Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog : 04/01/2022

Why Do Airlines Seats Face Forward Rather than the Safer Option of Having Airline Seats Facing Backward?.

This is a question I get along with why do we all face toward the door on elevators.

Airlines don't have backward-facing seats as they are heavier and have to meet higher safety standards, and they would have to have all the seats face backward, so there is a cost issue.

But the other reasons are more customer service/ body language-related.

Some people feel more nauseous facing backward,

When we are a passenger in a car, we are used to facing forward toward the driver, so it gives a sense of familiarity and control over the experience.

Nonverbally the primal limbic brain wants to face the body is going.

Sitting backward triggers the same limbic brain fear response that having your back to the door (as in the caveman does not want to have his back to the entrance to the cave) makes you feel.

Some people want to face the way they entered the plane as it calms them down as they think they know where the exit is. (Thus, the flight attendant's speech that says the closest exit may be behind you.)

It's easier to get the passengers off if they exit up and out of their seats toward the front.

Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What Can You Do If You Think Your Partner is Pulling Away By Dating Coach and Body Language Expert Patti Wood

New research says that Nerotics have less job satisfaction and more job turnover.
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2022-03-personality-traits-well-being-satisfaction-life.html). I speak to business owners and C-suite executives across the US. Most of their employee problems, complaints, and HR issues are with younger employees who seem afraid of interacting face to face and on the phone or even speaking about the personal issue in an email. They also describe these employees as stressed and having difficulty making simple decisions, especially those related to a lack of interpersonal skills. That personality seems to fit the definition of neurotics.

To avoid hiring Neurtotics I recommend job interviews with problem-solving scenarios and taking the interviewee out for a meal with two or three other employees to see how they handle the interaction.

If you currently have an employee with these issues, I recommend they give them a mentor or someone to work alongside so they see how to handle everyday interpersonal problems. I also suggest a three-day interpersonal skills class or role-play or modeling interpersonal problem-solving.

For example, I had a team leader having problems getting excessive emails from a stressed team member and other interpersonal issues, and the company was having issues with high turnover. So he hired me to do a team-building program and then roll it out for the whole company.

In working one-on-one with each employee over the three days, I discovered his stressed team member was afraid of talking to the team leader because he always wore black t-shirts, which made him tense. So he was sending emails to his team leader instead of getting up from his desk and going to the NEXT CUBICLE because he was so afraid.

I gave the team step-by-step instructions on how to have different kinds of conversations, and they practiced them with each fellow team member until everyone was more comfortable. It was a group of young employees who hadn't had a lot of practice working face to face.

Harry and Meghan's Body Language at Invictus Games

Photos are in the link to the article at the bottom

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle gave the crowd at the Invictus Games the royal treatment on April 16. The couple kissed onstage during the Games’ opening ceremony, and the sweet moment was one for the books (and not just because the royal family rarely, if ever, indulges in PDA). According to a body language expert, Harry and Meghan’s kiss was “intimate” and genuine.

Though body language can’t tell us everything about a relationship, this snog speaks volumes for the once-royal couple. And their actual words were just as telling. Apparently, Meghan gushed about her “incredible husband” right before their kiss. “It is my distinguished honor to introduce someone that I think you’ll all be very excited to hear from. I could not love and respect him more and I know that all of you feel the same,” she said of Harry. His response? “Thank you, my love.” (But in a British accent, so automatically 10x hotter.)

The kiss that followed was just as sweet as Meghan’s quote, and despite the fact that this smooch literally happened onstage, it doesn’t seem like there was anything staged about their PDA moment. Patti Wood, body language expert and author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, tells Elite Daily, “[The kiss] is not for the cameras. This is not about showing off.” Apparently, their connection is something they just “can’t help.” Here’s how she breaks it all down.

Even though Harry and Meghan’s kiss didn’t get too passionate, there were some signs of deep love. See how their bodies make a sort of triangle? That “mutual lean” is key.

“Look how much leaning he is doing,” Wood points out. And he’s not the only one who seems to be seeking closeness. Though less drastic, Meghan’s body is also reaching for him. “She’s lifting up through the body. She’s got a slight body lean (through her pelvis, belly, and chest) that matches his,” Wood adds.

Even their microphone hand-off was significant. “He wraps his fingers around her hand,” Wood says. “His hand curving around her in a way that shows more intimacy than just a simple [microphone pass].” The main takeaway? “It seems like they just want to touch hands as they kiss.” Aw!

