Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog : 04/01/2016

Watch Patti on Entertainment Tonight Saturday, April 30th @ 7pm

Patti will be on Entertainment Tonight on Saturday, April 30, 2016 at 7:00 pm - WSB-TV

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

A Body Language Expert Analyzes Notre Dame’s QBs

April 14, 2016 by andrew winn 6 Comments

What are Notre Dame’s quarterbacks saying with their bodies that they aren’t saying with their words?
I posed this question to Patti Wood, a body language expert and professional speaker. Wood, once dubbed “the Babe Ruth of body language experts,” is the author of “Snap: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma.” She’s been asked to speak on non-verbal communication during hundreds of national news and entertainment programs. When she’s not speaking in front of Fortune 500 companies and government agencies, she maintains a blog about body language.
Wood watched three separate interviews, conducted March 18, of redshirt junior Malik Zaire, redshirt sophomore DeShone Kizer and sophomore Brandon Wimbush.

ZAIRE IS FRUSTRATED & UNCOMFORTABLE

http://foxs.pt/1nVFOPv

Wood said her overall impression of Zaire, based solely off this interview, was: “This is a young man that has been through a lot.”
The body language expert was initially struck by Zaire’s movement of his neck – a quick jerk from side to side, combined with a pull back movement – which she called “such a strong tick.”
“It seems so out of his control that it may be neurological,” she said. “Less pronounced movements in individuals show a lack of centeredness and confidence.”
Wood said to watch for Zaire pressing his lips together tightly or turning his head away from the interviewer, which show a lack of confidence.
“His hesitant speech and low volume level show his discomfort and disquiet,” she added.
It may be no surprise that Wood said Zaire may be obscuring his true feelings when asked about the quarterback competition.
“His eyes are almost closed as he listens to the question,” she said. “That is typically an attempt to block the truth of how you’re feeling from the main interviewer and to give yourself time to think of a better answer than what you might be truly feeling.”
Wood says to watch for additional movements that may demonstrate frustration (sticking out his tongue or filling his mouth with air) and feeling uncomfortable (rubbing his nose several times) and during what moments they come in.
“As he goes on in the interview, notice his chin and how it juts out. He’s trying to give himself more confidence; that chin is jutting out in defiance,” she said. “The only thing he seems truly happy about is his love of Tex-Mex.”

KIZER TENSE, BUT MORE COMFORTABLE THAN ZAIRE

Wood said her impressions of Kizer, based solely off this interview, is that he’s tense, a bit frustrated, but overall more comfortable than Zaire.

“His volume level is also low, but his voice seems even and steady,” she said. “Both of them [Zaire and Kizer] are chin jutting, he [Kizer] does it less so. He also has a slight pursing of the lips and a little tiny bit of that blowing out air and frustration – holding it in – but it’s much less.”
While Wood believes Zaire’s tongue motions were a sometimes a sign of passive aggressiveness toward the questions being asked, she believed Kizer’s tongue betrayed something different.
“He is getting more moisture into his mouth, showing tension,” she said. “Overall, his body language cues are much less anxious and he, overall, is much more comfortable [than Zaire].”

WIMBUSH IS OK WITH REDSHIRTING

Wood was impressed with the way Wimbush handled himself, at least initially.
“Brandon starts his interview so much differently than the other two players,” she said. “Notice his smile. Notice how his head is more forward. He gives, in just that first moment or two, such a profoundly different first impression – much more ease as to what’s going on.”
Wood said Wimbush holds his mouth open and moves his jaw to the side, which indicates he’s unsure about the answer he’s going to give to the question being asked.
“His gaze goes unfocused and glazed over like he is saying in his mind, ‘Get me out of here,'” she said. Wimbush also bites his lip, which betrays his nervousness.
Wood was also struck by a portion of Wimbush’s answer regarding Coach Brian Kelly’s initial decision to redshirt him.
“He has this interesting statement where he says, ‘I can control only what I can control.’ And then notice how he laps with his tongue out,” she said. “To me, that’s states nonverbally that he’d like to control more.”
Wood’s final impression of Wimbush is that he is “sincere” in his answer about redshirting this year.
“There’s a great truth,” she said. “He does feel it wouldn’t be so bad and you can hear a respect in his voice for his teammates.”

