couples don't sleep in the same room? Again, unless there is a physical reason it shows the need to be separate. I advise couples to go to bed together in one room at the same time and cuddle. If there are physical issues I recommend that they go to bed together for a little bit, cuddle and then go to separate rooms. Try to share the same bed a few mornings too. Time spent side-by-side in an intimate space with one another is important. That situation creates a perfect place for self-disclosure and bonding that couples don’t want to miss. Men are more likely to self disclose when positioned side-by-side with someone. When men sit face-to-face across a table they can be defensive or closed but get them lying side-by-side with you and men open up, and if you’re lucky, pearls come out. Women choose the booth at the restaurant and want to talk over the dinner table. They want to face a man to speak with him and watch his body language. Men want the front of their bodies—the part that I call the heart window—protected so they can feel safe to share their intimate thoughts and feelings. Think about when women drive and turn to speak to their passengers. Men who are driving always look forward. Remember, men open up when you are side-by-side with them, so to get a man to share go on a long car trip , or if you are married to him, go to bed. I love all the movie scenes when couples have these incredible intimate self-disclosures as couples when they get into bed. They may be with each other all day and suddenly the truth comes out as soon as heads hit the pillow.

Research indicates longevity of the marriage is enhanced when couples fall asleep and wake up at the same time. The studies also show that couples who go to sleep together and get up at the same time are content in their relationship, while thirty percent of those with dissimilar sleep times complained of an unhappy union.

There are so many things you can learn reading body language. Every life and every relationship has ups and downs. Now that you know what your sleep positions as a couple mean, you can gain insight and communicate more effectively through those ups and downs. So when you go to bed tonight, sweet dreams!

Should You Spank Your Children?

Should you spank your kids? There is an interesting article on MSNBC (http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Spanking.aspx?cp-searchtext=Spanking&gt1=36010) with a photo of Kate of John and Kate Plus Eight spanking her child. I know that the limbic brain, which fires us up for flight or flight is engaged quickly while the higher cognitive brain takes longer. This explains why parents go to a physical response before a logical, cognitive response to bad behavior and why it works. Kids who are engaged in a "bad" or "dangerous"physical activity may not be able to get a logical verbal request, "Stop that!" or "Stop that our you will get a spanking." The spanking shocks the child. It is disturbing that the parent's hand that shows love and connection and the palm of the hand that non verbally communicates honesty may be used as a punishment. You hope your children always associate touch with love. My best friend never spanked her child unless her daughter was about to, or was doing something that physically endangered her such as crossing the street without looking. And she raised a wonderful loving daughter. I am not sure spanking is a good method for all children or that all parents can control their anger enough to make sure it is not their first means of punishment or that it is not given without a warning. My parents where of the 'spank now, admonish later' variety. I certainly never cross the street without looking as an adult, but my other punished behavior of talking back or "smart mouthing" has managed to survive in what my friends and clients think is wit. Thank goodness my father had and my mother has a great sense of humor! What do you think?

What Should You Do While You are Being Introduced to Speak? Body Language Tools for Public Speaking

Typically, I recommend that when you are being introduced to an audience you stand or sit facing the person who is introducing you and follow my GENTLER body language tips for good listening. (Find article on my website www.PattiWood.net) Last week I did something I have never done before. I stood backstage while I was being introduced. It felt very odd, but because the seats where so far from the stage, there was not a choice. It could have made me very nervous, creating far too much pressure on my first impression with the audience. I was so glad that before the introduction I had taken the time to introduce myself to individual audience members. I went to the beginning of the line for the banquet food tables and introduced myself to about 90 people out of the 400 or more people attending my luncheon keynote at the convention. So when I was standing backstage I knew I had already bonded with the audience. We already had a connection. Greeting and shaking hands with the audience before you speak is so important in creating a strong connection and reducing your anxiety. It is a tool that I teach in all my public speaking programs and describe in my book Easy Speaking. Here is some input about what to do while you are being introduced from other professional speakers found at http://www.speakernetnews.com/post/introwait.html

What to Do When Being Introduced — Sharon Ferrier (sharon@persuasivepresentations.com.au)

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8/2/2007

Following are the responses I received to my question “When I get introduced to an audience I never know what to do — do I remain incognito until the final ‘Please welcome....”? Do I stand up and smile at the audience trying not to look self conscious? Should it be different depending on the group size?”