Their special moment didn’t stop at the kiss. Per Wood, the duo shared “laser-focused eye contact,” too. “It’s as if it’s just them, and no one else was there,” she says. Not to mention, it looks like Meghan is feeling all the looove.

“The smile on her face is full of wonderment and innocence,” Wood says. “Her entire face is lifted up in an impish, shy smile.” TL;DR: In this picture, Meghan’s expression is basically the heart-eyed emoji.

Even when Harry and Meghan’s attention was elsewhere (like on the huge crowd surrounding them), their attachment is still palpable. “Harry has his arm on her back as if to draw her closer and make sure they’re seen as a unit,” Wood analyzes the photo.

Though Meghan’s arm isn’t wrapped around her husband, Wood notices that “she’s doing a ‘symbolic reach.’” According to her, “Meghan’s outreached arm is showing him that her body is responding to his touch.”

It’s a notable moment, particularly because they’re looking at the crowd—not at each other. Wood says, “Both of their heads are pointed towards the crowd, but they need to connect to each other even as they’re connected to the audience.” It’s not a show though—it’s “just the way they are.”

https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/prince-harry-meghan-markle-intimate-kiss-invictus-games-2022Patti Wood, MA - The Body Language Expert. For more body language insights go to her website at www.PattiWood.net. Check out Patti's website for her new book "SNAP, Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language and Charisma" at www.snapfirstimpressions.com.

What Makes a Guy Look Sleazy? First Impression Don'ts for Men

what makes a guy look sleazy?

A shirt that pulls tight across his chest because it is way too small.
Any shirt or piece of clothing with a curse word or put down or dirty saying 
Wearing a t-shirt that is not just small, but from what’s printed on it, is obviously from his high school wardrobe
A pinky ring
More than one necklace on anyone but a rock star
Slick backed hair
A pompadour or other out-of-date hairstyle (Don't make me get started on Politicians that can't seem to get an up to date style) 
You know what I mean. Some guy with a  high school style shows that they are still a teenager emotionally and can’t face being an adult. 
A gold tooth

Collars on his shirt that are on ironed  and or worn or curled or brittle
Shirt unbuttoned more than three buttons, two if the shirt is too small as well
A belt with worn down leather and or cracks in the leather
Shoes that are scuffed, have worn down bottomed dirty, and or don’t fit
Shoes that clomp or clap when he walks
Dirty nails
Dirty teeth 
Bad breath
Greasy hair
Hair that needs to be cut
Hair in his eyes
Pants that are way too tight in the crotch
Pants with an outdated print

Red Flag Warnings You are Dealing with a Narcissist

From My Book

The number one red flag for you to notice or point out to friends is, do you feel uncomfortable? Next, notice what is going on in your body. Are you feeling; overwhelmed, stressed, hot, cold, nauseous, headachy, tired, or overstimulated with behavior or in a conversation or overall when you are with them. That's a sign that your central nervous system is alerting to danger with a FREEZE FLIGHT FIGHT FALL FAINT or Friend (play passively nice cause you are scared) response.

1. Signs to look for on the first meeting or first date. Do you feel overwhelmed and swept up? Highly emotionally charged. Does the conversation seem unusually intimate where one or both of you are self-disclosing far too much? You usually build trust before intimate self-disclosure. Are you sharing stories of your bad relationships? Do they claim they were victims in their last relationship and tell you the horrible details or ask you for yours? That's not normal or safe. Do they compliment you more than once and for repeat a compliment several times? Does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do they say you are different or special on the FIRST date? Do they lean in close or touch you in a way that seems too intimate on the FIRST date? Do they describe their ex as crazy, bipolar, a drug addict, anorexic, or a bitch, and have a look of hostility or voice that sounds angry or excessively bitter as they describe their ex or other women?

Signs on first dates or later in the relationship

2. Do they break the rules and push past boundaries? Though they may seem like fine upstanding citizens to the outer world, they show their true natures when they are with intimate friends and family or those with less power and or who are beholding to them. Those "off-camera" or "off-stage" times show their true natures. I remember the friend of many years who seemed like such a fine person in our group of friends, yet the first time I went on a date with him and was alone with him. We went to leave his condo parking garage, and he said, "Oh, let me go out to your car with you and I will drive you out of the parking garage so I can use my pass and you don't have to pay." "They have cameras, and so they will see me in the driver's seat, and you won't get in trouble," I said I would prefer to pay, but he insisted, and then I realized he got a high as he was driving my car and cheating, and he even smiled at the camera. It made me uncomfortable. That was a huge red flag!