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How To Give Bad News To Your Children

How To Give Bad News To Your Children

A few years ago I had the honor to speak to an association whose members work with grieving children. Any child who has to hear bad news needs to be given that news with grace and honesty. Here is research to guide you if you have to give difficult news to your young adults.

Revealing news to young adult children

A quick search on the internet returns all kinds of resources aimed at helping parents communicate with their young kids or teenagers. But, what happens when teens turn into young adults? When it comes to disclosing important news to young adult children, how can parents do so in a way that results in closer relationships?

“My previous research had indicated that parents really struggle with how to deliver important news effectively to their grown kids,” says Erin Donovan, Associate Professor of Communication Studies and Associate Director of the Center for Health Communication at The University of Texas at Austin. Donovan is the lead author of a new study recently published in the National Communication Association’s journal Communication Monographs.

“You can find information online like ‘how to tell your kindergartener that you have cancer in a way she can understand,’” says Donovan, “but there's virtually no guidance for how to talk to young adult children, even though parents, understandably, worry about how to do this. I wanted to be able to say to parents: here’s how to disclose important news well to your adult children.”

In their study, Donovan and her co-authors Charee M. Thompson of Ohio University, Leah LeFebvre of the University of Wyoming, and Andrew C. Tollison of Merrimack College identified three tips that could help parents communicate big news to their adult kids, while making sure that their relationship grows stronger: providing access to information, relating as peers, and communicating with candor.

Nearly 300 college students were asked to recall and describe in detail a time when a parent had shared important information with them. Topics of disclosure included a parent’s illness, the death of a loved one, a change in parental employment, a move, and family secrets or family turbulence. The participants wrote about what contributed to the success or failure of the conversation. They were also asked what they would keep the same or change were the conversation to happen again.

Students indicated that parental disclosures were evaluated based on how cooperatively parents seemed to offer access to a sufficient quantity of information. Responses mentioning this dimension tended to focus on how parents “filled us in as much as they could” or whether a participant felt that he or she had “learned everything I needed to know.” When a parent had been relatively unwilling or unable to provide access to information, participants noted their dissatisfaction with the lack of information provided.

Another aspect students noted was “candor,” which was related to participant descriptions of how honest, straightforward, and unambiguous parents were when disclosing. When children knew or felt that parents had been dishonest, the communication was deemed unsuccessful. One participant explained: "Recently my mom was having surgery and had to have some tests run the day before. I called her to ask how her tests had gone and she explained that they went fine. That was the end of the conversation. Then the next day I talked to her, she explained that she had lied to me the day before and one of her tests had come back with an abnormality. I was devastated because she tried to hide it from me."

Another theme that emerged was that children deemed disclosure more successful when “relating as peers” with their parents. When parents opened up in a manner that reflected an appreciation for a child’s maturity, participants perceived that the communication was more successful. They described their parents as “being real,” treating them as adults and confiding in them the way a friend or peer would, rather than shielding them the way parents do with young children.

In a follow-up study, the researchers confirmed that providing access to as much information as possible when communicating with their young adult children and relating to them as peers during these disclosures could predict increased disclosure quality, which in turn predicted relational closeness. Candor didn’t predict either disclosure quality or relational closeness.

This study provides a needed analysis of how emerging adult confidants view parental openness and its relational outcomes. Disclosure may be an important way to promote and maintain relational closeness even as young adults become more independent from their parents.

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Quick Ways to Feel More Energetic

Quick Ways to Feel More Energetic

How you hold your body can actually change how you feel, in less than a 1/40 of second. If you hold and move your body the way you want to feel, your body's chemistry can change in a fraction of a second. Your posture and movement create a message that acts like a doctor’s prescription. The message is sent through your neural synapse to the brain's pharmacy. The brain notes the posture and movements and creates chemicals that match and sends them out into your blood stream so you begin to feel chemically the way your body language is held or moves. If you drag around head down feeling tired you will get the chemicals that make you feel more tired. You think your body language reflects your fatigue and lack of energy but you can change your energy by how you hold and move your body. I have been writing about the biochemistry aspects for over 30 years. (In her Ted Talk Amy Cuddly speaks about Power Poses using research about this phenomenon.)