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— Robert Skoglund

I always start greeting people as soon as I arrive at a meeting. Greet as many as possible at supper the night before, work the tradeshow. I stand at the door before the banquet/show and shake each hand as they go in and thank them for coming. Someone at NSA must have told me to do this. I’m often sitting on the edge of the stage when I’m introduced. I was told by someone at NSA that as the speaker, I’m the host of the event and people appreciate being personally greeted and thanked by the host.

Who am I to hide out back like a superstar and then roar in on a motorcycle upon being introduced?

After my shows I run to the exit and shake every hand that leaves and thank them for coming.

I wash my hands as soon as I can. We're talking about 300 chances to catch every disease known to man.

Find out from the meeting planner what is expected. I did a stage show last week. Have been to that theater half a dozen times in as many years. But I was wandering about on the stage at 8 and the fellow who was going to introduce me got upset because he couldn’t handle anything different from what he’d always done. He always entered from the back door and strode purposefully down the aisle to the stage where he introduced the acts. Because I was wandering around on the stage chatting with people in the front row he ran around outside and came on stage from the back, very angry, and said that he wanted to make his grand entrance from the back but couldn't until I got off the stage.

My fault. It had never in 25 years had happened to me before but now I know I should have asked the introducer what he had planned.


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— Claude Stein

Stand simple and straight ... and receive the eyes that will be on you while being introduced.


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— Marilyn Snyder

While I’m being introduced, there is a PowerPoint show running on the screen. I’m clicking the remote in time with the introduction as I’m standing in the back of the room (I make a grand entrance). Instead of being focused on the introducer, who may not be a very good speaker, the audience is watching the PowerPoint show. What’s in it? Pictures of me, the NSA and ASTD logos as s/he mentions my board activities, a picture of Tommy Trojan (USC grad), pictures of my products when they are listed, always a chuckle built in, my company logo, and pictures of people who are members of that audience/group/association who are also my clients. It’s a great time to establish a relationship with the audience.

The last slide/s in the PowerPoint introduction are what I call Splash Slides(c) — very wow slides that are animated to set the audience up that they’re going to enjoy a great speaker. It may show, one after the other, three words that describe me. Or my topic may be revealed on the screen. Or my picture. Or all of the above. And now it doesn’t matter where you are, because the audience isn’t looking at you and you aren’t standing there self-consciously wondering what to do next. As your last click reveals the Splash Slides(c), and the audience is clapping, you walk to the platform and begin.


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— Jim Brown

I like to have fun so sometimes I’ll sit in the back next to a participant with my mike on and say something during the introduction, just to play with everybody. To me playing is important. Sometimes they’ll say do you know your mike is on. It’s fun to watch the reaction of the introducer too. They tend to be serious even though I have written the introduction.


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— Linda Thompson

I try to have everything set up before people enter the room. As they are coming in I try to meet as many as possible. That way we have already established a relationship before I begin speaking. If it’s a large audience, I stand off to the side and toward the back of the room as my introduction is being made. If it’s a small group and I’ve met most of the audience, I will stand off to the side of the person introducing me, looking directly at him/her as they are speaking. They have my full, undivided attention until they say my name, at which time I come forward, shake their hand and thank them.


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— Glenn Brandon Burke

What works best for me is to tell the person introducing me how I would like it handled.

Also, most planners have asked me how I want them to handle it? The setting determines how I want to do it.

Usually, most people doing your intro., and for lack of a better word, suck! They do not have the proper energy, enthusiasm, excitement to do you justice. When that happens to me, I reintroduce myself the way I like it. Remember, you’re the STAR! They want you! They want you to be awesome! Take control and have fun!

I have a gig next week and though they asked how I want to be introduced, I have come up with something new (also depends on the setting/client, etc.) I experimented with a couple of weeks back and it worked beautifully. It is a 6min 20sec comedy video sketch. When it ends, I come out from the wings (or wherever I am) and make a fun reference to the video and introduce myself my way! This way I already have the audience laughing and feeling great!


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— Nancy Hightshoe

My background is that I was a police officer — one of the first women in America to ride a beat car, then became a detective investigating felony sex crimes. I learned the importance of letting the jury stare at me when I was testifying, and have carried that experience forward into my speaking career.