3. Note untrustworthy people keep going. Your feelings don't matter. They don't stop doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Lack of empathy -They ignore, seem unaware, or even seem to enjoy your lack of comfort, disease, or pain. For example, an untrustworthy person may break a boundary by interrupting you and not stop when you show that it bothers you. They may touch you the overly familiar way when you have just met and may ignore or enjoy it when you freeze or pull away, saying No and even perhaps laughing, smiling, and patting their hand down in the air when you disagree or make a request. This is the worst and most dangerous of the behaviors because if they can't see someone's pain and feel no consequences for your actions, you have no incentive to be a good person. Untrustworthy people may learn to ACT like they know how you feel, but it won't be natural and spontaneous. It will typically only occur AFTER they do something wrong and still may be more about how bad THEY feel for mistreating you rather than feeling your pain.

They don't keep their word. They break promises. They may say they are sorry, but they don't change their behavior. A person with integrity keeps their name. To betray or exploit someone would cause them pain. For example, you tell them something in confidence, share it with others, and then don't seem distressed that it upsets you.

They don't trust others. It makes sense that someone who has no qualms about breaking their word and destroying trust cannot imagine that other people could be honest. The more monovalent and suspect they are of everyone, the worse their behavior is. They will accuse innocent people of the same behaviors that they exhibit. So, an abusive partner will accuse their partner of cheating because he is.

An Inconsistency and lack of predictability in their emotions and actions. And the untrustworthy person is not anchored by their integrity. They are not held steady and guided by a moral compass. So they will not only make a promise then break it, say they will be somewhere at a certain time and then be late.

Dominating the conversation. This "over-talking" involves auditory space invasion and other paralanguage factors that show they are in control. They are often quite charming and good storytellers, so it may be hypnotic to listen to them. You need to watch for a lack of inclusion. You need to note if they are in a conversation at all. They may just be listening to a monologue, which is not normal. A loving partner shares talking time even with an introverted partner. Note how often they blame others for everything. There are true victims of abuse, and we need to make sure we are empathic and kind of victims. But if someone acts unkindly, brusquely, and bullies others but claims victimhood, they are clearly not a victim. Note how those closest to them act in their presence. Are they happy? Do they seem stable, balanced, confident, and healthy in the presence of the person who you are assessing? Over the top, ideal behavior. That means everything from not just giving you a sincere compliment but over the top compliments till you feel uncomfortable and can't possibly reciprocate. Overt the top gift-giving, bringing an outrageously expensive gift. They are rule-breakers of giving. For example, they may do something that is not polite or odd, like complimenting you about your tininess in front of someone who is big or sending you flowers to your workplace with a love note when they have not met your coworkers.

Abusers require your full attention all the time. That may be as simple as you have to sit right beside them when you are watching television and are upset when you get a phone call or need to leave to take care of something. It may mean that if you go to a movie, concert, or are in a group setting, they talk and want your attention, so you can't focus on your enjoyment. They may be jealous of your family, friends, pets, work, hobbies, or other activities.

How Can You Improve You First Impression? How Can You Improve Your Nonverbal Communication?

I suggest in my programs that people write down how they think people perceive them with a long list that includes things like, "Shy, happy, kind…." Then write down what their actual behaviors are under all the categories like, "I like to arrive 15 minutes early to all appointments, or I run about 15 minutes or more late everywhere I go, I go straight to my desk in the morning and don't stop or make eye contact, I like to wear baggy comfortable clothes. Then look at just the list of behaviors, and beside each behavior, write how other people might perceive it, such as arrogant, lazy, uncaring, or unprofessional.

I also coach clients to do what I call "Check-ins." I teach them to do quick check scans up and down their body surroundings to see how others might perceive them. Whether that's a glace in the mirror before going out, an assessment of how you and your zoom box may appear to others by creating your own Zoom meeting and doing a check-in before a critical company Zoom call or check-in from toes to the top of your head to note important connection cues such as where your feet are pointed, if your knees are crossed, if the palms of your hands are showing, if you are making eye contact for longer than three seconds.

What Are the Common Types or Categories of Nonverbal Communication?