Keep your body language “up.” Up, energetic body language is beautifully symbolic–you go up when you’re feeling up. In addition up body language brings your posture up in a way that allows more deep full lung capacity breathing which gives you more oxygenated blood, thus more energy. Though the steps may seem wacky, if your are feeling sluggish and just want to lay down and take a nap, these methods can charge you up very quickly.

Quick Ways to Use Your Body Language to Feel More Energetic:

Take five deep full breaths. Breathe in on a count of three, hold for three seconds and let your breath out slowly on the count of three. Make sure your lungs fill up fully.
Stand up and lift your chest up and out.
Stand up against a wall and see if you can get your shoulders back against the wall. Pull the shoulders back so even the tops of the shoulders touch the wall. Now step away from the wall and see if you can stand and walk with your shoulders back. This posture enlarges the chest allowing the lungs to fill up with air giving your body more oxygen.
Bring your hands up and gesture high in the air. The location of your hands also affects other nonverbal behavior. Put your hands at your sides and your energy goes down, your voice lowers and can become more monotone, and you tend to move less and show fewer facial expressions. Bring your hands to the level of your waist, and you become calm and centered. Bring your hands up high to the level of your upper chest or above, and your voice goes up; you become animated.

You can have fun for a second and pretend you’re a conductor leading an orchestra. Coincidentally, research shows conductors tend to live longer and they believe one of the reasons is their high gesturing that increases their oxygen. You can pretend like you have just won an Olympic competition and bring both hands up above your head and hold them there for three seconds, lower them then raise them again.

What You Can Say To Stop A Bully

Yes, you can look for these behaviors. I would also say you need to be aware of how you feel in the presence of person. If you “feel” bullied, check in on what you are hearing in the words and the nonverbals. Bullies sometimes know exactly what they are doing and they get what they want. Sometimes they don’t know. In either case you have many ways of dealing with it. One possibility if you are awake and aware is to say,

· Och,

· Och, that hurts

· (Action - hold up your hand in a stop hand position.) Stop!

· I am willing to listen to what you have to say, but you need to say it to me in a different way, please speak to me with honor and respect.

· I am feeling uncomfortable with how you are speaking to me.

· You may not be aware of it but, I feel you are not treating me with respect.

· You’re not treating me with respect. I ask that you change the way you are speaking with me

· Stop, I ask that you treat me with honor and respect.

· I don’t deserve that tone of voice, please speak to me with honor and respect.

· I am stopping this conversation because you are not treating me with respect.

Notice that you don’t call anyone a bully in any of these options. Do not label or name call, ask instead for what you want.

Five Tips for Getting Your Children Involved in Politics

Here are five tips I would suggest to get your children involved in politics.

First have them listen to and watch and read the platforms and voting habits of their senators, congressman and women and the political candidates and talk to them about what they see and notice.

For example, recently children have seen politician being bully’. If they are young you can have them imagine a child on the playground saying those things and acting in a particular manner and ask them how they would feel and what that shows about the politicians. ( How would you feel? How would you feel if someone said those things about you?) Watch the debates with your children and have them count and point out the good strong comments and ideas and the attacks and jabs. Have them express what they like and don’t like. Stop the recording and talk about what you have seen and ask them their feeling and state yours!

Second, have them take public speaking and debate classes and enter speech competitions. This will build their confidence and give them a skills that will benefit them the rest of the their lives. The more they speak the better they will be.

Have them take classes on interpersonal skills, logic, and negotiations and teach them how to make friends, form alliances, network, small talk, connect to others and be nice.

Teach them how to meet greet shake hands and make a stranger feel at ease. I have conducted several years of research on first impressions and greeting behavior this is also a set of skills that will serve them well.

Finally I suggest that you see if they would like to volunteer to work on a campaign or assist in the office of a politician. I was a volunteer for a Florida state senator when I was in grad school. I learned so much. One of the things I realized is that my senator was only working three days a week and rarely was present for votes. That guided me to look at voting records of candidates and be very aware of the work ethic of the people I voted for!