The American Bar Association did a study indicating that people decide if you are believable and if they like you in the first 90 seconds. I always stand at the front of the room or on the stage but off to the side of the introducer. I look both at the introducer and at the audience, but am careful not to notice anyone staring. So my audience gets to stare at me without feeling rude and they can make up their minds about how they feel about me.

Then, when my program begins, they’re ready to participate.


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— Janie Jasin

I stand at an angle and smile and act quite steady and kind-looking. At one place in the intro the person reading it says, “Jasin has been speaking for 31 years and been in front of three million people.” At this point I droop my shoulders and give a worn out exhausted look. They all laugh. It was an indication to me that they were looking at me and I best be looking good for the whole intro.


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— Nancy Lininger

While I have a general preference, there may be times that I would deviate.

I believe it is professional to be near the front of the room/stage, and as the introduction is beginning I stand up and off to the side corner. (Not too close to the introducer, avoiding an awkwardness if the intro goes on long or the introducer goes off on a tangent ... like housekeeping.) This allows me to look at the introducer and/or the audience and smile confidently to either one as certain remarks are made. The audience sees me and has a chance to warm up to me before I utter a word.

I am also positioned nearby so when it is time to take center stage, I am not wasting anyone’s time. I don’t need a grand entrance by parading down the aisle from the back of the room.

The exception would be if a humorous dramatic grand entrance is called for ... such as if I am wearing a clown nose.


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— Ray Mulvihill

Most of us feel self-conscious when we are standing in front of an audience while someone extols our virtues. That’s why most of us keep in the background until such time as the introduction is complete. When a person is speaking, they are “front and centre.” They are “in control” and eyes are usually focused on the speaker. I wouldn’t think it’s a good idea to be standing beside someone when they are (or should be) the focus of attention.

Also, the moment people see you, they are getting a first impression. Do you really want their first impression to include your awkwardness while waiting to take over?

It’s very important to think through what you will do as soon as the introducer is finished because if you force an audience to clap too long, they feel awkward ... or they stop clapping and you feel awkward. So, plan how you can be front and centre while people are still clapping.

Tactics might include

staying in the wings until “the moment” and then moving crisply to stage center.
In a small room, be at the back — behind people — until “the moment.”
In an assembly, locate yourself on a chair that gives fast and easy access to “front and centre.”
So, the two tactics I’d recommend for a best first impression are:

be out of sight (or insignificant) until “the moment”
move quickly to “front and centre” ready to present your best self with the greatest degree of panache.

Attractiveness: If you are pretty, what do we think about how you manage?

An attractive boss is more liked and perceived more positively than an unattractive boss... More research that indicates the "attractive advantage." I was reading the results of an MSNBC online survey, 61,647 people or workers that found that "Good-looking bosses were found to be more competent, collaborative and better delegators than their less attractive counterparts." Yes, another example of the halo effect. When we see one outstanding positive characterisics in someone we assign them other positive qualities. I discuss this in the chapter on first impressions in my book Success Signals. The ELLE/MSNBC survey also found that most women believe they are judged in the workplace on the basis of their looks. Not a big surprise, nor is it a surprise that men thought their competence mattered more than their looks. Other research on attractiveness shows that over time the 'halo' can get tarnished and people may see the real behaviors, but it takes quite a long time for people to stop attributing positive characteristics to someone who is attractive and some people can't do it at all. It actually creates dissonance in the brain. The survey found that, "About 58 percent of female bosses who were rated as attractive got high marks for competence, compared with 41 percent of 'average-looking' female bosses and only 23 percent of unattractive supervisors. Among people with male bosses, 61 percent who rated their supervisors as good-looking also found them competent, compared with 41 percent for the average types and 25 percent for those rated unattractive."
Many of you know that I have been researching first impressions for many years. The power of first impressions is very strong. So women get out your blow dryers and makeup and guys buy some new pants and tuck in your shirts. We are watching.

Series: Famous statements about lies #8

"Life is a system of half-truths and lies, of opportunistic, convenient evasion."

-Langston Hughes
(http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1611/sins22lies0index.html)

For a speaker and coach on body language and deception detection go to www.PattiWood.net and book Patti or buy her book Success Signals.