Paralanguage or Vocalics- are all the nuances of the voice, pitch, volume, rate, vocal quality, and fillers. I include breathing, sneezing, laughing, etc. It helps us assess personality, emotional intensity, and humor and helps give us cues to regulate the flow of conversation. Many experts consider paralanguage to be the most honest nonverbal communication and the best way to assess deceit.

I can analyze someone's sneeze and tell you their personality type on the DISC assessment tool. Fun example -When under stress, someone may suddenly cough or clear their throat. So, if you are in a movie theater and a character is revealed as unfaithful, stop and listen to the people in the theater. If someone suddenly clears their throat or cough may be unfaithful! I include Silence under this heading and also include it under Chronemics, while some researchers give it its own category.

Chronemics – is the use of time to reflect personal or cultural identity, power, status, and liking. I have a chapter in one of my books on lateness as a nonverbal communicator and the common meanings of tardiness! If you have ever waited for a return call or text, you have experienced it.

Kinesics – are all body movements. It includes; gestures, body motions, and positions, as well as facial expressions. They reflect our perception of ourselves and others and the situation and topic. For example, a tilted head, a hair toss, an open palm, a crossed leg, a tight smile, a foot tap, and winking are all body movement cues.

Proxemics – are the zones of space we use to communicate the level of trust, intimacy, and status. We are drawn toward what we like and are repelled by what we don't.

The zones of space are intimate (0 to one and a half feet), personal (1and ½ to two feet., social (two to six), and professional (six to twelve. (Unless you are Putin.

We saw interesting changes in Proxemics uring Lockdown for Covid. Even before "six feet' Was given as a safe distance, people would often freeze when they got within six feet of someone. That is a natural stopping point for assessment and previously the distance where you might start to put out your hand to shake hands. And many people also reserved what is called "Intimate Zone"of space" of 0 to 15 inches for only close family. And the body bubble of intimate space has grown from 12 inches in the '90s to up to 1 and a half feet. The zones of space have changed. They have increased over time so if you look them up, you will see disagreement about the defined distances.

Physical appearance – physical characteristics such as skin color, height, weight, facial features, and facial and body symmetry and attractiveness influence how people perceive us and vice versa. People often perceive trustworthiness, introversion or extroversion, maturity, and friendliness by someone's looks, sometimes incorrectly. For example, the tallest, broadest candidate in political debate is often perceived as the "winner," and attractive people are often perceived as having more positive traits.

Artifacts - are material things we wear or attach to our bodies to express our identities. These include earrings, makeup, tattoos, a small dog we carry, etc. In addition, they include things like long painted fingernails, uniforms to display professionalism and draw respect from people, colors like red that create excitement, and high-end luxury branding on items.

Territory/Environmental Factors are the elements of a surrounding or setting. Colors, lighting, furniture arrangement, design, and many others affect our actions.

These days we analyze what I have labeled someone "ZOOM Box" to assess someone's personality, status, and emotional state. Music and scent in stores and other businesses can create different moods and actions and are even used to make a "brand" sense.

Haptics is the sense of touch to convey emotions. This includes hugging, kissing, holding, shaking hands, patting, etc. Research shows that touch is the first sense to develop, and it plays an essential role in well-being. In some cultures, skin contact between men and women is considered offensive, and in others, people touch the mate over 100 times in an ordinary conversation. As we learned in the MeTo movement, touch can be used to show power and status.

My original doctoral dissertation was on touch in the workplace, so I can give you more if you need it.

Technics –are cues are given through and by our use of technology. ( I created this category. There is not a universally recognized name for this category. I include things like ghosting, font type, and how you hold your phone. The kind of phone you carry would be an artifact, but someone's addition and constant use would be considered part of Technics.

Why Do We Use Nonverbal Communication?

We use Nonverbal Communication for survival specifically to quickly avoid danger, find food and water, mate and raise young safely. We see, hear, and feel, and our body responds with the Freeze, Flight, Fall/Faint, or Friend response. Nonverbal communication is given out and processed in the limbic system, which is designed to respond quickly, and Word language is processed in the Neocortex.

For example, we can form an accurate first impression to assess someone is safe to approach in less than 1/300^th of a second. (Fun fact we can recognize a smile from 300 feet away, and we have limbic system stranger danger assessment at 15 feet that is constant across different cultures) So are "gut" impression is often formed and acted upon before any words are spoken. In addition, we use and can rely on Nonverbal Communication which is, for the most part, subconscious communication to be more accurate than word language that is filtered through the Neo Cortex and can be manipulated.