First Impressions, Handshakes Are Key To Women In Leadership

Below is an article in NEWSOK.com highlighting Patti's recent program for Meinders School of Business in Oklahoma City.

First impressions, handshakes are key to women in leadership

By:Paula Burkes | April 20, 2016
Attention businesswomen: Want to be more successful in the workplace? Don't worry so much, and master the perfect handshake. Such was the advice of presenters at a women's leadership conference on Wednesday that drew 310 attendees to the Cox Convention Center. Oklahoma City University's Meinders School of Business hosted the seventh annual event, which was presented by the Chickasaw Nation.

Nancy Parsons, CEO of Tulsa-founded and now Texas-based CDR Assessment Group, said studies show men and women are basically equal in leadership energy, calmness and emotions.

“But under pressure, men dominate and women tend to move away and not speak up,” she said.

Her company offers coaching tools that, along with leadership characteristics, measure inherent negative risk factors, including rule breaking, egotism and upstaging, which all are more common to men but — perception-wise — more detrimental to women, Parsons said.

For example, a male rule breaker is seen as a change agent, while a female rule breaker is viewed as inconsistent, she said. Meanwhile, an egotistical male is perceived as overconfident, while an egotistical female frequently is called the b word.

“We're taking ourselves out of the running for fear of failure,” Parsons said. “We women often work harder, putting in 80 hours, but we're not being noticed because we're not speaking up,” she said, noting worrying is seen as a lack of courage, and companies want leaders with courage.

Atlanta-based body language expert Patti Wood said first impressions on credibility, likability, attraction and power are made within the first second of meeting someone, and take up to six months of face-to-face interaction to change.

Because women want to be perceived as equals, they always should extend their hands for handshakes, Wood said.

When someone approaches, people should raise their eyebrows to show an openness, which causes approachers to be open, Wood said. “Then scoop in, with your hand tilted down, so you get a palm-to-palm firm grip, versus someone grabbing the end of your fingers in a wimpy handshake,” she said.

To compensate for bone-crusher handshakes: “Use your free hand to encompass the shake, and send the symbolic message, ‘You're surrounded,' ” she said.

For shakers who won't let go: “Lean in over your right foot, to discombobulate them so they'll loosen their grip and you can splay your fingers and break down and away.”

Other conference highlights include:

•Jaynie Studenmund, a public company board member of LifeLock, Pinnacle Entertainment and Core Logic, and former southern California banking and Internet executive, said colleagues always trump products.

“An A group of people can turn a B product into an A product,” she said. Also, “keep walking cash, so you're not emboldened to a particular job because of what it pays” and “Take jobs or board positions to get out of your comfort zone.”

•Brian Uzzi, a professor of the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University, said networking is not about having lunch, but sharing sports, nonprofit, community service and other activities with something at stake, such as a record to break.

“Through shared activities, we build trust with a diverse group of people who see our true colors,” Uzzi said.

Bill Gates' big break came through his mom's service with an IBM executive on a United Way board, he said. When IBM opened up its desktop publishing division, it — at the suggestion of Gates' mom, Mary Gates — opened proposals to smaller companies and Microsoft won the exclusive licensing agreement.

So What Are Some Signs That The Person You're Dating Actually Has Antisocial Personality Disorder? How Can You Tell You Are Dating A Jerk Or Narcissist Or Sociopath?

Below is information on a Pod cast series I was interviewed on about this topic. My podcast interview airs tomorrow!

April 21, 2016

How to tell if you are dating someone that is not safe? How can you tell you are dating a jerk, a narcissist or sociopath? We are hard-wired to pick up on credibility. The first impression in the basic survival instinct asks, "Can I trust this person? Can I feel safe in his or her presence? Is he or she going to pull a knife out? No, I can believe what I'm seeing as the real thing." Credibility is vital and primary. Knowing what it feels like to be with a healthy person helps you know when you are with someone who is unhealthy and treating you or has the potential to treat you in unhealthy ways.

I do an interesting exercise with my body language speech and workshop audiences. I say, “I’d like you to think about a person in your life who you think is the most credible person you know. There is something about them that makes you feel absolutely safe in their presence. You can believe them. What is it about them that makes you feel that way? What kind of behavior do they demonstrate? What do they say? Are there things they do with their hands, their body that makes you tell yourself, “This person has integrity”?

Think about this person you just described as your "True North." A person of Credibility. If you have a" True North" in your life, it becomes easier to recognize what it's like to be in the presence of someone who truly demonstrates credibility. You know if it feels safe and it is typically energizing rather than draining because you are not in your Freeze, Flight, Fight, Fall or Faint stress response to danger. (Romantically that doesn’t mean you don’t feel excited, it just means under that excitement you should feel safe.)

Tension- So if you are with someone and you feel tense, uneasy, off balance, over charged, you don’t laugh fully only stress laugh and they DON”T PICK UP ON your discomfort and make you feel at ease that is a sign you are with an unhealthy person.
A sociopath may pick up on your stress and call you on it and make you feel wrong or bad for feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps saying something like, “Hey you shouldn’t be so tense.” A healthy person wants you to feel good and safe and will want to know what they can do to make you feel comfortable. An unhealthy person may get “Charged” by making you uncomfortable. (See the study below.)

Teasing - An unhealthy person may even make fun of or push to make your discomfort increase. That is not to say that healthy teasing and play aren’t good and a fun part of healthy dating and relationships but, healthy teasing makes you feel good. You don’t feel anxious or ill at ease and constantly wonder what is wrong when you are in the presence of a healthy person.

Pushing and making you wrong - Unhealthy people will keep pushing and if they do try to comfort the comfort may feel slick, artificial, on the surface or insincere. The comfort will NOT comfort you. And let me repeat an unhealthy person makes you feel that you are unhealthy or that you may be doing something wrong. Healthy people don’t keep pushing!

High-Testosterone People Feel Rewarded By Others' Anger, New Study Finds
ScienceDaily (May 12, 2007) — Most people don't appreciate an angry look, but a new University of Michigan psychology study found that some people find angry expressions so rewarding that they will readily learn ways to encourage them.

"It's kind of striking that an angry facial expression is consciously valued as a very negative signal by almost everyone, yet at a non-conscious level can be like a tasty morsel that some people will vigorously work for," said Oliver Schultheiss, co-author of the study and a U-M associate professor of psychology.

The findings may explain why some people like to tease each other so much, he added. "Perhaps teasers are reinforced by that fleeting 'annoyed look' on someone else's face and therefore will continue to heckle that person to get that look again and again," he said. "As long as it does not stay there for long, it's not perceived as a threat, but as a reward."

Patti Wood, MA, Certified Speaking Professional - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com. Also check out Patti's YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/user/bodylanguageexpert.

How Hitler Handled Prison

How Hitler Handled Prison

Though, at first, Hitler was suicidal in prison he later capitalized on his prison stay. Below is an article from NPR on Hitler.

http://www.npr.org/2016/01/14/463028807/the-failed-coup-that-led-to-hitlers-mein-kampf

I have written about Hitler in my blog. Below are some links to the blog posts:

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2016/01/sieg-heil-salute.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2016/01/hitler-gave-sieg-heil-salute-in-two-ways.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2016/01/sieg-heil-nonverbal-effect-of-hitlers.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2016/01/hitler-understood-crowd-theory-and.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2015/12/how-hitler-came-up-with-sig-heil-and.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2015/12/hitlers-10000-hours-to-great-speaking.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2015/12/hitler-played-stare-out.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2015/12/hitler-was-materful-mimic-and-did-mean.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2015/12/hitler-was-gassed-and-had-to-learn-how.html

http://bodylanguagelady.blogspot.com/2015/12/hitler-was-big-whistler-hitler-use-to.html

Smiling Makes You Live Longer - How Much Longer Do Smilers Live?

Smiling Makes You Live Longer –

How Much Longer Do Smilers Live?

Smiling Makes You Live Longer - How Much Longer Do Smilers Live?

I have done extensive research on smiling as the National Spokesperson for the Natural Dentist toothpaste and mouthwash.

Check out some of my articles on Smiling below:

http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=2570

http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=6613

http://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=13292

People who frequently flash large smiles live an extra seven to ten years, on average, according to Wayne State University research in the journal Psychological Science. In the study they looked at 230 pictures of major league baseball players from 1952. They found that the biggest grinners lived to an average of 79.9 years, while their straight-faced peers reached just 72.9 years on average.