Even a two-year-old covered in cookie crumbs from their cookie jar theft can look you right in the eye, lie and say, "I didn't steal the cookie." But since we can give out thousands of cues in less than a minute, the child cannot typically control them all they may turn their body away, swing their back foot, give a lopsided smile, and speak with awkward pacing, all forms of nonverbal leakage that reveal that their lying.

What is Nonverbal Communication, The Definition of Nonverbal Communication

What exactly is nonverbal communication?

Nonverbal Communication Is communication that does not use spoken language and is not directly transferable into spoken or word language. For example, Sign Language is not considered nonverbal communication.

It includes Paralanguage or Vocalics (all the nuances of the voice and breathing), Chronemics (time), Kinesics (body language), Physical Attractiveness (looks), Proxemics (space), Haptics (touch), Environmental Cues, Physical appearance, Artifacts (things we wear or carry or attach to the body) that express identity, and Technics.

What have been White House Press Secretary Psaki's major strengths and weaknesses as a professional communicator?

She knows the "Core Message" of the White House and speaks with respect for Biden and Harris.
She is always prepared for questions that will be top of mind and are very prepared for the "Whopper" antagonistic questions.
She responds very quickly and succinctly without a lot of pauses and backtracking. She gives just enough detail.
She is excellent at "Bridging" to the core messages.
She listens well and, for the most part, doesn't interrupt or talk over the journalist.
She may talk fast, but when it's an important message to get out, she is very good at slowing down and talking in an even modulated voice to make sure the point she is trying to make is critical and true.
Her hair gets in her eyes, and there are some interviews where I begin to count the time she pushes it back. She does have Gorgios hair, and It does make her look younger and sexier as it's a flirtation cue, but it affects her credibility, and I long to tell her to push it behind her ears!!!
Her best and worst attribute is that she does not suffer fools gladly. You can tell that she dislikes certain questions and certain reporters. If she gets a question, she doesn't like. She may give micro facial cues of aggression or disgust. She gives "sour face" cues to many questions and shows "Lip suppression" and "Tongue Thrusts" cues to indicate there a few things she would like to say to them or where she would like them to go!
She has a great sense of humor, and I would coach her to have a little more fun and pause and play in response to light questions. I think it would increase her likeability. I coach on the Four First Impression Factors, "Credulity, Likeability, Attractiveness and Power and the one she needs to work on the most is Likeability.
She controls the meeting very well.

I am a body language expert and media coach. I have been interviewed by national and international media 2 to 14 times a week for over 20 years and used to be a regular on Nancy Grace, Dr. Drew, CNN, and FOX. I have written several books, including SNAP Making the Most of First Impressions Body Language and Charisma.

How to Improve Your Ability to Read Body Language by Body Language Expert Patti Wood

Rough notes sent to Forbes Magazine in response to a request for an article on body language.

In the "Show" don't, "Tell" formula of good writing, authors use body language cues to describe and define characters, indicate shifts and changes in mood, and the effects of others' actions and dialogue on characters. I recommend as you read, you highlight these sections as well as how the author introduces each new character, as it is often with a few body language cues and or appearance description

Recent research has shown that reading fiction improves empathy. I recommend reading fiction to be aware of someone's emotional state and body language and be aware of how you appear to others.

I assign novels to my coaching clients. It's especially beneficial to my clients at high levels in their organization as they may find their employees don't always share their vulnerabilities and true feelings. It is also helpful for my clients who come to be because they can't seem to read other people and wonder why they are ostracized, have frequented conflicts with others, and or have been betrayed by a toxic person.

I have been analyzing the body language of big wigs and suspected criminals for years, and the more you watch, the more you learn. Watch long media interviews of corporate big wigs like they do on 60 minutes and take notes on what they do well and poorly. In addition, I recommend going to YouTube and watching the James Lipton interviews of movie stars on The Actors studio.

And seeing how James Lipton listens and responds as the interviewer and how stars behave as they self-disclose, I give them links to some of the interviews of people like Bill Gates and Elizabeth Homes and have them take notes and then give them my notes/

Finally, I am working on a book on body language in film as I recommend you watch movies to improve your ability to read body language. I a give out a list of movies to watch to learn certain concepts like the Maltese Falcon and Hitchcock's Dial M for Murder and Strangers on a Train for understanding space and territory cues, power cues and deception detection and the father-son scene in Jaws to learn about Matching and Mirroring,

Patti Wood Body Language Expert Blog

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