A study from London University College stated that happy, cheerful people are 35% more likely to live longer. Smiling lowers the heart rate and reduces blood pressure, while relaxing your body. Researchers from Wayne State University, Michigan.

Boosts the immune system - While smiling, your body relaxes and so your immune system reacts more quickly and effectively against invaders. The Department of Clinical Immunology at Loma Linda University School of Medicine found that, when smiling, the serum cortisol levels (stress level) decrease and, instead, the number of white blood cells and natural killer cells increases. So if you want to fight off a nasty cold in the future, forget going to the pharmacy. Just smile!

Here is more on smiling. http://www.rivertea.com/blog/does-smiling-really-help-you-live-longer/

It’s a natural beauty enhancer

They say the best make-up a woman can wear is her smile. People who smile seem more approachable and, thus, more charming to the opposite sex. A study from 1985 examined how men approached women in bars: when a woman made eye-contact she was 20% approachable, while adding a smile made her 60% more accessible. It also makes you look an average of 3 years younger. The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear youthful. No more cosmetic surgeries for you.

It’s a natural pain killer

It has been proven that smiling is a natural drug. Researches from Oxford University found that it can act as a pain reliever, as it releases endorphins and serotonin. Also, chuckling helps increase pain threshold. You can get high on a smile.

It relieves stress

Is there a deadline right around the corner or house work catching up on you? Forget about it and smile. It’s the best way to reduce stress caused by an upsetting situation. Even if you don’t feel like it, forcing a smile is still enough to lift your mood. What happens is that it sends signals to your brain and tricks it into thinking you’re actually feeling good. Also, if you don’t smile you’ll feel bad afterwards. In one study people were asked to remain stony-faced after hearing someone else’s good news. They felt bad afterwards and thought the other person would think worse of them as a result. Turn that frown upside down and brighten up your day!

It’s contagious

If you want to make someone feel better make them smile. Or better yet, smile at them! Half of the people will send you one back. Researches at Uppsala University conducted a study where they had volunteers look at pictures of expressionless, happy or angry faces and in return adopt one of those expressions. When they had to meet a smile with a frown or the other way around they had trouble doing so. The twitching in their faces that was measured with electronic equipment showed that they had no control over their muscles. That’s why it’s hard to be sad when the people around you are laughing or happy when everyone is depressed.

It’s the way to success

Smiling can help you make more money and move up career wise. It makes you appear confident, professional and self-assured. Those who smile at their colleagues and customers are more likely to get promoted, be approached with business ideas or get a raise. Studies have shown that people who smile seem more trustworthy, are rated higher in generosity and extraversion. Don’t forget to take your smile with you everywhere you go!

Smile and the whole world will smile with you – now we really understand what they meant by that. Keep your smile with you so you can live a happy life.

So put on a happy face every chance you get!

How Do You Build Body Confidence And Self-Esteem In Your Children?

How do you help your children feel good about their body image, their weight and their overall attractiveness? How do you build body confidence and self-esteem?

I am a body language expert and have done research in body language, body image and self-esteem.

One of my favorite tips to model good self-esteem is by the way you interact with a mirror. Every time you look in the mirror smile and say something positive out loud. Do this in front of your children and encourage them to do so as well. We typically tense up and make ugly faces and say negative things in the mirror or spend time looking in the mirror making ourselves look better on the surface through grooming.

So look into the mirror and say, “you are great” or “you have tremendous energy” or “you are brave.” This a new and healthy way of reflecting your beauty.

Bullying Body Language 11 Bullying Body Language Cues That Red Flag Someone As A Bully Before They Even Open Their Mouth

Bullying Body Language

11 Bullying Body Language Cues That Red Flag Someone As A Bully

Before They Even Open Their Mouth

We talk about bulling statements, but what are the nonverbal cues that they may be “bullying.” Overall you see tightening of muscles, forward movement, and expansive movement or sounds.

Here are specific cues of bulling and aggression:

Let’s start with the top of the body and move down to the feet.

1. The Head Jut -The head juts forward. It is one of the “I can take you, I dare you to go against me moves.” The chin moves first and may go upward in defiance and then the head goes forward. There may be one jut or a repeated boxing ring head dance motions.

2. The Head Butt- The chin goes down, the top of the head moves forward like a football player head butt move. It may be a single motion but it may be repeated in a taunting way.

3. Teeth Barring- Barring the teeth lifting the upper lip and pushing the teeth forward so that the upper and lower teeth show. This is attack body language. It’s a signal that the person could bite you and that he has the big bad wolf teeth to do so.

Tension in the mouth and jaw and overall tightening of the lips clenching of the teeth typically signal tension. That tension can be motivated by fear or anger.

4. Mouth Fist- Holding the mouth tightly shut and pulling the lips tightly back and downwards and the head going forward and a glare in the eyes, make the mouth fist fearful to others. I call this a mouth fist because when somebody uses it, they typically want to bring their hand into a fist and propel it forward and they may use it in combination with fisted hands. If the person is feeling fear rather than intending to be fearsome you will see quivering or downward gazing or tearful eyes afraid. The lips are actually protecting the teeth in this mouth cue.

5. Chest Bump or Chest Pump- In this bump, there is a springing your chest out, up and forward to pretend or fully ram another person’s chest. In the Chest pump the person’s chest seems to pump up with air like a Rooster and is held up and out and forward.

Moving the arms and hands away from the body may be a signal of the desire to fight or threaten.

6. Weapon Gestures- Clinched fists are obvious weapons, but there are also symbolic weapon gestures such as Pointing, Jabbing, and Stabbing, Slicing the hand through the air in sword like motions, striking out and or forward in stop or pushing motions.

7. Object Aggression- Holding and motioning with an object, throwing an object, or hitting or kicking an object. If you see these cues, I recommend you leave the area as soon as you safely can.

8. Cowboy Stance- Bringing the legs apart further than 14 to 16 inches apart combined with hands on the hips gives a “John Wayne cowboy stance” showing ready to fight pose. This human Silhouette is read by the brain as danger and this expanded feet and sharp angled elbows out motion is threatening.

Enlarging the stance or taking up more space are also signs of aggression.

9. Space Invasion - Stepping or walking forward or even sideways pacing movements are all ways of taking up and invading space.

10. Prey Circling – Circling the person you are speaking to or coming up in their space. Real threat of attack occurs when inside their intimate zone of space which is getting closer than 12 inches from them.

11. Vocal Intimidation – Raising the volume of the voice, lowering the voice, speeding up or slowing down, punching certain words or growling, yelling and making your voice significantly louder than the other person or people that you are with. Some people do this simply to command attention or get a turn to talk but to do it over and over again is a bullying paralanguage behavior.

Are the Presidential Candidates Bullies?

Are the Presidential Candidates Bullies?

Patti Wood MA, CSP

Body Language Expert

Are the Presidential Candidates Bullies? Do you see verbal and body language bulling in the presidential debates and the race? Bullying is defined as making threats, rumors or attacking someone physically or verbally. If we laugh, clap and repeat with humor when someone is making bulling remarks I think we are condoning bullying.

The candidates have bullied each other and in this article I will list specific things that they do. Listen to and watch the candidates and imagine a child on the playground saying those things to your five year old. How would you feel? How would you feel if someone said those things about you? Watch the debates with your children and have them count and point out the attacks and jabs. Stop the recording and talk about what you have seen and ask them their feeling and state yours!

Donald Trump - We see him punctuating almost every sentence with a strong gesture. His attacking, bulling gestures include, finger points that look like stabbing, chops that look like axing and arm sweeps that look like sword moves. In debates he slices, dices and chops the other candidates to pieces. His weapon like gestures, combined with his growls, scowls and grimaces and loud yelling make him a fearsome bully. This combined with big head and jaw and height and dare I say it, big hands unfortunately make him look like the biggest bully on the playground and unfortunately make him look like the most powerful candidate. He looks like, at least to our primate limbic brains, the aggressive alpha male candidate. A little extra bulling power comes from his normally low, growly voice. In the analysis of the Debates from the past hundred years the candidate with the lowest voice won. Lower tones in the voice are formed by a larger larynx. Trump is the lion roaring and that sound is scarier and wins over a “nice” candidate. If he’s on the screen, and we’re looking at several other people too, his bulling, his loudness, his gestures, and his expressions all draw our attention straight to him. We can’t take our eyes off a fight, and we look at the person we perceive as winning the fight with more frequency. We don’t look as long at the victim. Our brains make us look to where we see the most threat to us!

Verbally, Trump has called Cruz, a “loser” and “liar.” He has made cruel remarks about the physical appearance of Carly Fiona such as, “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!” He has called a female news correspondent a “bimbo.” He has made ugly attacking remarks about Hillary Clinton, Mexicans and Muslims. In one debate after Hillary was late coming back from a bathroom break he bullied her saying "I thought she gave up," Trump said at the rally. "Where did she go? Where did Hillary go? They had to start the debate without her. Phase II. “I know where she went. It's disgusting. I don't want to talk about it."

Ted Cruz - Though he is a bully he is not the biggest bully on the playground. Overall his gestures are slightly lower and are more darting and short lived making him appear less forceful and confident than he could be. For example, notice the breadth and length of Trump’s gestures. I am not endorsing Trump, rather you need to know that our primitive limbic brains see the candidate with the most powerful, larger, bigger and long lasting body language cues. So even when Cruz bullies with a statement like, “Let’s say I am a maniac and everyone else on this stage is stupid fat and ugly.” He looks like the sly mean bully not the “in your face” bully how Trump can appear.

Bernie Sanders. He has not always been a bully, He previously has had a warm, genuine smile that is the most likable, believable smile of all the candidates. He also, in the past, shows great integrity in his messaging, that his word message tracks and agrees with his body language and vocal cues. In his Super Tuesday speech he was much more negative in his verbal and nonverbal messaging than I have seen him in his other speeches. He made several sour pursed lip expressions and a few downward turned and tight lipped angry looks and looks of disgust. This was a profound contrast for his iconic warm, smiling and likeable image. He also yelled a lot. Bullying is contagious and he caught it. When Hillary Clinton rudely interrupted and talked over Sanders in the Democratic debate Sanders yelled, “Excuse me I am talking” while swinging his arm up then striking down and out as if he wanted to bring his hand down on her shoulder to throttle her. His gestures are now often large, forceful and attacking. They often go forward to the screen so he is bulling not just the other candidate, but anyone who is for that candidate.

Hillary Clinton - In one debate she said, “Enough is enough if you have something to say to me say it to me directly, I think it is time to end the artful smear you and your campaign have been carrying out in recent weeks and talk about the issues.” Her request to stop being bullied was seen as bulling and got booed by the audience.

Her gestures are smaller though she does chop and strike out at Bernie and as she talks about Trump. I have talked about how her voice is often weak and raspy and shows great vocal strain. I think the effort to keep her voice in a lower more powerful register and speak loudly is straining it. Unfortunately, that strain sounds to a potential voter like a lack of strength, and perhaps a lack of character. I rather like the anger she is showing in current speeches and television appearances. She needs to be angry to fight and look powerful against Trump’s overriding anger. Look at my blogs on anger to note how we read anger as power. Yep, I am saying that she ramp up her anger, but she should not be a bully.

Gender Differences in Anger - Unfortunately, we perceive women’s anger differently than we do a man’s. Research shows that if a man is perceived as emotional he is considered more credible for getting angry. But when the woman was perceived as emotional, participants became surer of their own opinion, even if they considered the woman credible. As the researchers in one study put it: “When a woman expresses anger, this does not just make her seem less credible, but seems to make assessing her credibility irrelevant.” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/people-reward-angry-men-but-punish-angry-women-study-suggests_us_561fb57be4b050c6c4a47743)

In research on emotions men show less emotions except for anger. Research across 37 cultures shows that men and women more accurately display gender-stereotypic expressions– men more accurately express anger, contempt and happiness, while women more accurately express fear and happiness.

How do men and women feel when they get angry, researchers have found that men felt less effective and less instrumental when forced to hold their anger in, whereas women didn't feel nearly as constricted when they didn't express their anger directly. They also found a correlation between expressing one's anger outwardly and being assertive in men, but not in women

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